Part 9

Stepping past the bodyguards posted by Kane Software, Veronica clutched at Logan's hand. These people who now scrutinized her as she headed towards Duncan's hospital room had always been aware of her presence on the top floor of their building. They had worked to protect her, yet never questioned the fact that she had remained hidden, unseen. For the most part Logan respected the unwavering loyalty that they had given Duncan. He himself would never be able to serve blindly.

As they rounded the corner, Logan saw the glass doors open to reveal the small Asian woman who had been with Veronica since the beginning of this trying journey to find Duncan. Surreptitiously, Li Shia brushed away a tear. Logan glanced down at Veronica, who said quietly, "This must be so hard for her. She's so devoted to Duncan, you know."

At that, Logan looked back thoughtfully at Li Shia, her figure growing brighter in his eyes. He recognized the unsteady shoulders, the downcast gaze, and then finally, the smile she forced on her lips when she saw them. She was him, in several moments and instances when he had thought he'd lost her.

His hand around hers, Logan walked with Veronica towards Li Shia. They stopped in front of her, and she nodded to Veronica.

"Li Shia, we came as soon as we received your message."

Through hooded eyes, Li Shia watched Logan. Living with actors taught him to school his face to impassivity, and he knew he was inscrutable.

"Come in, Mrs Kane."

Logan's hand around Veronica's tightened. "I'm coming in with her," he told Duncan's assistant. There was no way that he would give Duncan the same power, to weave stories, to create lies. In the end, it was his and Veronica's life that would be affected.

"It's all right, Logan," Veronica said softly. "I'll see my husband alone."

He felt her hand slip away from his. His heart in his throat, he watched as Veronica vanished into the private comfort of Duncan's intensive care room. For so many times that he had lost count, Veronica walked away from him and turned to Duncan.

Logan closed his eyes, feeling alone, abandoned, isolated once again. Then a small warm hand rested on his back, and he turned to see Li Shia looking up at him. "He started out meaning well," she shared softly. "Mr. Kane loved her. I saw how much every day."

There was a long, pregnant pause, and then he said, "But you only met her when you told her Duncan was missing."

She shook her head. "It was the only meeting she remembered. I was with Mr Kane from the start, when we nursed her back to health. Mr Echolls, nothing done out of love can be judged good or evil," she offered. At Logan's surprise, Li Shia filled the gap. "I have a degree in Psychology and masters in Philosophy from Yale."

"And you're a secretary." She shook her head, and Logan knew not to push. "Beyond good and evil, huh?" he prompted lightly. It was then that she turned away.

Logan walked over to a chair and slumped down on it. Duncan Kane had already done so much, too much. This time, he prayed that Duncan would give Veronica everything that she needed to hear.

The sound of his labored breathing brought tears to her eyes. Duncan had been, ever since she could remember, the stronger one, the dependable one. He had held her hand through the months that she spent wading through oblivion, taken care of her, wanted only to protect her.

Now he was incapacitated, stuck to a hospital bed while she spent her time in the arms of a friend she now knew harbored such deep feelings for her. If her heart were to be trusted, it seemed that she returned those feelings. And Duncan had spent so long keeping her away – if only to preserve their marriage.

She walked over to the bed, where her husband lay. At her approach, he turned his head and regarded her through pain-filled eyes. "Veronica," he breathed.

Veronica sat down beside him and reached to cup his cheek. "Duncan, I'm so happy you're alive." She felt his slight nod against her hand. "But everything remains the same." It was time to end it all. She felt guilty to be taking advantage, but she needed to do it while she was obviously the stronger one. On any other day, in the same positions they had been in since she could remember, Veronica would know deep down that she would listen attentively to all that Duncan had to say, even if they were words she didn't want to hear, even if they were his urges for her to calm down and accept his version of the truth.

"There's too much," he protested in a rasping voice that made her want to stop him and ask him to rest.

"Start with the beginning, Duncan. What happened to me?" She shook her head. "And don't feed me a lie about a car accident right outside. There hasn't been an accident along Causeway Bay for years!"

"It almost looks like you already have all your answers, Veronica. Why do you bother asking me?"

"I don't have all the answers," she confessed. "I need you for that. But Duncan, even if I had, I still love you enough to owe you the chance to tell me yourself. You're my husband!"

Duncan winced as he moved on the bed, and Veronica knew that the burns along his skin licked pain throughout his body. He wanted to live his life the same way he had been doing before Veronica started to ask. He had been supporting charitable institutions since he was twelve and his father decided that the fund for his birthday party should instead be given to a homeless shelter. Was this so much to ask in return – to get the life he deserved?

"Veronica," he said quietly.

She glared at him in frustration, then saw him open his bloated hand. Veronica was reluctant at first. However, when she looked into his eyes, she realized she could not deny him that simple thing. Veronica placed her hand in his. "Just please tell me," she asked tiredly.

He studied their clasped hands for a long time. Then, he confessed, "Everything I did I did for you. Veronica, we're not married." Her eyes flew up to meet his. "Not yet anyway. But it's only a piece of paper. We can get married anytime."

"What? Duncan, what happened to me?"

Beginning with that small piece of truth made it easier to launch into the rest. However, Duncan's heart broke with each tear that slipped from her eye. "I only ever wanted you to be happy, Veronica. It was a series of mistakes that we can't correct anymore."

"Tell me what happened to me," she demanded.

And so he did. Duncan told her about her decision to leave him and Neptune in exchange for a payoff from Celeste Kane. He told her about Hong Kong and what he had learned about her life with Logan. "I gave you everything, didn't I?" he prompted, as he recalled a leaking roof and an unsound apartment building that stood for home while she was with Logan. "I gave you everything he wouldn't give you."

When Duncan started to talk about fulfillment, her hands slipped over her stomach, thinking back into a dream that seemed more like a memory now.

"You were going to have a baby, and you were always sick. But I was there for you," Duncan told her. "I made sure Logan didn't neglect you. It was his insecurity that made you lose the baby, Veronica. I didn't lie about a car accident. You were fighting with him, and then you were run over by a car."

She had snatched her hand away then, and she sobbed into her hands.

"They took out the baby, and it was a fully formed little boy."

She shook her head, because she did not want to hear any more. If something else needed to be remembered, she would do it herself. No more words from Duncan. Veronica unsteadily stood on her feet. "You hid all of this from me. You made me believe, in so many lies," she sobbed.

Duncan gasped in his breath. "You turned to me and pleaded with me. I promised I'd do what you asked! They were going to take out your dead baby and you turned and you cried and you said that I'm never supposed to let Logan see you again."

"I don't remember anything!" she cried out. "Don't you think you could have taken those words as something I mindlessly said because of the pain, the grief?"

"I only did what you wanted me to do," he repeated.

Veronica turned away from him and went over to the door. With her hand on the knob, she stopped. She did not turn around and look at him. Instead, Veronica said with her back to him, "I'm leaving the penthouse. I'll check on you from time to time if you need me. I'll look after you until you're better, because that's what you did for me."

She waited for a response. When it did not come, she turned the knob. Just as she was about to step outside, he muttered, "Don't do me any favors. I have Li Shia."

Veronica closed the door behind her and laid her head back. She took several deep, calming breaths. When she opened her eyes, she saw Logan looking down at her. And then she remembered Duncan's simplistic story.

"We were together in poverty?" she said softly.

Logan swallowed, then cupped her face. "He lied to you again," he told her. "In those few months, we were richer than he was ever going to be."

He leaned down and kissed her, and she returned it with bittersweet regret. Veronica pushed him gently away. "I have to go back to our apartment. I need to pack my things."

Logan sighed in relief, then rested his forehead on hers. "Stay with me," he requested. "I swear we won't have to live in poverty anymore."

Veronica laid her hand on his chest, then shook her head. Logan's heart raced, and he knew she could feel it.

"Why not, Veronica? I don't know what Duncan told you, but I can tell you the rest. You can live with me and marry me the way you were going to before the accident."

Veronica stood on the tips of her toes and captured his lips in a kiss. Then, she told him sadly, "Logan, I need to exist outside the two of you." When he was about to protest, she rubbed her thumb against his cheek. "It's the only way I'll remember for myself, Logan."

Logan's hands balled into fists, then he stalked out, towards the street. She followed close behind him. He hailed a cab and led her in, before settling in beside her. Curtly, he gave the address to Kane Pacific.

The rest of the ride was silent. When the cab stopped in front of the building, Logan finally sighed and told her, "I'll take you to the airport. Get you a ticket home to the US. Then I'll leave you there."

She could visit her father's grave, look around the places she supposedly grew up in, speak with people who knew her from the past. Veronica would do all this, and Logan would not interfere. She would remember the past in her own terms.

It was cathartic to Veronica, the way she packed up the life she led with Duncan. In the end, she only left the apartment with a suitcase of clothes and her sketchbook. The rest, she would leave with the lies. Logan emerged from Duncan's office with her passport.

Within two hours, they were outside the airport terminal. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Veronica nodded, but could not help breaking down in tears.

He pulled her up into his arms and wrapped her in his embrace. "Shhhh. Ronnie, what's wrong? I thought this was what you wanted."

Veronica clutched at him desperately, afraid to let go, afraid to meet his gaze. "If we do this, I'm going to lose you. And I just found you again."

Logan pulled back to look into her face. He brushed away a lock of her hair. "I'll always be here where you can find me," he promised.

"Don't go. Stay with me!" she said frantically. "Forget what I said. Stay with me while I remember everything."

"I understand what you need more than you'll ever know," Logan said in a low voice. "You're right. You need to be alone." Her life with Duncan had been a perpetual dependence on a man who had lied all along. She was Veronica Mars. She needed to take back her own power. "I swear you won't lose me," he promised, his voice raw with emotion. "Even if I tried to hide, the Veronica Mars I know would find me. And I'm not even going to hide from you."

Logan drew her close to him, and kissed her. "Bye, Veronica."

She shut her eyes tightly, and melted against him. She clutched at his shirt. Then, she took a deep breath and pulled away. Logan's heart swelled at the sight of Veronica gathering up enough courage to do it herself, convincing herself to be brave, so that she would do what needed to be done.

Veronica picked up her bag and headed into the terminal. When she was about to enter the plane, Logan called out to her, "Find yourself, Veronica! I'm anxiously anticipating the day you come to find me."

She smiled and then dropped her bag, flying towards him. Logan chuckled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Cold feet?" he murmured against her lips.

"No. I just forgot to tell you something." Then, she smiled and fingered the ring that hung from his necklace. "Keep this safe, Logan? The owner might claim it back soon."

He laughed softly. "God, I love you, Ronnie."

She nodded. "Soon."

As her plane vanished into the horizon, Logan tamped down the intense urge to take the next flight out to California.

She was right. Veronica needed to exist outside the two of them. If there was anyone who can find her way back from oblivion, then deception, it was Veronica Mars.

Logan closed his hand around the gold ring.

tbc