Eleanor Roosevelt, was a small woman, being small had lots of disadvantages, like everybody thinking you were a little kid, when you decided to wear that oversized shirt that hid in the back of your closet, or... Erm... Well... That was it really... Except for the fact that she had to look up at everybody...
But, with great disadvantages, comes great advantages, like... Er... Well... She was good at hiding, real good... When she last played it, the other kids didn't find her at all! Three hours she sat in a closet in complete silence, and when she finally came out, she found them playing video-games in her brothers room... Ha, suckers, must've given up to my awesome hiding skills! She had thought.
Then, later in life, she had realized that they had ditched her... And she had felt sad... Really sad... Sad and small...
So, during those late nights, after working in an office, she would cuddle up on her sofa, with her cat, Bubbles, and cry as she watched her soap operas, wishing her life was better...
Then one day, her cat run away, and she was sad... Er... Sadder... Really Sad and really small...
But she decided that the cat was one thing in her life that she needed... Along with a step ladder, so she could be the one looking down on people...
So she took a personal day, and set out on a valiant quest... To find Bubbles the cat...
First, she went to her apartment and picked up one of her photos, out of the hundreds she had taken over the past month, and went to the copy shop.
An hour later, the whole of the town of Icicle was covered in photos of a mad blond woman and a black, fat cat. With the words, 'Lost, beautiful pussy cat, as seen in above picture, if found please ring my number and ask for Elena.'
What she didn't realize though, was that she had forgotten to put her number on the leaflet... Being blond has serious effects on the brain... Or so I've been told...
So she continued handing out the leaflets to people on the street, and eventually came to the ski resort, figuring vacationers may have cat napped her cat, she decided to interrogate anybody suspicious.
She ran up to the doors, gave a flying kick... And fell on her ass... Then she realized... The doors opened outward... So she got up in a fit of fury, and practically ripped the door open.
Upon entering, she was greeted by a crowded room, everybody was gathered in a circle, screaming and shouting things like "Kick their asses!" "Yay Reno! Your so cool!"
Wondering what could possibly be happening, she tapped the nearest person on the shoulder and asked; "What's going on?"
"The Turks are here! With their camera crew, I wanna say hi to my girlfriend back home!" An excited man answered her.
Turks? Wait, weren't they off the TV? That bald guy, and that red head?
The little bundle of blondness jumped up and down excitedly, she was a big fan of them, from when she had first seen them on TV, a couple of weeks ago. She had finally found a life goal... To talk to the Turks, and a chance to meet them, like this, didn't come that often, so, she abandoned her first quest, and for once, used her smallness as an advantage, and weaved through the crowd.
When she got to the front of the group, she saw three blue suited men and a camera man, ducking and dodging through blades, that a bunch of men, dressed in ninja suits were using. The three Turks were swinging their Electro Mag Rods around, parrying them with the swords, and the sparks were flying.
Wait, three Turks?
Wasn't their just Reno and Rude?
Elena turned to a woman next to her, and asked; "Who's that other Turk, the one with black hair?"
"Tseng I think his name was... I dunno... Yea! Nice move!" The woman shouted and turned back to the fight, when Elena turned to the fight, she noticed that this Tseng guy had defeated his opponent, who was now on his back, electricity flashing across his body, she looked at the other two Turks, Reno spun on his heel, and let loose a bolt of electrical energy, and Rude had slammed his hand into the ground, and sent a shock-wave at his enemy, the last two ninjas fell to the floor, twitching and the Turks quickly put away their mag rods and turned to the crowd.
"..." Tseng and Rude said nothing to the cheering crowd, retaining their stoicnessness... But Reno... Well... Reno... Danced... Before walking around the crowd and signing autographs...
"Thank you! We'll be here all week! No, really!" Reno shouted, and the crowd seeming to get bored, began to scatter, leaving only the Turks, Bob, and a few fans, including Elena.
"Erm... Can we help you?" Rude said, as he looked at Elena and the other fans.
The Turks intimidating figure and attire caused the rest of the people, excluding Elena, to back of and go back to their business.
"Erm... Mr. Rude... Mr. Reno... Sirs... I was erm... Wondering... That is to say... Erm... Can you sign this?" Elena managed to stutter out, Rude turned to Reno and they shared a grin.
"You want us to sign a picture of yourself and a... Cat...?" Rude asked, his eyebrow arching...
"Hey Rude, that looks like that cat you found this morning!" Reno said, as he jumped up and down behind Rude, barely managing to look over his shoulder.
Elena's eyes burst into flames, and she tackled the bald Turk.
"What did you do with my cat, bastard!" She screamed at him, maybe an inch or two away from his face.
Now Rudolph Jacques was a tough man, he'd grown up in a Mafia family, had worked as a Turk for over six years now, and had seen action on every continent out there.
Very little scared him, but out of the things that did scare him, this was one of them.
A crazy blond woman, ready to kill him over a cat.
If he wasn't such a tough man, and had strict control over his bladder... He would of wet himself...
The screaming woman's mouth, started to foam, she looked like a dog ready to snap at it's prey.
So he did the only thing he could, he attempted to pull his mag rod out... But before he could, the crazy lady whacked it away, he looked at the other men for help.
That's when the woman began spasm, and eventually fall over, Rude looked up, and saw Tseng, with his mag rod held out in front of him.
"Um... Thanks..." Rude managed to say as he stood up, he looked down at the crazy lady. "What are we gonna do with her?"
"Lets tie her to a tree, paint her blue and cover her in dog food, then let a pack of dogs loose on her!" Reno shouted excitedly, and jumped up and down, before continuing. "Nobody messes with Reno of the Turks!"
"Reno... She attacked Rude, not you..."
"Thats what I said!"
"No you didn't..."
"Pff... You just hate me cause I'm green..." Reno said, pouted and walked away.
"Go, don't let him get away." Tseng said to Bob, the camera man, who nodded and followed after the red head.
The Turk leader turned to his subordinate and the crazy lady. "Take her back to the hotel, give her the cat."
Rude nodded, picked up the fuzzy blond with little effort, and walked away, meanwhile, Tseng pulled out his wallet and flipped through it. "I hope the barman takes plastic..." He said to himself, then walked in the general direction of the bar.
----
Roughly an hour later, and Elena finally came around, what she first noticed, was that she was tied to a chair.
The second thing she noticed, was that the ropes were really tight.
The last thing she noticed, was a bald man, with her cat, sat on the bed in front of her, she grunted and attempted to get up, to very little avail.
The bald man stroked the cat gently, behind it's ear, and it let out a purr... Then she realized something... If the man was to move his pinky to his mouth, and start laughing a stupid laugh, he'd look just like that mad man, out of that film she watched the other day... What was he called...? Dr. Evil...?
"You did a very stupid thing today..." He finally spoke.
"Huh?" She asked, then she noticed something else, she'd been gagged...
"You attacked me, crazy cat lady... People shouldn't attack me... It makes me angry... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry..."
"Hff fuff fof fuffy!" She tried to ask.
Rude stood up, and gently placed the cat down on her lap.
"I'm going to go and make a phone call, I'll be back in a moment." He said and walked to the door.
As the door closed, Elena, fearing what the Turk would do upon his return, started to struggle about, in an attempt to get the ropes to loosen, all this served to do though, was to wake up her sleeping cat.
Then an idea hit her.
"Fuffles! Fhafen for flafs!" The cat cocked it's head to the side, as it looked up at her head, it's mouth opened wide as it yawned and lied down again.
Elena sighed.
She was going to die here, in some fancy hotel, because she attacked a bald man in a suit...
Suddenly, she thought to herself, that maybe her old life wasn't so bad...
Sure, being an assistant had it's downsides, but at-least it wasn't life threatening...
She tilted her head backward, to look at the ceiling, which somehow shifted her weight and made the chair rock...
Another idea hit her just then, as she struggled to right the chair.
She placed her feet in front of herself, and shifted her weight forward, as she did this, the cat jumped from her, and Elena landed on her feet.
To say she looked odd there, bent at an angle, with a chair tied to her back, was an understatement.
She walked a couple of steps forward, and looked around the room, for something she could use to break herself free with.
Not alot... There was a big TV, three beds, a sofa and that was it, she sighed again, and noticed an open suitcase on the bed, inside it were a variety of weapons, laid in a foam substances, she assumed it was to keep them still during transit.
----
Outside of the apartment, and Rude was on the phone.
"Yeah... Icicle... Bout' a week... First thing when I get back... Yeah, love you too baby... Bye..." The bald man clicked a button on his mobile, and replaced it back into his pocket, then he turned to go back inside, before a voice stopped him.
"Hey Rude, how's it goin'?" The loudmouth Reno said as himself and Bob came down the hallway, carrying what appeared to be an unconscious Tseng between them.
Rude sighed, half past ten in the morning and this day had been one of his worst so far.
First he'd gotten up late, then Reno had used up all the hot water, so he'd had to have a cold shower, then Tseng had used the last of the coffee... Then they'd been attacked by Ninjas, sent by Lord Godo to assassinate Shinra's lap dogs, then he'd been jumped by a crazy cat lady, and now finally, his boss was drunk before he was... Great...
The bald headed Turk turned to the door, waited for the other two to catch up to him and opened it... What he didn't expect though, was the crazy cat lady, to be holding her cat in one hand, and a Scarlet Witch handgun in the other, she fires a volley of shots at the Turks, all of which miss, but it doesn't fail to catch their attention.
"This is a Scarlet witch handgun, the power-fullest handgun in creation, it holds a twelve bullet clip... Now you gotta ask yourself one thing, did I fire eleven shots, or twelve?" Elena says as she holds the weapon in her hand, Rude slowly reaches up and into her jacket, the blonde stops him as she continues speaking. "Go ahead, punk, make my day." She says, in her best tough guy voice, and aims the weapon toward his private region.
"What do you want?" Rude asks.
"I wanna be a Turk, like you guys." The blond says.
"Hn..." The bald man says, he flicks his wrist, and his mag rod extends, before she can react, she's been whacked over the head, and on the floor in pain.
"Actually, the Scarlet Witch only holds ten bullets, with an extended clip, you could change that to twenty five... You only shot ten bullets, meaning you'd be out of ammo, right? But you forgot the one in the chamber, meaning it could fire a possible eleven before being needed to be reloaded." Rude says as he examines the weapon.
He fires the last shot at the fallen blond, and she screams in pain... She continues to scream for a couple of minutes, before she realizes that it's only a dull ache, and a small bruise.
"You didn't actually think we'd leave weapons and real ammunition around did you? They're blanks..." He says, and drops the weapon at her feet.
"You mean you knew I'd escape?"
"This has all been a test, Eleanor, welcome to the Turks."
----
Cueball's Notes begin!
What to say about this chapter? Not alot really, I was aiming for a drama chapter, with some comedy mixed in.
It was mainly just to introduce Elena, and build her character a little, maybe I should have worked on Tseng's too... But meh, it was getting kind of long, so next Chapter will be a Tseng one...
I've always seen Elena as a TV addict of sorts, so I decided to make her one, I dunno why, but the thought of Elena, holding a cat and saying that Dirty Harry quote, makes me chuckle, the same goes for Rude being a Dr. Evil looky likey. Hmm... Maybe I'll write a fic, with each chapter based on a film, parody's of coarse.
Not enough Reno, or Bob in this chapter, so that's probably why it's not as funny or random as previous ones.
I can't really get inside Tseng's head, so to speak. I find him difficult to write, and when I do write about him, or from his perspective, I tend to find it rubbish, so I don't use him alot, he will feature heavily though, over however many chapters this is going to be.
The attack Tseng uses, in the miniature fight scene, with the Turks and the Ninjas, was not detailed on purpose, seeing as how I don't know what weapon he uses, and Rude uses a mag rod in Advent Children, when he attempts to take on Cloud, I figured Tseng would have one too, I mean, it'd be pretty stupid to go against a big sword with your bare hands right? I decided not to give him a gun, simply because I could, it wouldn't be a good fight if he just pulls out a gun a pops a cap in a ninjas ass.
Anyway, the reason he uses an electrical attack? Well, Reno has Neo Turk Light, with is basically a lightning ball he fires at someone, and Rude has Grand Spark, I can't actually remember what he does in that move, but I assume it's electrical, seeing as how it has 'Spark' in the name, it's been a while since I last played. Anyway, I figured if the other have one, Tseng should have one too.
I did say last chapter that Rufus would rock, Avalanche would attack, Rude would read, Reno would run and Tseng would twist, well, I couldn't fit it all in, so it'll probably be next chapter.
Now, onto the reviews I received:
zephyree: Yeah, it's kinda crazy, but everybody's a little crazy sometimes, some more than others.
Nando the RPS King: Thanks for your comment, I hope this chapter was mad enough for you, and if not, then I'll make up for it next chapter. And the Challenge you gave me in your review for 'The After Party', for a Rude/Yuffie fic is almost done, based on the fight to get into the shuttle in Rocket Town.
Nyviay and Cyraxis: I'm not sure if your one person, or joint authors, but well, you guys rock! Weebl and Bob? I used to visit that site alot, but I haven't had the chance to since I lost my home internet, I get like an hour a week to browse the net, and most of that time is spent reading stories, writing reviews, updating my stories, emailing friends, and reading web-comics, the whole pie thing didn't really have anything to do with those little egg things, my sisters friend, he's about six or something, he was in the same room with me as I was writing, and he kept shouting things about pies... Yeah... Inspiration... Cough... Anyway, after watching 'Kung Fu Hustle' I'd have to agree with you about the ninjas/martial artists/Guys out for revenge for their fallen master... And yes, Dr. Barett was in one of my other fics, Turk Stupidity, glad you remember and like him, lol, he will be appearing in a later episode... 50 reviews? Heh, it had only just gone up when you reviewed, but I'm glad you like it. Those Tv shows were harder than you think to come up with, I couldn't think of a show for Scarlet, so I just stuck her in a Gorge Foremen parody advert and gave Palmer the show, heh, I think just the thought of Palmer would turn anybody away. Oh, and about the challenge you left in your review of 'The After Party, I've begun writing it, almost done, and it ties in with 'The After Party' sort of like a prequel. And your idea for pairing everybody with each other intrigues me, be sure to let me know if your doing it, and if you need any help with it, like a collaboration or something, my email address is in my profile.
I've talked too much for now, so let me tell you what's hopefully gonna happen next chapter:
Avalanche bombs a reactor, Rude goes on a date, Reno runs the rookie through training, and Tseng helps with Rufus' show.
And let me just use this little space to advertise my newest fic, 'The Good, The Bad And the Blonde' A major event in each of the Turks lives, from Tseng's POV, in the second person, be sure to check it out, and let me know what you think.