Out the Window! and other random tales of Redwall

by dobbyfan18

Campbells: mmmm, good. This story: random goodness. No Cale feet allowed, even if you have dandruff. As you might can tell, this is just a series of random oneshots. This is my first Redwall fic, so please R&R.

3. Power to the gophers!

It was the Fourth of July, and Swartt Sixclaw was dancing.

Bo urr, whoi be you'm darncin', zurr vurrmin? asked a random mole.

I say, you molechap, do you like my bally hat, wot? said a random hare whose name was Phil.

They all watched the pretty fireworks, which whirled and twirled in midair.

How poetic, said Bobo the Clown.

Poetic? I'll show you poetic! screamed Sirius Black insanely, hitting Bobo the Clown with a frying pan.

Bobo looked miffed and hit Sirius with a fish.

AJ Rerucha fried the fish.

The fish, which apparently didn't appreciate being fried, jumped out of the pan and growled at AJ, who ran away.

Now on to our feature presentation! Or not. So anyway, Swartt and Jack Gangwish formed a club and scared people with their dancing. But then the fuzzy marshmallow badgers got annoyed, so they hit Swartt and Jack and some random cucumbers with their Australian sledgehammers. Jack keeled over and they tied him to a boat. The boat danced, like my internet connection! Then Addie bought life insurance and Footless Person ate breadsticks.

No-one wanted to dance with Chelsea, because they were all busy playing Railroad Tycoon. Therefore, Phil the random hare hit their computers with his hat. His hat burst into cheers, and Sammie made it eat some chalk. Then the angry tribes of flatulent bumblebees went to New Mexico and clipped Abbot Bernard to some papers with a hairclip.

Why is the sky orange? Ungatt Trunn wanted to know. Then he walked to where the sidewalk ends and fell over into the abyss, where he found AJ still running from the fish. The authoress made AJ dance with Chelsea, but then he made the authoress dance with Footless Person, so she made him watch Napoleon Dynamite sixteen times.

The moral of this story: Never let Swartt Sixclaw dance on the Fourth of July, because you might end up addicted to tater tots.

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Disclaimer: Redwall belongs to Brian Jacques. Sirius belongs to J.K. Rowling. Where the Sidewalk Ends belongs to Shel Silverstein. Napoleon Dynamite belongs to whoever created him. The idea of AJ running away from a fish belongs to me. The stupid idea of me dancing with Footless Person belongs to AJ and his deranged mind. The Peace Dance and all events there belong to the people at Peace Lutheran Church.

This chapter is dedicated to Beezlee, because they gave me the idea about the bumblebees and badgers!