Disclaimer: Not mine, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Author's Note: I really don't know how to put into words how grateful I am for my totally amazing betas, JeSouhaite and Cinefille. Their input has been invaluable and this story is so much better for it. I really appreciate them both for sticking through the whole story with me. I also want to send out many thanks to the fanfic thread at TWoP and to everyone who has reviewed for all of the seriously wonderful words and encouragement.
Luke hadn't been able to keep from smiling all day, which had prompted curious comments from the likes of Babette and Miss Patty. "Lorelai's coming home tonight, right? I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that reunion." Horrified, he'd returned to the kitchen and had done his best to stay there most of the day. A little before six, he turned the diner over to Lane and Caesar, ignoring his wink and her gushing excitement. After a brief stop at Lorelai's house to drop off a few things and pick up her jeep, he headed out towards Hartford.
He had to admit that he'd been counting down the hours to her return, though he didn't like to be reminded just how eager he was for her to be back in Stars Hollow. As much as he craved her return, a part of him that remained unsure. The same part of him that had encouraged her to try the consulting job, the part of him that needed to know that knowing all her options, she would choose him, was nervous about where they stood. About where the consulting stood. He knew that she wanted to be with him; he'd never really questioned that. But he also knew that she'd been proud of the job she'd been able to do at the Stirling Inn, that in spite of her lack of confidence at the beginning, she'd loved having her expertise sought out. And he couldn't imagine her not wanting that experience again.
Ultimately, he could live with her having such a job. They'd survived this summer, even getting an amazing trip out of the deal, but it wasn't what he'd pictured for them. Imagining Lorelai flitting around the world from inn to inn and back to Stars Hollow in between brought back too many memories of the other woman who had come and gone from his life, and those memories made him worry about such a future for he and Lorelai.
Not to mention the kids. The thought sounded ironic in his head, the unmentioned kids being in fact, unmentioned. The idea of a family rolled around in his head like the last missing piece in a huge puzzle, and he wanted to kick himself for avoiding the topic. At the same time, the thought that she might not share his vision of their future terrified him. Could he be happy if he altered his vision to suit her? It was a question he was afraid to answer and so, as he neared Hartford, he pushed it out of his mind, focusing instead on remembering the way to the Gilmore house, hoping that he'd be able to discreetly pick up Rory without running into the elder Gilmores.
After he'd returned from Scotland, he and Rory had resumed their dinners, cautious at first, both carefully dancing around the most sensitive topics. For the first few dinners, Rory still sat at the counter, conversation happening in fits and starts between customers. After a week or so, however, Lane returned, and Luke was struck by the thought that Rory wouldn't need him anymore, that she'd prefer to spend her visits to Stars Hollow catching up with Lane. In fact the first time Rory saw Lane she dragged her to a table, and after a tentative reunion they spent almost an hour catching up. Luke did his best to fade into the background and try not to be disappointed until Lane came back to the kitchen and informed him that she could take care of things for a while if he wanted to sit down with Rory. From that point on a new pattern developed. Rory and Lane spent some time catching up, while Luke finished up the dinner rush and made Rory's meal. Then he sat down with Rory and they ate together. It forced continuous conversation and Rory began sharing more details of her work at the daycare center while Luke filled her in about what was happening in Stars Hollow and with Lorelai.
The ice had thinned considerably between Lorelai and Rory after Rory's e-mail, but Luke knew that they had a long way to go before their relationship was back to where it had been before. Though they talked regularly, there were still issues that were hard to resolve over the telephone. The way that they talked cautiously to him about each other told him that there was a lot left unsaid, including any plans that Rory might have for her future.
Luke gave himself silent congratulations for his small role in pushing them to take baby steps toward reconciliation. More than that, he realized how much it meant that both of them had let him push. Knowing that he had, in some small way, helped them find their way back to each other gave him a sense of family that he hadn't felt in a long time. It was the one thing that made him think maybe he could imagine a different future. That maybe he could be satisfied to be husband to Lorelai and stepfather to Rory. Maybe.
It hadn't been easy to convince Rory to come to the airport with him, but he'd approached it matter-of-factly, knowing that it was what both of them would want, whether they would admit it or not. He surprised himself with his confidence, marveling once again at how much he already felt a part of the family.
At their most recent dinner on Wednesday, Luke had casually said to Rory, "So, your mom comes home on Saturday."
"Yeah. I guess we'll have to skip our dinner," she answered, sounding just a bit disappointed.
He took a breath and said, more confidently than he felt, "You should come to the airport. I can pick you up on the way there."
She looked at him a moment before responding, "I don't know…I don't want to intrude. You and Mom should…have a chance. You haven't seen each other in a while."
"Neither have you," he pointed out.
After a brief glance at him, she picked up a French fry and took an agonizingly long time dipping it in ketchup, saying softly as she watched it drip off, "I don't think that she'll want to see me." He sensed that there was more to it than that, that Lorelai's return would force not only a confrontation of the issues between them, but also necessitate Rory dealing with the ambiguity of her own plans. Not knowing how to help her deal with those concerns, he addressed the one she had voiced out loud.
"She will." The surety in his voice seemed to have gotten her attention and she lifted her head, a hopeful but wounded look on her face.
"Really?"
"Really."
She took a breath then, looking down at the table briefly before she looked up again and said, "Okay. What time is the flight?"
Luke gave her a relieved smile. "The flight gets in around eight. I'll pick you up at seven."
Luke scanned the passengers as they exited through the security doors. He saw Lorelai before she saw him, her own eyes searching the crowd eagerly. He caught her eye and smiled, watching her smile broaden in return, spreading across her face until her eyes sparkled back at him. She held his gaze with an intensity that made him forget they weren't alone. When she reached him she said softly, "Hey," before looping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a soft kiss. He broke the kiss reluctantly, giving a small nod to his left. She followed his look curiously and her eyes widened when she saw Rory standing silently off to the side, nervously taking in the scene.
Lorelai glanced back and forth between Rory and Luke before walking over to Rory and pulling her into a tentative hug, saying, "You didn't tell me you were coming." Then she turned toward Luke, her arm still around Rory's shoulder, and added, "and you didn't tell me, either."
"We wanted to surprise you," he responded simply, knowing the reason was far more complex. At his words, Rory's face took on that uncertain look he'd seen so much of this summer, in her reluctant agreement to come to the airport and in the slight look of apprehension whenever they'd talked about her mother. He didn't know what was going on in her head, but any excitement she felt about seeing her mother seemed to be accompanied by something resembling dread. For Lorelai's part, he knew she'd worried all summer about how much Rory had changed and whether or not her daughter still needed her.
Lorelai tugged Rory close again and whispered, "I'm so glad you're here." Over Rory's shoulder, she shot Luke a grateful look and mouthed, "thank you." When Lorelai pulled back again, he could see Rory's hesitance fading and her smile widening.
They walked together toward the baggage claim, Lorelai's arm still looped around Rory's shoulder, answering questions about her flight and departure from the inn. He held back, letting them have their moment, until Lorelai turned toward him and reached for his hand.
At the claim area, they sat, waiting for the bags to appear. Though he allowed Lorelai to pull him down next to them, he let the two of them chat. They started with Rory filling Lorelai in on the highlights of Lane's tour with the band. Listening to them, he could hear hints of their old banter, the easiness that had been missing for so long.
He let them continue to talk, watching for the luggage to arrive and retrieving Lorelai's bags when the carousel started up. Lorelai shot him a grateful look when he returned to where they were seated. "Thanks. I'm impressed that you knew which bags were mine."
"I do believe that these were the only bags with Hello Kitty luggage tags," he answered wryly. "Should we head back to the car?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Lorelai said reluctantly, looking back toward Rory hopefully. "Hey hon, would you like to stop and get some coffee on the way, or do you have to get back…?" Her voice trailed off as though she didn't want to think about Rory's living situation.
Rory gave a small shake of her head. "I don't have to. I have to work in the morning, that's it. Coffee would be good."
During the walk to the car and the short drive to a nearby Starbucks, Lorelai filled them in on her last few days and the small party the staff had thrown her before she left Stirling. When Lorelai described her effort in the last few days to eat as many Scottish foods as possible, Rory turned to him, "Luke, is she kidding? Do they really eat that?"
He responded with a chuckle, "As unlikely as it seems, your mother is not exaggerating."
"Hey!" Lorelai said indignantly, feigning a pout at Luke's teasing smile.
When they entered the coffee shop, Luke headed for the counter while Lorelai and Rory settled into a booth. After getting the two coffees and tea for himself, he headed toward the table. Lorelai and Rory had apparently exhausted the light conversation, and he watched Rory take a deep breath, as if steeling herself, before saying, "My community service is almost over and the daycare center offered…they offered me a job." She stopped and looked at Lorelai, waiting for a reaction. Neither seemed to notice him so he remained standing, not wanting to interrupt.
"What kind of job?" Lorelai asked, her voice even.
"They want me to teach," Rory offered quietly, "in the after school program."
"Teach? Don't you need a license or something?"
"I'd be an assistant teacher. I'm pretty much qualified for that now, and the position is grant funded, so it's outside of their regular teaching staff anyway."
"Grant funded?"
Rory's voice grew firmer as she explained the details. "They're developing a literacy program and they want me to help implement it." She looked up, seeking approval, then spotted Luke and gave him an anxious look.
He shifted awkwardly as he slid the cups onto the table. "Uh…here. I think I've got them the way that you like them." Before he had a chance to wonder if he should let them talk on their own, Lorelai gestured to the place next to her. As he sat, she took a long sip of her coffee, then set it down, looking down into the cup for a few seconds before lifting her head to Rory.
"Work. A job. So…no Yale?" Lorelai clarified, unable to hide her disappointment.
A flash of hurt ran across Rory's face and she took a sip of her coffee, the moment spinning out long enough that Lorelai started to apologize, before Rory cut her off, "No Yale…yet."
"But this position, can't you do it part-time, and still go back to school?"
Rory shrugged, looking defeated, and paused again before answering, "I want to figure out what I want to do before I go back."
"That's what college is for – to figure it out." Lorelai argued. "You don't need to know everything now."
"But," Rory started haltingly, biting her bottom lip, "everything that's happened. It's given me some new ideas to consider – teaching, maybe even writing. I want to think a little more before I go back, so that I know what I'm there for."
Lorelai spoke bitterly, her eyes hard. "You did know that. You let yourself be talked out of it."
"Then maybe it wasn't the thing for me."
Lorelai gave a frustrated plea. "Rory."
"No, I mean what if there's something I hadn't considered? What if there's something I'd love more? Why is journalism so important to you?" Rory's voice had grown stronger and she lifted her eyes to meet her mother's, her question almost a challenge.
The tone softened Lorelai's response. "It's not important to me, but up until a few months ago it was really important to you. I just want to make sure you're not giving it up too easily."
"I'm not. I haven't…given it up…for sure. I'm just exploring some other options."
Lorelai sighed, "I just want what's going to make you happy."
"And I'm just trying to find out what that is," Rory insisted.
Lorelai sighed and nodded her acceptance, taking another long sip of her coffee. In the lull that followed, Luke reached to rest his hand on Lorelai's knee and gave Rory a supportive smile. Lorelai glanced at him thoughtfully and dropped a hand to rest on his, curling her fingers around his knuckles. Turning to Rory, she took a deep breath and said softly, "Tell me more about the job."
Rory tentatively described the job the center had proposed, her confidence returning as she answered Lorelai's questions about the specific responsibilities she would have. She looked to both Luke and her mother as she answered, prompting Luke to ask his own questions about what kinds of activities she was planning. By the time they had finished their coffee, both women were visibly more relaxed and some of the banter had returned to their conversation.
After a few more minutes, they headed back to the jeep and piled in. Before Luke could start the car, Lorelai turned in the passenger seat, looking at Rory, and offered hesitantly, "You could…if you want…you could come back…home."
It struck Luke how unusual it was to hear Lorelai so unsure. Then he heard Rory's soft intake of breath and could sense that she wasn't coming home and knew how disappointed Lorelai was about to be. He resisted the urge to rest his hand reassuringly on Lorelai's knee.
Rory started, "Well…umm…that would be nice…but the day care center is in Hartford. It would be a long drive every day, and I'm not sure what my hours will be." Her voice steadied and she continued more confidently, a soft smile on her lips as she glanced between them, "Besides, you and Luke haven't seen each other all summer. You should have some time together, right?" Her eyes settled on Luke as she finished.
Lorelai followed Rory's look, a hurt look on her face as she looked at Luke. "Have you two talked about this?"
Rory cut in, to Luke's relief. "No, Mom. This is my idea. Luke had nothing to do with it. I just thought you'd like some time with just the two of you, without me hanging around all the time."
Lorelai looked like she wanted to protest, like she wanted to reach into the back seat and throw her arms around Rory and beg her to come home, but she just shrugged and said softly, "I guess," before turning back around in her seat and giving a discouraged sigh.
The car remained uncomfortably quiet until they had gotten back on the highway. Lorelai spoke first, her voice bitter, "I suppose your grandparents talked you into this."
That now-familiar nervous look returned to Rory's eyes, "Actually, I haven't talked to them about it. I mean, they've said I can stay, but I didn't tell them about the job yet. I was thinking I should offer to pay them rent."
Lorelai snorted, "Seriously? Rent? You know there's no chance in hell they're taking any money from you?"
Rory gave a resigned shrug. "I have to offer."
"That might almost be worth seeing," Lorelai said wryly and even Luke had to hold back a smile at the image.
The touch of humor relieved some of the tension, and though Luke could see the disappointment and sadness in Lorelai's expression, she and Rory continued to make friendly but strained conversation for the rest of the ride.
When they arrived at the Gilmore house, Luke pulled up to the poolhouse. Lorelai got out to let Rory out of the car and they stood awkwardly staring at each other. Luke turned off the engine and the sputter of the engine stopping made Rory look up, finally meeting Lorelai's eyes. Clearly, they were at a loss as to how to proceed, unclear on the status of their relationship.
"So," Rory started, "I was thinking of going to the zucchini festival with Lane next Saturday."
Her statement hung there for a moment as Lorelai processed it. "Yeah. Luke told me about that one. I think I've almost convinced him to go with me." She added the last with a glance and smile over her shoulder as Luke walked around the front of the car.
"Lane's band is going to play in between the elementary chorus and the high school kazoo band."
"Well, that's not to be missed. That, and the zucchini bake-off. Maybe it's not too late to sign up to be judges," Lorelai added with a small smile.
Luke couldn't help but interject skeptically, "You two realize that zucchini is a vegetable, right?"
"Yeah," Lorelai answered, "but it turns into the most amazing muffins and cakes and breads."
"And if you close your eyes you don't even notice the tiny bits of green," added Rory with a grin.
Luke rolled his eyes and then looked at Rory. "I'm not sure you're going to need it, but come by the diner for dinner afterwards. I'm sure I'll be making your mother something absurdly unhealthy."
Lorelai gave him a long look, trying to interpret the meaning behind his invitation. Rory nodded and answered slowly, "That sounds good."
"If you're going to stay for dinner anyway, why don't you stay in Stars Hollow Saturday night?" Lorelai asked.
"At…home?" Rory confirmed.
Lorelai gave a small nod. "We could get a movie."
"That would be nice."
"You know," Lorelai said, her voice taking on that unsure tone again, "if you have to be in Hartford during the week, you could still come home on the weekends – you know, if you don't have other plans." It pained Luke to hear Lorelai qualifying her invitation, as if she truly questioned whether Rory wanted to come home.
Rory met Lorelai's eyes and responded, "I'd definitely like that."
The confidence in Rory's words brightened Lorelai's expression considerably, and she reached to give her daughter a hug. "Good. I'll see you next Saturday then." Her expression relaxed and she closed her eyes as she pulled Rory in more tightly.
"Yep, next Saturday," said Rory.
"And Wednesday for dinner," added Luke.
Rory's lips turned up in a surprised smile and she wrapped her arms around his waist saying, "I'll be there." Over Rory's shoulder, Lorelai gave him an approving look.
After Lorelai and Rory shared one more hug, Luke and Lorelai walked back toward the jeep and he held out the keys. "Do you want to drive?"
"I really, really don't," she answered wearily. "Do you mind?"
"Not at all."
Luke spent a few minutes watching Lorelai stare silently out the window before he reached over and brushed her knee with his fingers. "Hey, you okay?"
"I will be," she said softly. "I mean, things are better, really. I know that, but I just don't understand why she doesn't want to come home. God. What am I doing wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"I know that I haven't been turning cartwheels about her plans - I really don't understand why the hell she won't go back to Yale. But how could she want to stay with my parents? Why doesn't she want to live at home? Am I that – Oh my god! I'm turning into my mother!"
"What?" he asked, baffled by the sudden turn in the conversation.
"I'm all disapproving, and making her feel like a huge disappointment. No wonder she doesn't want to be at home."
"First of all, you are nothing like your mother."
"But-"
"No, you are nothing like your mother. Rory hurt you and she knows it. She wants to come back, but she wants to make it up to you."
"What? Why? She doesn't have to."
"I know that, and more importantly, she knows that. But she still wants to. And that's what makes you different from your mother."
She took a few breaths and then turned and gave him a weak smile, "Thank you."
"For what?" he asked, truly curious.
"For helping me – with Rory, with everything."
"Anytime." To reinforce his words, her reached for her hand and ran his thumb across her palm.
Lorelai fell silent again, though this time it was a companionable silence. She rested her head against the back of the seat and sighed, shoulders relaxing and eyes closing as she did so.
When they reached her house, Luke walked around to open Lorelai's door and surprisingly, she let him. As she stepped out of the car, he pulled her to him, really holding her for the first time since she'd arrived, his arms wrapped around her slim body and his fingers brushing her ribs through her thin cotton shirt. "Welcome home," he whispered.
Her breath tickled his throat as her arms tightened around his neck. "God, it's good to be home." They stayed like that for a long moment, until Lorelai pulled back, saying wryly, "You better take me inside soon, before Babette notices we're here and tries to bring us lemonade or something."
Luke nodded quickly and after letting her go reluctantly, lifted her suitcases out of the back of the jeep and carried them toward the house.
Lorelai reached for her keys, since Luke's hand were full, and let herself into the house, flipping switches and running on about good house smells before Luke's eyes had even adjusted to the brightness.
"Luke? Are those flowers? Did you get me flowers?" she said with wonder as she walked toward the coffee table. "And candles?"
He ducked his head sheepishly as he took in the table again. Earlier, he'd stood in the flower shop, unimpressed with the generic bouquets, debating what to do and wondering what had possessed him to enter the store. Finally he'd spotted the graceful stems of deep purple and brilliant yellow irises, which managed to look much more elegant in the narrow vase he'd found than a larger bouquet would have. To either side of the vase were two candles, which he lit, before turning to take Lorelai's purse and gesturing to the couch. "Why don't you sit? I'll be back in a few minutes."
She looked surprised and amused at his effort as she settled into the cushions. He turned and walked into the kitchen, pulling out the coffee and putting on a pot of water for tea. Just as the coffee began to drip he heard footsteps behind him. He turned as Lorelai walked toward him and slid her arms around his waist. "I was going to bring you-"
"I know, and it's sweet, but I haven't seen you for almost a month. Do you think I'm going to sit out there by myself while my hot fiancé watches the coffee brew?"
"I'm not hot."
"Oh the fact that you don't think so makes it even more true," she answered, her tone teasing, but with a look of adoration on her face.
He could feel himself flush before pulling away gently to pour the coffee and make his tea. "Well, as long as you're here…" he said, handing Lorelai the mugs and nodding toward the living room. He followed her into the living room a couple of minutes later carrying two plates with apple pie and ice cream.
She turned toward him and her eyes lit up when she saw what he was holding. "Luke. Thank you. This is perfect."
He shrugged. I just thought you'd be hungry after a whole day of airplane food."
"You're right about that," she said, eagerly taking a bite of her pie. She slowly pulled the fork out of her mouth, raising one of her eyebrows at him. "It looks like you've gotten comfortable here. So are you gonna stay?"
He knew she wasn't just talking about that night. She was talking about something much more permanent. And it felt comfortable. In her absence, he'd checked on her house, taken in the mail, and started her jeep. It felt right to have that connection with her, but at the same time the place had felt soulless without her around. Now that she had returned, it felt like a home again.
But he still had one hesitation. "Are you sure you want me to? If Rory's going to stay-"
"Oh Luke, it is so beyond time to get over that," Lorelai said, smiling through her exasperation. "Were you planning to keep your apartment around for the rest of our lives and run over there every time Rory comes home? You know, she does know that we have sex. And she knows that we have it here, in the house. And, I know you don't want to hear this, because she will always be twelve years old to you, but Rory has sex too."
"Lorelai," he groaned, "I don't want to know that!"
"I'm just saying, it's time to adjust your image, especially if it means that I get to have you in my bed every night." He looked at her, grinning back at him and really, how could you complain about that?
His resolve softening, he asked teasingly, "Do you think you'll be able to spare some closet space?"
She flashed him a look of mock horror before relenting. "Well, I suppose I could make some room for you, but that might just be the pie talking." She smiled softly. "Can I just say that I love that you brought me pie. This is perfect. You. Here. With pie. And flowers. And candles. How did you get to be so wonderful?"
He looked down at the praise, feeling his face flushing. "It's just pie."
"Maybe. But it's perfect. What was I thinking leaving you for so long? I don't ever want to leave again."
"Don't say that."
"What?"
"Don't rule it out," he said, his voice gentle. "There might be another opportunity."
"I'm not sure about that. Mike Armstrong offered me another consulting trip in October, but I told him it was too soon."
Inwardly he smiled, but then added reassuringly, "There'll be others."
"Maybe, but I don't want to go anywhere anytime soon. I think they're looking for someone who can consult on a regular basis, but I'm not interested in that. I'm not sure I'd want to do this more than once a year, so I don't know if they're still going to want me to work for them."
"They will unless they're idiots," Luke muttered.
"What?"
"Of course they're going to want you."
She flushed at the praise, "I don't know."
He took a breath, "Do you want to? It seems like a good opportunity for you."
She held his gaze, and hesitated before speaking again. "I did enjoy it, once I figured out what I was doing. Once you helped me figure it out."
"I didn't do anything."
"You did," she said with certainty. "You did what you always do. You backed me up, encouraged me." Luke felt himself twitch and Lorelai noticed, adding, "even when I got angry. But Luke, you also reminded me why this is my home. Why the Dragonfly is my inn. Besides," she said thoughtfully, setting down her plate before continuing, "we're getting married." Something in her voice pulled his eyes to hers and he gave a tentative nod, unclear where she was going with this. "And I know that we haven't talked about this. Maybe I've been avoiding it. But you said…and it made me think. I mean, if we end up having kids, well then I wouldn't be able to go away for weeks at a time anyway."
"Kids?" he breathed softly.
"Yeah. I mean, if you want. I thought you might because of what you said a while back, but then again, we haven't talked about it so maybe I'm misunderstanding…"
Her voice trailed off and he realized that she was waiting for him to speak, a whisper of doubt appearing in the furrow of her brow. "You're not. Misunderstanding. I want kids – or a kid – with you."
"Good," she answered, with what looked like relief spreading across her face.
He still hadn't completely processed the revelation, the answer to the last remaining question. "You really want us, kids, a family?" He could hear the disbelief in his voice.
"Yes, I do Luke. All of it." Her face scrunched up in confusion. "Did I do anything to make you think that I didn't?"
The realization came all in a rush, hitting him like a great cosmic dopeslap. "No…No, you didn't. I just…"
"What?"
"I needed to know that you were sure, that being with me wasn't going to keep you from something you really wanted to do." He spoke softly, glancing away from the incredulous look on her face, his words sounding idiotic as he said them.
She responded with a stream of questions, her tone a mixture of surprise and understanding. "So all of this is because you wanted me to be sure? Scotland. The consulting. You just wanted to know that I was sure?" Her tone shifted slightly toward hurt. "Didn't you know that I wouldn't leave you?"
He slipped his hand beneath hers, where it lay resting on her knee, and ran his thumb across her knuckles reassuringly. "I didn't think you would leave – I never thought that. I just didn't want you to give up your dream job to stay here and then regret it someday."
She let out a long sigh and her voice took on the tone of patient explanation you'd use with a young child - or a dense fiancé. "Luke, I liked consulting, loved it even, but it's not my dream job. The Dragonfly is."
"Yeah?" he looked up, finally meeting her eyes sheepishly.
"Yeah," she insisted, her voice soft and serious. After a moment, her eyes took on an impish glint. "So all this about me…How about you? How do I know that you're sure?"
"What? I said I'd marry you."
Lorelai laughed, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
"What?"
"Do you even hear what you're saying? I asked you to marry me, but that wasn't enough to convince you. Now what about you? I propose, you say yes, but then ship me off to Scotland and spend the summer trying to talk me into more consulting, more travel. So yeah? How do I know you want to marry me?" Her voice was light, but he could hear the brittle uncertainty behind the words, uncertainty that went beyond needing simple confirmation, uncertainty that spoke of real doubt.
"Lorelai, I bought you a house," he argued, trying to convince himself as much as her.
"And then backed out of the deal," she pointed out teasingly.
"But, I had a ring," he tried one more time in vain, his words falling flat.
When she'd asked him a couple of weeks ago if he really wanted to get married, he'd been surprised, but had interpreted it as a momentary flash of worry. It was clear now how deeply the doubt had run and the thought that he had made her question him hit him hard in the gut.
"So you wanted me to believe you that you were sure, just because you said so?" She struggled to keep up the banter, to hide the extent of her hurt.
"Lorelai," he started, reaching up to brush her cheek with his free hand, "I've been sure for a long time."
He could see her lower lip quiver and he started to apologize, to try to say something to make up for his thickheadedness, but she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, her voice straining to stay light. "I do believe you, by the way, which is a good thing, because your arguments were starting to sound a little feeble."
"Well…uh…good, but-" he started, before she cut him off again.
"Let this be a lesson to you, Mr. Danes."
"What?"
"When I ask someone to marry me, I mean it." He knew that he deserved more of a rebuke, that he owed her more of an apology, but letting him apologize would reveal how much he had hurt her and Lorelai didn't expose her pain easily.
He reached his hand up to where hers lay on his shoulder and then trailed his fingers up her arm before resting both of his arms on her shoulders and clasping his fingers behind her neck. Nervousness swam in her eyes and begged him to drop it, to let her forgive him. And he almost did, because that was the way they dealt with things, the way they danced around issues.
"Lorelai. I'm-" he started.
"No, Luke. Don't. It's okay." She spoke quickly, her voice tense as she started to pull away from him
"No," he said steadily, his hands still holding her firmly, "it's not."
"Luke, please," she begged.
His shoulders slumped and he let out a long sigh. He slid his fingers down her arms and held her hands, squeezing them gently as he spoke. "Lorelai, I made you spend the summer wondering if I really wanted to marry you. I can't just ignore that." She looked away from him and he ducked his head to meet her eyes before continuing softly, "I just can't believe that you doubted me."
"And I can't believe that you really thought I would want to leave you here for months at a time. Is that really what you thought would make me happy?" Though the hurt in her voice was clear, he also heard guilt and disappointment and saw the defeated look on her face. "Don't we know each other at all?"
He held her steady gaze, working his jaw, trying to find the words to make sense of all the uncertainty. When he spoke, it was soft, but deliberate. "I guess when you have what you never thought you'd get, what you'd almost managed to convince yourself you didn't want…it's hard to believe it's actually happening."
Lorelai's eyes widened at the emotion in his words and he could see that she was touched. She gave a small nod of understanding as she struggled to maintain her composure. Luke pulled her into his chest, one hand buried in her hair while the other stroked her back. After a few long moments, he felt her take several deep breaths and pull away to look him in the eye. Her small smile and teasing tone fought back against the seriousness of their conversation. "So will you really marry me now?"
"Lorelai, we're already engaged," he said lightly, shaking his head in mock frustration.
Her smile widened as she responded, "I know we are, and I've been wearing this beautiful ring, but can we start treating it as if it's actually going to happen?"
Fin