Part 6

He would willingly get lost in those pools, Logan swore. He had spent countless nights speaking with a God he had before those moments mostly ignored. In those times Logan had tried to strike a deal with a dispassionate and it seemed disinterested Creator. As he drowned himself in alcohol and nightmares, lounging beside a grand swimming pool hoping against hope that a rough wind would push his limp body into the water so that he could end his existence effortlessly, Logan prayed he would look into those eyes again. He would have given everything he had.

Duncan's words, whispered bitingly into the cold South China breeze, haunted Logan into the lulling disbelief that his world had ended.

i"You do know you will never see her again."/i

To Logan, it was a death knell.

For Duncan, it was the most brilliantly ambiguous statement he could have ever devised.

"Veronica," he breathed when he found enough air in his lungs.

She reached up to brush away the tears from her cheeks. Logan watched the movements intently, half-amazed that she was in front of him and half-wishing he could kiss away the tears. "Logan," Veronica said, in that voice he had longed to hear. "You're Logan Echolls, aren't you? Duncan came to see you," she concluded.

Logan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her words.

"I'm sorry," she continued. "I was sick. I'd forgotten so much."

Li Shia stepped forward and laid a tentative hand on Veronica's arm. "Mrs Kane, you have to go home. I promise that we will keep you informed."

Veronica did not turn to the woman. Instead, she drank in the face of the man in front of her. Her mind juxtaposed this scruffy young man, who had about a week's growth of beard, to the clean cut jolly boy who had been with her, Duncan and Duncan's sister in photographs in albums that they kept. "I relied on Duncan for memories," she admitted, "but I recognize you. You were our friend."

Cold fingers clutched at his heart. He turned to the woman beside Veronica, and saw the fear in her eyes. "Veronica, maybe I should take you home."

There were so many things she wanted to ask, and she could not ask them from this familiar stranger in front of Duncan's secretary. She nodded, then offered, "Maybe you can stay in our apartment."

"Mrs Kane, it doesn't seem appropriate," Li Shia began.

Logan closed his eyes against a tidal wave of memories. He had lived with her, had decided that she would be his wife; they had conceived a child and he had in anger, grief and desperation taken her when she was full of their baby, as she bent over the windowsill and cried about the destruction of their life. Propriety was his last concern.

"I'm sure Duncan would rather I stay at home with his best friend than spend the night worrying about where he is," Veronica said to Li Shia, in a voice authoritative enough that there would be no disagreement. "Please keep me posted."

Veronica reached out and took his hand in hers. Logan shuddered in reaction. Electricity surged inside his body, shooting up from his fingertips. He tamped down the desperate urge to turn to her and wrap her in his arms in an embrace that she would never escape. He caught the twinkle in her eye as she pulled him along with her and they hurried away from the dock. "Do you have money for a cab?" she asked.

She had asked him that once, under the rain, long ago. Then, he had none. Today, he had only just been freed from jail, and grabbed what he had of his belongings. Logan took out his wallet and picked out soggy dollars, then handed them to her.

"Did you jump into the river?"

"I did," he managed to choke out. Maybe he drowned, and this entire sequence was the advantage of dying. Someone told him that after death, you woke to your own version of heaven. Logan wondered if he was so spiteful that his initial version of heaven, recorded by the universe to let him live after he passed away, was a Hong Kong in which Veronica was alive, her memory wiped clean of his final crime to her, and Duncan was gone in a blazing ferry.

She smiled at him sadly. Logan thought her smile was dulled still by the knowledge that her husband was out there somewhere, perhaps hurt or dead. Despite his ambivalence, he comforted her with, "He'll be fine."

Veronica hailed a cab, then told the driver, "Causeway." In the ride back, she turned to him and gazed at his features, as if she needed to memorize them. "Logan Echolls," she said his name again.

"Veronica Mars," he said out loud.

Her eyes widened, and she gripped his fingers. Logan relished the painful pleasure. "Mars. Like Keith Mars," she deduced. Logan had confirmed the one conclusion she had drawn herself, and with it he had told her that Duncan had betrayed her trust for not telling her that the portrait was of her father.

Logan swallowed, then to Veronica asked, "Just how much don't you remember?"

She looked down at her lap and hesitantly revealed her biggest weakness, which she found odd because she did not know him, not really. Her mind barely recognized that he had been prominent in photographs of the past. Now he was a stranger. Her brain had shut him out. Veronica wondered if she should watch herself, but one glance at him as he looked at her pulled the truth from her lips. "I woke up one day and I only knew Duncan Kane." Tears filled her eyes and she did not know why. "He told me my name was Veronica."

He reached up with a trembling hand and brushed away a tear with his thumb.

"I was his wife."

Logan's eyes fluttered closed.

"I couldn't remember anything." The memory of utter helplessness threatened to choke her. Veronica covered her face with her hands.

She turned to him and saw that he was now staring out the window of the cab, watching the road fly past. Veronica laid her head on his shoulder. Photographs never lied. To her recollection, this was the first time she had met Logan Echolls. However in her heart, she trusted him. She closed her eyes and sought to rest her burning eyes.

Logan saw none of the scenery outside the window. Instead, he thought back to what she had told him. His best friend had so much to answer. In that split second when his world shattered, Logan wondered if Duncan had decided on his plan then. His memory after the accident had been hazy, but the bits and pieces he did remember told him a lot.

iLogan sat quietly in the backseat of Duncan's town car. Where they were going was unknown. All Logan knew was that he had been led out of his jail cell and ushered into a car. Duncan had been waiting inside.

He flinched at the blood on Duncan's shirt. Logan looked down at his hands and saw the dried blood that still stained his skin.

"I'll take care of everything. I want you to forget what happened, Logan. It's not your fault. What happened happened because you loved her."

Then, Logan found himself in Duncan's embrace as they stood in front of the Kanes' private jet. He was ushered inside. He watched the island get smaller as the plane gained altitude. Soon, Hong Kong was a distant, painful memory./i

She shifted beside him, and Logan realized that she had fallen asleep. He remembered the reminders of the woman on the dock. The cab turned in the narrow streets of Causeway Bay. He was about to wake her up when he saw the large K on an impressive column. Logan looked up and saw the building. Since the sun had begun to set, the name of the building shone in the night. Kane Pacific. He stopped the cab and gently drew some of the bills from Veronica's hand and paid the cab driver.

"Ronnie, we're here," he whispered into her ear.

i"You and me, Ronnie. Forever," he whispered./i

She opened her eyes and sat up with a start. Veronica stared at Logan with a frown. The lingering voice in her dream sounded so much like he did.

"What did you say?" she demanded.

"I said we're here," he repeated.

Veronica took a deep breath and nodded. Logan opened the door and got out of the cab, then extended his hand to Veronica. He helped her out. "How did you know this is our stop?"

Logan smirked at her and pointed up. "I can read, you know. You have the biggest house label in the world."

She looked up at where he was pointing and gasped. "Oh my God!"

"You've never seen that before?"

Veronica shook her head. "He never took me out long enough for it to get dark." She narrowed her eyes. "Kane Pacific." It was the same company on Li Shia's id card. "So my husband isn't a junior programmer."

"Duncan Kane, CEO?"

She nodded. "So I've read."

When the two of them got off on the top floor and entered the penthouse apartment, Veronica excused herself to go to the washroom. Logan made himself at home, wandering around the apartment. He opened the door to Duncan's home office and looked around.

The desk was full of picture frames. For a newlywed most especially, it was not unusual to fill your territory with photographs of your wife. Logan had been working with pictures for enough time to understand the true sentimental value one photograph had to the owner. However, to one who had merely created a truth, the desk seemed proof of an obsession. Logan picked up the picture frames one by one and studied them. Duncan had displayed images of Veronica, yet all of them seemed taken only in the past few months.

Whatever pictures Veronica had seen that included Logan, they were not prominent anywhere in the room. Logan saw the notebook neatly stacked in the corner of the desk. He picked it up and opened it. It was an address book. Logan flipped through the pages of endless names that he did not recognize, people with whom Duncan did business with. As he searched through the pages, Logan turned to E out of curiosity. He was not listed, and he supposed that Duncan had memorized his number enough not to have written it down.

Logan leafed through the rest of the pages and finished by closing the book. It was then that a slip of paper fell.

Logan picked it up and saw a phone number. He took the phone and punched in the number.

Invalid.

Logan focused, thought of the reasons why a phone number should not have a name, tried not to entertain answers that led to the conclusion of damning a dead man. Then, just to see, he punched in the American country code and dialed the number.

"You have reached Dr Mills' office here in Neptune, California. Our working hours are from nine to five daily." Logan glanced at his watch and calculated the time zone difference. It would take half a day more before he could speak with anyone. He folded up the paper in two, then saw another phone number at the back. Using the same country code, he dialed. The phone rang.

"Duncan Kane?" came the bleary voice. Logan waited. "Duncan, are you there? What's wrong?" the voice prodded when there was no answer. "Is this about Veronica?"

Logan released a harsh breath, then finally said, "Dr. Mills?"

There was a pregnant pause, then, "Yes. Who is this? Why are you using Mr. Kane's phone?"

"Does Duncan call you a lot?" Logan inquired.

Dr. Mills sighed. "What do you want? I will not talk to anyone except Mr. Kane."

Logan let out a bitter laugh. "Is that true? Dr. Mills, you probably know more about Veronica's condition than anyone in the world. Duncan Kane is probably floating in the South China Sea." He swallowed, because as much as he was unwilling to just give up his friend for dead, he needed to know. If Duncan's corpse would not be able to provide him with answers, then someone else should. "I arrived to find Veronica Mars completely clueless about who she is. I'm going to tell her the truth. I need to know how this will affect her, because I am not going to stand by and watch her live her life according to what a lying bastard taught her."

A long pause. Logan hoped the good doctor considered his words. "Who is this?"

"This is Logan."

"Logan, Duncan consulted his wife's case with me."

"She's not his wife," Logan gritted. "She was my fiancé until this… amnesia…" he spat, "gave him a chance to erase me from her life and put himself in my place!" He caught himself before his volume rose. He looked outside and saw the light under the bathroom door. Logan walked over and placed his ear against the door, then heard the faucet running. He went back to Duncan's office. "I want to know what you know."

"This is privileged information," the doctor argued. "It's against the rules."

"So is treating someone based on a phone call from another man."

"I am not involved in any of this," the doctor disclaimed. "I received a call from an old patient, frantically asking for help because his wife had lapsed into catatonia. I asked him if she was in an accident."

Logan sucked in his breath as memories of Veronica, lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the street, struck him. If only rain could wash away his guilt the way it did the blood on the cement. "She was."

"She was hit by a car," the doctor agreed. "But it wasn't the cause of her catatonia. That accident she easily recovered from, if you could call it that."

Logan settled onto a chair and listened as the doctor narrated the story to him as Duncan related it. Despite his lies, Duncan would have told the doctor the truth about the accident. Logan trusted enough in Duncan's desire to make Veronica better that he would tell the doctor the real circumstances.

iHer tears drenched the pillow as she stared out the window. Veronica watched the rain pound against the glass. It did not stop. Hong Kong would flood. She wished she were submerged underwater and drowning. It was the only way to stop the pain.

The drug that trickled into her arm should have taken care of it. She should have been numb. It seemed nothing was powerful enough to take her grief away.

The door opened and Duncan walked in, still bloodstained, already exhausted. He stopped beside her bed and said her name. Slowly, she turned her head and looked at him, her eyes dead. When Duncan glanced down, it was to see her hands gripping the blanket over her stomach. He reached down and carefully disentangled the blanket from her hands.

"You should be sleeping," he murmured. "You're still recovering."

"Where is he?"

"Veronica, you should rest. I know you're in pain."

Tears slipped silently from her eyes. Her lips held a tinge of blue, and it terrified Duncan. Her hands fisted again as she fought against the pain. "They're waiting to take him out," she rasped. "They're going to take him."

"Veronica, if they don't it will poison you. It's dead."

"He's my baby," she said softly. "I want to keep him."

Duncan leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "You're lucky," he told her. "Stop and consider that. You're lucky to be alive. The impact could have killed you both. You're lucky you're alive," he repeated. Duncan brushed the hair out of her eyes. "There will be other babies someday, Veronica."

She blanched when her stomach cramped. Nature wanted to expel the baby. Veronica cried out, and Duncan moved to call the doctor. She grabbed his arm. "Where's Logan?" she cried.

"He's on his way to America," Duncan told her.

Veronica squeezed her eyes shut. The doctor and nurses ran in. "Duncan, promise me that you will never let him see me again."

Hours later, when Veronica Mars opened her eyes, she sat up and asked for her baby. Duncan had been there beside her the whole time and told her that it was dead. She had vowed not to sleep until she saw the baby.

They showed her the baby swaddled in white cloth, a fully formed and handsome boy, developed to its eighth month. Veronica parted the blanket and kissed the baby's temple, fingers and toes, then whispered her goodbye.

For the next eight months, Veronica Mars belonged to another world. When she returned, she was a shell./i

"Her catatonia, and her subsequent amnesia, was not caused by a physical blow. In such cases when the amnesia is due to physical trauma, it is easy to hope that once the trauma subsides, the mind will heal itself. Veronica's retreat was psychological and emotional. I can't say any more beyond that." The doctor waited for Logan's response. When none came, he continued, "Give her time to heal the wounds that aren't physical. Maybe then she'll remember."

Unable to hear any more beyond the narration, Logan put the phone down. He turned around and walked out of the room. He was in time to see the bathroom door open. Veronica walked out wearing a bathrobe, her hair wrapped in a towel. She blushed at the sight.

"Are you okay, Logan?" she asked when she saw his expression.

i"Promise me. Promise me you will never let him see me again."/i

Veronica walked over to him and laid her hand on his arm. He winced and moved away. "Logan?"

"I'm fine," he rasped.

She nodded. "Logan, there's something I need from you."

iGo back to America, Logan./i

Veronica waited until he met her eyes. When he finally did, she pleaded, "Tell me about me. Tell me everything Duncan won't say."

To loathe the man who lied and betrayed him at the behest of the woman they both adored. Or to admire the friend who stood by her when her entire world had crumbled around her.

iFuck you, Duncan. Rot in hell.

We'll burn down there together./i

tbc