The Phantom's Opera
By giraffy410
Chapter 1 "Not the Brightest Crayon in the Box"
Christine Daae sat at her dressing table, brushing her hair and humming to herself.
"What a success tonight was, despite Carlotta taking ill. I do hope the audience liked my singing, and whether the Angel of Music appears or not depends entirely on..."
"Come to the Angel of Music..." a voice called from above.
"Oh Jesus." Christine sighed. Then, to the voice, she said, "I have heard you before, Angel, but who are you?"
"Good Lord, girl, weren't you listening?" the voice said impatiently. "I am the Angel of Music!" Lightening flashed, and horses from the street neighed in fright.
" Don't angels have wings?" Christine implored.
"Usually, but I am disembodied."
"Disem-what?"
"Not the brightest crayon in the box, are you, my dear?" the voice said thoughtfully. "Well, no matter, I shall appear before you momentarily!
"Oh, please do!" Christine cried, delighted. "If your image is as beautiful as your voice, then I shall be quite pleased!"
The Phantom appeared out of the smoke. He was tall and dark, but not in the least bit as beautiful as his voice, or even handsome, for that matter.
"Well, that was quite a disappointment," Christine said sadly. "But you do remind me of my father..."
"Really?" The Phantom asked thoughtfully. "I think your father was a bit shorter."
Christine raised her head. "You...you...knew... my father?" she stammered.
A sinister smile appeared on the Phantom's face. "Oh yes," he giggled. "I 'knew' your father quite well!"
"Wonderful!" Christine exclaimed.
" Take my hand, child, and follow the Angel of Music!" Lightening flashed, and horses on the streets below neighed in fright.
"Wonder what's wrong with the horses tonight?" Christine thought to herself as she passed through the mirror.
Raoul had enough that night. The woman he loved simply vanished from her room! Worse yet, he realized that his nose looked a bit off center. Damn plastic surgeons, he thought.
"Christine! Oh, Christine! I must find her! I must!" He turned to a passing stage hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but do you have any idea where Christine Daae might have gone?"
"Well, the Phantom's loose, and I hear he's quite sexy. Bet my balls she's with him." The stage hand said casually. "He hangs around the cellars of the opera."
"Oh, thank you so much, sir, thank you so..." Raoul's voice trailed off as a twelve-year-old boy walked by. Raoul stared at him until the stage hand asked, "Sir, are you okay?"
"Yes, of course," Raoul nodded. "Come on Bubbles," he said to his pet monkey. "Let's go find Christine!"
Presently, Christine was in the middle of darkness. Literally. The Phantom lit a few candles, and the large cave-like room was a blaze of light.
"Do you like my furniture, little Christine?" The Phantom asked a little sadly. "It's all I have left of my poor unhappy mother." He pointed to the antique table and chairs, candles, and sofa.
"Why was she unhappy?" Christine asked innocently.
" The IRS was CONSTANTLY on her ass," the Phantom replied, shaking his head. "This is really all that was left of her possessions."
"Oh." Christine nodded. "Well, what have you to show me down here, Angel?"
"Music..." The Phantom said. "To be more specific, the Music of the Night!"
He turned to a CD player, and flipped it on. After a moment or two, "Thriller" blasted from the speakers. The Phantom flew over, quickly hit the off-switch, and muttered, "Damn, I've GOT to stop mixing my personal CDs."
"Yes, ummm..." he cleared his throat. "You get the idea, child. Music is everything." He stood behind Christine, and put his arms around her waist. "Music is in our hearts." His fingers traveled up. "Music is in our bodies..." His hands caressed her breasts, and Christine slapped them away.
"Oww!" the Phantom yelped. "What the hell was that for?"
"Be careful!" Christine snapped, and fluffed up her breasts. "They're new."
"Okay..." the Phantom said uncertainly. "Are we getting down to business soon?"
"Getting down to business?"
"Yes, you know...rolling in the hay?"
"Rolling in the hay? Well, alright, it sounds quite fun!"
"Good. Then maybe you should just nip off to the shower," the Phantom suggested.
"Okay!" Christine agreed, and disappeared.
Ten minutes later, Christine came out, and went to the Phantom, who was dressed in a towel, shower cap, and bunny slippers, and was holding a brush.
"It's all yours, Angel." Christine smiled.
"Thank you, child," the Phantom said and went into the shower. Thirty seconds later, there was a bloodcurdling shriek and a nude Phantom came out and yelled, "You little Delilah! You stole all the hot water! Now you can never be free!"
"Does this mean we don't get to roll in the hay?" Christine asked timidly.
"Of course it doesn't." the Phantom said more gently. "Just take a quicker shower next time, okay, dear?"
"Yes, of course!" Christine said agreeably.
"For all this, she better be good in bed." the Phantom muttered as he marched back to the bathroom.
That's it for chapter 1! Will the Phantom ever do Christine? How does he "know" Christine's father? Why does Raoul have a pet monkey? And what the hell is with his fascination with pre-teen boys! Find out in chapter 2 of "The Phantom's Opera!" Thank you so much for reading! This is giraffy410, signing off!