07 Finding the Strength to Fight
Daniel had stayed with his mom until Mark finished his shift then, reluctantly, he had left his dad to the all night vigil he wished he could take part in and walked down to the parking lot in silence. Mark had watched him surreptitiously all the way home, allowing his eyes to stray across when he waited at a stop sign, or was held up in traffic. He didn't want to intrude into his grandson's thoughts, there would be plenty of time for them to chat once they were home, and so, as the journey continued the silence did too, although neither of them felt at all uncomfortable or disconcerted by it.
Despite himself Daniel smiled as he climbed out of the car. He loved the beach house, and was more than happy to be able to stay there. He also loved his grandpa, and the chance to be with him overnight was welcome.
"Thanks for letting me sleep here; I know Mom feels better because of it."
"Daniel, you can stay here anytime, you know that. You only have to ask."
"Really?" The smile grew broader. "Maybe we could make it … like every other week or something?"
"Sure, that would be great." Mark had unlocked the front door and was making his way to the kitchen in front of his grandson and so Daniel didn't see the look of pure joy on his grandfather's face, but when Mark turned and smiled he knew that something special had passed between them.
ooo
It had been almost nine o'clock before both Jesse and Rae had finished their business at the station. She had smiled as he came into the squad room and instantly got to her feet.
"Are you done?" His words had been hopeful and he had been delighted to see her nod. He didn't think she realised that he had been to see Jan, and right now he wasn't going to tell her.
"Yep, finished about fifteen minutes ago. Did a little filing and now I am all yours."
"Oooh, that's something you haven't said in a long time." Jesse was standing very close to his wife and he took her hand into his own. "Let's go home then."
They had driven to Beverly Hills in a small two-car convoy and Rae had parked her cruiser behind his BMW on the driveway. Cheryl had left the station about an hour before Rae and her vehicle was in the space allotted her when she and Martin moved into the apartment. It had taken a while but finally they had an arrangement where it didn't matter who was working, or on what shift, they could all drive in and out without blocking anyone else.
Taking her laptop from the trunk of her car Rae made her way to the front door of her home and watched as Jesse did the same.
"Work?" Rae couldn't believe how disappointed she felt, it was already late, but she was hoping that they could have a quiet evening together.
"What? Oh, no, I just don't want to leave it in the car. You?" Jesse shook his head, but then saw the bag she held in her own hand.
"Yeah, work, but not until the morning, I'm not due in until eleven, so I thought I would go through and weed out some old files I don't need any more."
By this time Vicki had opened the door and the two of them made their way into the hallway, spoke for a moment or two with their housekeeper and then went into the breakfast room.
Ten minutes after that they had a cup of hot chocolate and a round of sandwiches each and could hear Vicki locking up the house for the night. Jesse waited while Rae ate, knowing that by the time they were both finished Vicki would have retired to her rooms for the rest of the evening and they would be alone. He needed to speak with Rae, and he needed to do it tonight before his courage failed him and she heard it from someone else.
"Mmmm, that was nice." She paused and stretched like a contented cat but then a frown crossed her face. "You're awful quiet, Honey, what's on your mind?" Rae leant back in her chair, she was feeling pleased with herself. The day had been productive. She finally felt that she was getting somewhere with the Red Rose Killings, she hadn't gotten any new cases, and although she was worried about Texas, Jesse had said she was resting comfortably.
"A couple of things, move over here, so we can sit together." He watched as, with a smile, she did just that, and then before speaking to her, Jesse took her in his arms and began to kiss her.
"You are so beautiful, I love you, Rae."
"Oh, Jess, I love you too." The words made her feel wonderful; they were finally living through a period when her work wasn't personal and when Jesse was back to his normal self. The love that had stuttered a bit but finally kept them going through the difficult times was being allowed to flow, to be enjoyed and lived with no strings attached, and for a while neither of them needed to speak, they kissed and caressed, safe in the knowledge that their marriage had emerged intact from their troubles.
Jesse finally looked into his wife's dark brown eyes and sighed. They had adjourned to the bedroom about a half hour earlier, and now, as they lay in each other's arms, and he ran a finger gently up and down her bare arm, he knew that he had to speak.
"Rae, I need to talk to you about Susan." He felt her stiffen against him before she spoke.
"What about Susan? I thought that was over. You hadn't mentioned her for so long that I figured she had gotten fed up and moved on."
"No, no she hasn't, I just kept quiet because she was doing nothing more than being friendly."
"And now she isn't?" Rae felt anxiety rising within her, suddenly knowing that she wasn't going to like what she heard.
"No, she isn't. Rae, I need to show you something." Jesse let her go, and leaning over, grabbed his laptop case that he had brought upstairs with him, and hauled it up onto the bed, unzipped it and took out copies of the picture and letters that Susan had sent. He watched as she read them and saw the tension fill her body, and for a moment he hated Susan for what she was doing to them.
"Jesse, you have to get something done about this, because if you don't I will. She has to be stopped. How dare she! How d …" Rae ran out of words, unable to get her feelings across.
"Honey, I have done something, I went to see Jan, she's gonna get her brought to the station tomorrow and speak with her. If that doesn't work then I'll get a restraining order taken out on her."
Rae just nodded her head. She sensed that he hadn't finished talking.
"I know you won't agree with me, but I really don't think she's trying to intimidate us, she's just misguided and very determined."
"Yeah right. Jesse, this isn't misguided it's dangerous" Rae couldn't help but interrupt, but Jesse hushed her gently by placing a finger against her lips and she began to listen again.
"We had a good thing going when we were together, I loved her, but she left and, well, now I'm glad she did. She's living in the past, a past where I was available, where I was hers for the taking, that isn't the case any longer; there is no way that I would leave you for her, no way at all."
The cop part of her wanted to take charge, to deal with the entire problem herself, but she knew that wouldn't be the right thing to do. She had to let Jesse deal with things and as his words filled her heart she smiled and handed over the responsibility to her husband. "Ok. I trust you to handle this, Jess. As long as you do as you said, Jan is good, one of the best, if she thinks this is the right way to go about it, and you agree, then that's fine by me." Rae knew that although Susan's presence in her life had left her feeling very threatened in the past, now she no longer felt that way. She knew that her marriage was strong, and she also knew that Jesse wouldn't jeopardise it in any way, and with a smile Rae realised that she was as safe as she had ever been.
She paused for a moment as she sensed the atmosphere change again and then with a smile reached over and gently ran her hand into her husband's hair and pulled him closer. "So, if you aren't hers for the taking, can I take you instead?"
Her voice was husky and he began to respond to her again. "Oh, God, yes, Rae, now, take me now."
He felt her lean against him and then he forgot everything else except what she was doing to him, and he surrendered to her totally.
ooo
Mark sat in a chair looking out at the ocean for a long while after Daniel had gone to bed. The conversation they'd had reverberated around his brain, and he wasn't at all sure if he'd helped his grandson or not.
They had begun speaking while eating dinner and the subject had immediately been his mother.
"Grandpa, Dad said that you can't tell what will happen to Mom."
"No, that's right, I can't, not in advance." Mark had shaken his head, he knew that Daniel would want a quick fix, all children did, but this time he wasn't going to be able to oblige.
"She's right there in the hospital, she has all those monitors and things, and there are drugs, drugs that can do all sorts, why can't you just stop this pre-eclampsia?"
"Daniel, I don't know why. It's so unpredictable; we couldn't say for sure that your mom would suffer from it this time, although the chances were quite high. We could have checked her yesterday and not seen anything to overly concern us, it moves silently, blood pressure, headaches, you can't see those things. There can be swelling, water retention, that shows up, but that can come on real fast too."
"Dad said that Mom could lose the baby…" Daniel had paused, and Mark realised in that moment that his son had told the boy almost everything that could happen.
"He said if it gets worse she'll need an operation, a caesarean, to have the baby but it still might die. That's what happened before wasn't it?" Daniel's face was lined with worry now and his grandpa's heart went out to him.
"Yes it was. But last time your mom wasn't as far along as she is now. If we can keep this baby inside for another week or two then I won't be nearly as worried."
"And if you can't?"
"Then it will be a case of using all the medication and facilities we have available and praying."
"You know, I wanted to be a doctor, to be like you, and Alex, Jesse, too, but now I don't know. I don't think I want to be in a job where I can't make people better, doctors aren't supposed to kill people."
The silence had been uncomfortable this time, and Daniel had asked to be excused a little while later. He'd tried to speak to the boy again, to tell him that they were making progress, that the drugs available now gave the babies more of a fighting chance than when his mom had lost her first child, but he didn't think that he had gotten through.
Daniel had come to say goodnight, and they hugged each other tightly, but Mark knew that the reassurance, which had been so desperately sought, hadn't been found, and for that he was profoundly sorry.
ooo
The hours of darkness had passed reasonably uneventfully, apart from the regular interruptions that were part of hospital routine, day or night, or at least Steve thought it had, until he and Jo were both awake and chatting over breakfast. His dad wasn't back on duty until the afternoon, and it had been Jesse who had appeared, cheerful but tired looking, at their door just after nine.
"Hi, guys, how did you sleep?" Jesse looked over at Jo first and then back at Steve. His patient didn't say a word but Steve smiled as he stood up to give his friend some room.
"Good, you know these suites are wonderful places."
"Jo, how about you?"
"Ok, I guess." Her tone of voice told both men that something was not right and Steve was back at her side in an instant.
"Jo, Honey, why didn't you say something, call me, press the button, anything, God, Jo." His voice rose as he spoke and he saw his wife flinch.
"Steve, don't. I had dreams, vivid dreams, but I only woke up properly about an hour ago. The readin's an' measurin' that was done didn't disturb me at all. Jesse, I was about to call for someone."
"Ok, let's get some current figures taken; I can't do anything until I know what I'm dealing with." He was carefully putting the blood pressure cuff on as he spoke. Once the reading was taken and he had checked it against those taken overnight Jesse moved across to where his friend was standing.
"I think we need to go call your dad."
ooo
Rae had been working for a little over an hour when she heard the doorbell ring. Her concentration broken she listened as Vicki made her way across the hallway but got to her feet as she recognised the voice of her caller.
"Good morning, Miss Vicki, if it isn't too early I wondered whether I might speak with Mrs Travis."
"If you would like to wait here, Sir, I will check whether she is available."
"That's alright, Vicki, Michael, how wonderful to see you, won't you please come through?" Rae came over towards her guest, a broad smile on her face.
Michael nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement, and then waited as Rae spoke again.
"Vicki, do you think we could have some tea and maybe some of that wonderful cake you made yesterday?"
"Of course, Mrs Travis, I'll bring it right on in." Vicki turned, and Anneya, who had been holding tightly to her friend's hand the entire time, let go and ran across to her mother.
"Hey, Sweetie, I get a look in after all, huh?" Rae made the sign for hello as she spoke, and Anneya returned the same sign or her slightly different version of it. The tests, which had been taking place over the past few months, showed that Anneya could hear noise, but not clearly enough to differentiate between sounds, and so she was to all intents and purposes Deaf. Jesse had looked into the procedure for cochlear implants, and although it was a course of action which worried them both they hadn't dismissed it. They had decided to wait a while though, as she seemed to be coping with things just fine the way she was.
Once Vicki had brought in the tea and fruitcake, she retired to the playroom, taking Anneya with her. As the door closed Rae turned to her compatriot and smiled again.
"So, Mr. Godwin, what brings you here, I'm delighted to see you, but you look worried."
"Mrs, Travis, it is Michael, and yes, I am worried."
"It's only Michael if it's Rae too." Her eyes sparkled; enjoying the repartee that she knew would stop all too quickly.
"Rae, yes, I am worried, and I am hoping that you can help me."
ooo
Mark had dropped his grandson off at school and was sitting in traffic when his cell phone began to ring. Changing direction at the first set of lights he raced towards the hospital trying to work out the best course of action as he did so.
He knew that his son would be almost frantic with worry, Jo too, and he had to admit he wasn't far from that state himself and one decision was easily made, whatever anyone said, he would no longer take an active part in Jo's care.
Pulling into the parking lot Mark was out of his car and running as he pressed the button on the remote locking device, idly wondering as he did so, how he had coped when he had to stop and check each door individually because either Steve or Carol would have been bound to have left a window down or a lock unfastened.
The receptionist smiled at him as he flashed past, she was used to him going at full speed he guessed, sometimes on foot, others on roller-skates or scooter. The elevator was playing kind and the doors opened as soon as he hit the button, and a minute later he could see his son, looking for him, waiting, and pouncing as soon as he was in sight.
"Dad." Steve was by his father's side in two strides. "What do we do? Jesse says we have to wait, take another blood pressure reading, that they should be six hours apart. He said that as there was only four hours since her last one he wanted to hold on another two hours before making any decisions, why is that?"
For a moment Mark smiled. "Son, if I took your blood pressure right now I would have you admitted. We have to average it out."
As he spoke he heard his daughter-in-law groan, and then the sounds of retching could be heard. Both men were in the room instantly, and Jesse, who was carefully holding the emesis basin for her, smiled a rueful smile in their direction.
"Hi, Guys." He immediately turned his attention back to Jo. "Shhh, it's ok, just take it slowly, Honey, it's ok." It was clear that she was crying too, and gently Jesse was rubbing circles on her back, hoping that he would help her relax, knowing that she had to be feeling both awful and anxious.
Once she was lying back on the pillows, Mark moved over to speak with her. He was concerned by how pale she was, and he had to force a smile to his lips as he began to speak.
"Sweetie, I want you to lie back and rest, and I know this is real easy to say and hard to do but you need to relax, see if you can't go back to sleep, let that baby of yours realise just how cosy it is inside of you."
A pager went off at that moment and all three men looked down at their belts.
"Ah, that's mine, Mark, page me if you need me, Steve, you too, Buddy. Jo, I'll call Rae, but you just hang in there, ok?"
Jo grasped his hand and for a second held it tightly, then she just nodded her head and let it go.
"Thanks, Jesse." Steve didn't take his eyes off of his wife's face as he spoke and Jesse lightly touched his shoulder as he walked past him and out into the hallway seeing his best friend wipe away his wife's tears as he turned for a final look before he left.
"Mark, I'm sorry, an' I know I should have told someone, but I was just so scared, an' I thought if I let it be, maybe it would just all go away, but I feel so ill now, so strange, an' I am just so worried for our chil'." She raised her hand to her hair, brushing it off her face, and Mark saw her grimace.
"That hurt, where did it hurt, Jo?"
"I … I have a headache, an' … an' I still feel sick an' I do hurt, Mark, I hurt right here." Jo placed her hand on her swelling belly and looked anxiously at her father-in-law.
"Ok, doctor's orders, lie back, rest, close those beautiful eyes and try to sleep. I will be lolling in the luxurious surroundings of your sofa talking to your worry-wart of a husband." His jovial tone seemed to work, and Mark saw a little of the tension leave his patient as she did as she was bid, and sank back down into the pillows.
Steve wasn't so easily mollified though, and instead of letting his dad sit down he dragged him out into the hallway and then along it until they were out of earshot of his wife.
"Ok, Dad, give." Just for a moment Mark saw how his son would intimidate a suspect before all of it faded away and he grabbed his father by the shoulder his anxiety coming out in a flood. "The baby, Dad, are we gonna lose our baby?"
"Not if I can help it." Mark paused; he knew that he couldn't help, not now. "Steve, I want to transfer Jo's care to Tabitha Isherwood, and I know she will want her moved down to obstetrics, immediately."
"No, Dad, why? You're Jo's doctor, I … I want it to be you who delivers the baby." Steve was on the move now, talking to his father but walking back and forwards just in front of him, his hands went through his hair, then they smoothed down his t-shirt, he put them in his pants pockets, then took them out again, until finally, unable to watch any longer Mark reached over and held his arms.
"I want to be there too, and hopefully I will be, but, Son, Jo needs more expertise than I have. I would pass any patient's care onto a specialist in this situation, and she's my daughter-in-law, I can't treat her, the risks are too great."
"Oh, God." Steve slumped back against the nearest wall, all the fears he had kept compartmentalized, safely away from his everyday life, for the last six months rushing to the surface. "What … what happens now?"
Mark was just about to answer when he was interrupted by the sound of urgent bleeping from Jo's suite.
ooo
Rae had been surprised to find that it was only ten-thirty when Michael left, she was glad that he had called in early, and had been flattered that he had taken the time to call the station to find out where she would be. The Englishman had told her that Jo was happy for him to look into the whole affair, that she knew he would have to speak to friends, or to the police, and she had agreed to that too.
She had been surprised to discover that Jo had been interviewed as a suspect when her accountant had been murdered, and resolved to do some digging herself when she got into the station, however, that had been before Jesse had called her and so she had headed for the hospital instead.
Although Rae wasn't sure that she would be able to see her friend, just the off chance was enough to make her head across town and, as she drew into the parking lot, she said a silent prayer that things would turn out fine for her friends, and then made her way, apprehensively, into the main reception area.
Pausing only to nod at the nurse on duty Rae headed for the elevators that would take her up to the private suites where she knew her friend was. Pre-eclampsia wasn't a problem she had ever had to deal with, but she had delivered a child at seven months, and the sense of failure, the loneliness which that had produced was still with her. Rae also remembered though, her friend sitting at her bedside showing her photos of her new daughter, and when she had found out later that the understanding Texas had shown was because she had lost a child of her own Rae had been doubly grateful.
Rae couldn't imagine losing one child, so to be faced with the prospect of losing another was almost impossible for her to grasp. Her own children were such a vital part of who she was and how she operated that life without them was untenable. She thought of Steve, of the way he had turned to goo every time he saw Eliana as a baby, and how he still was instantly down on her level or sweeping her up into his arms for hugs and kisses. Her elder daughter idolised her Unki Teve and she knew that the feelings were reciprocated, but he should be a father, should have his own child, have the priviledge of raising a baby alongside Daniel to make their family complete.
The door pinged and Rae waited for two tired looking nurses to leave the elevator before entering. Her heart was beating louder and harder than in any work situation, and she tried, unsuccessfully, to swallow down her fear before she was deposited on the correct floor.
The activity she was suddenly plunged into surprised her and moving over towards where a young nurse was standing Rae spoke quietly to her.
"Hi, my name is Rae Travis, I came to see if I could keep Mrs Sloan company for a while, but I guess I'll come back later."
The nurse, who was friendly with Shannon, Alex's girlfriend, smiled in recognition of the woman in front of her.
"She's being moved right now, I … I would call your husband before coming in again." The young woman didn't want to say anything else, but she knew that since the alarm had sounded in the main suite the action had been frenetic.
"Rae!" Steve's voice cut through the air, and suddenly her partner was right by her. "Did Jesse call you?"
"Yeah, he did, but I'll go, Steve, let me know ok …" She paused, not knowing what else to say. "Call me." She hugged him to her and placed a kiss on his cheek. "It'll be ok, it has to be ok."
Steve was too choked to speak. He had held it all together as he watched his wife's body convulse in front of him, had stood silently by as his father had quietly spoken to her once the danger had passed, and then explained almost without any expression in his voice whatsoever why it was that Mark was passing the case over to someone else. Now though, now that he saw the sympathetic face of his friend in front of him, the woman who had seen him through no end of difficult situations, who he trusted implicitly to watch his back, he just needed her to stay.
"No. Rae, please."
She didn't need to hear any more, nodding her head in understanding Rae stepped back against the wall so that she wasn't in the way, but kept a tight hold on her partner's hand, offering him support while he needed it.
ooo
He must have spent all night behind the closed door, the sofa that he had found there comfortable enough and large enough for him to curl up on and sleep with the pictures of all those women around him.
Matthew was seeing things through new eyes, through eyes which no longer found what had been happening distasteful, but instead exciting, daring, something that he couldn't do himself but could share in.
He had always known that Dominic was the dominant part of him; known that was the reason Nicholas had chosen that name years ago, the reason why he had let him deal with all the mundane areas of life, while Dominic was the one who lived, went out to work or clubbing, searching for girls and he just sat back and either hid or, more so lately, watched from a distance.
The latest article he had found was on the counter where the photos were processed and Matthew, with Dominic as close to the surface as he had ever been without breaking through, began to read it over again.
Rider Slain by Red Rose KillerThe name of Leigh Anne Mason joined those of thirteen other young women today as she was confirmed as the fourteenth LA victim of the Red Rose Killer.
Lieutenant Steve Sloan, the detective in charge of the investigation, refused to answer any questions from waiting journalists as he arrived at the murder site, a stretch of land known locally as The Rough.
His partner Detective Rae Yeager was also tight lipped although she did say, a little later, that she still had no doubts that they would catch the killer before long. When asked if this was his opinion also, Lieutenant Sloan nodded his agreement but wouldn't be drawn on when any arrest might be made.
There was a picture with the article, both of which Matthew had downloaded from the Internet in the small hours of the morning, and now, as he stood looking at the picture of the male detective, the one whose wife owned the stables, the one who he had seen on the TV looking for all the world as if he would like to kill someone himself, Matthew realised two things.
He was becoming as one with Dominic, their separate identities were beginning to merge together, not all the time, he was still set free alone sometimes, but when there was killing or stalking to be done, then he was privy to all Dominic's thoughts, all his feelings, and again this knowledge excited rather than scared him.
The other thing that Matthew suddenly understood was Steve Sloan's place in this investigation. He had been just a cop, a smart mouthed cop, with no understanding of whom he was dealing with, well he was showing him, they were showing him now. Matthew knew that the investigation was getting to the man, he had thought he was so invincible, but now he knew he wasn't, now he knew he was fighting an unbeatable force, and before this was over Matthew and Dominic both knew Steve Sloan would doubt everything he thought he stood for.