A Curse of Taboo Child

Chapter 15 : Miracle

Nothing could prepare Hakkai the sight before him when he opened the door. The scream that he had heard earlier had given a vague picture of what had happened inside. He had expected something ugly but the sight before him nearly brought him on his knees. It was not what he had expected; it was even worse.

Gojyo was lying on the narrow bed, but he wasn't as still as he was when Hakkai left him about more than an hour ago. An hour ago, Gojyo was sleeping peacefully. Now…now…! He was arching his back, threatening to break it into two and the blood… oh god… the blood was pouring out almost everywhere on his body. There was blood oozing out from Gojyo's tightly closed eyes, nose and mouth; there was blood streaming out from Gojyo's skin, as the skin slashed opened on its own. The body was rejecting the poison and it was purging the poison the fastest way it knew how

The blood was everywhere… and the scream! The scream was deafening, painful and desperate! Hakkai would anything to stop it! Hysteric built up within him and his feet moved without thinking; he was running, running toward Gojyo, trying to reach Gojyo before the half-breed completely lost the fragile thread of life he was holding. Hakkai was soundless, but his erratic breathings and frantic movements as he ran toward Gojyo were enough to describe to everybody else in the room just how close he was to hysteria.

Sanzo was stunned; he was rendered speechless at the horrible sight of Gojyo in front of him. He had seen Gojyo received wounds, so severe that they threatened his life, but he had not once saw the half-breed screamed the way he did right now. But he was Sanzo; his practicality came to the rescue. He knew if he let Hakkai, in this level of turmoil, helped Gojyo, Gojyo might not last the day. He needed Hakkai to be sane and calm.

"Goku!" Sanzo called urgently, shaking the equally stunned youth from his stupor. "Idiot! Wake the hell up!" His tone raised up a notch, nearly shouting to be heard above Gojyo's horrible, horrible screaming.

"Sanzo…" Goku turned his wide eyes to Sanzo, almost pleading his guardian to do something.

"I know, damn it!" Sanzo snapped urgently. "Goku, I want you to hold down Gojyo. If he goes on like this, he would hurt himself even more."

Hearing Sanzo's firm and decisive tone, Goku gave his guardian a nod and quickly ran toward Gojyo. After seeing Goku used up his strength to hold down the writhing half-breed, Sanzo turned his attention to the hysteric healer that was already at Gojyo's side. The monk could see that Hakkai was so distraught at the sight of pouring blood that he did not know where to start first.

Hakkai was in the state of total chaos and rendered to complete immobility.

Snarling impatiently, Sanzo marched toward the brunet. He grasped Hakkai's wrist and forced the frozen healer to face him. "Wake the hell up, Hakkai!" Sanzo shook him hard, trying to make sanity, if it was even there. "Don't make me slap you like a girl!"

Breathing harshly, Hakkai blinked his dried verdant eyes once and whispered the first word after he entered the room. His lips were dry, tight and white. "He's dying…"

Anger at such words fall from Hakkai's lips, the volatile monk shook the healer hard. Sanzo didn't mean it but somehow he knew Hakkai was right and he refused to accept that. Gojyo was not allowed to die! If any of his comrades were to die, it would be on his decision and his will. No bastards like Kenshin or Zean could take his companions! "He fucking will if you continue fucking zoning out like this!" Vicious snarls raised up a notch to shouts. "If you don't fucking do something, I'll personally kill this miserable half-breed and end his misery!"

A flicker of fire began to burn hotly. Hakkai was angry at Sanzo's thoughtless words. He was angry at Yaone and Dokugakuji for letting Zean involved in brewing the supposedly cure. He was angry at himself even more for trusting Dokugakuji and persuading Gojyo to try the potion. He was angry at Kenshin for starting all this. But he needed those angers to wake him up from his numb shell and secretly thanking Sanzo.

"Get away from me…" Hakkai whispered, pulling away from Sanzo. His hands were shaking, his body was trembling but his head was clear.

Sanzo eyed the healer in front of him. Satisfied with what he was seeing, he pulled back without retorting back.

Hakkai took a deep breath, putting his emotions in check. He would break down later but not now, not when Gojyo was still fighting to draw his breaths. He would fight together with Gojyo. He climbed the bed and expertly hid his dismay at the blood-spoiled sheet.

"Hold him, Goku." His words are precise and cool; they caused Goku's head to snap up in surprise. "Hold his legs. Make sure he makes less movement. We need to reduce the bleeding."

And Goku obediently did, pressing the kicking legs down, marveled at the strength Gojyo had after losing so much blood. Goku's golden eyes glanced up at Hakkai, hearing dimmedly the brunet asked Sanzo to hold Gojyo's arms. Then his eyes caught something.

"Hakkai…" Goku spoke up hesitantly. But the healer didn't hear it, as he was busy closing the gashing wounds all over Gojyo's body. "Hakkai!" –Hakkai's head snapped up- "Gojyo's not wearing his limiter."

Sanzo and Hakkai's eyes widened and two pairs of eyes moved to Gojyo's neck. "I don't understand…" Hakkai breathed. "Why would Gojyo took off his limiter…?"

Sanzo said nothing. He did not understand either.

"What can we do?" Yaone spoke up hesitantly. The guilt that she felt was overpowering; she felt so helpless. But she wanted to help Hakkai.

Sanzo glared at the pair behind him, his anger to them had not yet properly spent. "Get the fucking out! I think you've done enough!"

"Why you…" Dokugakuji snarled, took a step forward. He had had enough of Sanzo's insolence. But his advance abruptly halted when he saw Goku's wide golden eyes pleaded expressively. The youth shook his head softly and Dokugakuji understood.

Huffing audibly, the larger demon turned around, dragging Yaone with him, and exited the room. But he stopped just outside the room. Just as he was angry at Sanzo, it did not mean he wasn't anxious for his brother.

Yaone looked up at Dokugakuji, guilt was written all over her face. "Oh, Doku… I'm… I'm so sorry… I didn't know Zean is… He was supposed to be my… I just don't understand…" Dokugakuji looked at the tear-stricken face of Yaone. He didn't say anything in return; instead he just drew Yaone close to him and gave the young alchemist a squeeze.

If anybody needed to be blamed, Dokugakuji knew it would be him. He thought of the idea, persuading Yaone when the she had clearly said she might not succeed at all and made Gojyo and Hakkai raised such hope when the truth was there was none. Sometimes, Dokugakuji wondered when he would stop do his brother wrong…

And wondered whether this would be the mistake that Gojyo would not be able to forgive…

"Shit!" Sanzo swore, when he felt his grips on Gojyo's hands were slipping due to the blood. "Shit!"

Hakkai bit his lips. He was losing his calm, he knew it. As fast as he tried to be, he knew he was too slow in closing Gojyo's numerous gashes. Gojyo was losing too much blood, which was very, very bad. To make the matter worse, Gojyo's previous erratic breathings were reduced to shallow breathings, getting slower each second passed. His violent movements weakened.

Move it, Hakkai. The brunet healer screamed at himself. You're not working fast enough! Gojyo cannot hold on forever!

"Goku," Hakkai called, still his attention on the wounds that he tried to close. "Go get some linen. I can't waste more time doing these. I need to try to purge the poison out."

Goku nodded, as he jumped off the bed and ran like mad to get what he needed.

Sanzo looked up and eyed the healer critically. "You can't purge the poison out. You don't know how."

Hakkai put one of his hands on the place where they had injected the poison inside Gojyo and the other one on Gojyo's heart. "When you were poisoned at the desert by the scorpion demon, I knew that I had to improve my healing skill. I needed to be able to heal internal wounds, not just the physical injuries. So, I created a new healing method."

Sanzo loosened his grips on Gojyo's arms, realizing the redhead had not moved as violently as before. "So, you've done this before?"

Focusing his eyes intently on Gojyo's chest, Hakkai shook his head slightly. "I…I've only thought about it theoretically. I've not tested in on real…"

At that time Goku was running back at Hakkai, carrying a bundle of white linen. "Tell me what to do, Hakkai," Goku said, determined to do anything to help Hakkai saving Gojyo. The youth's face was white but his golden glinted unwaveringly.

"I want you to press the clothes onto Gojyo's opening wounds and stop the bleeding. We still need to close the wound, but I need to purge the poison out before Gojyo becomes too weak. Sanzo, help Goku." Hakkai said firmly, inside he was slowly breaking down.

Gojyo's eyes glazed, oblivious of his surrounding; his breathings were shallow and fast, reducing their rate each second passed. He seemed to be slowly numbed by the continuous pain that flowed through his body. Strands of red hair plastered across his face; it was hard to distinguish between the hair and the blood. The color of his skin was sallow, white and it made the bright color of red, be it eyes, hair or blood, more prominent. Hakkai had never seen a more frightening scene.

If not for the breathing, Hakkai would have sworn that Gojyo was dead already.

Taking a deep breath and steadying his trembling hands, Hakkai looked at Gojyo's face. "Let's see if we can win this battle, Gojyo…" Hakkai whispered almost inaudibly; his voice was cracking with fear and anguish. He knew Gojyo was too immersed in his pain that he was totally oblivious of the world, that he did not hear him. But Hakkai needed to say those words, to reassure Gojyo, to convince himself. "But I cannot do this alone… I want you to help me… I want you to fight with me…"

Slowly, Hakkai gathered his ki, focusing the green energy to both of his palm. He pressed his palms on Gojyo's heart and on the place where the poison went in. He took another deep breath and prayed silently before he increased his ki on the arm that he had covered the injection hole with his palm to force the green energy to flow into Gojyo's body.

The feeling of pain of foreign ki intruded his system was beyond belief. Nothing had prepared him for such pain. The strength that Gojyo thought he had lost came in full force as his body reacted to the pain. It took Sanzo by surprised when he heard Gojyo's scream increased tenfold, his face contorted painfully and the arms that he thought had weakened jerked violently. A string of curses dripped from Sanzo's lips as he tried to regain the hold.

Goku, who was busy binding and pressing the gashing wounds, gasped in shock as Gojyo's leg kicked his stomach in full force. He lost his breath momentarily, absorbing the pain before he threw away the linens he was holding to pin down the offending leg, "What…happen to Gojyo!" Goku gasped as he practically sat on Gojyo's legs.

Sanzo only gritted his teeth, from the efforts to press Gojyo's arms. He could feel Gojyo's pain. So full of pain, it radiated all over the room. And Hakkai still continued to force the healing ki inside Gojyo, ignoring the screams. For a moment, Sanzo was really considering to kill the half-breed and end his misery.

Perspiration tickled down Hakkai's temples, proof of him reaching his limits. Hakkai's emerald eyes watched intensely at Gojyo, looking for any sign that his newly and theoretically formed method was working. The pain that Gojyo felt was expected. He was after all trying to push inside his ki into Gojyo's bloodstream, healing the damage along the way. And he tried to tell himself that the continuous bleeding that came out from Gojyo's mouth would stop if… no! when he succeeded to heal all of Gojyo's internal wounds.

"Hold on… hold on… hold on…" Hakkai chanted under his breath, feeling more of his perspiration fall from his forehead. His palm on Gojyo's heart, poised readily, if somehow Gojyo's heart failed to function. Somehow, he had this feeling that he needed to do that.

"Please… wait for me… just a little bit more…"

"Just a little bit more…"

Gojyo couldn't… Even he had heard Hakkai's request to fight together… Hakkai's chants asking him to hold on… he just couldn't… His grip on the fragile thread of life was slipping as blackness surrounded him, threatening to take his consciousness away. The same blackness was pressing his heart; he could not breathe. In the struggle between the light and darkness, he knew he was fighting the losing battle. That this time, he did not have the enough strength and power to stop the darkness from completely engulfing him.

Still, Gojyo labored each breath he took; stubbornly holding on to his life, willing to take any pain as it was a sign for him that he was still alive. He still clung desperately to Hakkai's voice. He wanted Hakkai to know he was fighting too.

Another blast of pain shock through his body, stolen his breath, forcing another ripple of scream to escape.

Weak… He was so damn weak… Gojyo knew he was slowly losing the fight. He was powerless to even grant Hakkai's plead to fight together. The darkness almost consumed him… coaxing him with promises of stopping the pain. Such promises were tempting… He was, after all, feeling so tired…

Yes… the pain was horrible; unbearable… it would be good if it stopped. …But… He just didn't want to leave Hakkai. He was fighting for each breath he took, bearing each shock of pain for Hakkai. He wanted the chance to tell Hakkai how much he meant to him. He wanted to tease Goku and ruffle the boy's hair one more time. He wanted to provoke the grumpy monk and laugh at the glare given to him.

He wanted to have another chance of four of them sitting together having dinner… four of them sitting in the jeep… and to have a chance of four of them heading to East for an exchange…

Yes… he wanted to so many things… he pleaded those reasons to the darkness. It persisted, already extending such blackness, touching him, coaxing him with more promises…

No… His will was slowly crumbling down, his breathings were fading… No… do not take me… And he felt so cold…

Faces of Hakkai smiling and laughing flashed in front of his glazing eyes; so beautiful… so happy... And to know he had made Hakkai happy made him happy too…

Moments of Hakkai's intense eyes gazed into his eyes when they made love took over… he wanted to look upon those again and again and again... forever… for the rest of his life…

He felt the ghost of Hakkai lips upon his and his gentle hands ran through his hair… he felt so loved… he was loved… and he knew that he loved the beautiful healer back… He had searched for love in his lonely 21 years… he had found it…

He heard Hakkai soft gasps when he teased him during their love-making and then he heard Hakkai chuckles at his outrageous jokes; it made him smiled too…

And then… he saw Hakkai's tears… he looked so sad… heart-broken…

His heart went still. He knew his fight was over…

If he only he could whisper good bye…

"No!" Hakkai shouted. "NonononoNO!" Gojyo had stopped breathing, his heart had stopped beating, and he had stopped moving.

Sanzo slowly released his grips on Gojyo's arms, eyes widened in disbelief; his breaths stuck at the back of his throat. He was rendered motionless, speechless and useless. Goku was frozen to the core as coldness gripped his heart like never before.

Hakkai raised his head to look at Sanzo and Goku; wildness and fury colored his eyes, turning the bright green eyes into dark and dangerous. "Move away from him!" Hakkai screamed; he was so close of losing his sanity. Why wouldn't he? His reason was leaving him. His whole life was leaving him! "MOVE!"

Sanzo grabbed both of Goku's shoulders and pulled the immobilized boy away from the lifeless Gojyo and crazy-hysteric Hakkai. He readied himself with his sutra, willing to form another limiter lest the healer completely lost it. He kept his distance and yet closed enough to knock Hakkai unconscious if he needed too.

Having all the space he demanded so rashly just now, Hakkai looked down at Gojyo with such anger and incredible hurt. "You're not leaving me!" Hakkai screamed at the still form of Gojyo. "Don't you dare leave me!"

With such force, Hakkai slammed his mouth on Gojyo's, breathing his life into Gojyo repeatedly. Then he pumped the half-breed heart, willing it to start beating again.

"Come on, you bastard!" Hakkai roared, his reserve left him completely. And he covered his mouth over Gojyo's, practically willing to give his all life and breath if that was needed to bring Gojyo back. Anything to bring Gojyo's back. ANYTHING.

Hakkai pumped again, his fists curled so tight upon Gojyo's chest. "I said you can't leave me!"

"YOU. CAN'T. LEAVE. ME!" The breaking healer shouted at each thrust to Gojyo's chest.

Growled in utter frustration when he got no response from Gojyo, Hakkai leaned down to breathe in Gojyo's lung, again and again and again, forcing it to accept it. Then he pumped Gojyo's chest again and again and again, forcing the heart to beat again…

He only asked Gojyo to hold on! Just hold on while he did all the work! Was that so hard! Just who did Gojyo think he was! Who said he could just leave him like this! How dare he!

Fury rose up within him like never before. Fear consumed him like vengeance. Hakkai was falling on into the dark, black abyss that he knew he could never climb back out again. He was breaking down; he was losing his only life, his only faith, his only…everything. And he couldn't do anything about it.

"I'll kill you, bastard…" Hakkai gritted as he chanted. "If you don't wake up now, I'll kill you…"

Goku's wide eyes watched the desperate and heart-wrecking scene in front of him; tears streaming silently; grief took him swiftly that Goku felt his knees weakened. The young brunet fall to his knees; he felt his heart broke, bleeding for Hakkai and Gojyo and for himself… And then, he felt strong arms wrapped around him from behind.

Sanzo was kneeling too; his hair was shadowing his upper face. He pulled Goku's back closer to his back and… slowly put his forehead in the curve of Goku's neck, hiding his own grief. Somehow, along the way of this journey, his icy wall had crumbling down. He had watched Hakkai losing Gojyo. Foreign emotions kicked in full force and he knew if he lost Goku like that, he would lose the only link to the remaining sanity he possessed.

Gojyo was dead; Hakkai refused to give up; Sanzo and Goku knew they were both powerless to stop the healer.

Sometimes, as jaded as they all were, they were trying to reach something impossible. A miracle.

"Don't, Gojyo…" Hakkai's voice finally cracked. Gojyo's heart had stopped beating more than ten minutes. The anger was gone, the pretense was fading, and his heart was breaking. Hakkai started to grieve. His pumping weakened, just like his faith… "Just don't…"

And Hakkai gave Gojyo his final try, final piece of his torn faith. He leaned down to breathe in Gojyo's lungs and thrust his fists onto Gojyo's chest. "Don't… please…" he whispered. "Don't do this to me…"

Sometimes, when you asked for it, you just have to believe that you will receive it. Such belief was supposed to be inexistent to people like them. Such faith was supposed to be long robbed from them. They were, after all, murderers, jaded, faithless people. But then, love touched everyone, even to such people like them and love couldn't exist without faith. And so, they believed because they loved and the miracle they asked in their grief was asked with faith that they never knew existed within them.

Thus…

A cough broke out. Soft and breathless. But enough to make Goku's golden eyes blinked, Sanzo lifted his head and Hakkai stopped his pumping. The atmosphere in the room was stilled, waiting… just waiting…

Another cough. This time, made Hakkai scrambled closer to Gojyo's head and made both Sanzo and Goku stood up. Gojyo's face was white and corpse-like. Hope rose so abruptly within Hakkai's heart that it hurt… it hurt so much. Hakkai's trembling hand slowly moved to Gojyo's forehead, tracing along the damped forehead before pushing the equally damped strands of hair from Gojyo's face.

"Gojyo…?" Hakkai called softly, unsure. His hand caressed down to cup the fine jaw line before slowly wiped off the streaming line of blood from the corner of Gojyo's mouth. "Gojyo…?"

All breath held back and no movement was to be detected when they watched the long dark-red lashes of Gojyo's eyes fluttered with such tiring efforts before a pair of equally red eyes made their appearance. At first, those eyes held no recognition, still portraying the recent pain he suffered… Seconds passed like eternity before those eyes slowly directed other than blankness and straight to Hakkai's eyes.

And as if he watching a miracle, Hakkai's dry and white lips cracked into a small smile when he saw Gojyo's lips moved, forming his name. Hakkai…

Strange how Gojyo would always find Hakkai's verdant eyes reassuring, even when those eyes were full of fear and intense grief that had yet to go away. Stranger even when he felt Hakkai gently caressed his lips made Gojyo felt loved even he knew he was unworthy of anyone's love. His mother said so… but then his mother didn't caress his bruise lips after putting it there. And he knew this was what he was fighting for after his heart had stopped breathing.

A chance to see Hakkai smiled again…

Gojyo's lips moved silently… wanting to say something… but he didn't know what to say and he couldn't find any strength to do so.

Hakkai's relief was so great that his heart nearly stopped beating. His limbs failed to move from his current position, he didn't want to, lest if he did, he would lose the miracle he was holding so tenderly right now. He had forgotten about Sanzo and Goku, who were watching the scene; Goku grinned so wide with tears still streaming down his cheeks and Sanzo, expression inscrutable as ever, still holding Goku with him with no intention of letting go.

Hakkai had forgotten the world existed as he watched the blood-red eyes that he had worked half-death to see again. Nothing about himself that worth more than the man lying beneath him, watching him like never before. If he had to sacrifice his life, Gojyo would only have to ask; how could he deny that? Never…

He saw Gojyo's lips moved silently, he leaned down, placing his ear close to Gojyo's dried lips. "…Gojyo… what…?"

Hot breath hit Hakkai's ear; he shuddered slightly with unknown contentment. Gojyo was alive. Gojyo was breathing. "…'m tired… sleep for a while…" Gojyo whispered raspy, waiting for Hakkai to nod; to give his consent…

Hakkai smiled shakily before he nodded softly. Even when the half-breed had gone through such pain and death, he still considerate enough to don't want Hakkai to worry if he just closed eyes like that.

I loved him. Oh God… I loved Sha Gojyo… So much… Too much… It would never be enough…

Hakkai lifted his face away from Gojyo, watching the redhead slept. His fear was slowly soothed by the soft rhythms of Gojyo's breathing; finally be able to relax and calm down.

Hakkai had not shed even a tear during the hellish ordeal. He was hysteric, feeling mighty fury washed him like fire, breaking down like fragile china and felt he was blessed by the greatest miracle ever bestowed to humankind. His emotion was slammed back and forth. He was completely drained; his barrier was breaking dangerously. But not one tear escaped his eyes.

He quietly left the bed and without saying anything to Sanzo and Goku; they didn't stop him. They knew that Hakkai needed the privacy. Then, the healer left the room, sparing not even a glance to Dokugakuji and Yaone. His quiet steps quickened to running when he reached the exit and Hakkai kept running and running and running…

Surrounded by thick jungle, Hakkai felt his legs weakened and he fell on his knees. Tears of joy, relief and stress from the experience broke free uncontrollably. His heart shriveled with fear and then expanded with such happiness. He had never felt so much emotion before in his while life as Hakkai.

He had lost Gojyo for ten minutes and he had almost lost him because he was foolish enough to inject the poison into him. He had practically almost killed Gojyo.

He had almost killed the most important person in his life.

The thoughts and emotions burst like volcano. His chest expanded with so much feeling. He needed to let those out. The tears weren't enough. No, they were not.

And so, Hakkai screamed.

"Gojyo made it, huh?" Dokugakuji asked softly, his dark eyes focused on the sleeping figure on the bloodied sheet. When he saw Hakkai walked out of the room, face so pale and worn, he had thought the worst. He had heard the way Hakkai shouted; cursing at Gojyo… he knew Gojyo had stopped breathing.

For a moment, Dokugakuji felt his heart went cold. For a moment, he had thought that this time, no matter what his excuses were, he would not be able to forgive himself. For a moment, he had wanted to die as penance for all the wrong he had done to his younger brother.

Perhaps it was not a moment. Because when he came about, he saw Hakkai walked past him, sparing not even a glance, expression as frozen as ice. Did Gojyo die? Why didn't he hear anything inside the room?

He did not burst in the room like before. The silence surrounding the room deserved his silent entry as well. He was dreading the view that might be presented to him. He was not yet ready to watch his vibrant, devil-may-care brother lied lifelessly on the bed. He had much to do to make up mistakes from the past, guilt that needed to be assuaged.

The scene that greeted him was not what he expected. Inside the room, Goku was kneeling beside Gojyo, carefully washed out the still unbound opening wounds and wrapped linens around each wound. The boy's face was intense but still pale and worn out. The hands that worked around the linens were still slightly trembling. But the peace upon his face was absolute.

Sanzo was standing not too far from two of his companions; his expression was carefully hidden by his golden locks. One look told anybody that the monk was unaffected by the whole thing, but Dokugakuji's sharp eyes did not miss the absolute tense posture that Sanzo tried so damn hard to relax. Nor the way Sanzo clenched his fists and the way his violet eyes watched Goku slowly and carefully tended Gojyo. Maybe he was wrong, but to Dokugakuji, Sanzo looked afraid and extremely uneasy.

Then, his eyes reverted to Gojyo. As pale and still as he was, no one can deny the fact that Gojyo was sleeping heavily. His face was damped with sweat and blood. Lines of exhaustion and pain did not yet left his face but no one could deny that he was finally relaxing.

"What are you still doing here?" Sanzo bit out, less harsh then he intended. Perhaps the anger he felt toward Dokugakuji dampened by the feeling of Gojyo had somehow survived. Or the peaceful look on Goku's face.

Dokugakuji, too, was too emotionally exhausted to draw up any anger. "Just looking…"

"At what?" Sanzo snorted softly. "At your half-death brother?"

"Yeah… half-death brother…" Dokugakuji brought up his hand and rubbed his face tiredly. "…I wanted to do so much for him… Never came out right…"

"You left him to deal with your mother's corpse. He worshipped your mother; he worshipped you. How would you think he felt?" Sanzo's tone was sharp. He was tired hearing Dokugakuji's words, saying how much he wanted to make up with his brother. Sanzo had never believed in second chances before.

"I tried to reason my actions for so long…and came up none." Dokugakuji looked at his brother and guilt and love were all over his face. Memories of his young Gojyo ran toward me, holding red flowers and falling down along the way, flashed in front of his eyes. Smiles on Gojyo's face, so did the bandages. His mother beat him endlessly and Dokugakuji had never seen an expression of hatred adorned Gojyo's young face.

If I gave these red flowers to Mother, she would like me, right

I'm not crying! No, they didn't hurt… I'm not lying! Ouch!

Jien…? Am I really cursed? Mother says so… everybody says so… Is that why she doesn't love me…

I love you, Jien… Really, really, really love you…

"And one day I just stopped reasoning and realized that I have no excuse on what I've done to Gojyo," The tall demon said softly, still looking at his brother. He wondered if Gojyo would still love him like he was when he was a little boy…if Gojyo would still hug him so innocently before their mother's death… Did he even dare to ask? "I'm a coward… that's what I am. And Gojyo had more courage than I will ever have."

Sanzo did not say anything. He didn't need to. Dokugakuji was already burdened with guilt for so long he didn't need to add more. Instead, he contented himself to watch Goku. He, too, was burdened with guilt. For letting his master died… for the blood that covered his hands... But somehow, by merely watching Goku, feeling his innocent showered down his guilt and blood, Sanzo felt as if he had found the redemption he was looking for. He had felt peace.

"So, what are you going to do about that?" Sanzo's monotone voice asked. He still did not look at Dokugakuji.

"Right now? Leaving, I guess," Dokugakuji let out an unsure and short laugh. "I've done enough mistakes for one day."

Sanzo just snorted softly under his breath.

"Tell Hakkai, he is lucky." Dokugakuji breathed, as he turned away and walked out the door. "Gojyo does not love often. And when he does, he would love unconditionally."

"I don't need to do that." Sanzo exhaled, finally relaxing his rigid posture. "Hakkai knows."

Dokugakuji curved up a small smile and he vanished.