Okay, it's been awhile now since I've been in any real action and I'm getting bored out of my skull and, since I'm here, and I'm talking; allow me to run through what really happened at the Spencer Mansion back in my STARS days. It was the first real biohazard situation. Ever since then Raccoon City has been a total mess. It's like you can't walk out of your house for a carton of milk without being jumped on by a walking corpse. Oh right, my names Chris Redfield by the way and before I go on, please keep in mind that I am slightly retarded. I mean, I have a low IQ, but the rest of me's good. Right, so about that Spencer Mansion thing…

So I guess the whole involvement started when I got kicked off the Air Force back in my piloting days. I got caught smoking pot in a cockpit and was immediately removed from the institution. It's ironic since I spend most of my time high anyway. I guess they didn't realise that. After that was out of the window I was more or less totally out of it with no idea where to go or what to do. That was the case until I met this old dude named Barry Burton. He and I got to talking and…one thing led to another, and before you know it, Bam! I was a member of the Special Tactics and Rescue Squad. Excited for the first few weeks in my new position, I did everything they told me to. Nice simple jobs like getting the coffee and stuff made it an easy work to fit into the whole military mode. I guess I was fortunate enough to meet someone who gives me a highly ranked job position out of the blue. You'd think there was a catch? Oh yeah, there is. The catch in this case is The Spencer Mansion.

July 1998. We get a call in about our dumb ass Bravo team going missing somewhere in Raccoon Forest. They were sent out a couple months back to scope around the area after hearing reports and rumours about people actually being attacked and stuff deep within the forests. I was pretty amazed at how five highly trained STARS members could go missing on a simple stop and search mission…but you see that's what I love about the media. Now, had they have used the more accurate word of "Eaten" rather than "Attacked" we would have told the STARS head of department where to go and I would have stayed at home and completed the last level of Alone in the Dark. Instead my entire Alpha team decide to check out what happened to the missing dudes and play the hero's. At the time, I thought nothing of it. The second I was told we got to ride in a helicopter I was all excited again. If I could go back though, I would have just stuck their faces on a milk carton and waited for a call.

Before I knew it I'm sitting in a helicopter with my team. I'll run you through them now quickly. Piloting the chopper was our main shit bag Brad Vickers. Personally, I always hated this guy. The man just couldn't stop tripping out. He almost cried when we told him about the missing Bravo team and we had to blackmail him before we got him to fly the damn helicopter.

Next up was little Rebecca Chambers. At first I wondered why hire a girl that's still in high school to work for STARS. Though I grew to realised that very day, I would have died without her and her piano playing slash V-jolt mixing skills. I have a disability in that I am unable to do things myself, so I just let her do it all. It all worked out in the end. I left without a scratch; she got shot in the arm. Fair trade.

Then you have our good old friend Albert Wesker who led the Alpha's at the time. I'm not gonna lie to you, I totally respected this man at the time even though he turned out to be Lots of censored swear words. Phew, glad I got that out of my system. I mean, lets just sum it up. Anyone who wears shades to a mission executed in the middle of the night…is a retard. His story ends well in the end with a slight hint of irony, but I'll tell you about that later. I don't want to give to give too much away, but I'll tell you this. He turns out to be a double crossing son of a fool and sets his Tyrant creation thing on us. His Tyrant thing however is a bigger dumb ass than he is and kills Wesker first. Then we kill the Tyrant and escape Erm…did I just ruin the…aw crap. Okay, ignore everything I just said. I made it all up. Seriously.

Anyway, sitting beside me was my good man Barry. I had a tendency to call him "Mr. Burton" since he was like…a gazillion years older than me, but I got over it. The man did a lot for me. He got me off pot, recruited me onto STARS; gave me the opportunity to witness the most horrific and traumatizing experience of my life that has scared me and terrified me to my very soul. So technically I should be thanking him…

Finally there's Madam Jill Valentine. Hot damn this chick was fine. I couldn't admit it back then since I worked with her and it was "against the rules" and stuff, but oh my god! Every time we would go on an assignment I would think nothing more than to get onto her. To top it off, there were so many bedrooms in that Spencer Mansion it was as if god was giving me some sort of sign. Sadly, making love to her and having a zombie try to eat you at the same time would have ruined the experience. So I let it go that day, but I hear she's still alive so…who knows? What always bugged me though was that she always had an advantage over me. Albert would always assign her with two extra item slots, a 9mm Beretta and a lock pick! What did I get? Like…two less item slots and a stingy little knife from Wesker's kitchen. That's what. It's as if they wanted me to die or something. I'll let the lock pick thing go since I have no idea how to do it. I'll stick to my usual ways of finding coincidentally placed small keys to open doors. Works every time.

So anyway, we're flying through the air in the helicopter. Over Racoon Forest trees and a lot of other boring scenery. I was on the brink of falling asleep 'till I get a walloping in my ear from Jill's "Look! Over there!"

Low and behold…there was smoke coming from a source on the ground. At first I thought it was a chimney or something which totally pissed me off. Right as I was about to bitch slap Jill for being so stupid and waking me up, I notice this messed up helicopter on the floor producing the smoke.

In mere seconds our helicopter was on the ground. We all climbed out and began striding through this long ass grass that was waist height. Gradually we approached the wrecked helicopter, wading through the tall blades of green. I began to hallucinate and imagine how much money I would make if all these 3 ft grass blades were marijuana plants. Sadly, I didn't have time to calculate my profit as we had reached the abandoned chopper. After examining it, I realised there was a logo on the side. In large block capitals were the letters "BRAVO". I thought long and hard for a second before finally realising the truth. This helicopter belonged to the Bravo Team.

Right, I'm off to get a spli…erm, a coffee, I'll tell you about the attack and how we wound up in some scary yet nicely decorated mansion in a second.