Title: Dear Sam (Unsent)
Pairing: Jack and Sam
Notes: Words written like -this- have been used to substitute strikethrough effect - basically, they have been crossed out.
Notes: This part and the second part (Dear Jack) were written at the same time, paragraph by paragraph in parallel. Unfortunately, it's far too confusing to read. Makes for a good comparison between the two, though.
Disclaimer: I stole everything - for entertainment purposes only, of course.

Dear Sam,

Welcome to the letter you'll never get.

As you know, I'm not really a letter-writing kinda guy. Still, sometimes you have to defy your own rules, and let's face it: you were always my Special Circumstance.

Besides, there's stuff I need to say to you, or pretend to say to you. yeah…stuff. Stuff like how smart you are. Guess you know that already. PhD kinda gives it away, huh. Okay, bad example. Other stuff...stuff like how much I admire you. And you know me, Carter, that's not an easy thing to admit. It suggests I want to be -yours- like you, and we all know the problems I have with science.

Note how I use the term 'science' as opposed to 'scientists'. Sure, so your intelligence goes straight over my head, but there's something about watching you get excited over stuff that makes me think that there must be things still worth learning. Especially if you find it all so fascinating. Plus, that brain of yours could rival that of any Asgard scientist. With you on my team, anything is always possible.

You never quite got that, I don't think. How on Earth you ever managed to doubt yourself is beyond me, but I know that you did. You still do. But the truth is you always have answers. I don't need to understand them, I just need to understand they're there. You should have that understanding, too. I always wanted to give it to you, always wanted you to know how much your ideas matter. I'm always waiting for those words on a mission, you know: "Sir, I think I have an idea." They've saved our lives way more times than gunfire.

And yes, I know I sometimes give you a hard time. I never mean it, not really. It's just stressful sometimes. It doesn't help that I'm too dumb to understand what the heck you're going on about when you explain stuff to me. All those times I have to get you to simplify must be frustrating. And if I take it out on you, I never intend to. So maybe I owe you an apology for that.

Sorry.

By the way, I always meant to ask: how is itthat whilst most scientists are off with their heads in the clouds theorising about this and that, you can bring your theories down to Earth, apply them to the galaxy? And how is it that on top of that, you're such a darned good officer? I can always rely on you. You can take aim better than most in the Air Force and you're never afraid to get out there and kick butt. I've always been worried you're gonna turn round and kick my butt someday. I sure deserve it at times.

There are reasons, though; reasons why I'm such a pain in the mik'ta. I suppose that's the point of this letter. I want to explain. See, I find the personal stuff difficult. I never know what to say. When I do say something it usually comes out entirely wrong. Most of the time I give a gesture and just… hope.

That's one reason. Another is that you unnerve me – in a good way. You know stuff. I dunno, but it seems to me that you can find reason in the way I act when no-one else can. Daniel does that, Teal'c's done it a fair few times too, but you give me that look of curious comprehension. And sometimes, when whatever plan I have goes against all rational thinking, you'll question me. That's good – I need to be questioned – but in the end you take your orders. You trust me. Not a lot of people trust me like you do.

There's more, though: another reason why. We've got close to it a few times. Remember the Zatarc thingy with the Tok'ra? I looked across at you for a split second. Do you remember how our eyes met? I was supposed to be looking into that damned machine but I couldn't. Well, this is one of those moments. If you were here and I was telling you all this, I'd be staring into your eyes again.

And knowing these feelings, admitting them, means I have to deal with them. Part of me 'dealing' sometimes means lashing out at you – and for that I could zat myself into a black hole. Then there are the times I see you with other guys, and yes, I admit it, I get jealous. I can't help being jealous of them, Sam. You're just that one thing in life that I can't have, and yet I don't think I could live without you. Ironic, huh?

So there y'are. I said it. I told you how I felt.

Kinda.

Wish you knew, Sam. Really wish you knew.

Jack.