A Series Of Ron-Fortunate Events: Chapter 2 (The Ron Experience)
By S-Chrome
Disclaimer: After a hostile takeover attempt by Vandelay Industries, we are saddened to learn that Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable and the other strange bit players are still owned by Disney. I am just a po' boy from the backwoods, using them without permission and trying not to get caught.
A/N: Once again these sketches are not in any order.
6: The Horrible Truth
Ron shook his head. He didn't want to admit it. What was happening before him had shocked him horribly. He thought it would never happen again. The more he would doubt that it was happening, the more it reminded him that it indeed was.
'I mean, I took precautionary measures this time!' The young blond thought to himself. This was the third time in three months that this had happened to him. No doubt it would sideline him from any missions with Kim until further notice. Ron sat around in his home, moping about. Still shaking his head from time to time. Ron decided one thing that might change his plight.
Any further thought of resolution and resolve was stopped short by a low rumble in Ron's stomach. His eyes flew open, and he took out to the second floor of his home.
'That does it! No more chocolate chip cookies and naco smoothes.' Ron thought. It was time for acceptance... It was time for a change, it was time...
To go to the bathroom.
Ohhh... To the bathroom.
7: Obviously Oblivious
"Kim is so mean to me sometimes." A 17-year old blond said to his pink naked mole rat. One would guess that the young man was right.
Sometimes.
"I mean...", Ron continued. "She didn't even tell me who she was crushing on." He said solemnly to Rufus, who in turn shook his head in sorrow.
"And then, when I think I came up with the right answer, she shakes her head and leaves me hanging!" He said, continuing his rant.
"So not cool to do to a best friend." He stated, resting his case. Rufus nodded his head in agreement, adding a "not cool" to mimic his owner.
As Ron walked alone through the halls, his attention was redirected to a familiar face. Giving his trademark goofy smile, he spoke up.
"Hey, Monique. What's shakin' and bakin?" He asked.
"Nothing much, what's up with you?" The girl responded with a question of her own.
"Eh... Nothing. I'm good." Ron lied. It took about two seconds flat for Ron to spill his guts all over the newly waxed hallway floors. "I think K.P.'s mad at me." He added in a hushed tone.
That little bit tweaked the dark-skinned girl's interest.
"Trouble in paradise?" She quipped. "Spill." She said excitedly.
"Well..." The blond began. "Kim was feeling unusually good today. So I asked what was up, and she said there was this guy..." He continued going a mile a minute. As soon as Monique heard the entire story, she shook her head in disgust. She seriously could not believe what she was hearing.
Once Ron saw Monique shaking her head, he began to smile a bit.
"So... Do you disagree with K.P. just leaving me hanging like that?" Ron asked with hope in his voice.
"No." The teenage girl replied simply. "Boooy, If it was me, I would have left you hanging and slapped the nachos out of your mouth." She said, scolding the younger boy.
Ron was confused now.
Really confused.
Ron tried to say something in response, but indeed he was speechless. Monique looked like she was going to slap him herself. She leaned forward to Ron's shoulder, lowering her voice to a harsh whisper, she spoke to him as to expose a horrible secret.
"Ron! Come on, boy! Put two and two together! She said blond hair and brown eyes! It's almost too easy to see that the one that she's crushing on is..."
"...Josh Mankey?" Ron whispered back.
Right about now, Ron Stoppable, to Monique, was due for a dry slap right about now. Trying to resist those burning urges to put something red on Stoppable's cheek for cutting her off and stopping her from dropping the ton of bricks on him, Monique just sighed with a look of resignation on her face.
"You know what, Ron. Keep trying to find out." Monique said, shaking her head whilst walking away.
"The answer is right in front of you, Ronnie." Ron heard someone else say.
Who the heck was eavesdropping on his and Mo's conversation?
It was none other than Bonnie Rockwaller, Kim's former rival. Through self-assurance and highly-paid therapy sessions, Bonnie learned that there was no competition between herself and Kim. Not because there wasn't supposed to be. Not because it was pointless to begin a rivalry over shared interests.
But simply because Kim could wipe the floor with her at any and everything.
Across the hall, Ron was even more confused than before. 'Right in front of him?' He almost doubled back at that very moment. In a mess of confusion and stupidity, Ron spoke up again.
"Kim has a crush on you, Bonnie?" Ron asked.
The brunette gasped in horror at the thought, and that followed with a disgusted look in Ron's general direction. Refusing to dignify that question with a response, the cheerleader squad's second-in-command stalked off, muttering 'pervert' and 'idiot' several times under her breath.
"Man!" Ron said to his mole rat that was now on his shoulder. "Three girls walk away from me in disgust in one day! What did I do wrong!"
As he struggled mightily to find an answer to this rapidly unfolding question, Ron began to build the clues that the three girls left him. Blond... Brown eyes... Right in front of me.
It was just at this point that Ronald Stoppable had a moment of clarity. His eyes lit up like Times Square at New Year's. Looking at Rufus with a renewed sense of resolve, Ron stopped at the door to the cafeteria to say something. Something powerful. Something relevant.
Something that wasn't going to get the nachos slapped out of his mouth.
"Rufus..." Ron said with a tinge of concern. "I think the guy that Kim is crushing on..." He paused for a moment to regather his thoughts.
"...Is me." He said, letting it sink in.
Human being and mole rat stared at one another for several seconds. It felt like an eternity had gone by since Ron made that bold statement.
It was just then when Rufus began to do something that was somehow... unexpected.
He began to chuckle.
Ron looked at his pet laugh his little tail off and after a few seconds, he too joined him in the laughter.
"I know!" Ron said, wiping the tears from his eyes from the laughter. "Kim crushing on me... That's rich!" He continued, as if the thought was so ludicrous that it was humorous.
"Maaaan, Rufus. I kill me sometimes." The young man said, holding back a chortle as he stepped into the doors of the cafeteria.
8: The Final Bout Between Kim & Bonnie
Kim stared in the face at what some may have been considered her rival. Her 'rival' came in the form of dark brown hair, beautiful green eyes, and a figure that just screamed to the average guy 'Not in this lifetime.'
Bonnie Rockwaller.
The girl in question stared right back at her rival. Stunning auburn hair, brilliant emerald green eyes, the whole works. It was bad enough that Kim Possible was better than her at everything without even trying, but she had to be prettier as well.
Yeah... She admitted it herself. It was a product of the truth on the brunette's part.
Or just a lack on self-confidence that was buried deep within her.
But that didn't matter today. For today, in front of everyone that mattered in Middleton High School, Bonnie Rockwaller was going to prove that she was better than Kim Possible. With a whole crowd of students circled around them, brunette and redhead continued their stare-down.
In the middle of this circle stood Ron Stoppable & Brick Flagg. Brick had no idea that his girlfriend wanted her rivalry with Kim to come to a head like this. But what the heck... Catfights were cool.
Ron was probably more unsure of this situation than Brick was. K.P. was probably the last person in the world to let her emotions get the best of her.
But then again... There was that time with the moodulator.
And that other time with that Global Justice guy...
Ron shook his head mentally. He sort of knew that Bonnie would go over the top trying to one-up Kim. And now... There was nothing she or he could do anything about it.
'Stop this? Hah!' Ron said to himself. He could imagine trying to stop these two from ripping each other apart as one would imagine trying to stop lightning from striking.
It was impossible to stop this.
Besides... Cat fights were kinda cool, he admitted.
"You ready, K?" Bonnie asked venomously.
"Born ready." Kim replied, volleying the venom right back at her foe.
Murmurs began to sift throughout the crowd. This was kind of like the match of the century. It pitted the two most popular girls in the school, every move was calculated. Who was going to blink first.
Just then, the two rivals shook their fists in concentration, then both said the magic words...
It would begin...
Right now...
"Rock, Scissors, Paper... SHOOT."
Bonnie produced a fist, which signified a rock.
Kim produced an open palm, which signified paper.
"You lose." Kim said simply with a grin on her face. The crowd rang out in response. Phrases of "Kim rocks" and "Bonnie's a loooser." shook the hallways. Just then, the resident disciplinarian of the high school, Mr. Barkin came charging out from... Wherever he came from.
"Ok... Break it up. Break it up. Back to class." The dean said to the crowd. In mere seconds, the crowd scattered to their respective classrooms.
Bonnie looked at Kim in utter disbelief. Once again, her attempt to upstage the teen heroine went down in flames. Red... fiery... flames.
It was too much for her. The brunette nearly fainted as she fell back into Brick's arms. Brick trying ever so hard to be understanding, took Bonnie into a hug. Seconds later, the cheerleader began sobbing into the large boy's chest. Kim shook her head and made her descent back to class.
"Hey Ron, you coming?" The redhead asked her best friend.
"Yeah... In a sec." The blond replied.
Ron took a look at the trembling girl and Middleton High's starting Quarterback as they huddled together. Suddenly as Kim disappeared down the halls, Ron's facial features took on a look of superiority. A look as if he just came out of the fray as the world champion of the world. Inching closer to the couple, he tapped Bonnie's shoulder.
"What do you want?" Brick asked coarsely. Ron took a step back from the burly QB.
"Whoa... Whoa there, Brickhouse. I just wanted to ask Bonnie a question. That's all." Ron said evenly. Brick certainly wasn't convinced. In two seconds, he could turn this lanky punk that stood before his girlfriend into chum. And those two seconds were almost up.
Bonnie stopped Brick from giving Ron his own brand of plastic surgery by stepping between her man and that... loser.
"What do you want to ask me?" She asked him, with some of the good ol' scorn she had for the blond returning in her voice.
"Well... I just wanted you to know that..." Ron began in an understanding tone.
"...You just got served a plate of embarrassment. How does it feel?" The blond said haughtily before turning on one heel and laughing loudly to himself.
Bonnie gritted her teeth. But the angry glare turned into a smile as the big blond quarterback stalked behind Stoppable rather stealthily.
Yeah... A lot of sharks are gonna be fed in about...
Two seconds.
9: Bus-Ted
It was one those sitches once again when Ron Stoppable had to ride the Middleton Bus. Trying to attempt X-Treme moves on a moped scooter definitely didn't work out the way he wanted it to. Stepping up to the front of the bus, he paid his fare and took a seat in the middle of the bus. As the bus went into motion, Ron took a good look at his surroundings.
There was no one on the bus.
Not one person.
Just then, he heard a voice over the intercom.
"Hahah... I've got you, little dude. Seriously!"
Oh no...
Oh yes.
"Believe it, Stoppable-dude. I'm taking my revenge on 'Red' by getting at you, brah. Seriously!" The familiar voice said once again.
Ron placed the palm of his hand to his forehead. He thought he saw something familiar about that bus driver. Whether he was Motor Ed or not was a different story.
Needless to say it was going to be a loooong ride.
Seriously.
10: Media Frenzy
No one had ever thought that Ron Stoppable would become the boyfriend of Kim Possible. Plus, not many would believe it either. Not in a million years would anyone figure that. Thus, the public had to know about these gripping events that occurred between Prom and graduation day.
Adjusting his black tie, and straightening his hair as best he could, Ron Stoppable strolled out from the left end of the stage to center stage. Behind him were plenty of pinkish lights from many flash bulbs or cameras or camcorders or whatever device it was trying to capture the moment.
Ron adjusted the microphones from various television stations to his liking and took an awkward step onto the podium.
"I would like to thank the members of the media for appearing at this uh... event." Ron stated in a businessman like tone, reading from the cue card that he had placed on the podium.
"I would just like everyone to know that K.P. and myself are quite comfortable with what our decisions were and those decisions are the ones we would like to make public." He continued.
The camera flashes continued. One of the flash bulbs sparked directly in Ron's face, perplexing him a bit. Shaking his head, he returned to his prepared statement.
"Kim Possible and myself, Ron Stoppable, would like to inform the media that we are in fact... Not seeing each other romantically at this point." The blond stated clearly. The members of the media elicited low gasps and groans at this bit of information. Ron's serious look then took on a look of light amusement.
"Thus... If any of you fine ladies happen to be in the audience. You know where to find me." He said in his best pick-up line voice he could dig up. It got a few laughs from the writers in the back of the High School's auditorium.
"Soooo... Now that the ice is all broke up. I'll take some questions at this point." Ron stated.
Various hands from many outlets began to raise their hands...
"Ok... Let's start with you." Ron said, pointing to a man with glasses.
"Yeah." The man replied. "Clark Kent, Daily Planet. I just wanted to know that did the two of feel you weren't ready to elevate your relationship to the next level?"
Ron nodded, which got more flashes from cameras.
"Yeah... Something like that. Next question, please?" Ron asked. He then pointed at an attractive brunette in the second row. "How about you."
"Yeah." The woman replied in a snotty tone. "Bonita Walls, Middleton Democrat. Maybe you were just afraid that you were going to become the rebound guy?" She asked haughtily.
Ron shook his head in disgust. "Next question, please."
A young man in his mid 20's then stood up. "What about the long standing rumors about you and your mole rat, Rufus? Would you like to shed some light on that?"
Ron shot the guy a death glare, then shook his head once again. "You sir, are an idiot, with a capital IDIOT." The stupid man was laughed at as he sat down. "Next question, please."
He then pointed to a woman with pale skin and black hair, who stood up calmly.
"Shiela Gomez, Go City Times. I heard that you just weren't man enough for Kimmie... er, Kim. Wanna comment on that?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Ron shot her a mean glare. He then stepped back from the podium in resignation.
"You know what, guys? This interview is over." Ron said, faking anger in his voice. As quick as he appeared on stage, he went back behind the stage, with the flashbulbs and media vultures chasing quickly behind him.
The next morning, it was plastered all over each and every Middleton Paper.
'We Are Not An Item'
'We're Just Friends'
'Lovers? Impossible'
'Congressman Mauls Six In Brawl'
Ron, thankful to be in his regular duds and not in that stuffy suit, walked on over his best friend, Kim Possible's house. Tapping on the door lightly, Ron waited for the door to open and took a second or two to sort out his thoughts.
'What long standing rumors about me and Rufus?'
Just then, the door opened. And at the door stood Kim Possible, the teen heroine and Ron's best friend.
"Hey, K.P." Ron said, trying to keep his voice to a level of coolness.
"Hey, yourself." Kim said, pulling the blond into a rather friendly hug.
As they stood there. Kim decided to break the ice early.
"The 'rents are gone for the weekend and the tweebs are at Uncle Slim's. Think you can keep me company?" Kim asked, tracing a circular pattern on Ron's neck.
"No one's here!" Ron asked, breaking away from the friendly hug. "Are you lying to me, K.P.?" he said accusingly.
"Why would I lie?" She said with the most innocent tone she could possibly use.
"Well... You sorta did yesterday with the news conference and..."
These days, when Ron actually was making sense, Kim had the perfect strategy against it.
Press one finger to his lips, and replace finger with her lips.
And that's exactly what she did.
Breaking the kiss after a few glorious moments, she pulled him inside the house and locked the door behind them. It was unclear what they were doing. But rest assured, there were doing what they were doing as friends.
End of Chapter Two
Other Stuff:
6. Toilet Humor... Literally
7. I simply felt a need to do a follow up on this particular topic.
8. A lesson is to be learned here. Do not take advantage of another's misfortunate. But who am I kidding? I do it all the time :-D
9. Just had to throw in Eddy somewhere. Seriously.
10. I've always kinda thought of K/R as a big coming out party that was to be covered by all the masses. The type of event that cuts off you're favorite show during prime time.
Reviews... Hate Mail... Flames, I could use em all!
S-Chrome