A Series Of Ron-Fortunate Events: Final Chapter (Because We're Sick of Being Insulted)
By S-Chrome

Disclaimer: You know the drill... Not mine. Mouse, McCorkle, Schooley, Owners. Get me?

A/N: As we go into the final chapter of these Ron-Fortunate Events, I'd like to extend a Special Thanks to Aero Tendo, gtpie235, Mewberries, Netherwood, Peacepop, femme d'agent secret 08, and all the other reviewers and readers who have boosted this fine work of literature . :p

A/N 2.0: Continuity? What's continuity? None of these sketches appear in any order. Except for 16 and 20. :o

16: Role Confusion

Was there anything better than a wedding?

Well, was there?

Many upon plenty had gathered around Middleton to catch this holy union between man and woman. To the witnesses, it was only a matter of time before these two would tie the knot. They were best friends for over a decade, in which it blossomed into a romantic relationship, and now, after twenty-three long years of knowing one another since Pre-K, this would indeed be the culmination of that. Kimberly-Anne Possible, and Ronald... Stoppable were getting hitched.

Mothers' tears were shed in the jubilation of this event. Fathers looked on with pride. Bonnie was in the back of the church taking bets on the over/under on how long the marriage would last...

Just like any other wedding, right?

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God to witness the union of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. If there is anyone who do not believe that these two should be married, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace.", the pastor stated. Thankfully, an idiot didn't jump up and raise his or her voice on this matter, thus the proceedings could continue.

"Ronald Stoppable, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness, and in..."

"I do.", Ron interrupted, which got a couple of chuckles from the viewing audience. The pastor rolled his eyes in annoyance, then proceeded once again.

"Kimberly-Anne Possible, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband--"

"I do.", Kim also interrupted.

The pastor looked up to the sky, silently hoping that a higher power than himself would give him the patience in this matter. Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he continued.

"By the power vested in me, I pronounce you two husband and wife. Ronald, you may kiss the..."

It didn't matter as the couple were already amorously kissing each other. The pastor waved his hand flippantly in resignation as he retired to his quarters. The now married couple walked down the isle hand-in-hand as they headed for their limo. Before they did that, the redhead had tossed the all-too special bouquet of flowers behind her back which was caught unexpectedly by the most unexpected person.

"What the heck do I need this for?", Shego asked before she was practically trampled by several rampaging women. It was a question why she was even there, but now after being mobbed and pretty much beaten for a bunch of flowers, one would figure that it was a mistake.

The happy couple finally reached the limo and got on in. On their way to their Honeymoon destination. Once again, Kim & Ron looked deeply into each other's eyes and kissed once again. But as soon as they broke the kiss...

"Uh, Ron, I still don't get it."

"Eh... K.P. What's the problem?"

"The dress, Ron. Usually in weddings, I'm supposed to be the one wearing the dress."

Ron looked himself over. Indeed, he was wearing the wedding gown, and Kim was in indeed in the tuxedo.

"Well, in this occasion I really didn't feel like having my pants fall down. And besides, K.P., I just demonstrated something."

"What?", Kim asked incredulously. Ron replied with a wink

"At least now everyone knows who really wears the pants in this relationship."

17: Radical Reversal

Ron was running fast... He didn't know when he was going to stop running, or how far he was going to run.

He didn't know where he was running to or even why he was running for. When these things happened to him, though rarely, they would be good things.

Wouldn't they?

'I mean how often do these two get hit with Moodulators anyway? It's almost--', Ron thought before tripping over a garbage can and collapsing onto the pavement in a heap.

"Now, I've got you, Ronnie!"

Before he had the shadow of a chance to get up, he found himself pinned down.

'Not again.', the blond thought as a pair of arms began to wrap around his neck. He had to do something about this... Pull away. Scream for help. Flail his arms. Anything! This just wasn't right! Just like last time, two years ago... It was wrong! In fact it was wrong, and sick, and... and...

"Mmmmmmmm."

The unmistakable feeling of being smooched by a beautiful young woman once again proved too strong for Ron to try and resist, in seconds, he found himself kissing back. He knew it was awful, and he knew it was oh so wrong.

But if this was wrong, he didn't want to be right.

For the moment anyway.

As he was being kissed, he had hoped and prayed for one thing:

'I hope Drakken is into younger women... Much younger women...'

18: Dream On...

Deep down inside, Ron Stoppable knew that homework was a total waste of time. Last period, he had fell alseep because he attempted to get homework done. It wasn't bad enough that he didn't get the homework right, but while he was in Math class he dreamt that he was indeed a superhero! A big, grandiose superhero!

OK, He wasn't a superhero, but he did have a catchy jingle for a song.

The worst part about this semester's schedule was that Earth Science came directly Math class. And once again, the blond was struggling to stay awake, and yet...

He awoke, with a start. He wasn't in the gloomy classroom. Instead, he was in his house, parked in front of the television. Reaching for the remote control he flipped the old jumping box on.

"Welcome to Ron Stoppable Television.", the television boomed.

Now Ron was confused. Since when did he have his own television network? Before any questions of his can be answered, an interesting figure popped up on the screen.

It was him.

"This young man is a target.", An announcer stated. Ron, sitting in front of the television was spooked by the chilling words. He stared at the large television, inching closer and closer to it.

TV Ron began running away.

"He is the target for he possesses...", the announcer continued.

"...The Ron Factor.", A familiar voice said. Ron knew that voice. It was none other than...

"Gemini!", TV Ron confronted.

"Meet the men and women who will stop at nothing to possess the Ron Factor.", the announcer said in an intense tone.

"There is no Ron Factor!", TV Ron yelled as he narrowly missed one of Gemini's major explosives.

"Do not deny your talent!", Gemini thundered while still giving chase. "Join Me!"

"Where's your princess now?", Shego asked a captured Ron with the trademark evil grin.

"On November 25th, the chase continues... And this time, failure is not option!"

"You know what you must do...", a shadow figure stated as Gemini kneeled in front of him. The evil director gave a slight nod and took off.

"And soon, the Ron Factor will be all mine!", Doctor Drakken gloated.

"Yeeeeaaah, Ok.", Shego stated while filing her nails.

"The Ron Factor will be mine!", Monkey Fist shouted, as he assumed a fighting stance.

"Yeah, and Kimmie over there is my sister!", Shego replied sarcastically as her hands lit up in a fiery green glow.

"Sheldon "Gemini" Director..."

"That's a bad guy thing!", The rouge said in a smug tone.

"...Ron Stoppable..."

"I'm telling you, there is no Ron Factor! It's just dumb luck!"

"...Doctor Drakken... A.K.A., Drew Lipsky."

"Kim Possible, you think you're all that But your sidekick is!"

"...Shego..."

"To think I could've been in Hawaii...", she said, rolling her eyes.

"...Doctor Betty Director..."

"Stoppable, you will cooperate!", she stated sternly.

"...Lord Monkey Fist..."

"Yesss... The key is to not destroy him, but to have him join me!", he said to his chief monkey warrior.

"...and Kim Possible."

"Do I really have to take a backseat to my best friend?"

"An Angry Mole Rat Production."

"You can take me, but just... don't... take... Rufus.", Ron pleaded before passing out.

"Poetic...", Monkey Fist began. "...But no!"

"Watch the greatest villains of them all make an attempt to..."

"I want the Ron Factor!"

"If I can't have the Ron Factor, no one will!"

"You will give me the Ron Factor!"

"K.P.? Helllllllllllp!", Ron yelled.

An large explosion sound was heard from the loud television as the title come into focus.

"Get Ron Or Die Trying!"

"...Catch Him If You Can."

"Why's everybody after me, Kim? Since when was the sidekick ever important?"

"November 25th... Don't miss it!"

"There Is No Ron Factor!", Ron yelled loudly. Uh-oh... Not again.

His classmates, along with his best friend, Kim Possible, were staring wide-eyed at him. The blond had always thought that lightning never struck twice, but here it was, once again.

"What is this Ron Factor that you speak of.", The beyond boring Science teacher asked.

Yep, lighning did strike twice.

"Well... You see, the Ron Factor is the topic of my... uh... Science Report.", He said, trying his darndest to look and sound intelligent.

"Since it means so much to you, I'm sure you would like to come up and tell us all about it.", The teacher replied with a grin on his sadistic face.

Ron was dead to rights. With several students beginning to chuckle because they knew he had nothing, Ron got up from his desk and began to back away slowly toward the classroom's exit door.

"Ronald? Where are you going? You're supposed to be telling us about this Ron Factor.", the instructor said.

"Well, you see...", Ron began. "I kinda left my report in my locker... So you won't mind if I...", the blond didn't even bother to finish as the palm of his hand found the knob and backed out of the classroom and broke into a sprint throught the hallways. The class wasn't stunned, as this one of a few known Stoppable escape tactics. The instructor looked back at the door in confusion. As he was about to return to the lesson, a hand suddenly raised.

"Hey, Mr. Ductile?"

"Yes, Mr. Reager?"

"Uh... I don't think Ron's coming back..."

19: Who Shot... Ron Stoppable?

The scene of the crime was grim to say the least. The motionless body of Ron Stoppable was strapped to a gurney and taken off in an ambulance as police officers took notes, eyewitness accounts, and the best part of the job, making chalk outlines of the body. The worst part of the job, as Officer Hobble now knew was the part about reporting the bad news to friends and family of the victim. The veteran officer was trying his best in taking the role of counselor to the teenager's friends. Monique, Felix, Zita, Bonnie, Josh and Tara were all at the scene, either breaking down, or trying to comfort one another. Yet of this group, however, no one was worse than the boy's best friend, who was openly sobbing.

"Who could've done this?", Kim Possible said through endless tears. The officer tried his best to console the trembling girl with kind words,
but it didn't seem to work.

"I swear to you, Ms. Possible. Once we gather enough evidence, we will find Mr. Stoppable's attacker.",

Somehow, the girl knew that her tears wouldn't bring her best friend back, or bring to justice the culprit of this heinous act. Sniffling a bit, she reluctantly left the scene.

Her anguished look was quickly replaced by a look of intense anger.

'Hang in there, Ron. Whoever did this to you is going to feel my wrath.', the teen heroine vowed dangerously as she passed an abandoned alleyway.

As she walked out of sight, a chuckle came from the alleyway. A despicable chuckle coming from a now despicable figure. As he watched the girl walk away, he began to closely trail her, with a small handgun in his diminutive hand. There was going to be another tragedy... More tears shed, and another teen hero wounded.

And he would get off Scott Free...

...After all, who ever expects the Naked Mole Rat?

The End... Well, not really...

Bonus #20: The Night of Nights

The elevators were out of order was the excuse of one hotel clerk. A five-star hotel in the most beautiful part of Hawaii, and yet the elevators were not working. So it was the stairs for anyone trying to get to their suite. Even if the building was three stories high. For this particular couple, it was a bit more of a... Struggle.

"Come on, K.P.! Just six more floors to go.", Ron said excitedly.

This was not the way Kim Possible envisioned her honeymoon. She figured that the guy was right in Ron. The wedding was right, but that's where it got weird. First her husband-to-be wearing the wedding dress because he wanted to demonstrate who wore the pants in the relationship... and now this.

She definitely didn't expect this... Carrying her husband, who was still wearing the gown, no less, in her arms up twenty flights of stairs into their suite. Once she reached their destination, she kicked open the door. The redhead in almost one fluid motion tossed the blond into the bed, and nearly collapsed from exhaustion.

"K.P., K.P.?", Ron stated with concern.

"What?", Kim said panting

"When you're ready... Be gentle with me... Please?"

The End

Closing Statements:

16. I think what Ron said speaks for itself.

17. Eh... No comment. Just a little idea I've been toying with.

18. Did I just make a teaser for a movie? Actually, the title was an old story I was working on that got... You guessed it, Scrapped! Either way, it has nothing to do with that silly rapper 50 Cent. I think

19. I mean, seriously, why not end the fic with the title character being brutally shot by his mole rat?

20. Once again, this is what happens when my mind gets away from me. I try not to let it happen. I really do!

Reviews. Criticisms. Prozac for my head? It all helps, in the long run.

S-Chrome