I want to look perfect tonight. I'm not just going to settle on frizzy hair and unshaved legs; I am going to look hot. Period.
My hard work will be worth it in the end. I just know it. I'll be popular, I'll know everybody, and I'll have a golden reputation. My plan will work. Even if the party is dull (which is how it was last year) and everyone ends up just sitting around and talking, I will make my presence known. I will. I promise you.
Wow. I'm doomed.
Let's face it. It'll probably be like it was last year, where I ended up just clinging on Ben the whole time instead of getting to know people. No one will look different or more interesting than they did three months ago. There'll probably be new people there who moved here over the summer, but they'll be forgotten within a few months. As a matter of fact, this whole thing just doesn't seem worth while.
I don't think I'll go then.
Nope, I won't go.
Ok, I'll go, but I'll make things different. Somehow.
I really need to stop thinking now.
I had actually gone shopping for this event, spending my hard-earned dollars from Riley's Pharmacy to buy something that would make me stand out. I just hoped now that I hadn't wasted the money on that skimpy skirt and top I bought. Lord knows I'll never wear them again.
As I sat on my bed, I looked at my stilettos sitting in the closet patiently, waiting for me to wear them. They know (and I know) that I would rather be wearing my slippers and pajama pants instead of going out, but when someone invites to you to something like this, you just don't simply "go" to it and have a good time. You sprint. Even in your stilettos and whore skirt.
I sighed at the thought.
I walked over to my mirror and looked at my dark hair, putting it up carefully with some bobby pins. I put on my makeup warily, so that I wouldn't mess up and have to start all over again. I put on the perfume as well, the lip gloss, the mascara, all that was necessary.
That's when I started thinking about the year before.
The party had been a painful experience for me that previous summer. I had been a freshman and didn't know anybody but my boyfriend, Ben, who was a junior at the time and one of the leaders of that group. No one had acknowledged me or talked to me, and I held on to Ben throughout the whole thing, wide-eyed and terrified. Yet, miraculously over the year at our high school, I had been officially labeled cool (no doubt because of my boyfriend's social status), and they had accepted me into their clique, which you and I would call "the popular crowd." It had been a catalyst moment for me, and after that I had been invited to every social event in the district, being known as "the cool freshman."
This party though, was the ultimate. I couldn't mess up here like I did last summer, or that might damage me for the rest of the year.
I looked over at the clock and realized that Ben was coming any moment. Understanding that didn't have much time, I quickly put on my outfit and those painful stilettos as I ran around the house, putting the essentials into my tiny purse.
Ben was my first boyfriend and my current boyfriend. We've been dating for little over a year, and although we have our moments, we really depend on each other a lot. Lord, he is charming, but that doesn't mean he's always like that. There are times when I think of dumping him, but I haven't though, for obvious reasons, and really, I don't think I'd be able to get along without him. But really, he's a great guy. Really.
The doorbell rang.
"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap." I mumbled to myself as I stumbled to the door. "Be right there!" I shuffled through all the stuff in my purse. Okay, money, check. Cell phone, check. Camera, check. Tampons, check. Emergency make up kit, check. I'm good to go.
I walked hastily to the door and plastered a smile on my face. I could see Ben's silhouette standing outside.
"Hey babe." He said with a smile as I opened the door. Wow. He looked good, but he always looked good. Tight shirt, unkempt hair, jeans – he had the look down. He grabbed my hand and pulled my toward him, planting a kiss on my lips as he held my waist. He was still able to give me the chills, and I liked it better that way. No talking, just kissing. If it was always like this, he would be able to hold onto me forever.
He let go of me slowly and scanned me up and down. I hated it when he did that. "You look hot." He said finally, nodding his head.
"Gee, I'm glad I got your approval." I retorted sarcastically as I walked to his car.
"Oh, Brie," I heard him say behind me, "don't take it so personally."
"I wasn't." I informed him as I walked to the car. "Now let's go. We're going to be late."
I helped myself into the car, looking around at what was inside. It was obvious from the leather interior that he didn't have to work for what he was given. He got inside, clumsily putting on his seat belt.
He started the car and backed out the driveway. "Hey Brie," he said slowly and cautiously, but I already knew what he was going to say, "Tonight, can you not, like, hang all over people?" He turned to me and smiled awkwardly.
I rolled my eyes. "That's a really great way to start out the night." I told him. Unfortunately, this was not the first time we had had this conversation.
"I…uh…." He stammered.
"Forget it. Fine, I'll do what you want. But in return, can you please not grope the girls?" I mocked, "They've been complaining a lot lately and I really-"
"You know what; I could take you home right now." He said matter-of-factly.
"Well, I would rather you do that than have my boyfriend boss me around."
He looked over at me sharply. There was trouble in paradise. I shut up.
Our relationship was never perfect. We never had highs and lows, we were always just stuck in the middle, at this point where we're not really happy with each other, but not upset either. It was a sick, overwhelming feeling, knowing that the one person who you're suppose to rely on the most mainly disappoints you the most as well.
I looked out the window at the palm trees painted yellow by the sunset. It was gorgeous. I loved living in Florida. It never got cold and was always sunny out. I was happy here, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
After a few moments of awkward silence, he muttered a few apologetic words, and soon, the whole thing was forgotten. At least, for now.
He turned onto Cherry Street, one of the most beautiful streets in Central Florida with the most expensive houses as well. Greg, the guy who was hosting the party, lived there. It was amazing to me to think that there were in people in the world that had that kind of money and still weren't willing to give at least a dollar for a noble cause, but would buy these enormous houses instead. Greg was one of those people, but he still lived with his parents. I had a feeling he was never going to move out.
"Hey," Ben said, striking up a conversation, "there's going to be a new kid at the party tonight."
"Oh, yeah?" I said, taking interest.
"Yeah, he just came here after living in Texas for a couple of months."
I nodded. "Cool."
Greg's house was approaching.
Ohgoodnessgracious. Alright, act cool. Think cool. Be cool.
Ben parked the car in front of his house. You could already see people inside and out in the backyard. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here anymore. This wasn't me. This wasn't what I wanted to be.
"Brie, don't freak out." Ben said, noticing the sudden distress on my face. He chuckled and grabbed my hand.
I gave a fake smile. "I won't." I lied.