How do you do? This is giraffy410! I've had some issues with the updating….stupid document manager. But the problem is fixed! Hooray! Oh and thank you for that suggestion for the pet weasel! I've been trying to find a way to fit it in. And someone STILL did not get the masturbate joke with ch. 3! I guess I didn't properly explain it….oh well. By the way, did ANYONE get that Janet Jackson joke? I suppose not…WAHH! Enjoy the fourth installment of "The Phantom's Opera!"

Chapter 4 "Who's the pop star NOW?"

The weeks passed with Raoul and Christine in perfect happiness. Christine appeared, at the moment, to have forgotten her suspicions about Raoul's faithfulness (or rather, lack thereof), and continued to frolic with him.

Unfortunately, the Phantom had seen their Moment on the top of the roof.

"God DAMMIT!" he screamed in his house in the cellars one evening. "She's such a whore! One minute it's Raoul, the next it's me, then it's Raoul again! I deflowered her! She should just stay with me!" He turned to his pet weasel, Fluffy, and said, "Fluffy, I just don't know what to do with this woman. What do you think I should do?"

The weasel did not move. "Oh, that's right, " The Phantom said sadly. "You're stuffed."

The Phantom thought for a moment. "If there was only a way to bring her to me….a way for her to sing. She won't leave until I hear her sing one last time, that's for damn sure. Maybe…." An unspeakable idea rose to the surface, and before the Phantom could push it away, he was already at his composition collection, looking for the oldest and most forbidden of operas that he had written.

"This might do…."

Meanwhile, Christine could not sleep. She kept thinking of the poor Phantom, whom she would soon betray. What would father do?

She slipped out of bed, put on the sexiest and low-cut dress she could find (even though it was the middle of winter), and headed out the door to a carriage.

The Phantom, on the roof, spotted her, swooped down on the cab driver and kicked him in the sweet spot.

Thank God for those kung fu lessons….the Phantom thought.

"To my father's grave." The distraught Christine ordered.

"Sure thing, little lady," the Phantom said in a crappy southern accent.

"Aren't we in France?"

"Hey, look! A monkey!"

"Where?"

At Father Daae's grave, Christine prayed.

"Father, I need your help more than ever." the girl said tearfully. "Who should I choose, the sexy Phantom, or Raoul, who is my one true love?"

In the background, Raoul and the Phantom were both duking it out. Christine went on, oblivious.

"I know you must be busy in heaven….but…."

"Child, are you nuts?" a voice called from the grave. "They got NOTHING up here! Not even cable!"

"Father!" Christine shrieked with joy. Even the Phantom and Raoul stopped trying to kill each other.

Father Daae stood in front of Christine, short and bald.

"Yo! Phantom! How's it hangin'?"

"One lower than the other!" the Phantom replied.

"Christine, dear," her father continued. "To answer your question: based on serious relationships with the two men who are trying to kill each other back there, I would say that the Phantom relinquishes more libidinous needs than Raoul, who seems to have a lot more on his mind."

"Father," Christine said innocently. "Whatever do you mean?"

Father Daae pointed to the Phantom. "He's better in bed."

The Phantom sneered at Raoul and said, "Who's the pop star NOW?"

That does it for Chapter 4! I know this chapter wasn't as funny as the other ones…..it's mainly a filler until Chapter 5. Chapter 5 will be good….I promise! I have the story and jokes ALL lined up! Thank you so much for reading! This is giraffy410, signing off!