After some pressure – and if you have been on the "pressuring side" of any of my other fics, you know it does not take much… - I have gotten the updated cataloged – hope you enjoy the expanded "Gifts" sections.
New System Lord Gifts for the season!
Expand-Yu-Army!
Do Yu seem to be having trouble with those pesky Tau'ri and backstabbing Jaffa Rebellion groups swaying your army? Are there more leaving claiming their "unused sick" days then you can get to join? Fret oh Great System Lord no more!
Yu-Army is the newest technology to come from deep space, using the regeneration ability of the Sarcophagus, and the special ingredient that Anubis is keeping close; you can clone your fighters and hence expand your army. There are many uses such as: replacing the pesky-eye shifty First Prime whom you can't seem to really like anyway; expanding your dwindling dating pool to give you a larger selection, and the most popular use, confusing the spies in order to set up more spies. (Not responsible for any confusion to the ever-knowing System Lord.)
At 5 Jaffa Clone kickbacks, in care of Anubis, this handy cloning system will look wonderful next to your Sarcophagus!
NEW! Rent-A-Jaffa!
Going to the popular System Lord Ball? Going to a summit and want your servants to look just as impressive as you do? Or do you just need a few more bodyguards? Introducing a low cost, all-fun to you, way to make that night or day very special and wow your fellow System Lords: Rent-A-Jaffa!
This Rent-A-Jaffa service, available for a down payment of half an army (no clone substitutes please) and a full army, will be worth it for those admiring eyes. Trained to do your bidding, these are the elite of the elite Jaffa. There are female Jaffa's available on special request if that is your desire. At 6feet 5inches, these towering, massive Jaffa will be sure to intimidate even if your host is not feeling in the mood to be intimidated. Your down payment will be used as a damage deposit returned as soon as your rentals are returned, be aware that the late fee is one down payment Jaffa death per hour. Send all inquiries for references to BookWorm37.
New Galaxy Take Over Game
This new simulator is inspired by the rumor that the Tau'ri have found a new galaxy. The simulator will train any army (up to 200 Jaffa's or 50 Super-Soldiers) to learn the tactics and take over the new colonies of the Tau'ri. Protect the Gou'ald way of life – get the simulator!
The price per simulator, which includes optional training manual for all knowing System Lords, is one wounded/dead Tau'ri member of SG-1 – pictures are acceptable, but will delay the shipping process. It is recommended you have your picture taken with the wounded/dead for a speedier processing time.
Introducing: Special delivery galaxy wide!
Any Size! Sarcophagus – include 1 extra dauntingly heavy cloak.
New! Colors for the seasons! Tired of the drab gray? The heavy gold looking a bit out of place? Order replacement coverings in one of our new exciting colors! Choose from: Aqua, Pale Green, Pink, Purple, Rust and Tan. Brown and Black lacquer coverings are extra. At the small price of 3 Sticks of Eyeliner, you can have coverings in each colour!