Part 7

Logan cleared his throat and nodded. "Why don't you go ahead and put something on," he suggested. "I'll see what I can whip up for dinner. You must be starving. We'll talk when you get back."

She flushed. Logan watched as she hurried to her room. He then turned towards the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. Time to heal, the doctor had told him. Was that what Duncan had been giving Veronica? Was time the reason that Duncan had never told her about him? Did Duncan have any other reason apart from fulfilling his long held dream of, as he had put it long ago, making her happy?

Logan took a look at the contents of the refrigerator and wondered how Veronica's life with Duncan was. There was no food readily available, and whatever ingredients were in the crisper were limited.

"Sorry," he heard from behind him. "We live on takeout."

Logan glanced back and saw Veronica already in a tank top of shorts. He turned and smiled. "Not a problem. I'll call."

Veronica grinned at him and informed him, "I already did. When I was drying off I remembered that you won't find anything helpful in the kitchen. Duncan loved me for many things, but it was never for my culinary skills." Then, after realizing that she had spoken of Duncan in the past tense, Veronica flushed.

"You remember your life with Duncan."

Veronica shrugged her shoulders. "He had always been very vocal about his feelings." She turned to pick up some clothes she had taken with her. She presented them to Logan. He looked down at the pile and the shaver on top. "I thought you might want to wash up since you just got out of jail."

Logan smirked. He walked over and accepted her offering. He stopped close to her that they were almost toe to toe. Veronica looked up at him and held her breath. "Thank you," he said but did not move away.

"They're Duncan's," she put in, in an effort to break the hold his gaze had on her. "I hope they'll fit."

"Is this your way of telling me I stink?"

Veronica shook her head. "You smell like the sea. It's not altogether bad."

Given that he had dived into the water that likely claimed Duncan's life to retrieve an inexpensive camera that she had bought when they were penniless, Logan desperately needed to believe that the odor was going to be acceptable to her.

He went over to the table and took out his wallet and personal effects from his pocket. Then Logan proceeded to the bathroom. "When I get out, the food better be here," he said lightly. "I'm starving, and your bathroom smells like mango."

"It's my body wash," Veronica told him. "Duncan bought it for me. He likes the scent of mango on my skin."

Logan wondered if he slammed the door a little too loudly then.

When the door closed, Veronica ran over and checked the doorknob. It was locked. She put her ear against the door and heard the running water. Logan would take longer. Veronica decided to give in to curiosity and picked up his wallet. The texture of the leather was odd. She opened it and the first thing she saw took her breath away.

Veronica laid the open wallet on the table and sat down. She traced the water stained photograph. In fact, now that she noticed it, it seemed that the leather wallet had recently been drenched and half-dried.

"Veronica!" Logan called from the bathroom. "Can you hand me my wallet? I think I should hang it in here to dry."

"What happened to it?" she called back. "It's a little squishy." Veronica walked over to stand outside the bathroom.

The door opened a crack and Logan reached outside to take the wallet from Veronica. "An accident."

"Tell me about it?"

"Not while I'm butt-naked," he answered, then closed the door.

Veronica walked over to the table and starting preparing two places on the table. As she laid the plates and utensils, she sighed. It was the first time that she would be eating with someone other than Duncan. She never had to set more than two places on the table then and she would be setting two now. She had so many questions for Logan. It was not every day that a friend from the past arrived, someone as equipped as Duncan to answer questions for her.

The doorbell rang, and Veronica jumped up and hurried to the door. She opened the door to the delivery man.

"Mrs. Kane, your order for two as usual."

She took the bag from the delivery man and thanked him. "Did you put extra gravy in here, Marc?" Veronica signed the tab, the way she always paid with the restaurants that Duncan had made arrangements with.

"And I put another cup of potato salad on the house. I know how much Mr Kane likes his potatoes!"

Veronica's heart dropped a little. She did not bother correcting him. Instead, she handed the man a bill as tip and waved goodbye. As she made her way to the kitchen, she saw Logan stepping out of the bathroom in Duncan's clothes, freshly shaven, with his hair still half-wet.

"They fit," he told her.

"That's good. We don't have to run down to pick up new clothes for you."

Logan stood uncomfortably in Duncan's clothes. It had been so long since he had worn such expensive, business casual attire. He had always been a casual dresser. Logan had never needed to dress up in the job he chose. He could write and take pictures naked, although he never tried. "I think I'm going to have to visit the street markets tomorrow. Duncan's clothes are still Duncan's clothes."

Veronica nodded. "Can I come with you?"

"I thought there's a security threat against you," he tested.

"Nobody can keep me here anymore," she snapped.

"Well bring your credit cards and cash. You're going shopping tomorrow."

Logan watched her reaction from the corner of his eye. She was staring at him dumbfounded, as if she could not believe that it worked. He tamped down the urge to sit her down and shake her, ask her why the hell she allowed Duncan to imprison her in luxury.

Veronica shook her head and proceeded to take out the food from the bag. Logan snatched up the cups of potato salad and dumped the contents on the plates. He took a deep breath when Veronica put the chicken on the serving bowls.

"Tell me about us, Logan."

Logan blinked up at her. Did Veronica Mars really expect him to encapsulate a lifetime over dinner preparation?

"I mean, what were we?"

Logan smiled sadly. "We used to be friends. Then suddenly we weren't."

iLogan clutched the phone to his ear, one evening so long ago after waking up from a nightmare. "What happened, Duncan? Tell me again what happened," he demanded.

"All I knew is you were fighting," Duncan told him. "The rest you shouldn't ask about anymore."

"What do you mean I shouldn't? That's my family you made me leave. I'm booking a flight back to Hong Kong right now."

"Logan," Duncan said soothingly, "recover first. Stay there. You'll be in familiar surroundings."

"I need to know that they're okay," Logan gasped in desperation. It was horror to remember too little and to wonder about too much. "My son. Is he okay?"

"Logan," Duncan said softly, "don't you remember?"

"I don't know what's real and what's a nightmare."

"She lost the baby, Logan. You pushed her into the path of a speeding vehicle."

"What?"

"There's a witness, Logan. Just know that I don't believe you would ever hurt her intentionally. I promise you, Logan. I'll take care of it."/i

"Did we ever grow close again?"

iDid we/i

"Of course, Veronica," Logan answered.

iTheir fingers were intertwined and she held on tightly. He was moving over her, inside her, and Veronica had thrown control and caution into the wind as she pushed back against him, eager to find that peak that they had been driving towards.

"Logan," she whimpered.

"Ronnie," he groaned into her throat.

Stars burst from beneath her tightly closed eyelids. "God, Logan, I love you."

He pumped inside her unevenly as he fought for control over the insanity brought on by her tightly clamping muscles. Then he surged forward one last time and buried himself to the hilt, releasing himself deeply inside her womb the way he always did. "I'm not myself anymore," he whispered against her hot skin. Logan blew on her collarbone.

"What do you mean?" Veronica's fingertips danced across his spine.

"I don't have words enough to show you how much in love with you I am," he confessed. Logan got himself off her and instead spooned behind her. He splayed his hand on her tummy. "Do you think tonight I showed you exactly how much? Do you think we'll have proof soon?"

Veronica put her hand over his and closed her eyes. "I hope so."/i

He waited until she was seated before he sat down as well. Veronica stared at him, waiting for him to expound. "Veronica, suffice to say however often we have a falling apart, fate will always throw us back together."

"Logan, why is there a picture of me in your wallet?"

Logan met her eyes. "Because I was in love with you," he told her matter-of-factly.

"Did Duncan know?"

"Yes."

She nodded in understanding. "That's why he didn't want to take me to Tsim Sha Tsui with him to bail you out. He was afraid. Did he think I loved you too?"

Logan wet his lips. "Duncan knew everything there was to know between us, Veronica."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "There's more to us than what you're telling me," she said.

At that, Logan placed his fork down and focused on her. The doctor had cautioned him against revealing the past so that she could take the time to heal and remember by herself. Duncan had taken the advice and warped it by creating a life for her that she never had. Logan, on the other hand, would take the small pieces of memory that she might have and build upon them. "Why do you say that?"

"I dream a lot," she admitted. "I dream of faces and places that when I wake up, I think I only imagined. I was so convinced I had such an active imagination. But then I dreamed of a face so clearly that I was able to have someone make me a portrait of him."

Logan swallowed, unable to believe that it would be so easy. She would then draw a picture of him, and everything would be fixed.

"I had people investigate who the man on that portrait was. They told me it was Keith Mars. Later I found out I'm his daughter."

Logan's heart ached at her sad eyes.

"That was when I knew those dreams weren't just figments of my imagination."

"Dreams often tell us about our past," Logan said. He should know. He had fought so hard against those dreams when he had lost her for the first time.

There had been that one dream that he had fought so hard to escape from. It was a remnant of the past he had been trying to forget, just so that every day he would not want to kill himself. Logan wondered why that particular dream drove him to depression more than memories of the night of the accident. He never found the answer.

iIt sounded like swishing water and tiny thumps.

Of course, that was when she stopped giggling because the cold metal tickled her.

Logan took off the stethoscope from his ears and glanced at Veronica, who was sitting back on the couch, trying to stifle her laughter. "Oh look at you!" she gasped. Veronica sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Did the baby call you names?"

Logan smirked. "Let me see your reaction when you hear the heartbeat. You're a marshmallow, sugarpuss." He then placed the stethoscope in her ears and helped her maneuver the cold metal to find the heartbeat. He watched her reaction. When her expression changed to awe, he crawled up to kiss her on the lips.

"Oh my God," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears. "There's an actual, live person inside me!"

"Yes, there is!" Logan agreed laughingly./i

The memory killed him every time and he decided to call it a nightmare during one of his drunken stupors.

"Logan, sometimes I dream that I'm listening to a baby's heartbeat inside my womb." She laughed bitterly. "That's impossible though, right?"

He did not answer.

"And there's a man, and I know when I think of it, that I felt so much, and I was so overwhelmed. It wasn't Duncan, Logan. I could never see his face in my dream and I don't know why."

Logan pushed away the plate from in front of him.

"Did I imagine it all, Logan?"

"Being with you, Veronica, gave me the happiest and most miserable moments of my life," he confessed. "And I swore to God I'd get it all again, heaven and hell."

They held their gazes as they tried to make sense of what the other shared. Veronica had so much to ask, and little by little it seemed that Logan was willing to talk. Before she could speak again, the phone rang, but neither moved. The answering machine picked up.

"Mrs Kane, this is Li Shia. I apologize if I interrupted your sleep. Mrs Kane, we believe we may have found Mr Kane. He is not doing well, and he needs you. I will wait for you in the dock."

tbc