Chapter 3: Bertha
She had planned to go down to the Quidditch pitch and watch the Gryffindor team practice, there was a chance that something exciting might happen – James might fall off his broom and break an arm, Sirius might get hit in the head by a Bludger, not likely though, it was when Sirius was playing that spectators tended to get hit by Bludgers. She remembers when McGonagall kicked Sirius off the team, he'd only played Beater in one match and he'd been kicked off for deliberately aiming a Bludger at Severus Snape, maybe McGonagall wouldn't have been so peeved if Slytherin hadn't won the match, but the penalty awarded against Sirius had put the Snakes in the lead, which was so unfair considering that the Bludger hadn't even hit Snape. Yes, their Head of House takes Quidditch really seriously, well she had played for the Wimbourne Wasps herself ... normally she was cool about the constant feuding between Snape and the Marauders, but not if it was going to cost Gryffindor a Quidditch match.
She'd thought, Sirius really doesn't like Snape, the things he says about him! I wonder if he really is gay, it's true I've never seen him with a girl even though lots of girls have got interested in him this year, since he grew up a bit and stopped looking so dorky, since he started looking dark, brooding and gothic instead of dark, surly and twitchy. Yes, lots of girls have asked him to help them with their Potions homework, everyone knows that he and Lily are really good at Potions, but they don't ask Lily to help them, do they, hahaha, but either he doesn't get the hint or Sirius is right, he really is a ... what does Sirius call him? A pillow biter? Urgh, do boys really do that together? Sirius has got to be making it up about Snape and Lucius Malfoy - Lucius married Narcissa Black almost as soon as she left school, and when they were both at Hogwarts he couldn't keep his hands off her.
She'd thought, Lily looks disgusted when Sirius talks like that about Snape, I think she doesn't mind Snape, even if he did call her a filthy Mudblood during the OWLs. Well, I don't like Snape, the stuck up Slytherin pureblood, he looks at me like I'm dirt just because my dad's a Muggle! And it's his own fault if no one likes him, he's even nasty to Remus, who never does anything to him, and Remus is so sick all the time, it must be something pretty bad, worse than dragon pox, I wonder if he's going to die? Maybe he's got something like that Muggle disease, cystic fibrosis or whatever it is, kids who've got that only live until they're about twenty, ooh how tragic ... poor Remus, he's sweet but kind of forgettable, I'd love to know what's wrong with him, if it was something fatal, I bet some girl would feel sorry for him, I bet some girl would snog him because she's sorry for him.
She'd thought, poor Remus, he's never been snogged, not like Sirius, he gets snogged all the time. I don't really want to go down to the Quidditch pitch and watch Sirius snogging that Slytherin bitch, she doesn't stop at snogging, not if half the things I've heard about her are true ... I don't know why they don't chase her off the pitch, she's the Slytherin Seeker for god's sake, she's only there to check out James' moves! But Sirius is such a sucker for a pretty face, he only looks at the beautiful girls ... damn Sirius, why does he have to be so handsome? He's the best looking boy in the school, and he only looks at me when I've got something interesting to tell him.
Then she'd seen Snape and that little Hufflepuff fifth year, Florence ... Florence something, the name was on the tip of her tongue ... coming down the steps of the Entrance Hall together, and this looked much, much more interesting than yet another Thursday afternoon Gryffindor Quidditch practice. She knows who Florence is, she's the girl who slapped Sirius' face in The Three Broomsticks a few weeks ago, what's a prim and proper Hufflepuff girl doing with the Slytherin bad boy? And what is Snape doing with a girl, a Hufflepuff and a half-blood to boot?
She'd put her Omnioculars back in her pocket, and discreetly followed them down to the greenhouses, tucked herself under a bush, and watched the action. It looks like Sirius is wrong about Snape, from the way that he's snogging Florence, blimey, she's unfastening her robes, what a little trollop! And taking her bra off! She knew she shouldn't have watched what happens next, it's private, but it's a bit like a nasty Muggle car accident, you can't help but look, it's fascinatingly horrible. And it's both shocking and exciting, it gives her a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach ... she couldn't stop watching, she could see everything with the Omnioculars, and she hadn't even noticed the cramps that she was getting from being crouched under the bush, unable to move. She'd thought, I hope you're being careful, Florence, this is how girls get into trouble, like that girl last year, she was a Ravenclaw and a prefect but she still got into trouble, oh yes she had to get married in a hurry, Dumbledore tried to keep it quiet but I found out about it, I overheard Pomfrey talking to Flitwick about it ...
Finally, the two lovebirds had finished groping each other and headed back to the castle, hand in hand, and she scuttled out from under her bush and followed them. She'd seen how quick Snape was to disentangle himself from Florence when he saw Remus in the distance, and she'd thought, ooh, this is a secret romance, I wonder how long this has been going on?
It was hard to keep quiet about such a hot piece of news but she really didn't want to talk about it, she knew that if she said anything about what she knew, it was all going to come out, it wasn't just kissing, and she'd felt a bit embarrassed about what she'd seen ... so it was best to hold her tongue, though she couldn't help keeping an eye on Snape and Florence during meals in the Great Hall, they acted like nothing was going on! Except that Florence seemed to be looking over towards the Slytherin table an awful lot, but Snape never looked back.
But yesterday evening in the Gryffindor Common Room she hadn't been able to keep quiet any longer. The Marauders and Lily were talking about the Animagus Potion that Lily was making with Snape, part of their extra NEWT credit work, James was joking about what his Animagus form would be, James was sure that he was a stag, and Sirius and Peter had joined in the fun, even though they weren't in the NEWTs Potions class. Remus had kept quiet, but he never had much to say for himself, did he? Then the conversation had turned to Snape, Sirius thought he'd be either a bat or a spider, and then he'd said, "I bet Snivelly isn't as good at Potions as everyone says he is, he only gets top marks because he's Slughorn's bumboy." There'd been silence, really Sirius was going too far, saying that sort of thing about a teacher, and then she'd chimed in, "Snape isn't gay, I saw him kissing Florence behind the greenhouses last Thursday."
Sirius had been intrigued immediately, he'd remembered Florence, and he'd demanded more details, and somehow she'd found herself saying, "It was more than kissing," and leaning forward and whispering into Sirius' ear. Sirius had burst out laughing, jumped to his feet and headed towards the portrait hole. He'd said, "I bet Snivellus' boyfriend doesn't know about this, I'm sending an owl to Malfoy," and Lily had jumped to her feet, and shouted at Sirius, "Can't you just leave Severus alone for once?" but he'd disappeared out of the portrait hole without a backwards glance. Lily had looked as if she was going after him, but James had placed a hand on her arm, and she'd sat down again, looking really angry.
Sirius must have told someone about it when he went up to the Owlery, because at breakfast this morning quite a few people had come up to her and asked her, is it true, did you really see Snape and Florence behind the greenhouses last Thursday? She'd thought, might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb, so she'd made the most of it, why not? It was the juiciest thing to come her way for months, it might be a bit hard on Florence, she was sitting with a little bunch of her friends and she looked like she was crying, but honestly, what could the girl expect, if she went around behaving like that, and with a greasy Slytherin git to boot?
Lily had looked daggers at her, but she'd thought, it's all very well for you, Lily Evans, you're Head Girl, you're pretty, you're popular, you're engaged to James Potter, you're going to graduate with brilliant marks ... not like me, I'll be lucky to scrape through the NEWTs and get a clerk's job in the Ministry of Magic, and people only pay attention to me if I've got some news to tell them. Then Snape had come into the Great Hall, late, as usual, looking thoroughly nasty tempered, as usual. He'd sat down, and nibbled on a piece of toast, as usual, and she'd thought, your girlfriend is in tears but you don't care, you really don't care what people think about you, what a shameless Slytherin, oh well, time for Charms, I won't wait for the post, I'm not expecting any mail ... and she'd headed off to her Charms class.
Snape had caught up with her on a staircase on the way to Charms and demanded to know what she'd been saying about him, and at first she hadn't been scared, Snape wouldn't hex a girl, and she'd thought, what are you so pissed off about anyway, Snape, at least no one thinks you're queer anymore ... but when she'd said, "I only told people I'd seen you kissing Florence behind the greenhouses," he'd known she was lying and he'd looked absolutely murderous. He'd raised his wand ... and the next thing she'd known, she was waking up in the Hospital Wing.
Pomfrey had sent for McGonagall, and she'd swept in, sat down next to her bedside, gestured to another bed around which the curtains were drawn, and told her, in a low voice, to be quiet – Florence was in that bed, under sedation for shock. She'd looked at her Head of House and although she'd seen McGonagall angry on several occasions, she'd forgotten how thin her mouth could go, and she'd thought, the old cat knows, and she's blaming me, that's so unfair, I don't know why Florence is being so soppy, maybe Snape has broken up with her now their little secret is out but that's not my fault, what else would you expect from that nasty Slytherin bastard?
After she'd drunk her restorative draught and Pomfrey had given permission for her to leave the Hospital Wing, McGonagall had escorted her to the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore himself wanted to see her! And then she'd started to feel a bit afraid, this is serious trouble ... but she's going to stick to her story, it was just kissing, it's not likely that Snape or Florence are going to say anything different, and Snape ought to be in trouble, too, hexing her like that! So she'd said, "He put a hex on me, Professor Dumbledore, and I was only teasing him, sir, I only said I'd seen him kissing Florence behind the greenhouses last Thursday ..."