05 A Little Knowledge
Rae had to admit the stables were far more luxurious than those she remembered attending as a child. The journey to get to them hadn't been quite so glamorous then either. The country roads of Kent in her childhood had been beautiful, the orchards and hop fields spreading out as far as she could see, but they had also been muddy and foggy in the spring and autumn, as well as cold in the winter and not much warmer in the summer. She still had to travel in the fog in California, but the cold was a part of her past she didn't want back.
Rae had called ahead, hoping that the two employees wouldn't be working and she could drive to Community General instead to tell Steve and find out what was going on. Unfortunately that plan wasn't going to work, but as soon as she was finished with her designated tasks Rae had every intention of going to find out what was happening at the hospital.
"Detective Yeager, won't you please come through?" The voice wasn't friendly, and Rae wondered fleetingly if the woman knew who she was and the relationship she had with the owners of the stables. She followed the sound and found herself in a tack room that was also used as an office. Once again comparing things to her past Rae breathed in the wonderful smell of leather and saddle soap, which pervaded the room, and looked at the way the space was separated into two halves. There were saddles, all on individual racks, up the wall next to her with names underneath them. She could see the one that said Jo Sloan and smiled to herself. It was by far the most ornate one there, but it was also obviously well used and well loved. The other half of the room was set out as an office with a black leather couch, an impressive dark wood desk and a computer. Rae had a feeling that this was where Texas would work when she was at the stables.
"I spoke to the officer yesterday; I don't understand why I need to speak with you as well." The tone was now definitely belligerent and the woman, who had sat down at the smaller, more modern, desk underneath an arch of saddles, stared at Rae with open hostility.
"Do you have a problem with my being here?" Rae couldn't understand why the meeting seemed to have gotten off on the wrong foot.
"No, apart from the fact that you were here yesterday."
Realising that the 'you' was obviously the officer from the previous day Rae tried a smile. "Ma'am, this is far more than a missing person investigation now, and any information you give me could be vital in apprehending a very dangerous man."
"Oh." For a moment or two there was silence in the office, and Rae could hear the pleasantly familiar sounds of horses in loose boxes and birds in the trees outside the window. "What did he do? He just seemed like a regular guy when he was here."
Rae took a breath and, seeing the woman indicate the chair next to the desk with her hand, sat down before beginning to speak. "We have reason to believe that he murdered his date."
"Oh, my God." The silence descended again, but this time it wasn't quite so pleasant, and as Rae watched she saw the woman who, she realised, was probably in her early fifties digest the information and then began to speak.
"I'm sorry I was rude when you arrived. Having the cops around is bad for business, I … I thought that Liz had over-reacted when she called you in and wasn't happy to see you twice. Guess I was wrong."
"Liz?" Rae looked a little bemused, but then remembered the report she had read before setting out. "You mean Elizabeth Price?"
"Yes, that's right. Do you want me to call her? We can speak with you together."
"No, no, that's fine, I won't mess up two peoples' day at once, I far prefer to ruin them separately." Her companion was smiling as she finished speaking and Rae was glad to see that her attempt to lighten things a little was appreciated.
"What I need for you to do is tell me, in your own words, what you saw the couple doing while they were here. Anything and everything, because even the smallest thing could help."
"Ok, but why don't I just show you the security tape?"
ooo
"Steve, sit down, for a moment or two. You know Mark will come get you as soon as he can." Jesse had gone to join his friend in the trauma suite and Amanda, putting aside her work for a little while, had come to sit in the doctors' lounge with an extremely agitated Steve.
"I don't understand, Amanda, she was fine when I left this morning, I … I wouldn't have taken Daniel if I thought otherwise. Did I miss something, was she sick and I didn't see it?" The pacing had stopped as Steve began to speak, but as soon as he was done it started up again and this time he carried on walking as he spoke once more.
"What if it's the pre-eclampsia, what if she loses the baby, or I lose both of them? I … I don't think I could bear that."
"Steve, you're getting yourself in a state when you have no idea what's wrong. Please, Honey, come sit, whatever happens Jo will need you, but she'll need you to be calm and in control."
He knew she was right and so, slowly, Steve sat on the saggy sofa and felt his friend take his hand into her own smaller and much softer one. The contact almost finished him, he felt his throat constrict and his eyes prick with tears but he willed himself to gain the calmness and control that Amanda had mentioned and gradually he was able to turn and smile his thanks for the comfort and advice.
They were still sitting in the same positions when, ten minutes later, Mark came into the doctors' lounge.
"Dad!" the calmness disappeared in a moment, his heart was beating loudly and suddenly the fear was almost overpowering.
"She's on her way up to the maternity unit to have an ultrasound, but her blood pressure is very high, and she has protein in her urine. That isn't why she collapsed, but it sure isn't helping."
"Why did she collapse then?" Steve looked at his father, his face showing the vulnerability and distress he was suffering.
"She said something about seeing … Wayne?" Mark looked confused but Steve was furious.
"What? What the hell is he doing back here?" The anger was instantly raging, his inability to help his wife channelled into hating the man who was to blame, in his eyes, for all of Jo's previous problems.
"I don't know who he is, but now isn't the time to worry about him. Jo is gonna need you, Son, she's scared, scared for your child, and right now I have nothing that I can say to assure her that everything will be ok." Mark looked at his feet, his own helplessness as apparent as Steve's had been.
ooo
Rae couldn't believe it; it had all been so simple. The head groom, whose name was Frances Nash, had taken Rae into a room situated just off the office they had been in where a young man who, Rae discovered, was called Jim was sitting looking at a bank of screens. There were four in all, showing the main entranceway, the stable yard, and two different views of the stables themselves.
"Wow, I have to say it never occurred to me that you would have a security system like this here." Rae was quite frankly amazed and knew she sounded it.
"There's an awful lot of money tied up in these stables, but this system is new, we're gradually upgrading it, last week we only had three cameras."
Rae wondered why the young woman from the previous day hadn't mentioned the cameras to the uniformed officer, but she had to admit that at the time it hadn't made any difference to their investigation, and at least this way she had the tape right in front of her to take back to the precinct.
"If you look at that monitor there," the voice broke into Rae's thoughts and she looked in the indicated direction. "Jim, can you hold it on Sahara's stall, please?"
"Sure thing, Ms Nash."
The head of a dark sandy coloured horse was looking over the stable door and Rae smiled.
"That's Sahara, she's in foal right now, the sire was second in the Kentucky Derby, and Sahara's won a good few races herself. I reckon that if it's a colt we could get about $50,000 for it."
Rae let out a low whistle, she had a feeling her old stables would have been glad of $50.00 for her mount, who had been old and ponderous and called Sebastian.
As they carried on looking a Chestnut head appeared in the next stall, "Oh, she's beautiful."
"She is, isn't she? Her name is Copper's Delight and she didn't quite cut it as a racehorse, she belongs to one of the owners of the stables."
Rae smiled again; she had no doubt whose horse it was, and also had every intention of mentioning that she had seen her when she next spoke to her partner.
After watching the way the security system worked for another few minutes Rae requested the film she was most interested in, and the young man stood up to go and get it. As he did so Rae realised that he obviously had ambitions to be a jockey, he was tiny, no more than five feet, maybe five feet one, and for once in her life Rae felt tall.
The interview that she had with Elizabeth Price didn't produce any new information and after a walk around the yard, mainly Rae had to admit so that she could see Steve's horse, she was in the car and on her way back to the station. She had tried her partner's cell phone but it had been switched off, so she had called Jesse instead, and now, as she sat in traffic she was listening in horror to what her husband was telling her about Texas.
ooo
Jo lay in bed in the private suite she had used twice before at Community General, but this time there was a nurse on duty sitting just outside the door and Steve knew that he only had to press the buzzer and his dad or Jesse would come rushing up to join him.
His wife was fast asleep, although when he had finally been allowed to see her, she had been wide-awake and clearly terrified. Her reaction when he walked towards her had shocked Steve and he realised that she was frightened of him as well.
The tale she told him had at first amazed him, then he had gotten angry, but finally he had conceded that he might, if he had been in her position, have done exactly the same things.
"Jo, Honey, are you alright?" He had rushed into the room, ignoring the nurse, and not even saying hi to his father.
"I … I don't know, Steve, I'm so sorry." She had looked away; seemingly unable to make eye contact with him and it had been then that Steve knew that there was more to worry about than the situation they were in right now.
His dad had placed a hand on his arm then and smiled. "Jo has told me that it's ok for me to share my findings with you, so if you want to take a seat." He had done just that, amazed that there was even a question about his not knowing everything.
Mark pulled one of the chairs from around the small dining table in the suite over so that he too could sit, and then with a sigh began to talk.
"I'm going to keep Jo in hospital for at least three days, it may be considerably longer, I want to monitor her for the next twenty-four hours, and run some tests…" He had paused and Steve had jumped into the silence.
"So this is pre-eclampsia? You haven't said it is, but what else could it be?"
"Yes, I think that's what it is." Again his dad had stopped speaking, and Steve had seen an almost imperceptible look between his father and Jo.
"What, Dad, Jo? What's going on?"
"Nothin', there is nothin' goin' on. Mark, do I have to stay? What about Daniel, I need to get home, it's not Michael anymore, I don't want him stayin' with Juan."
"That's not a problem, Honey, he can come and keep his old grandpa company for a few days." Mark smiled as he patted Jo's hand and Steve had known that, although the reason for Daniel having to go to the beach might be serious, his dad would enjoy his company enormously.
"Ok, now, I want to take your blood pressure again, Sweetie, you've been lying down for over thirty minutes, it might even be a little lower." He had watched as gently and lovingly his father placed the cuff around Jo's arm and taken the reading, and then after noting it down he looked at Steve again.
"She's on medication to lower her BP, and we'll keep monitoring it to make sure it's doing as it's told!" His dad had smiled, and despite himself Steve had smiled back but the smile had disappeared as his father carried on speaking. "The other problem we have is that the baby isn't growing as it should."
Steve hadn't known what to say and so he had just waited knowing that he would have it all explained to him.
For a moment Steve looked around him, he hadn't known the symptoms for pre-eclampsia, not all of them, and he knew that was because he too had been afraid, afraid that too much knowledge would be a dangerous thing, and that if he knew what to look for he would find it, every minute of every day. His dad's words though made him wish that he had read up on it, because maybe, just maybe he would have spotted what it was Jo had been trying to hide.
"In the two weeks since Jo saw us last there have been a few worrying developments, the problem is pre-eclampsia can be a silent illness and in its early stages you can be unaware of it."
"And you think that's what happened here?" Steve found that he wasn't totally convinced that was true. "Jo's been through this before, shouldn't she have known, or you?"
"No, not necessarily. She did say that the baby wasn't moving around as much as before, and I gave her the kick chart." His father had looked at him then and seen the shock in his eyes. "You didn't know?"
"No, I didn't know." He hadn't known what else to say either and so he had remained silent.
"Jo has a Doppler pick up on and that's registering the baby's heartbeat, which seems fine right now." Mark was checking a monitor as he spoke, and Steve had watched him disconnect the equipment.
"Thank you, that's not the most comfortable bit of kit is it?" Jo had wriggled a little to get more comfortable.
"No, but it's a very good bit of kit." Mark had paused as he moved the monitor out of his way and when he spoke again his voice was full of concern.
"The baby is small for its age; again, all we can do right now is keep an eye on things. It's not bad enough to go for an intervention, but it may get that way. At the moment I want to leave it, let the lungs develop as much as possible."
"Intervention?" for a moment he had been confused again but then he realised, "a caesarean? Dad, No!"
"Steve, even with all the equipment and knowledge that we have, we could still be put in a position where there is nothing we can do except deliver the child and pray. I'm sorry." Steve had known that he was, had known that the sadness in his eyes was for all of them and a situation he couldn't control.
"Do you have any other questions, either of you?" Mark had looked from one to the other of them, and waited patiently.
Steve had found that his mind was a total blank, he couldn't think of anything to say even though he knew that there must be a hundred things to ask and so he shook his head mutely and saw his wife do the same.
"Jo, Honey, I'll come back and do a urine test in about an hour, and I know you won't want to go home, Son, so I'll see you then." As his father had leant over to give Jo a kiss, Steve was sure he had whispered something to her, but whatever it was she hadn't shown any reaction to his words.
They had talked, but about inconsequential things, and Steve had wondered whether Jo was going to say anything to him about how she was feeling or what was happening to her, but finally she had grown very quiet and then almost whispered to him.
"I'm sorry, Steve, I should have said somethin' before."
"About what?" He had struggled to hear her, but that was mainly because the whispered words had been spoken with her head turned from him.
"I've been gettin' headaches an' things, but I didn't tell anyone."
"What? Why ever not? " He couldn't believe what he was hearing, the irresponsibility of it shocked him into a stunned silence and for a while they had said nothing to each other.
"I kept tellin' myself that it wasn't bad enough to worry over, the headaches would go if I took Tylenol, an' I only got the flashin' lights in front of my eyes once or twice."
"Jo! How could you do that? You put yourself and the baby at risk. You knew the symptoms, more than anyone you know what can happen; I can't believe you would push all that away."
He had been confused by her actions, by her words, he still was, and for the first time since their marriage a gulf had emerged between them, when he knew, instinctively, they needed each other most and he had resolved to remove it right away.
There had been tears on Jo's face, and she had looked so sad, so guilty that he had swept her up into his arms and just held her, but finally she had pulled back and begun to speak again.
"I wanted so much for everythin' to go how it should, I wanted to feel just like a normal pregnant woman, an' when I did I could convince myself that the other times were just made worse because I was rememberin' what happened before. That's why I went shoppin' today; I wanted to be buyin' things for my baby in person, in the store, not over the internet because I couldn't leave the house."
Steve hadn't realised that she had been shopping and felt a little hurt that they hadn't gone and bought things together, but he didn't know what she had purchased, it could just be diapers and a few sleepers.
"But if you were feeling ill you should have stayed home, we could have gone together at the weekend."
"I felt fine, but I … I guess I didn't think, I'm sorry."
"And Wayne, Dad said you saw Wayne. What's he doing suddenly back in town after all this time?" He had seen her look away again and had known, instantly, that this wasn't sudden at all.
"You've seen him before. Is there anything in your life that you're sharing with me right now? Because it sure doesn't feel that way." He had realized he was shouting and had risen to his feet, moving across the room, increasing the gap between them once more, trying, unsuccessfully, to get his feelings under control.
"Is everything alright, Mrs Sloan?" The nurse had come in quietly and Steve had spun round.
"Yes, thank you. Everythin's just fine."
"Oh yeah, everything is just dandy!" He had shouted and the nurse had moved towards him.
"I shall have to ask you to leave, Sir, if you continue to raise your voice. Your wife needs a quiet and restful atmosphere." The nurse's words had calmed him a little and he had returned to his chair and sat down.
Jo had waited until they were alone again and then continued the conversation.
"I didn't tell you because I knew you would react in just that way. The man is a maggot; he doesn't deserve your anger or your time. Besides, until today I wasn't sure whether or not I had seen him, it was just a glimpse each time y'know, nothin' I could be certain of."
"But today, today you were sure?"
"Oh yeah, I might have passed out at his feet, but I was sure first."
She had slid off to sleep gradually after that and Steve sat, silently watching her, letting his mind go back over things that had happened, things which had been said, trying to see if he had missed any clues as to how she was feeling, and whether or not he should have realised that Wayne was back. In the end he had accepted that, homicide detective or not, there hadn't been much for him to spot. Jo was obviously far better at keeping things from him than he had thought.
Steve also knew that if the tables had been turned he might have been doing the very same thing. He was a notoriously bad patient, always wanting to be home the moment he arrived in the place, unless he was only there for lunch, and he was very rarely totally honest with either his dad or Jesse if it meant that he could leave when he wanted to rather than when they suggested. Belatedly he realised that he couldn't in all honesty blame his wife for keeping things secret from him. He had never been responsible for the life of another growing within him though, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that his main focus would have been on that little life.
He carried on thinking, he wasn't the one who had lost a child, he had no real idea of the devastation it would cause, the never-ending heartache, the life long wondering how that child would have turned out. That had to affect your outlook, the way you faced future pregnancies, some people, he guessed, would take to their beds and not move for nine months, others, like his wife, would pretend that nothing was wrong, everything was fine, because if they believed it then maybe it would be that way.
Steve looked across at Jo sleeping peacefully and his eyes rested on the sight of her swollen belly underneath the covers. As she lay there he saw the blanket shift slightly as the baby made itself a little more comfortable and he smiled. The first time he had felt his child move had been one of the most wonderful of his life and as he sat there he was transported back to his own breakfast room on a warm morning.
"Ow!"
"Honey, what's the matter, are you alright?" He had been out of his seat in an instant as Jo yelped.
"Yeah, but I think I'm carryin' a linebacker! He or she sure is antsy this mornin'."
Jo had her hand on her stomach but she took it away and then gently placed his there instead. For a moment he had been able to feel nothing, but then, just as he was about to remove his hand there was something, at first just a slight quiver, almost like butterfly wings, and he willed it to move again. When it did it was stronger, almost as if the baby was pushing against his hand and he carefully increased his own pressure and again the small shudder was there, but this time it was even stronger, and he could see the bump moving of its own volition as he felt something, a foot, a hand, he didn't know, against his palm.
Steve had stayed motionless, almost afraid to breathe, the sensations so new to him, so wonderful, and in that instant he fell, totally, completely and absolutely, in love with his unborn child and had known that he would stay that way forever.