To Blinkie
Thanks!! I'm glad for your review. ^_^
To LN Tora
I love reading your review. In some way, it gives
me ideas how to elaborate my original characters. Thank you for such a
lovely comment.
To schmusekatze =^_^=
Yeah, I think I'm insane too. What the
hell I'm thinking?!
To Black_Thunder (Cutey_Goku3590@hotmail.com) and
gallatica
Thanks for the reviews. I hope you find this chapter
as interesting as before! ^_~
Sorry for the loooooooooooooooooooong delay. College life is cruel. *snifff*
Chapter 9: Retribution
And from far, he could hear a voice calling him. It was soft and almost inaudible at first and then it was getting stronger each second. As if it was feeding on his feeling helplessness that seemed to grow each second too. It called like… No, wait a minute… the voice was pulling him back. It wouldn't let him free.
Gojyo…… … Gojyo…
Curse the voice! He was so angry that he began increased his struggling with the current. Go away! But no, the voice was insistent, too powerful for him to deny. He knew he was foreverly bound toward the voice. And that realization made him angrier. Kenshin! I'll be dead before you can ever touch me again!
Gojyo… you're mine…
No! He wasn't anyone's property! He had always been an independent… fuck it! He owned his own life!
You're mine! Always mine! Mine! Mine!
The words pounded into his head repetitively until he thought his brain would burst from it. Stop it! Stop the fucking it!
"Stop it!" Gojyo awoke with his breathings went ragged and his heart's beating went fast. It took him a few seconds before his mind registered of his surrounding. Same room, same bed, same scent earth and smoke and no Hakkai… Good… it had just been a fucked up dream and the last thing he wanted was to Hakkai witness his weakness again…and a wave of relief swept him. He was so weak from the relief he felt; he buried his sweaty face into his palms, trying to get a grip of himself.
The dream had been so damned real. The helplessness he felt when he was knew he was going to lose fighting against the current and the frustration he endured when a mere voice of Kenshin managed to pull him away from the escape that was only a few breaths away were too earthshaking, too intense that he knew that from the moment Kenshin violated him, things were not going to be the same anymore. He was not going to be the same. He didn't know why but there was something about Kenshin that made him bound to him.
"This is so fucking crazy," Gojyo muttered under his breath. Since when did the prideful and arrogant Gojyo become like this? It wasn't like he hadn't been tortured before. He had. He had lost count of them. Then, why this time hurt him beyond his imagination?
Because Kenshin changed you. …Because Kenshin screwed you. … Because no one has ever been so possessive of you like Kenshin did. … And despite all that, you strongly despise him and yet couldn't help yourself for yearning for him either… The voice was back and its tone had changed into malicious.
That's crazy! He? Yearning for that insane, fucking insane demon? That demon had ripped him apart, damn it! He did that physically and now as if it wasn't enough, he tried to claim possession of his sanity as well!
Why not? No one had ever wanted you before. Not even your brother that you thought to have a least a little affection to you. He did leave you, didn't he?
…
What about Hakkai? What about him, Gojyo? What make you think he wanted more than just wonderful sex? Does he ever say to you that he wanted more?
…
"Damn it!" Gojyo swore. He hated this. He hated the so-called inner struggling that he always saw Sanzo had. He hated all the living things around him. Most of all, he hated the control device that was clinging around his neck! Kenshin had used him like a lowest whore; even a whore got paid and he even used him like a mouse lab. And now, he was actually debating with himself whether he wanted Kenshin or not? He felt like he was Kenshin's dog, dirty and worthless, that had a collar-belt and his name embedded on it!
He angrily threw the blanket away from the bed, walked nakedly across the room and closed the bathroom's door with an angry slam. He had never felt this filthy in entire life; not even when his mother's eyes looked at him disgustingly could make him felt like this. Turning the tab as much as he could, he stepped inside the bathtub without testing the temperature of the hot water.
The water was so damned hot; it scorched him. The feeling his skin being cooked alive hurt him but never had Gojyo appreciated the pain as much as he did now. He clenched his jaws, tightening his fists, trying to wash the feeling of filthiness away with the hot water. It wasn't enough. The heat wasn't enough. He needed more to make the taint went away. He grabbed the soap and scrubbed his body as if he was trying to skin his body alive.
The harder he scrubbed, the filthier he felt and the filthier he felt, the harder he scrubbed. Go away, go away, go away… The chanting in his head was more like a cheering to tell him to do it harder. Gojyo wasn't aware of what he was doing or the pain. He didn't aware that he was venting his anger on himself. The feeling of contempt rose inside him until he thought he would choke. All he cared about the pain and how good it felt. He had insisted before that he didn't care the shit about retribution and yet he was doing it right now, onto himself.
When exhaustion and pain finally grabbed his sanity, Gojyo stopped and for a while he sat in the steaming bathtub, breathing hard. Have you had enough? The voice asked him and sarcastic dripped from it like venom. He looked down and watched his body turned into an alarmingly red color and he felt raw, inside and outside. Water fell from his long hair onto his frozen eyes as if he was shedding tears; he couldn't for he had stopped crying ever since Jien left him and a mirthless smirk curved up. "Probably not…"
I think I'm going mad. And an empty laugh rang out, echoing the bathroom. It didn't sound merry. In fact, it sounded eerie.
Gojyo stood up and stepped out from the tub. He tied a towel around his waist and was on his way to the door, when the corner of his eyes caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. What he saw made him froze.
He knew he probably looked like shit but he had idea how deep it was. If it weren't for all the scrubbing and the hot water, Gojyo knew that the things that colored were probably only his hair and eyes. The reddish angry color was fading from his face and all that was left was abnormally pale face. His high cheekbones were more prominent now and for the first time, he saw his own eyes were almost lifeless. Who are you? He thought.
He ghostly reached out for the wet strands of red hair that plastered on his cheeks, noticing how frightening it was to see the vivid contrast between the vibrant color of his hair and the fading shade of his skin. He was losing his tan, probably from losing so much blood or from overusing his new-acquired demon power. Bruises and wounds were another subjects. "Fuck you, Kenshin…" He let out a whisper.
Hakkai left the bed while Gojyo was still in his restless sleep. He thought last night was enough for Gojyo to let go his nightmare. Obviously, Hakkai didn't know how deep Gojyo was hurting; how could he? Gojyo was never a secretive person and last night, for the first time since Hakkai had known Gojyo, he had known the true frustration when Gojyo shut him out. He was worried. Gojyo had changed so much since his imprisonment. No, he didn't mean the physical change. Gojyo was more reserved as if he was burying a terrible anger under him and Gojyo was under stress, which was unusual for someone as carefree as him. Hakkai wasn't used to Gojyo's new qualities. He missed the old Gojyo and wondered what he could do to bring back the old Gojyo.
Hakkai never thought he would say this but he wished Gojyo would be more opened to him. How ironic did the line sound?
Carrying a tray of food upstairs, Hakkai was both hoping Gojyo was still asleep and Gojyo was already awake. He didn't know what to expect. "Give me strength…" Hakkai silent prayed and took a deep breath before he turned the doorknob.
"Gojyo…?" Hakkai called softly and when he got no answer, he frowned and closed the door behind him.
"Gojyo? Are you awake?" Still there was no answer. The bedroom was empty and Hakkai's eyes reverted to the bed where he had left Gojyo earlier before. Nothing. The blanket was thrown onto the floor as if Gojyo was in utter anger. But where was he? Hakkai's frown carved deeper.
Putting down the tray, he picked up the discarded blanket. "Gojyo? Where are you?" The room was so quiet and then for an awful moment, Hakkai thought Gojyo had gone and left him. Hakkai was not that blind for not seeing Gojyo was so ashamed of himself last night.
Stop it! Hakkai gave himself a mental shake. He wouldn't run off without any clothes. I did rip the loathing black leather top last night. And he was glad he did.
Hakkai opened his mouth to call Gojyo again when his ears caught a dimmed sound in the bathroom. A rush of relief swept him as he walked quickly to bathroom. Silly, I'm worrying for nothing. He is just taking a bath… With his hand around the knob and his ear against the door, Hakkai called him again. "Gojyo! If you're in there, answer me."
But the man inside was too absorbed in his reflection that it took several moments before he acknowledged Hakkai's calling. "Yeah…" Too soft and too defeated was his tone. He was too tired. Everything was draining him. "Yeah, I'm in here…"
"Are you done, Gojyo? I've brought you something to eat."
Gojyo hesitated. He didn't want to walk out from here. The filth was still there; he could feel it and he wanted to clean it up; he didn't care if he ended up hurting himself. But then, the urge to see Hakkai was there too because he wanted to ensure he wanted Hakkai more than he wanted Kenshin. He wanted to end up the irritating debate inside him.
"Gojyo?"
"Yes, I'm done." Gojyo answered after a while. His hand immediately reached out for another towel and began to dry up his long hair. He wanted to get the shit out of him when he came out and faced Hakkai.
After a few minutes, Hakkai heard the doorknob of bathroom was being turned hesitantly and he saw Gojyo walked out of the bathroom; his hair was still damp and he covered in nothing except for the towel around his waist. Hakkai hid an appreciating smile and irrevocable blushes. He knew the redhead had nothing to wear and Gojyo seemed unashamed to flaunt the sensuality that he possessed. Hakkai was glad to know that particular quality didn't go away.
That was then, he saw the angry red marks all over Gojyo's body. And a smile changed instantly into frown. What did Gojyo do to himself? He was about to open his mouth and fired off questions but wisely bit them back. From the redhead's face, he could see he was under stress and trying his very hard to hide it. No, Hakkai decided after a while. He would not be the one who shattered the iron control that hung by the single thread.
"Good morning," The green-eye demon greeted his lover with the usual cheerfulness.
Gojyo couldn't help but to smile back a little as he sat down in front of Hakkai. There were several times when he thought Hakkai was irresistibly endearing and this was one of them.
It was an encouraging sign from Gojyo and Hakkai decided that it was wise to continue the cheerful conversation. "Did you sleep well?" Ops… Hakkai nearly smacked himself for asking a dumb question.
"If you called nightmare a good thing, then I guess the answer is yes." Gojyo couldn't help himself. One thing about him that probably wouldn't change was being sarcastic to everyone. But, then the sardonic habit was never uttered bitterly, as he did right now.
Hakkai 's smile vanished and suddenly the atmosphere turned tense. After a while staring at the redhead in front of him, he opened his mouth. "Gojyo, I know what I'm going to ask is stupid, but I'm going to ask anyway." His tone was serious. Gojyo looked away, hating this question-and-answer thing. He dreaded the moment when Hakkai asked him about everything that had happened for he knew he could no longer keep it as a secret. His nature was to be honest and if Hakkai did ask…
"Gojyo, do you have any clothes to wear?" Hakkai asked with a straight face.
…he knew that he couldn't bear… Wait a minute! Gojyo looked up with an incredulous expression. That was the last thing he expected. "What?"
Hakkai was muffling a laugh now. Gojyo's face was priceless. "You can't expect us to allow you walk with us in only towels, can you?" The picture was too outrageous that he couldn't contain the laughter anymore.
"I…" Gojyo was speechless. Hakkai's laughter was contagious. He could feel a laughing was tugging his cheeks. At last he relented and laughed as well.
He needed that. Gojyo didn't know he needed a release like that until Hakkai made him. With a smile that was still lingering, Gojyo reached out for Hakkai's hand and held him tightly. He watched Hakkai's laughter ceased and looked at his hand that was in Gojyo's possession now. The redhead waited until Hakkai lifted his head and met his eyes. "Hakkai, thank you."
For a while both of them just looked at each other, until Hakkai stood up. And still Gojyo didn't release his hand. The former, then, kneeled in front of Gojyo and used his other hand to caress the half-breed jaws. The pain that he saw in the blood-red pool of eyes was so vivid and he felt the familiar feeling of aching inside his heart.
"I won't ask you to forget about it, Gojyo, for you have never asked me to forget either." Hakkai said softly. "But I'm asking you to spare me a room and let me live inside of you with it."
"Hakkai. I…"
"All I'm saying is don't you ever shut me out." Hakkai cut in, his eyes were so serious and intense. The usual clear verdant eyes deepened into dark forest green. "I… I couldn't bear it." It was the closest thing Hakkai had ever said to him, telling him he meant something to the green-eyed man.
Gojyo didn't expect him to. And he couldn't ask more.
Gojyo let out a soft defeated laugh. "You don't have to ask me twice." He ran his thumb over Hakkai's lips, knowing that he meant ever single word he said. "You know I can't do it again even if I'd died trying."
Hakkai smiled softly. It was more than he had expected Gojyo to say and deep down inside, he wondered whether he was disappointed or not. He had expected less but had hoped for more. These new-founded feelings were to confusing that sometimes, he didn't now what he really wanted from this relationship. The more he tried to convince himself that he, too, wanted a commitment-free relationship, he more he wanted to hear any kind of declaration from Gojyo. Especially the three-word-declaration one.
Just stop it, Hakkai. He mentally pleaded himself. Just take what he can give and you won't regret it in the future.
He leaned up as if he tried to kiss the redhead. No regret, huh? The movement triggered the chemistry that existed between them long before this. Gojyo instinctively leaned down and Hakkai responsively moved up. Their lips were a breath away, when Hakkai suddenly smiled and said. "Wait!"
Gojyo drew back and frowned. He was so close! "What?"
"How am I supposed to buy you clothes if you are not coming along?" Hakkai laughed.
Teaser! Gojyo thought. Well, he was going to give Hakkai back as good as he could give. Gojyo smirked. "Who said I am not coming along?"
That only made Hakkai laughed harder. "Are you planning to walk around the town naked?"
Gojyo's smirk curved deeper as he leaned down until his lips against Hakkai's ear. "Why not? It will certainly draw the salesgirl's attention to me and it may distract her." He was aware Hakkai's laughter had ceased and the feeling of triumphant surrounded him. "It works when I am with you, doesn't it?"
"Well…" The brunette pretended to ponder. "I have more control than you know."
Twinkles that had been lost tinted in Gojyo's eyes. At that moment he forgot about his torture, forgot about Kenshin, forgot about the inner debate and forgot about the control device around him, for all his senses were on the wonderfully laughing man in front of him. With an evil smirk, Gojyo pushed Hakkai onto the floor. "Would you like to bet on that?"
Gojyo was about to kiss him again and this time Hakkai knew he was serious. "Wait… what about the breakfast?" Hakkai protested. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it, but what if Sanzo or Goku walked inside? He knew Sanzo had suspected about their relationship. But Goku hadn't had the clue. What would he say when he saw both of them in such position?
"Damn the breakfast." Gojyo muffled a careless answer, continuing his kisses on Hakkai's upper neck. Within seconds…there went the sash.
"But… it's a broad daylight." Hakkai's protest was getting weaker each second. The passion was burning hotly between them.
"So? I can see you even better." The half-breed fingers quickly unfastened the button of the brunette's clothes.
"The door is unlocked. Someone will come in…" Off with the top.
"No one will come in." Gojyo lips were already on Hakkai's collarbone.
"But I've promised Goku…"
The half-breed lifted his head. "Hakkai, do you want to do this?"
How did Gojyo do that? Hakkai wondered. Gojyo always managed to make him to break free from the calm-cool-and-always-smiling prison he himself had built. Gojyo was reckless, burning with life and the heat affected and burning him too in everyway. Perhaps that was why he hurt so much when he saw his lover slowly dimmed out when he first saw him with Kenshin.
Hakkai put both of his hands on each of Gojyo's cheeks and pulled his lips down fiercely. Yes, if I've got to be with him, like this, for as long as he wanted me too, I will have no regret… And he kissed him, wrapping his arms around his neck and fitted himself perfectly in the contours of his body.
To Gojyo it was a yes.
How long was it? Six years? Or was it seven already? Dokugakuji couldn't remember when or why he did it. Especially why he did it. He loved his brother and he had no doubt with that. He had protected his brother for as long as he could remember. At that time, Gojyo had become the center of his affection and he couldn't understand why his mother hated Gojyo so much. His brother was an image of a son that any mother could wish to have.
Dokugakuji leaned back against the cold wall as he contented himself by hiding himself in the dark. The sword lie quietly beside him; it was foreverly loyal to its master. Ever since he got back from the scene where Sanzo's group fought a single raven-haired demon, Dokugakuji had been restless. And maybe a little bit guilty. Kougaiji had given him an open opportunity to help his brother. But he, whether out of loyalty of his master or out of the very thing that made him left Gojyo at the first place, refused.
And he felt like a bastard.
Gojyo's torment had been so clear at that time that anyone could see he was in pain. Anyone including him and for the countless times that day, Dokugakuji wondered how he could ever, EVER walked away. He was once Gojyo's benefactor and he knew that when Gojyo was still little, he was the boy's walking hero. Always looking up at him, believing every single thing his older brother told him. When did he have become this heartless? This…this hard?
What had driven him away the day he had killed his own mother for his brother's life? Guilt? Anger? Or was it a mere look at Gojyo made him remembered the unforgiving sin he had committed? He had shed tears that day. But Gojyo's eyes were wide with horror, disbelief and yes, tears too. Both of them had been hurting so much after that incident. If he could reverse the time, would he change the past and stayed with Gojyo instead?
Yes. The answer was so obvious that it nearly shoved right in front of eyes. He hadn't spent his early years with Gojyo; he bound his brother's injuries, picking up flowers especially for their mother, protecting him from their mother's wrath and finally killed her, for nothing. The brotherly affection he felt was real and the day he left his brother, he was blinded by the all those chaotic feelings that he refused to acknowledge the love inside him.
And what he was going to do now? He certainly couldn't turned back time no matter how hard he wished for it.
Dokugakuji closed his eyes. Images of Gojyo lost control and the silver choker flashes through his head. Sounds of Gojyo's strain voice when he tried to drive Hakkai away from him, Hakkai's determined refusal and Kougaiji's voice telling him about the potion that could make demons free from limiter, echoed in his ears. But why the raven-haired demon made a potion that made the demon that didn't need limiter wore one? And he wasn't that blind for not to be able to see the pure lust flaring in the raven-haired demon.
So, he lusted Gojyo and he needed Gojyo for his experiment. All those excuses were strong enough for the raven-haired to keep Gojyo in his clutches. But why he brought Gojyo back to Sanzo's group? It didn't make any sense at all.
Gojyo had changed into a much stronger and much faster half-demon when he hadn't had the control device on him. And the fact that Gojyo couldn't control himself made him a more formidable and ruthless opponent. What could he to help him if his own brother that he knew would never hurt him, attacked him?
If only he could change Gojyo back… Then all these could end.
…
That was it! Dokugakuji snapped opened his eyes. He could ask a potion-maker to brew a potion to change Gojyo back. Reaching out for his sword, he stood up and headed toward the room he knew Yaone would always occupied. How he was going to accomplish that, he had no idea. But he was going to try it somehow.
After all he did owe his brother what he had refused to give him before.
In a town, which was situated next to the town where Sanzo's group occupied, was noisy and alive with human, busying themselves with the routine activities. Some people bustled around, minding their own business and the rest were merely idling around. Among the human, a raven-haired man walked through the crowd. He wore an all-black outfits, making his startling lavender eyes stood out noticeably. The idling group instantly noticed the newcomer for usually the good and mysterious looking visitor would immediately get the undivided attention.
Obviously, all those staring annoyed the raven-haired man greatly. He was restless with impatient and well-preserved anger. He could hear women and men whispered behind him. But somehow he could still contain his anger and hid his expression under the shadow of his front-hair until some of them were bold enough to approach him.
"Hey, beautiful." A man stood in front of him and flashed his smile. "Mind if I ask for your name?"
A pair of lavender eyes narrowed icily at the man in front of him. Since he wore a control device around his ears (very much like Hakkai), the man didn't know that he was a demon. "Get out of my way." He snapped. The statement was short and full of warning.
"Come on." The man heeded not the warning. "Couldn't spare me even a name?"
"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." The warning was prominent.
"Stop being such a bitch, will you-"
The man didn't get to finish his sentence or more preferably, in Kenshin's opinion, his insult when the latter grabbed the man's neck and lifted him. Gritting his jaws, he looked up at the man, who was hanging half a feet from the ground, and let out a hiss. "I don't think you want to finish that line, do you?"
The man choked and stuttered an incoherent answer.
"Do you?!" Kenshin tightened his grips and the choking sounds grew louder.
When he saw the man shook his head frantically, he threw him across the road and earned many stares. He glared his eyes around the irritating spectators. "What the hell are you all watching at?!" That received murmurs from them before they slowly left him.
He took a deep breath and resumed his walking. "Fucking humans," he spat under his breath.
He used to accept any sexual invitation from any demon or human men and women. But he preferred humans than demons because humans were weak and killing them after sex was like an adrenaline to him. He was, after all, a demon. Demons killed humans for only two things, food and amusement. But Kenshin detested the taste of human flesh, so he killed them for the other reason. And left them just like that; stomach gapped opened and blood splattered everywhere. It was a messy job but he liked that.
But that was before he met Gojyo.
Gojyo was different. First of all, he was a half-breed and Kenshin never had the pleasure of making one as his lover. Secondly, after tasting Gojyo's burning fire of passion, Kenshin knew that one taste of him was all that it took to make one addicted. Who could forget those red eyes that he could almost see fire burning in them? Or the way, the half-breed defiantly tried to hurt him back after he had hurt him? After all those things that Gojyo had said and done to him, there was no fucking way he was going to let Gojyo go.
One thing that not even Zean knew about him was once something caught his attention; he would not stop pursuing that thing until he got it. And when he did, he would never let it go. He did have Gojyo under his clutch but Gojyo had slipped away from him. And if his prey escaped… Hot rush of anger shot through his body. He would and shall do anything that was necessary to get him back!
And that was why he here, in this cursed town. Kenshin knew Gojyo was in the town next to this one. With all the control he possessed, he strained himself from barging into the inn where Gojyo stayed and grabbed the half-breed back. But no. Of course he couldn't do that. Even when lust controlled him, he could still think. He was sure as hell his other friends were on their guard. He could fight one, but four at a time? Especially, the furious ones?
Both of the town situated quite far from each other and they would certainly stop in this town to replenish their supply and to stay for the night. But before that, Kenshin wanted to prepare something for Gojyo. Something that he knew would draw Gojyo away from his friends and confronted him alone.
Kenshin smiled as he judged the time by looking at the sun. Still early. And he'd got a plan to accomplish…