Oh yeah! That was one long ass break. Sorry to keep you all on the edge of your seat for so long, but I couldn't get the damn blunt to light. Screw it, back to my story.
So I'd just figured out that the messed up helicopter had been piloted by our fellow Bravo team that we've been sent out to find. Sadly, our little game of hide and seek was no longer over as there was no sign of them around the crash site. The rest of the team just stood their and stared at the crash for awhile. Personally, I was getting bored. I mean come on, it's a crash. It's not much fun when there's no dead bodies involved. Well, unless the dead bodies are like, walking towards you and stuff… then it's a different story. Damn it! I keep giving shit away.
The team still stood gazing at the flaming chopper. The yellow blaze was crackling along with the sound of… you know what, I'm not gonna lie to you. Fire is boring as shit. I mean what's the point in…oh, wait a minute, I actually did lie to you. I remember having tons of fun with this flame thrower I picked up later on in the Mansion. At one point I was having so much fun making roast-zombie that I totally forgot about the mission. Though it all eventually came to an end after I burnt my frickin' eye lashes clean off. Plus I was wearing about four layers that night, and the heat emitted from the flame thrower is…you know... hot n' stuff. Yeah. So were all staring at this helicopter, right? Fortunately, Albert was quick on the ball and decided to scope the area. The rest of the team tend to just copy and paste his actions like some sort of…computerized sheep. I don't though. I'm no sheep. I tend to just to go my own way on missions and follow my own heart.
I started to scope the area. I equipped the 9mm Beretta I magically had at the time and began doing my little commando style search. Endless patches of tall fields made the search a lot more fun. I saw Joseph in the distance walking off into the deeper side of the forest. Oh crap! I totally forgot about Joseph! Poor bastard died too soon to even remember. Well in short, Joseph transferred from the Bravo team to the Alpha team coincidently right after I joined STARS. This is what gave me the first impression that he was in fact, a homosexual. I more or less tended to stay clear away from him in case he got the wrong impression. Given my current level of sexiness and physique, I couldn't blame the poor bastard. Sadly I hate gays in general and the idea of any homosexual activity makes me want to…like…jump in front of an oncoming zombie or something. Poor Joseph had wondered off by himself into the midst of the field to investigate.
Wesker had told us to stay within 'parameter', which at the time I didn't have a clue what he was on about. I usually just replied with "Yes sir," and left it at that. We continued to span about the fields, but still found nothing. I was growing weary of this little escapade and sick n' tired of beating 4ft grass out of my path. Just as I couldn't take it anymore, I heard this sudden, loud, queer-like shriek. I immediately turned in Joseph's direction, and caught him holding something in his hand and dropping it to the floor. I was too far away to witness it properly and people keep telling me it was a human hand; but I swear to god I saw him drop some sort of dildo like item! Alas, it doesn't matter. Seconds later I witnessed what became the first traumatizing visual aspect I had ever seen in real life and on television. Three scabby dog-like creatures that were just intensely ripping into his poor gay soul. You could quite literally see his limbs and organs fly right out of place and land with a splat and thud mixture. Every tear of every limb horrifically echoed around the environment as if we were in some large hollow room. Me and the rest of the Alpha team could do nothing but stand and stare at this event. There was nothing more we could do for poor Joseph. I actually felt sorry for the guy…till' I remembered he was gay.
The first to whip out their gun was Barry. He fired a couple of rounds at the dogs but I think he ended up getting Joseph a couple more times in the head by mistake. The poor guy's body was more or less totally abused by now. I had this urge to just walk on over there and kick it a couple of times. Sadly about six scary ass dogs were blocking my path and beginning to charge right at me. Now, this is not something I normally do, but you have to realise I was shit scared…
I ran like crazy! The rest of my team did the same which made me feel less of a shit bag. Oh! Speaking of shit bags, our little friend Brad was still in the helicopter waiting for us while we were on our little search. The second he saw those dogs…the son of a bitch took off! We chased the helicopter for awhile but then realised that he was airborne and we were on terrain. We all stopped and gazed into the sky at the helicopter that had betrayed us. Not before long, I think the 'chickenheart' finally worked up the courage to give us a hand. He did a three point turn and sent the helicopter back in the other direction, flying straight over our heads. At first we thought he was just taking the piss, and I was close to emptying a clip right at its frickin petrol tank. However deep in the mists in front of us was this large blocky, shadowed thing. In a split second we all knew exactly what we were heading for; a mansion. It was either that or get our balls bitten off by these damn cyber-dogs. Well except for Jill, I guess she has it easy. Either way, we sprinted to it while still being pursued by the repulsive canines.
This isn't something I admit very often, but I'll tell you all here and now. Normally, I'm shit scared of dogs. Even those little Jack Russell things make my spine tingle. Now, imagine a dog about ten times bigger with flesh dangling or missing from certain parts of its body. Not to mention some of them still had the remains of Joseph in between their teeth. These dogs were just hungry for living flesh which gave us that little added motivation to keep on running. We were seconds away from the house. We were hoping that Brad-bitch-face would be inside waiting for us as we could no longer hear the sound of the helicopter.
Finally we got to the door. I still remember thinking what we would have done had the door been locked. I guess we were pretty lucky that the owner of a big mansion in the middle of nowhere doesn't give two shits about personal security. That's what we thought at the time anyway. How were we meant to know that he was probably still in there…walking around…looking for something to eat. Hey! I didn't give anything away that time! I think the weed in my systems wearing off. Finally we got to the door. If I had another chance, I would have turned around and wondered where Barry had gotten off to. He was with us through out the entire chase and just before we get into the mansion the guy goes missing. I thought it was just his old age kicking in. We thought nothing of it at the time though since we weren't going to do a stop and search while the dogs were still charging. Wesker and I stood in front of the door firing shots off at the doggies while Jill went for the knob. I mean like…the door knob. The second the door was open we all just stormed through it like cattle closing it behind us seconds before the dogs squeezed through the gap. We had escaped into the mansion, where we thought it was safe. Yet…
Ha, I don't even know why I said that last line…it just felt right saying it for some reason. Right, so now were inside the house. It was just me, Jill and Wesker staring at this really huge main hall. Emotions were running through our… nope. I'm gonna stop right there. I thought I was gonna be okay, but I'm on serious munchies. Must eat. Okay, since there's a lot of the story to go, ill speed things up next time. I'll tell you about how I had to collect these four crests to open this crappy ass door. Honestly looking back, I swear to god I could have just kicked it clean open. Right, it normally takes me about twenty minutes to eat. Apply the marijuana rule which multiplies the original time by three. I thinking I'll be about an hour or so. Till' next time…