Chapter 17

Ron threw his tunic across his room angrily then sat on his bed heavily. He rested his elbows on his knees and scowled at the floor.

'Teach a class! He wants me to teach a class on fighting! I have enough to do without putting up with all the crap that lot will give me!' He didn't realise how bitter he felt about it. Nor how angry it still made him to be called Harry Potter's best friend. That jealousy should have gone by now he reasoned. He had no reason to feel it anymore, he was doing something with his life, not exactly what he'd ever planned, but he wouldn't swap this life for anyone's. So why did he still feel anger when he thought about Harry?

'Maybe because no one knows what you're doing.' hissed a nasty voice in his head 'Maybe you still want the wizarding world to acknowledge all you've done and yet no one knows.' Ron's scowl deepened. The voice was probably right. It was right. He suddenly grabbed the water jug next to his bed and flung it across the room. It made a satisfyingly loud noise as it shattered against the wall. Dubhaltach let out a noise of alarm and took off. Ron cursed as loud as he could over and over again, feeling a sudden rise of fury in his chest overwhelming him. He punched the wall and kicked his desk with more curses flowing out of his mouth.

"Ron!" He whirled around, fist raised and Cilath grabbed his wrist and pinned him against the wall before he had a chance to react. "What's the matter with you?" she cried eyes wide as he struggled to free himself. He snarled wordlessly and thrashed sharply against her. She dug her heels into the ground and slammed him back. "What's wrong!" she snapped angrily.

"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING'S WRONG!" he yelled, "NO ONE CARES! NOONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOU OR ANY OTHER ELF. AS LONG AS YOU DIE AND FIGHT WITHOUT CHALLENGING THEM YOU'RE EXPENDABLE! HARRY AND THE OTHERS WOULDN'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU DIED FOR THEM! YOU AREN'T MEANT TO DIE. YOU HAVE TO LIVE! You have to live." He realised tears had begun to trail down his cheeks. He buried his face in her shoulder, feeling her arms wrap around him, "You have to live, you have to." he sobbed clutching her tightly. She didn't say a thing, she just held him close. He felt himself being laid down and her form warming his among soft sheets, and then he fell asleep.

Cilath stroked his hair gently thoroughly confused. Ron had been so happy earlier, what happened to change that? What had brought on this sudden rage he felt? She looked up as there was a knock on the door. It was Lomli.

"I thought I heard some commotion going on." he stated coming fully into the room and shutting the door. He observed with concern the tears still on Ron's cheeks. "What happened?" he whispered.

"I honestly don't know, I came in and he was raging in a fit, breaking things cursing and punching the wall, look!" She picked up Ron's hand and showed Lomli the bloody knuckles. He winced in sympathy and then went to get a cloth to wash the blood off. When he came back Cilath had moved so that Ron was in her arms resting back against her. Gently Lomli wiped away the blood. Ron shifted in his sleep but then began to snore softly. Cilath giggled quietly and brushed a kiss over his forehead. Lomli hoped Ron could appreciate those lips as much as he once had. He finished washing one hand and then moved onto the other.

"Did he say anything other then curses?"

"As a matter of fact yes he did. He said everything was wrong. How the wizards won't care if the elves die for them, he said that we're expendable to them. Then the only other thing he said was that we had to live, we had to."

"Well we plan to." Lomli gave a small smile with his rather bad joke. She smiled at him; he'd always loved her smile. He looked away, mentally scolding himself. He wasn't with Cilath anymore, he was with Earithramir, and he was very happy with the way things were. So why did he feel old feelings resurfacing? He reasoned that he just remembered his old feelings of care because they brought back good memories. He closed his eyes and remembered, quite vividly, how she would look when he was making love to her. Her lips would part very slightly and her back would arch against him, her slim cheeks flushed and her chest would heave in loud pants. Then just as she went over the edge she'd look at him with wide eyes, as if each time was a great surprise, and then she'd clutch at him hungrily, whimpers of pleasure escaping her lips. A gentle touch to his cheek brought him back to the present. She stared at him curiously yet there was a knowing twinkle in her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, just like she'd ask him when they'd laid beside each other in bed.

"The past." he answered cryptically, he didn't feel comfortable talking about these things with Ron sleeping between them. Besides he should have been concentrating on why he'd lost his temper. She seemed to understand, and gently slid out from under Ron's weight, and lay him down tenderly. She then slipped off the bed and taking his hand, led him out to the balcony, closing the doors behind them. She turned to him and waited. He said nothing for a long time then he slowly reached out and stroked her cheek. He didn't know what was bothering him so how could he tell her. He wasn't in love with her, no not like that not like a lover, but as a friend? Of course but then why was he suddenly feeling so odd whenever he saw her with Ron? For the most part he'd ignored the feelings instead just concentrating on having fun with them. What made these feelings even stranger was that they'd both agreed it was… what was a human term for it? Fling? Yes that was it; they'd just been having a fling neither of them had expected the relationship to last.

"I, I think that-" he stopped and then tried again, "I think that I'm feeling… something odd about seeing you with Ron. I don't know what though. I mean I don't think I want us to…" he trailed off and looked away, attempting to figure out what he was trying to say. Suddenly she reached out and pressed her lips to his. He started in shock then leaned forward and returned the kiss. Oh how soft her lips were. So familiar too. Then Lomli realised that despite being sweet and giving and familiar that was all the kiss was. There was no spark behind it like it once was. It wasn't unpleasant it just lacked that fire that a relationship needed. And he understood. She meant a lot to him but he'd never love her like a lover. What these feelings were, they were the feelings of missing something but not wanting it. He gently pulled away and smiled at her in understanding. She smiled back tenderly, she took his hand, and they were held between them near their hearts.

"You will always be my friend and I will always love you but Earithramir is the one who will give you what you seek, not me." She kissed his hand softly and then went to rejoin the man who held her heart, leaving Lomli to find the elf that held his.