Chapter one

The radio was turned on at a low volume and Buffy was sitting on her bed with a pen knife.Then a song came on. A song that made her realise too much.

Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
Put these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)
are you and I gone?

She picked up the pen knife toying with it in her hand. Her life had sucked since she had came back from heaven. Everything was so complicated.She felt lost.

The music got louder.

And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.

She took the pen knife and slowly pushed one of the blades into her arm. She dragged it along her wrist and moaned in pain. The weird thing was most of the pain wasn't from the Knife but from the suffering she had to deal with since she had returned. She couldn't take it anymore.

So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy turned around to the voice at her window. Spike was standing there looking at her. His eyes seemed to show a mix between pain and anger in them. "Just leave me alone".By now blood had ran all down her arm and it was dripping down onto her bed. "You can't make the pain stop". She got quieter. "No-one can"

"Well it's a good thing I don't count as an actual person then, isn't it?" He walked over to her for the first time since his arrival. "Talk to me" He touched her cheek tenderly and she looked into his eyes."It's just so hard! I was somewhere happy and i knew that my family and friends were ok. I can't just get over that right now." She was crying for the first time since her return and in the arms of the vampire that she had fought with for so long.

He looked at her affectionatly."I don't expect you to. I know it's going to take some time and I understand if you want to keep your friends in the dark about it. But if you let me, I will help you as much as I can."

"Can you just do one thing for me, Spike?"

"Of course I can,anything you want."

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Just cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight...or die." Then seconds later she was sound asllep in his arms. He sighed. "I wish I could pet. But i'm too much in love with you." He kissed her forehead and then soon later, sleep claimed him. All that could be heard amongst the silence was the end of the song, quietly coming from the radio.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

So what did you think? Please review. It's my second fic. The next chapter is coming up soon.