CHAPTER 8: Doll-Eyed Darling

I called Veronica the following day. We made plans to have a picnic at the park later that night.

I had never gone on a picnic, let alone one at night.

Upon requesting permission to go, I received the ultimate guilt trip from my mother.

"We were going to have a night out as a family," she said as she stood in front of the refrigerator, pulling out a blue plastic bottle of Aquafina water.

The cool air escaping from the open fridge caused a series of goose bumps to break out on the top layer of my skin.

"I know, mom. But I'm with you guys all the time."

She slammed the door shut and scoffed.

"Yes, and that is because you are a part of this family!"

She twisted the cap off of the water bottle and took an angry sip from it.

"I know I'm part of the family! And that is what I'm saying. I do stuff with the family all the time. Why can't I just go out tonight?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You haven't even joined us for dinner these past few evenings, Lizzie. You've just been sitting up in your bedroom and moping around. I don't know what has gotten into you. All your father and I want is for the four of us to go out to eat and then go bowling. Is that too much to ask? Huh, is it? You've become so selfish lately and when we ask you to give us a few hours of your time on one evening you say you'd rather go out with Veronica."

I was confused. Why was she snapping at me?

"But mom, it isn't like that!"

"Oh yes it is. I spend my days cooking for this family, cleaning for this family, and just trying to run a decent household. And what do I get? Bullshit from you! I sacrifice for you and your brother, but you are too self-involved to spend some time with me, with us, with your family! I don't know what your problem is little girl, but you better figure it out. I've put up with your sudden bout of moodiness this past week. I've tried to talk to you but you've refused to tell me what's wrong. So I let it slide. I let you hide out in your room when I really should've dragged your ass downstairs and made you sit at the dinner table with us. But I decided to let you sort things out for yourself. I don't what is going on in your life because you won't tell me. Maybe it's just normal teenage angst, maybe you really do have a problem, or maybe you're just too selfish to care about anyone but yourself."

My mother was beyond angry. She didn't swear unless she was incredibly pissed off and up until that point in time she never, not even once in my entire life, accused me of being self-centered. She was always raving over my academic achievements and good behavior. But here she was, accusing me of being suffocatingly self-indulgent.

Part of me felt guilty. I had always admired my mother for her selflessness. For putting her family's needs before her own, and for being so dedicated to us.

But my rage pulled a wool cap over my eyes. I felt as though she was somehow trying to sabotage what Veronica and I had, which in hindsight was an utterly ridiculous thing to think, considering the fact that she hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on between Veronica and I.

But in that moment, I was convinced that she was purposely standing in the way of me being with Veronica.

How dare she try to take away my happiness? Who does she think she is, ruining my plans to be with the one and only person who brings so much joy into my life?

"OH GIVE IT A REST, MOM!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "I'M selfish! Please. I think YOU'RE the selfish one! Thinking you own me just because you cook and clean and do laundry. Big freakin' deal. NEWSLFASH, JO MCGUIRE: IT'S YOUR JOB AS A MOTHER TO DO ALL OF THAT SHIT!"

I could see her eyes widening underneath her glasses. At first, I couldn't read her expression. I think she was more shocked than anything. And then her face twisted into fury, but quickly melted into sadness.

"Just go with your friend," she said quietly.

She looked so hurt.

I felt the weight of guilt holding my body down like a steel anchor. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't find my voice. Instead, I walked out of the kitchen.

-NEXT-

Veronica and I had made plans to meet at the bus stop down the road from my house. I would wait for her until the bus arrived and be there when she got off of it. She didn't drive, either. She told me her parents wouldn't even allow her to get her permit. When I asked why, she suddenly became quiet and said, '…Just because.'

There was something odd about Veronica's family that I couldn't quite put my finger on. She was very secretive about her home life. When I would begin to ask questions, she'd grow quiet and offer something short of an explanation. I was extremely curious as to what went on in the Royersbea household, but I knew Veronica would never tell me. I had some sort of inkling that she didn't want to just keep her skeletons in the closet; She wanted to put a padlock on the closet door so no one could ever get in.

Will she ever let me in?

Making my way to the front door, I left home and began walking down the sidewalk. The sun was setting over the line of houses on the block. Children were gliding down the street on their bicycles, heading home to wash their hands for dinner. The barking of the neighborhood dogs had silenced as they retreated into their little wooden houses, preparing to settle down for the evening.

Many people don't know this, but you can smell the end of the day. Well, at least I could. And when I took a deep breath and inhaled the evening air, I could smell the day coming to an end. There was something rather calming about it.

As my plastic sandals clacked against the pavement, I spotted a hooded figure in the distance walking towards me. This person was hunched over and walking in an uneven line and mumbling aimlessly to themselves. I noticed that they were donning a familiar looking dark brown hooded sweatshirt.

Hey, Matt has that same sweatshirt. Wait a minute… that IS Matt!

"Matt!" I yelled, quickening my pace to meet up with him.

"What do you want?" he asked, the hood cloaking his face.

"Are you okay? You're walking kind of weird."

He shifted his head to look at me, and in doing that, the already loose hood slipped back to reveal his face.

His eyes were blood-shot and glazed over.

"Matt, what is-"

"Shut the fuck up," he said, pulling the hood back around his face and digging his hands into his pockets.

"What the hell have you been doing, Matt?"

"Did you not hear me the first time, you bitch? I said SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP."

He started to walk away when I reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"Are you stoned?" I asked in complete shock.

He yanked his arm free from my grasp and pushed me with so much force that I lost my footing and fell to the ground. Then he turned his back to me and continued to walk away.

I didn't even bother to get up. I just sat there on the ground in stunned silence, my ass throbbing in pain from the hard fall.

My little brother is a stoner now. Wonder-fucking-ful.

-NEXT-

I sat on the bench encased by the glass shelter that you see at every bus stop. You know, the glass box that people sit in when they are awaiting a bus to arrive to pick them up and deliver them to their destination.

Sitting there totally bored, a childish thought entered my mind. I turned to face the glass that my back was leaning against. Putting my face against it, I exhaled a puff of warm air to make a fog on it. And then I used my index finger to write something on the cloudy glass.

'V + L'

I looked at my little message and giggled at how absolutely juvenile it was to do such a thing. But you're only young once, right?

Suddenly, I heard the loud motor of the bus coming from up ahead. I hopped off the bench and ran to the curb. The bus turned the corner and pulled up beside me.

My heart began to thump as I felt the excitement of seeing Veronica take over my entire body.

The door of the Greyhound folded open like an accordion. I quickly smoothed out the creases in my clothing and combed my fingers through my hair.

I hope I look alright.

Out came a frail looking older woman with a metal cane. She stepped off of the bus and poked the cane into the cement. She hobbled in front of the Greyhound and across the road, the cane tap-tapping with each step she took.

After her came a younger woman with long blonde curls, carrying a crying baby in one hand and toting an umbrella in the other.

"Looks like I don't have any use for this today," she said to me as she gestured to the umbrella.

"I guess not," I responded, smiling politely.

She stepped onto the sidewalk. As she walked away, I heard her shushing her bawling toddler and saying, "Calm down, Tonya. We'll be home soon to see your daddy."

I looked to see who was exiting the bus next. And then I saw her.

She stood there at the door, a smile playing across her lips. She had her backpack over her shoulders.

I waved to her and she waved back. And then she came down the steps and met me on the curb. Just as I was about to greet her with a 'hello', she threw her arms around me and clutched my body tightly against hers. I was pleasantly surprised. As I wrapped my arms around her, I heard the sound of the bus door folding shut and the motor booming as the Greyhound pulled away.

We stood there for a good five minutes, embracing as though we were holding onto one another for dear life.

Finally, her arms slowly loosened from around my shoulders like double-knotted shoelaces being untied.

She let go of me and looked into my eyes for a moment.

She is so gorgeous.

"I missed you, beautiful," she said, inching her face towards mine and planting a kiss on my lips.

Suddenly, a feeling of panic came over me and I pushed her away.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked in confusion.

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh no! Is there anyone around? Did anyone see that?

I whipped my head back and forth, scanning the surrounding area to see if anyone was around.

"What is wrong with you, Veronica!"

She stepped back, shaking her head in bewilderment.

"What are you talking about, Lizzie?"

"You can't just do that! You can't just-" I leaned forward and finished in a whisper, "-Kiss me in public."

"Why not?"

"Why not! Because! People might see."

She frowned.

"So you care if people see us together?"

The look on her face was enough to bring me to my knees. I hated that hurt look of hers. She was so adorable. Who would ever want to hurt her?

"No," I said apologetically, "It's just – I'm not ready to be open about it."

She nodded.

"I understand," she said in disappointment.

"Come on, Veronica. Please don't be upset."

"I'm sorry, Liz. You are so amazing, though."

She thinks I'm amazing.

"No, you're the amazing one, Miss Royersbea. Now come on, the park is calling for us."

I knew a shortcut to the park, so we took it. On our route, we had to walk through two neighborhoods and along a busy main road.

"You know, I love cities and towns at night," Veronica said, gazing at the line of small homes that decorated the road. "Just look at all of those houses. You can see the lights in them glowing. And look at the traffic. All of those cars with their headlights and tail lights."

I looked at the traffic up ahead. The headlights and tail lights of the cars looked like tiny lightning bugs in the distance.

Veronica was right; it was definitely something to love.

During that walk, there was something that I had wanted to do so very badly but refrained from doing because to the fact that we were still in the public eye. But when we found ourselves in a small back alley, I finally had my chance. As Veronica chattered on about her favorite novels, I reached down and took her hand in mine. It was so warm and soft. I felt the heat radiate through my body.

She turned to me, smiled, and then continued talking.

-NEXT-

By the time we arrived at the park, the sun had set, but the sky was still full of traces of it. There were yellows here and pinks there.

"That looks like a good spot," Veronica said, pointing to a grassy area below a large tree.

We walked over to it and Veronica took her backpack off. Setting it on the ground, she unzipped it and pulled out a fluffy mint green quilt.

"That's so pretty!" I exclaimed.

"Thanks," she said, holding the corners of it as she flung it outward. When she did, it made a 'whish' noise and stayed suspended in mid-air for a brief moment before floating down to the ground.

She then grabbed a few more items out of her backpack. Two sandwiches in small plastic bags, a container of bright red strawberries, a small baggy full of chocolate chip cookies, and something in a gold bottle.

"Uh, what is that?" I asked motioning towards the bottle.

She set it down on the blanket and smiled wickedly at me.

"It's Champagne."

"Champagne!"

She nodded.

"Where did you get it?"

"My parents have a bunch of old wines and champagnes in the cellar."

"So you stole it?"

"Well, no…" she trailed off.

"Yes!" I said with a chuckle.

"No, it's not stealing, per se. It's… taking something without asking."

She giggled and I couldn't help but smile.

She's so cute when she giggles.

I sat down on the blanket, leaning back on both elbows. Veronica sat down beside me and handed me a sandwich.

"What's on it?" I asked, sitting up and un-wrapping it.

"Peanut butter and jelly, the same as mine. Is that okay?"

I nodded and smiled.

"I love peanut butter and jelly, Veronica."

"Good!"

"You know, you didn't have to handle all of the food arrangements. I told you I'd be happy to take care of it all or at least help you."

Veronica reached forward and lightly touched my bare wrist.

"I wanted to do it, Lizzie."

She gently caressed my wrist with the tips of her fingers, sending tingles through me.

"I'm really glad we decided to have this picnic," I whispered, staring into her eyes.

"Me too," she responded.

We ate our sandwiches in silence. There was no need for words. The chirping of the crickets was enough.

-NEXT-

"So they thought Miranda stole the lipstick, even though she bought it, like, a week earlier!"

"Oh my god, so the mall security guard took her away?"

"Yep, and her parents had to come and get her. It was so funny."

"Were you upset at the time?"

"Of course, she was my best friend! But now? Well, now I could care less. Good riddance to the bitch."

Veronica and I were discussing funny stories from our pasts. I seemed to be doing all the sharing though as Veronica sat there and laughed.

I assumed she lacked many laugh-worthy moments from her past.

The bottle of champagne lay untouched on the blanket. I think the both of us had trepidations about consuming it.

"So," I said, picking up the champagne and reading the label. "Gosset? I've never heard of this champagne before. Then again, I'm not too familiar with champagne."

"Well, it's French, I know that. I don't know, my parents have all kinds of fancy champagnes. Most of them have never been opened."

"Including this one," I said, noticing that it was sealed.

"So, do you want to drink it?"

I nodded.

"We didn't even eat these," Veronica said, grabbing the container of strawberries.

"Well why don't we eat them now?" I suggested.

"Sounds good to me."

And so, we broke the cap off of the bottle and took turns sipping the champagne as we lay on the quilt eating strawberries.

"I have something else," Veronica said, biting into a fresh strawberry and then taking a sip of the Gosset.

She reached for her backpack and pulled out a small black CD player.

"You brought a CD player?" I asked.

"Mmmhmm."

She fiddled around with it, pushing a few buttons until she finally got it to work.

She turned to me and smiled.

"Bingo."

Suddenly, music began to pour from the speakers. It was a song that I had never heard before.

Veronica rose to her feet and extended her hand to me.

"Dance with me?"

I set the champagne down and took her hand as she pulled me up.

She put her hands on my waist and I put mine around her shoulders as we slowly danced.

"Who is this?"

"Frank Sinatra."

"Oh," I said, "I've never listened to his music before."

"Do you like it?"

I grinned at her.

"I love it."

As our feet moved, we gazed into each other's eyes. She was so beautiful. I couldn't believe I was fortunate enough to have such an incredible girl in my arms. And, as I stared into her captivating brown doll-eyes, my lips met hers. Those luscious, soft, moist lips that I loved and craved. My hands moved from her shoulders to her hair. I ran my fingers through the soft auburn locks as I felt her hands move and her fingers lazily drawing circles on my back.

Heavenly.

After a few moments, we broke the kiss and pressed our foreheads together as we danced to the rhythm of Sinatra's relaxing voice.

'Those fingers in my hair
That sly come hither stare

That strips my conscience bare
It's witchcraft
And I've got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
What good would common sense for it do'

I took my hands from Veronica's shoulders and wrapped them around her waist, while she took her hands from around my waist and wrapped them around my shoulders. And then she leaned forward and cradled her head on my shoulder as we clung to each other and moved to the music.

It was an unforgettable night; Holding Veronica in my arms as we danced underneath the starry night sky, our bodies moving in synchronicity, the smell of champagne and strawberries on our breaths and the sound of Frank Sinatra filling the air around us.

Those are the moments you live for.

Perfect.