Title: Dear Jack (Unsent)
Pairing: Sam and Jack
Strikethrough: Words written like -this- have been used to substitute strikethrough effect - basically, they have been crossed out.
Disclaimer: I stole everything - for entertainment purposes only, of course. It all belongs to MGM and other Stargate-like folks.

Dear Jack,

There have always been things between us that we've found ourselves unable to speak of. I understand the reasons – mostly, anyway – but we've known each other too long to keep denying how we feel. A lot has had to survive unspoken but I can't let it all go unwritten – even if this letter goes unsent.

Through all the missions we've been on together, I've always hoped for an opportunity to tell you – truly tell you – how much you have helped me, how much you've affected me. I've been wanting to show you how much it all meant. Yet through all those missions, the only chances I've ever had have been figments of my own imagination.

There will never be an opportunity. We're in the Air Force.

So I'm making an opportunity for myself. A chance for me to put into words the things I've been longing to say. Anyway, it's about time I started putting into practice some of the lessons you've taught me over the years. You've always known how to make things possible.

It's difficult to know where to begin. It's always been difficult to know where to begin with you, because you've been through such torture. There's no way I could ever comprehend it all. We've shared a lot, though. Daniel and Teal'c, too, but there are some things they'll never really understand. The way you keep me going. The way you have faith in me, even when I'm certain I can't get us where we need to go. The looks we share; the encouragement you give me. It all means so much.

You never give up. You never let any of us give up, either. I remember when you gave my Dad that huge reprimand when he'd assumed we weren't going to make it. You're not as cynical as you like to make out. If you were, no doubt we'd be dead by now. Your stubbornness has kept us alive and our world safe. A lot of people owe their lives to you. I owe you much more than that.

You always like to pretend you're completely clueless when it comes to science, but I learnt pretty quickly that you know more than you let on. Some of those suggestions you've given have been wonderful in their simplicity, and all I have to do after that is just make it happen. You always know there's a way out, whatever the situation. We just have to find it.

It's not just on missions that you see things others have missed. You're more perceptive than you'd like to admit, especially when it comes to dealing with SG–1's various personal situations. You always find a way to comfort, to reassure. You're a man of few words but your gestures mean the world.

I would never have known how to deal with myself in a lot of those situations. Maybe you didn't either know how to deal with me either, but somehow you manage to give me the hope that I need. I guess what I'm trying to say is, well, no-one knows me like you do. A cliché – sorry, sir – but an honest one. Even the things I've never mentioned, I feel like you understand them. I just wish I could see into you the way you see into me.

I want to convey something more here, but it's tough. I could never tell you in life. I could never tell you how I've watched you for so long, how many times I've wondered what it would be like if… if we could be together. There have been moments so deceptively close to that reality. It killed me that in another universe, you were mine. At least there I must have been happy.

And in a way, it gives me hope. If you could care for me like that in another place under different circumstances…well, I take comfort in that. I still think about how we thought we were Zatarcs just because we were hiding our true feelings for one another. That was the closest we ever came to communicating -how much we love- what we mean to each other.

I'm going to end this letter now, not because there's nothing more for me to say, but because it's a futile cause. You'll never read these words. I'm just going to give you one final thank you, and try to put my feelings aside. I know it won't work but still I have to try.

I'm sorry, Jack. I wish I could be more for you.

Sam.