Chapter 15: Old Apartment Blacks and Blues

The only thing I have to lose right now is my sense of sight. It's so cold my other senses decided to shut down. I pass a Holiday Inn and see the sign. Y'know that sign that's electric that shows the time and stuff. Thirty three degrees. Oh... so cold! I bring my jacket up to my face and cover my nose. I blow hot breath into it and rub my hands together. This is another reason I hate Vegas: in winter it can drop below 32 degrees and still no snow. I look up from the jacket and see my old apartment complex. Sun Coast Apartments. God, I hate this place. I shiver and look toward the apartments. ... I do need a place to stay. I guess I have no better options. I jog toward the apartment. The window over the door is usually unlocked. I run up the three flights of stairs and round the familiar corners and make my way to the apartment. I stop at the door. The lights are off and there aren't new tenants... so I guess it's ok. I put my foot up on the doorknob and pull myself into the room through the small window. I twist around and pull my feet through. I turn again and jump down. I remember when mother would get drunk and forget she had a daughter and lock me outside. Pshaw.

"Well, well, well,"

I muse quietly to myself. I look around the apartment and my eyes fall on the bedroom door. Ah. I remember so many things about this room. I walk in and sit on the sheet-less bed. This is where it happened... Augh! This silence is deafening! I sit and zone out for an hour and a half.

"What time is it?"

I sigh heavily. Oh, I want to go home. But is it at Pip's house or here? I have had bad experiences at both, but... yeah. Sigh. I guess I'll just go back to Pip's house. He won't kick me out after our argument will he? I guess I'll see when I get there. I stand up and brush the dust off my ass and walk toward the door, which I had closed behind me as a matter of habit. I'm not used to getting privacy so, I think it comes with the territory. I have no idea what I'm thinking about... I sigh happily as I reach for the doorknob. The second my finger tips touch it, a cold terrifying chill runs up my spine. My breath suddenly gets heavy and labored. What the hell? I shake again, almost like a mini seizure, without the thrashing about. Have you ever felt like there's something out there and it's coming for you? That's how I feel now. I have goose bumps and hair is standing on end. What other signs are there? Now I know someone is on the other side of this door. I hear faint footsteps, getting louder but still soft as they approach the door. I can barely think with my heart pounding so hard in my ears. I can't move. A thump sounds from outside. My heart beats faster as the footsteps stop. I can see the shadow of two feet below the door. The moon is bright tonight. Wait. What if it's Pip? What if he came to say he's sorry? My pulse slows a bit but it's still going quick. I look out the window like maybe the answers to my questions are there, but only the moonlight flooding the room offers any hint. Pip isn't Pip at night. He's Feran. My heartbeat starts up again as the doorknob rattles a bit. I stop breathing. The knob starts to turn. I grab it with both hands trying to keep it from turning to open. In my mind I'm screaming but I can't find the breath to do it. I try to keep the door closed, it just won't. The door slams open and hits me in the chest, knocking me flat on my ass. I start breathing again. Shallow, rapid breaths. A figure shrouded in the darkness steps slowly in. Holy shit... I'm gonna die. I back up, sliding on my butt, toward the wall. A glint of moonlight reflects off of the man's eyes and gives a pale, dull shine to his eyes.

"And you think you had it bad,"

The man walks slowly into the light. He continues,

"What about your poor, old mother?"

As he walks into the light I notice he's barefoot, wearing dirty jeans stained with fresh blood. I can't breathe!

"Are you ready?"

As he approaches she notices blood on his hands. He licks a bit off and drops his hand back at his side. I try to back up more but I can't. I'm back against the wall. He lunges forward, grabbing me just above my elbow, digging his nails into my skin, I'm already bleeding. With his other hand he pushes me flat on my back. I clench my teeth hard trying not to cry or scream.

"Let me go, please! Let me go!"

He keeps the grip on my arm but takes his other hand and runs his nails down my cheek. I start to bleed again. He leans over and licks the blood off of my face. I try and throw him off but he's already straddling my waist.

"Scream for me! Beg for your life! Cry for help!"

Padma's words ring in my mind again, "If you hate it so much here, you can go back to your nothing life with nobody!" I relax the muscles in my neck and my head lolls to the side. A tear runs down my cheek. I don't care anymore!

"...No one would come..."

"Aw, what a shame, no one will help you,"

Feran whispered sarcastically. He chuckles cruelly.

"Not again!"

Memories I had spent years learning to block out come flooding back. Robert... the booze... everything!

"Oh so this isn't new, is it? You know what happens next."

His hand slides from my chest to my thigh. He squeezes me and rips through the jeans making me bleed again.

"Please, don't..."

He reaches up and strikes me with the back of his hand. Ow! Dammit it stings!

"I hope you like it rough."

He rapes me.

Oh... I hurt... I feel something heavy on top of me. I move my arms and I can only feel someone. Pip. No, Feran! No, it's Pip. Pip is Feran at night and Pip in the daytime. So Pip is lying on top of me. He stirs and sleepily rises balancing over me with a hand by my head. He jumps up in surprise,

"Holy crap!"

As he jumps up, the sheet that was over the two of us went with it. Now that I'm actually looking, I see all these scratches and cuts. All over my body. Pip can't tell I'm awake yet. He turns quickly on his heel once he notices I'm nude.

"Oh my god! What happened? Oh my god... she's gonna hate me forever! What do I tell her?"

He sheepishly glances back over is shoulder at me. I'm not sure if he feels guilty or it's that I'm naked. All I can see is the hot blush on his cheeks. The sheet we'd "shared" is wrapped around his waist. Augh... my... everything hurts. I prop myself up on my elbows. Pip rips the sheet off of himself, exposing his bony butt. He ripped the sheet in half and threw one of the halves to me. He wraps his waist in the cloth and walks about the room looking for his clothes. There's a really long, awkward pause as Pip dresses. I get up and wrap the half sheet around my torso. Pip looks over at me as I reach for my backpack and grab some extra clothes. His expression is guilty and solemn. I can understand why...

"He... he didn't hurt you that badly did he?"

I snap my bra in the front and gaze at him balefully.

"No, he was just the perfect gentleman."

I pull my underpants up underneath the sheet. I pull the sheet off and put on my pants and shirt. Pip watches me uncomfortably.

"I... I'll take you where ever you want to go."

I sigh heavily.

"I have nowhere to go."

I take the sheet and stuff it in my backpack.

"You can still stay at my house... I mean if... you want to."

There is nowhere. If he's locked up, there's not much danger. I mean if, if lock him up every night, I'll be ok. Ok, fine.

"Ok... fine."

Pip meets my gaze and gives a weak half smile. He straightens up his shirt and walks to the door. He holds open the door for me with his eyes trained on the ground. He is still so nervous. Honestly I can understand why. He leads me downstairs and we catch a cab back to his house.