Chapter 11: A Twist of Fate
Dokugakuji walked silently along the dark corridor, his mind was thinking furiously on how to approach Yaone with this particular subject. Ever since he saw Gojyo, for the first time, completely lost his control, he had been thinking about his half-brother all the time. Of all the time his guilty conscious screamed at him for leaving his younger brother just like that, this was the loudest. How was he supposed to say to Yaone?
Yaone, my brother just turned into full demon. And you know what's funny? His hair and eyes are still red and he wears limiter now. It's around his neck like a dog... Funny isn't it? He bears two curses now and I just leave him like that just like I did when I killed our mother, leaving him to deal with the carcass. He was so young and he didn't even blame me. He thought everything that had happened was his fault. He chuckled bitterly at the thought. It was a wonder that Gojyo was still sane after all those things happened to him. He curled his hands into tight fists at the realization.
The dark-haired man stopped outside Yaone's door room and hesitated. Taking a deep breath, Dokugakuji knocked softly and almost reluctantly. He was half-hoping Yaone wasn't in her room for he still wasn't sure how to ask for her help. But obviously fate wasn't listening to him as the door creaked opened slowly.
"Yes?" Yaone's soft voice asked and a second later her face appeared between the door and the frame.
Here goes nothing… Doku thought. "Hey, Yaone. It's me."
The young chemist smiled at the familiar face of her comrade and the door started to open wider trustingly when she saw someone she recognized. Kougaiji's castle was so huge and not all demon was as civilized as her prince and Doku. "Hi, Dokugakuji. Is there something you need?"
Doku smiled an easier smile. "Aren't you going to invite me in first?"
Yaone almost blushed at her rudeness and she quickly stepped aside to let the older guy in. "Ah, sorry… I'm just too caught up with my work that I forget my manner."
"It's alright… it happens sometimes…" Doku looked around at saw Yaone's working table was scattered with paper works and experiment apparatus. The atmosphere was silent and Yaone waited expectantly at Doku, hoping he would start stating his purpose for coming here.
"Um…" Doku cleared his throat. "I have no doubt that you've heard the incident three days ago…"
"Ah…" Yaone replied, suddenly knew where this conversation led to, though she couldn't quite sure what exactly Dokugakuji was going to ask her but she knew it had to do something with Gojyo, turning into full-blooded demon. Even though, Doku could seem uncaring but Yaone knew Doku still bore the love he held for his younger brother. "It's about Gojyo, isn't it?"
Doku turned away from Yaone for a while, pretending to look around as his mind furiously thought on how to express his wants. "Yeah…well… I have a favor to ask you…"
Yaone's face softened at Dokugakuji's hesitant and she knew the dark-haired man was uneasy to show his well hidden affectionate to Gojyo. Gesturing to the wooden chair behind the man, she said with a soft and kind voice. "Dokugakuji… why don't you have a seat and tell me exactly what is it that you need?"
Doku curved a small smile and laid his ass on the chair nearby. Yaone pulled another chair and she seat elegantly with ease in front of Dokugakuji. With her hands folded on her lap, Yaone waited patiently for Dokugakuji to start. "It might sound stupid to you…"
Yaone held up hand to stop the man's sentence. "No, what you feel for Gojyo isn't stupid. We demon still feel despite what human say. There's no shame in caring for your brother even though he is our enemy." The violet-haired woman looked directly at Dokugakuji's dark eyes. "Love knows no bound, you know."
Doku let out a chuckle filled with both relief and nervous. "I am that obvious, am I not?" Yaone just shrugged one pretty shoulder as she tried unsuccessfully to hide her knowing chuckle. "Well, Gojyo's transformation isn't natural; some crazy bastard injected something inside him. Forcing a half-breed to be a demon when he isn't meant to be one always brings bad omen, you know."
Doku let out a worried sigh as he buried his face in his palms. All his reserves vanished in a single sigh and he started to pour out all his "You should see the way he suffered, Yaone… Something that is not supposed to inside his body is tormenting him… Or the way he lost control… He never lost that much control before…" Dokugakuji lifted his face as he voice out his worst fear. "I…I'm afraid Gojyo's body will sooner or later rejects the thing injected into him and he'll…"
Yaone leaned forward immediately and grasped Dokugakuji's hands to stop him from finishing the line. "Don't!" For a while the room went silence, Doku gritted his teeth for his sudden emotional outburst and Yaone bit her lips, thinking something. "You didn't come here to just tell me that, did you? You've a plan. That's why you said earlier that you want my favor." Yaone speculated.
Dokugakuji's dark eyes turned into black intensely. "Yeah, I don't know how impossible is my request but I really hope you can do this for me."
"Say it, Dokugakuji. I'll try my best to do it if I can." Yaone nodded her head.
"I know it must take one hell of…I mean… an experience alchemist to mix a potion like that." Doku quickly covered his harsh words. Then he continued. "To create something like that, it is very risky and all… Whoever he is, he must at least… I mean, every poison must have something to… to encounter it, right?"
Yaone suddenly knew what Dokugakuji was asking from her and now she knew that he meant by impossibility of his request. The alchemist bit her lips nervously, knowing her incapability would disappoint her dearest friend. How could she mix a cure for a poison that nobody had been inflicted to except Gojyo? "Dokugakuji…I… I don't know if I can…"
Doku reached out and wrapped his coarse hand around Yaone's smaller one. "Please Yaone…" Their eyes met for a while and for someone as softhearted as Yaone, she knew she wasn't immune to Dokugakuji's desperate ones. But she also didn't intend to keep her friend's hope high for promising something that she knew she incapable of. What if Gojyo's condition worsened because she mixed something wrong? "Shit… I mean what the hell…what am I doing? Asking you to create something that you know nothing about? It's… ridiculous…" Doku quickly withdrew his hand and stood up. "I'm sorry for bothering you…"
Doku wanted nothing more than to make a quick escape and knocked his head to the wall for being so stupid to ask Yaone such thing. But as Doku walked past Yaone, the violet-haired woman grasped Doku's wrist, preventing the dark-haired man from escaping her room. "Wait a minute, Dokugakuji. It's not like I don't want to help you but…"
"Yaone, I don't blame you. I mean, I know what I'm asking is impossible. Without sample and information, I just barged in here and asked for your help." Doku tried to curve an assuring smile. "Hey, it's worth asking anyway."
"Please… Hear me out, okay." Yaone looked up at the man that had come close to be her family. She would do anything to wipe the disappointment off Dokugakuji's face. Doku hesitated for a while, taking a deep breath and sat back on the wooden chair.
"Okay, it's like this…" Yaone leaned forward once again to Dokugakuji. "I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think I will be able to mix anything without a sample of the potion that the alchemist injected into Gojyo because I don't know where to start anyway. But maybe a sample of Gojyo's blood with give a clue as to what I'm dealing right now." Yaone's voice sounded firm and decisive and Doku started to feel hope came back.
"Okay, do you want me to bring Gojyo's blood for you? When?"
"It would be great if you can do that for me." Yaone smiled. "But to convert a half-breed into full blooded demon, it takes a great deal of skill and knowledge and to encounter it, I need a lot more knowledge, skill and experience. So, I'm going to get some help."
"Help?" Doku raised a questioning eyebrow. For all his years knowing Yaone, she never mentioned anything about her old life or friends that she had. "You mean an old friend or something?"
"Yes. Don't worry, Dokugakuji. He's very talented alchemist. We studied under the same teacher and he was the best of all students. You can bring Gojyo's blood to me after I talk to him." Yaone let out a soft giggle at Doku's dubious face. "Trust me. With him, I feel a lot more confident to brew something to encounter Gojyo's poison. You can trust him, Dokugakuji. "
"Yeah, well, didn't mean to question your friend but it does strike me odd that you had never mentioned him at all after all these years." Doku voiced his slight displeasure at an outsider involvement.
"I mention him now, don't I?" Yaone said defensively.
Doku sighed as he rubbed his weary neck in acceptance. "Sorry, Yaone. I guess I am a little tired. I didn't sleep much lately." Doku smiled at her to take out some sting of his earlier remarks. "It's okay." Yaone graciously accepted Doku's apology.
Doku stood up, now their discussion was over. "By the way, Yaone, what is your friend's name?"
Yaone stood up too and as she escorted Doku to the door, she answered. "Huh? Oh, his name is Zean."
Gojyo ran like mad. His eyes didn't see the way he was running onto; just a pair of red eyes that still screaming accusingly at him, blinding him. Every sharp branch and stick slapped and scratched his body and face but Gojyo didn't feel it. All he could hear was scream and he was trying to get away from it. It isn't supposed to be like that… No, not a child… not a taboo child! Gojyo chanted furiously, blood rushing through his ears; pounding like mad… he knew if he didn't stop running, he would burst.
He went deep into the forest, completely unaware of his whereabouts and bleeding scratches on his face and arms. When finally exhaustion caught up with him, Gojyo felt suffocated, couldn't breathe, choking…choking… breathe damn it!! Swaying on his wobbly feet, his eyes clouded by the nausea that began clawing him as he slowed his feet down. He knew he was going to collapse if he didn't find something to brace himself against with. He reached out a hand blindly in front of him until he touched a solid, rough surface of large tree in front of him. Damn it… damn Kenshin for making him this weak… damn him for feeling it… feeling it fucking too much…
But the eyes… shit… just forget about it… Slowly, Gojyo had his back against the tree, leaning heavily and slid down to the ground, trembling and totally shaken. Perspiration of nausea, exhaustion and shock flowed like tiny stream from his forehead to his head. He wiped off the sweat in impatience. Forget it..? Yeah, forget it! Forget the whole thing! You'll go crazy!
But madness sounded nice and Gojyo would welcome it with open arms if it ever wished to claim him. Madness would make him stop thinking, stop remembering and stop… thinking again… But if he wanted madness to take him, he would let it years ago; so many chances arose for him to yield to madness. When mother abused him, when Jien killed mother, when Jien left him, when the town people isolated him, when… No… madness should not have him now… not when he had came this far… He carefully drew his legs closed to his chest, putting himself in a protective curl. He was protecting himself from the screams, the memories of Kenshin, the demon inside his head… and the madness that was desperately and greedily ready to take him.
"Go away…" a whisper echoed through the silent forest and he brought a hand to cover his ear, wishing the sound would stop. The trembling increased together with the volume of evil sound inside his head. "Go away, damn it… I didn't mean to escape… didn't mean to get you kill… just go away damn it…"
"I'm sorry…" Gojyo closed his eyes tightly, trying to cry but the tears somehow conspired with the demon inside him and they were reluctant to come out. "I never, ever meant to escape…" And the hand that covered his ear curled and pulled painfully the strands of red hair that he hated so much.
Hakkai couldn't believe how fast Gojyo could run, especially with the condition he was into. But the track wasn't so hard to follow, with broken branches and Gojyo's blood tainted at the edge of them. Worry increased a notch and turned into frantic. Gojyo's broken. As if the abduction, rape and torture weren't enough, and now this? He's finally broken, broken, broken, broken, broken…Stop it! Hakkai screamed. He's not broken!
"Gojyo, where are you." First the question only came out a whisper but desperation took control and Hakkai shouted. "Gojyo! Answer me!" The shout echoed and even Hakkai was surprised with his own voice. He knew he, too, was losing control.
"Just answ…" Hakkai started to call again when he heard it. A soft, anguish and tormented whisper past through him. Almost inaudible but clear enough to know the owner of it. Gojyo…Hakkai turned at the source abruptly and broke into running. Hold on, Gojyo! Don't break yet… Wait for me…
The fast pace slowed down when Hakkai found what he had been looking for. Gojyo. Gojyo sat against the tree. Gojyo curled himself in protective ball. Gojyo closed his eyes so tight. Gojyo trembled like he was going to break down into pieces. Gojyo whispered incoherently like he lost the sense of the world around him. Gojyo, his savior, his benefactor, his partner, his friend, his lover, his… everything… Hakkai felt his knees weak with anguish and his hands shaken with anger as he walked toward the redhead. "Gojyo…" His tone slowly matched the whisperings came out from Gojyo.
As Hakkai kneeled beside Gojyo, he reached out a slow but firm hand and softly put it on Gojyo's shoulder. He didn't want to shock the half-breed more but in the state Gojyo was in now, he knew even the slightest touch could shock him terribly. His hand met in contact with Gojyo soft, deep blue turtleneck sweater and he expected Gojyo went wild again and bolted. But Gojyo never did anything to his expectation; the redhead always surprised him and even in this condition, Gojyo still could.
Gojyo immediately stopped whispering and the hand that had been covering his ear immediately hold Hakkai hand that rested on his shoulder. Hakkai nearly gasped in surprise but didn't. They sat like that for a few moments but Hakkai could feel the trembling beneath the thick sweater. "Gojyo… let me…" He had meant for Gojyo to release him, so he could do something to stop the trembling. He would do anything to stop everything.
And Gojyo did release Hakkai's hand. "I didn't mean it…" Gojyo whispered softly as he curled back into his protective ball.
Hakkai readjusted his position and he sat with his back against the tree just like Gojyo's. Turning to Gojyo, Hakkai asked softly. "Didn't mean what…?" Gojyo looked down, seemed to not hear. "Gojyo…? You didn't mean to do what…?" Hakkai tried again softly.
"Escaping…" A strain whisper came out from the pale lips. "Staying alive…"
Hakkai gaped in disbelief at Gojyo's tortured words. He could almost hear the sound of his heart cracking. Since when did his proud, devil-may-care and vain lover reduce to this state? Where did his lover, who loved this world with such a passion, go? He tried to say something but mixture of emotions was choking him. "Wh…why would you say such thing?" His voice was strangling and Hakkai didn't realize that he was trembling too. "How could you regret for staying alive?"
Gojyo didn't answer the questions. He was cracking into a thousand of pieces and he would shatter and break anytime soon. Tiredly, he looked up and saw the morning sky was no longer blue… it was bleak gray or was it only his eyes that saw it? "Everyone dies if I'm alive… Why keep on fighting when it doesn't seem to worth it? … Maybe it would be better if I…"
He never did get the chance to finish the sentence when Hakkai grabbed Gojyo, pulled the broken redhead into his warm embrace. Gojyo didn't fight it; he just succumbed into the warmth as his forehead lie into the contour of Hakkai's neck. The green-eyed demon tightened his protection, daring Gojyo to break into pieces. "Finish that sentence and I swear I'll…" Hakkai choked the rest of the word. He hated the way Gojyo lie unresponsive in his embrace; he didn't even return his embrace. He wanted his Gojyo back. Hearing Gojyo said that scared him beyond belief… Didn't Gojyo know how much… how desperately he needed him to be there for him? Losing the redhead once was enough to scare him for the rest of his life.
"You know I'm right…Hakkai…" Gojyo murmured tiredly and Hakkai could feel the redhead cool lips against his neck.
"Shut up!" Hakkai nearly screamed in frustration. "You're so wrong!"
"Wrong…?" Gojyo let out a weak, self-loathing laugh. "Tell me which part I am wrong?"
"The part where I'm still alive because you picked me up from the street…" Hakkai closed his eyes, remembering the past as if it happened yesterday. "The part where you took care of me when you knew nothing about me…" Hakkai could feel Gojyo tensed as battle between sanity and insanity raged within the half-breed. "…And the part where you'd still took me in as your roommate even after you knew about my sins… about how tainted I am with the blood of the demons I murdered…" Hakkai's tone dropped into mere whisper, reminiscing his bloody past and strangely, for the first time, a feeling of grateful washed through him. Grateful for giving the chance to know Gojyo, even if the price for the chance was he had to kill a thousand demons.
Taking a deep breath, Hakkai continued in the same husky tone. "And if you think you deserve to die… tell me, Gojyo, what do I deserve?"
Slowly, Gojyo raised his shaking hands and tentatively wrapped his arms around the healer's chest. He drew his body closer to Hakkai and loosely returning his hug. As messed up as he was right now, hearing Hakkai such thing, Gojyo knew he couldn't let those words bygone. He had always be the source of Hakkai's strength every time the green-eyed demon's past started to haunt him. And, out of habit and familiarity, Gojyo couldn't help himself from responding to his lover's words. "Hakkai… You deserve less than what I get and it still feels unfair to you…"
Hakkai was rendered speechless, at Gojyo's sudden response to his embrace and at Gojyo's unexpected words, but still the smile danced and he couldn't stop it. After a while of silence, Hakkai opened his mouth. "Say something, Gojyo…" He didn't like the silence. Silence gave inner demon a chance to probe the wound further. "Anything…"
Gojyo wasn't a kind of person to keep everything bottle up and he knew needed to do something about the knots inside of him. "What else do you want me to say, Hakkai? My mother died, Jien left and there's…" Gojyo shuddered at the gruesome scene and he felt Hakkai secured the protection of embrace even more. "…there's a child died because of me… If I didn't escape, he would still be alive… still have the chance to grow up… and the screaming wouldn't be heard at all… "
"Screaming?"
"Didn't you hear it?" Gojyo blinked and then realized it was in his head after all. He wondered if hearing something that wasn't there was considered crazy. Laughing bitterly, Gojyo could feel the unshed tears began to well up. "Nothing… It's nothing. Just my head fucking me up…"
Hakkai didn't want to ask what Gojyo meant by that.
"Do you think he deserve it?" Gojyo asked suddenly.
"Who?"
"The child…"
It was at that time when Hakkai realized the depth of Gojyo's guilt. A simple no would deepen the guilt and a simple yes would be so cold. Gojyo didn't need to hear those from him. "I don't know it anyone deserves anything given to him, Gojyo. But…" Hakkai stopped for while and he could feel Gojyo strained and tensed against him, dreading the answer. It was as if he was waiting to the verdict of juries that could have sent him to guillotine. "But I think the thought of whether anyone deserve anything always come last in this world. We take a route, racing against time, pushing the barriers, trying to survive the route we took. At the end of the road, when we look back, we saw the barriers we've pushed earlier hit other people and in hurry, we realized we just hit someone along the way… And I think that is when regrets come…"
"Regrets…" Gojyo murmured almost inaudibly as if he was thinking. He was drowning fast and any word came out from Hakkai was like floating log for him to hang on.
"Regrets will always be there… Guilt too… But we try to survive too just like everybody else. Gojyo, I…" Hakkai stopped to catch a breath, unable to believe what he was going to say next. If someone asked him what Gojyo asked him, he would never utter this… never even dream about this. But meeting Gojyo and feeling the slow changes Gojyo brought upon him, Hakkai knew he wasn't the person he was three years ago. "I don't think the child deserves this, but I know you have the right to escape, have the right to try to survive."
"Do you…?" Gojyo asked as he tried to believe that somehow, even in the smallest way, he wasn't guilty.
"Yes… Everyone, at certain degree, is responsible for his own fate." Hakkai's voice sounded as if he was telling not only to Gojyo but also to himself. "And we cannot always bear the burden for someone else for who will bear our burden for us?"
Gojyo went so stilled. Did he dare to ask this to Hakkai? Should he…? Hakkai was talking about him, not about his past… Still…Should he…? …? "Like…Kana?" Gojyo dared in the smallest voice.
The redhead could feel the tense ran through the healer's slender body. The name roared to Hakkai's ear but somehow the name no longer held the intense pain like it used to. The wound still stung but never like this… Like Kana? Strange…he never thought that way… Never thought that he was somehow not guilty for the death of the only woman he loved. Kana should somehow responsible for her own death? The thought sounded alien for he always blamed himself. And projector of past started to roll back.
Kana…Thank God you're still alive…
Gonou…
Let's go home now, Kana…
I can't… Not with this monster inside of me…
Kana don't… don't…
Goodbye…Gonou…
DON'T!!!
"Hakkai…?" Gojyo's voice was weak and unsure but was strong enough to pull Hakkai from the past. Unlike any other situation when Hakkai was pulled from the past; sweating, heart pounding like crazy and hurting so bad, now, for the first time in three years, he felt clearer and much, much more lighter. Was he finally learning to let go the past?
Closing his eyes, Hakkai admitted with soft but strong. "Yes, Gojyo… Just like Kana…"
Gojyo's eyes went wide at the sudden turned of the event. How he had waited this moment… but never in his wildest dream it would be like this. Not when he on verge of breaking down… not when there was a lunatic demon chasing him… not when Hakkai was the one who was holding him instead of the other way around. Suddenly, Gojyo felt the Hakkai's admission was pressuring him, strangling him in the way he had never felt before for he knew he could never have anymore from their relationship except what they had now. He wanted to… he was dying to… but never with him hurting like this…
The realization almost caused a single tear to escape from his closely shuteyes. Gojyo unconsciously tightened his arms around Hakkai's chest and buried his face deeper in the contour of Hakkai's neck. Now he knew Hakkai's feeling when he was still haunted by his past and couldn't go forward. "I can't do this, Hakkai … not when Kenshin was still around … not when he still go killing every taboo child he met…"
"It's not your fault…"
"Maybe not… but would he kill the child if I didn't escape?"
Hakkai's green eyes blazed in frustration. "Then perhaps you should ask this question, would you be taken by him if I accompanied you that night? Then the guilt will be mine."
The sudden argument exhausted him but the fact Gojyo couldn't find any other word to say back at Hakkai drained him completely. He couldn't find the strength to be angry with Hakkai. But still his grip on Hakkai was as strong as before. "It doesn't matter…" Hakkai heard Gojyo said and felt his hot breaths teased his sensitive neck. "No matter whose fault it is, it doesn't change the fact the child was dead…"
Gojyo didn't need Hakkai to say anything back at the way he tiredly day those words. In fact, he didn't need Hakkai to do anything except, "Hakkai… hold me…" Gojyo whispered brokenly, finally losing all his self-restrain. "Hold me… and don't let me break…"
The words were no more louder than the sound of breeze passing one's ear but the plead was clear and it absolutely couldn't be ignored. If ones could absorb into each other through heart-breaking embrace, Hakkai knew that he and Gojyo would. Planting a soft kiss to Gojyo's temple, down to his scarred cheek, down to the sharp jaw that he loved so much, down to kiss softly on Gojyo's pale and cold lips, down, down, down… Hakkai would anything to take Gojyo's pain away. "I'm never going to let go of you, Gojyo… you know that and you don't even have to ask…"
Gojyo was always the one who comforted him. Of all those years, he never found the chance to return the gesture because Gojyo had always been the strong one. Gojyo had always been the optimistic one. Gojyo had always been the one to drive his nightmares away. Now, sitting here, with Gojyo securely in his arms, Hakkai never knew how good it would feel to be needed instead of needing. He never knew the pleasure of feeling Gojyo fitted inside his embrace trustingly. Hakkai cherished the feeling and he knew he never wanted this feeling to go away.
After almost a year of what he thought as meaningless affairs with Gojyo, Hakkai could no longer deny the fact he felt more and more each day of their friendship. He had seen the faint line that separated friendship and love but he thought he could avoid from stepping over it. But Gojyo's passion, laughter, teasing and compassion blinded him and before he knew it, he had stepped the line. He had been so afraid when he realized his feeling for Gojyo; guilty for betraying the old love he had held for and yet instead of withdrawing from the redhead, Hakkai found himself wanting more and more. Gojyo's false death was like a heavy knock in his head and the green-eyed know that he could no longer held his feeling back. Life was too short to let any fear or pride to hold him back.
Gojyo, I love you…The self-admission surprised him. He never thought he would be brave enough to admit it for he had denied himself that very knowledge for so long. Why else would he accept Gojyo's shallow offer of meaningless relationship. No matter how much Hakkai told himself that he was too lonely like Gojyo and needed somebody else companion, deep down he knew he would accept anything from Gojyo as long as he could keep the half-breed himself even if it meant for just one-night stand. But Gojyo had kept coming back for more and Hakkai had fallen deeper in love each time of Gojyo's return.
I had loved you for so long that I don't even know when it starts… I'll never let you go… Not to Kenshin, not to anyone…
Sanzo eyed the brown-haired youth. For the last hour, since Hakkai had gone after Gojyo, Goku had waited worriedly at the inn. The monk didn't need to ask; he could see in Goku's gesture. Hn… even if Goku lost his voice, Sanzo could still understand him. But he didn't worry about his other two companions because he knew without a doubt Hakkai would find Gojyo and besides, he didn't want to witness any romantic sickness between them. No, romance was never for him.
Maybe Sanzo didn't need to ask Goku how he was feeling but then seeing Goku wandered back forth was starting to irritate him.
"Sit down, Goku," Sanzo authorized. "You're giving me headache."
Goku stopped abruptly and he reverted his gaze from the door to Sanzo. "But Sanzo, they had been gone for like hours. Something might happen to them!"
Sanzo sighed. "Stop exaggerating, monkey. They'd been gone not even for an hour."
Goku frowned as he scratched his head, which Sanzo thought was kind of adorable. "Are you sure? Cause I think I'm hungry again."
Sanzo immediately smacked Goku's head. Adorable or not, stupid remarks always made him annoyed. "Didn't I tell you to stop using your stomach as bloody clock? It's so damned inaccurate!"
"Aw…" Goku whined. "You don't have to hit me, Sanzo. Besides, you only tell me once. I thought you weren't serious."
Sanzo glared at Goku. Goku always said the stupidest things he had ever heard. But then, the boy's stupidity and innocence were the one that chased his darkest mood away for he no longer brooding over small things. Whether he wanted it or not, it was when Goku came into his life did he realized that his world wasn't only revolving around the temple he lived or the missions he had been assigned to. Through Goku, he had learnt to connect himself to the world and no matter how ferocious his reluctance was; Goku had always found a way to persuade him. Stupid, annoying monkey… He thought as he watched his charge. The thoughts had long lost the sting of irritation, since when, Sanzo didn't know.
The monk didn't want to find the reason behind his lack of anger. He didn't even want to know. Or better, he was afraid to know…
Goku turned away from the window he had been watching and sat on the chair opposite Sanzo. Sanzo was watching him and he knew something was bothering Goku for his golden eyes had turned darker into shining hazel. Sanzo stifled a snort. He had been around the damned monkey for so long that he started to notice even the smallest thing like the hues of Goku's eyes.
Damn it! What else he didn't do with Goku that husband do with his wife? He had already slept in the same bed with Goku when Goku had his nightmares, he had supported the monkey both financially and emotionally and Goku had treated him like a damn wife whenever he was injured!
"Um… Sanzo?" Goku spoke up. Sanzo knew in any minute, Goku was going to ask him about the earlier incident. "About this morning…"
Shit, I can even read his mind! Perhaps I should marry the damn monkey and complete the whole damn husband-and-wife relationship. If Gojyo was thinking this, he might have found it amusing as hell. But Sanzo found this not only ironic but also, in some way, appealing… Shit! What the hell am I thinking?!
"Sanzo?" Goku called softly when he realized his keeper was so deep in thought. Goku couldn't guess what was running through Sanzo's head for he recognized the look that Sanzo usually had when he was brooding about his past. The look Sanzo had now was nowhere near that. It was the same expression Sanzo had for the past few days. Goku would give anything to know what Sanzo was thinking right now.
"Yes, I'm listening." Came an answer. Even his answer had lost the powerful and poisonous sarcasm. Subtle sarcasm yes, bitter sarcasm…? No… What had happened? Goku contemplated silently.
"About this morning, I have this feeling that Gojyo afraid … hate Kenshin not only because he is strong." Goku's dark brows furrowed together. "I think something else happened when he took Gojyo away. Hakkai know this but I don't think he would answer my question."
Sanzo raised his eyebrows. Goku didn't know? He couldn't be that innocent, could he? "What do you mean?" Sanzo said curtly.
"Well, I spoke to him this morning and when I told him that he doesn't have to be afraid to Kenshin merely because he is strong, Gojyo went still and he was kind of shock. It was as if, you know, he didn't expect me to say something like that." Goku leaned forward and rested his chin on the table. "And the thing we found in the house…" Goku let out a visible shudder. "Kenshin definitely did something more to Gojyo and now he want Gojyo back for the reason…"
Sanzo reached out for the newspaper beside him and casually flipped through it. Inside, Sanzo was silently angry to himself for thinking about screwing Goku when he didn't have a clue about… anything.
Ah… but you could always teach him, couldn't you? It would be downright pleasure, tainting such an innocent mind… and body.
"Shut up," Sanzo muttered, hating how his lust easily controlled his mind. Lately, he seemed to not having control over anything when it came to Goku.
"You know too, didn't you, Sanzo?" Goku stated. "What is it then? What happened to Gojyo?"
"It's not my business to tell you what happened, idiot!" Sanzo snapped. "When Gojyo is ready to tell you, he will. Pester him if you want to know."
Goku let out a small pout when Sanzo refused to entertain him. He leaned back against the chair and folded his arms over his chest. "How am I supposed to ask him? He just freezes when I mention that particular name!"
"Then, learn some patience!" Sanzo said his last word, indicating their brief conversation was over and turned his full attention to the newspaper.
Patience? Goku thought irritatingly. Patience was something Sanzo didn't have and patience was something Goku had practiced since the first day Sanzo let him out from the cold prison, hoping one day Sanzo would learn to like him. Like him…? Try loves him. Asking Sanzo to bear even the slightest affection to him was asking the whole universe from God! Well, maybe he was exaggerated a little, like Sanzo said but then, when did Goku ever felt he was being appreciated for being around the monk?
Goku turned his attention back to the window, looking for a glimpse of Gojyo or Hakkai. Sanzo might not want him, thinking he a nuisance and a burden but Goku knew if it took forever, he would make Sanzo at least smile at him. A true, shining smile that lightened his fair face and all those beautiful things about Sanzo when he smiled was reserved to him. And only for him.
I've waited for more than five hundred years already… Goku thought. Waiting for him to come to rescue me... waiting for him to smile at me… waiting for him to love me a little… Surely I can wait for another forever…