DISCLAIMER: No I don't own anything Harry Potter
I gave up everything, all in the name of being thin. I went a week on gum and water, sure my stomach ached with hunger, and my teeth seemed to wear down with all the gum I had, but it was fine, really, I felt like I was empty, free to fly with weightlessness.
I felt power also, no longer did food control me! I chose what I put in my mouth carefully, sometimes I would read labels religiously, knowing that I controlled it, and that it would go no farther from the can or bag it was in.
I waited, no longed for the day my mom would finally comment on my improvement. It didn't come. I thought that maybe the gum was the problem, and with the 5 calories it contained, it would make me fat. So I stuck to water for most of a month, after many of dizzy spells, and a couple of black outs my efforts had paid off. Mom noticed.
"Hermione? Have you lost weight honey?" she asked in a somewhat shocked tone I praised myself inwardly. But outwardly I replied "not much mum, just been on a diet" funny thing was that she didn't seem to be too pleased. It was if she was upset. Maybe I hadn't lost enough weight, maybe I needed only six more pounds and I'd be perfect? Yes that was it, only six pounds and then I would be perfect, no more of the ugly fat girl I saw constantly, I would finally be perfect. Ok honey, just don't go to any extremes. Was her reply. Extremes? How extreme could you get to be perfect?
As days changed into weeks I felt weak. I craved foods that I hadn't thought of in a long time. Hours at a time I would fantasize about what a donut would taste like, or maybe a slice of pizza. But oh the fats and carbs!! I could not stand the thought. Though they haunted me greatly, I needed to be in control, I could not let food get in the way of being perfect.
It slammed into me hard, this great need for sustenance. I was at my target weight wasn't I? Couldn't I have something filling to eat? Even the smallest things would work. And so I gave in to the treachery of my body. I ate everything I could find. Within fifteen minutes I had inhaled all that could be eaten. Cereal was eaten to the last crumb, yogurt to the last spoonful, and leftover chicken are just some examples. It wasn't enough! I needed more. Bring the pizza, donuts, popcorn, chocolate, and the toast. All of which I had, and all of which I was ashamed once I had time to think of what I had done.
I looked at the remains of the boxes I had torn in my hast to get the food out quickly. I am an animal. A beast to which could not be filled! I was extremely disgusted, how could I have thrown perfection away in a quick sweep? After all the time I had spent working on it, it had gone so quick, was it possible. I looked down and lifted my shirt. Yes it was quite possible, by the looks of the bulge my stomach made.
I cried that night, sobbed really. I had committed the ultimate sin, I had given into my own temptation. I was a sickening being, and I should be punished. I closed my eyes against the images that exploded into my mind. Pictures of myself, and what I probably now looked like. I got up in a frenzy, I had to see the damage to which I caused. Yes it was there, back to taunt me why couldn't I have peace?
I delicately undressed careful not to look at myself any longer, careful not to touch my ugly skin. I needed to clean myself of the mess I had made. I scrubbed hard till the skin was raw. I was furious with myself, I finally looked down and snapped. I beat my stomach mercilessly, beat all I could see until all was but a red glob. Exhausted, I cried when I dressed and went to sleep. What should I do? How would I fix this? I couldn't, I had brung in upon myself, and I would sure find a way. Another eight pound would fix it. Yes eight pounds and I would be fine. But what of my weight. I tensed. What if I had gained all the weight back? Oh God show mercy upon me please!!
I figured it out. I would go out he next day and buy a scale. Instead of using other peoples, all of which knew nothing. And so I slept thinking of the many calories I had consumed.
AN: Well that was chapter 2. I know it might be depressing and even a little intense. But that is what it has to be! Don't worry I will be bringing more into the story than just her stuggles.
To answer a question I got: Hermione is the main character. Sorry if I didn't point that out in the first place. But I found no place to put it :) Also sorry about the long delay, I was having trouble trying to put all of this into a story.
Also I'd like to thank the following great reviewers :Brittny, gherkin, Diggle, ME, and sundaym0rning. You all were very nice, thank you for great comments!
God Bless Padfootfan