How do you do? This is giraffy410 again! My inbox was overwhelmed by your mail! Thank you so much! I feel so grateful…..Well, this is the last chapter. We've had some fun times…..sniff. I will write other fics in the future, probably having to do with Batman or Fruits Basket. Kyo and Yuki go on a road trip! Yeah! Please enjoy the final installment of "The Phantom's Opera!"
Chapter 5 "A Little Loopy"
The next morning, Christine awoke with Meg at her side, in yet another tight and revealing dress.
"Sweetheart, I've wonderful news! You know that scary Opera Ghost that everyone is talking about?"
Christine groggily opened one eye. "What about him?"
"He's written an opera!" Meg shrieked, clapping her hands. "And he wants YOU to star in it!"
Christine opened her mouth to object, then realized that this is her chance to sing for the Phantom, then get her Swedish ass on the road. Forget what Papa said! This is getting creepy!
"What's the opera about?"
Christine paced the floor of her dressing room nervously. She was confident in her voice, yes, but who's to say that the Phantom won't try anything? If only father were here….Wait, no, she thought. We already went through that scene.
Suddenly Raoul burst into the room. His curly black locks were tangled and his nose looked a bit off center.
"Christine! My shrink says I need to stop being selfish and give you moral support, so here it is! Moral support!"
"Raoul, it's ten minutes to show time. You're just NOW giving me moral support?"
His lower lip twitched. "Bubbles threw up in the carriage….."
The monkey approached Raoul from behind, indeed looking a little loopy.
"Christine, my love, I know you can do this." Raoul said, suddenly encouraging.
"But what if the Phantom pulls something dreadful?" Christine fretted. "What if…."
"All you need to think about is what you are going to do." Raoul looked lovingly at his soul mate. "And by God, that is…..Bubbles! These are my new shoes!"
Christine approached the stage, her heart beating in her chest. This was it. After the show, she and Raoul were leaving. For good. To Neverland…..wherever the hell THAT is.
Christine kept her head down, in her modest cloak. The music started, and she popped her head up.
"I think I did it again. I made you believe…we're more than just friends."
"It might seem like a crush…but it doesn't meeeeean that I'm serious."
"And to looooose all my senses, that is JUST SO TYPICALLY ME………"
"Ooooh baby baby."
Christine ripped off the cloak, revealing a leather bikini she borrowed from Meg.
"OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART! GOT LOST IN THE GAME! OOH BABY BABY! OOPS YOU THINK I'M IN LOVE THAT I'M SENT FROM ABOOOOOOOOVE!
"I'M NOT THAT INNOCENT!"
Suddenly, the Phantom appeared on center stage, edged toward her, sexily, while every fiber in Christine's body pulsed and cried out-
"MAKE LOVE TO ME PHANTOM!"
Christine clapped her hands over her mouth. Did she say that out loud?
The Phantom swooped over. "That, my dear, is something I can do."
Christine smiled, forgetting her previous plan, and suddenly wondered what was under that mask. Could it wait? No. She had to know now….
In one snatch, the mask was in her slim paw, and the other side of the Phantom's face was revealed.
It was horrible….it had a strange likeness to…..Britney Spears….
"No! It can't be true!"
The floor beneath them suddenly disappeared…..they were falling….Christine was dimly aware of the chandelier falling above…..
Raoul journeyed down to the cellars, with Bubbles, having taken some Pepto Bismol, by his side. He stripped off his white shirt, heroically, waiting for any possible danger lurking around the corner. He had heard about the Phantom's tricks, and was ready.
He fell into a lake of water.
"Smooth!" he thought he heard Bubbles shout. Wait….he thought. Do monkeys talk?
He didn't have time to find out. A wall was closing in on him…..
"YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH!" yelled the Phantom/Britney. "EVERYTHING WAS GOING PERFECT, THEN YOU JUST HAD TO SEE WHAT WAS UNDER MY FUCKING MASK! FIRST YOU TAKE THE HOT WATER, THEN YOU SNEAK AROUND WITH THAT CHILD MOLESTER…."
"Raoul's not a child molester!"
"NOW THIS! WHAT NEXT? MARRY PRINCE?"
"But Phantom!"
"Not a word!"
"But I have to tell you something!"
"WHAT?"
They were interrupted by Raoul at the gates.
"Release her!" he cried, his shirt open at the top, turning on both the Phantom and Christine.
The Phantom let him in.
"Raoul….Phantom…" Christine cried. "I have something to tell you….I…..I CAN'T!"
She ran to the bathroom. The Phantom made to go after her, but Raoul grabbed him by the cloak.
"I think she needs some space."
"No….I think she needs some Midol. Christine, dear…" he tapped on the door. "Are you alright?"
"NO!" a deep voice roared. The Phantom stepped back.
"Well…what is it?"
"I'm p-"
"Premenstrual?"
"PREGNANT!"
"Shit."
"Honey," Raoul started. "When did this come about?"
"Right before I came onstage…..I threw up earlier today, and I thought it was just nerves, but then I did one of those test thingies before the show….and it was positive!" The girl sobbed through the door. "I wanted to tell the Phantom before Raoul and I took off…." She was cut off by immediate puking.
"Who's child is it?" The Phantom asked nervously.
"WHO'S THROWING UP IN HERE?"
"No, I mean, who is the father?"
"I don't know!" Christine whined.
There was a pause. Then Raoul said, "Well, now that we're doing confessions, I have one. Honey, my name is not Raoul. It's Michael. Michael Jackson."
Christine slammed out of the bathroom. "You LIED TO ME?"
Michael hung his head. "I had to….I'm on the run…"
"He molested a teenage boy." the Phantom explained.
"He was TWELVE!"
"The point is…" The Phantom continued. "We are both frauds. He is a child molester. I am….half of another person.
"Britney Spears."
"Would you NOT say that name?"
"Sorry…"
"So…." the Phantom went on. "Who will you choose: the monkey -loving pervert on my right-" Michael burst into tears.
" Or me: the one man who can give you the music and lust you desire?"
Christine looked from one man to the other. This is too difficult! Finally, she came to a conclusion. She would choose….
Suddenly a giant fish popped out of the lake, and ate Christine. Yes, a FUCKING FISH.
"Christine! Oh, Christine! My love! My creature of the night!" The Phantom sobbed.
"Don't leave me with him!" Michael cried.
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" the Phantom asked, hands on hips.
"It sounded like a good grief cry to me…."
After the two men cried, the Phantom said, with a hint of a flirt in his eye, "Michael, your nose is off center…." He grabbed hold of it, and said "I got your nose!"
The nose came off in his hand.
"Let's make love." The Phantom said, yanking Michael by the shirt.
"Oh! Yes! ROUGH! ROUGH!"
"Eww…Michael, don't do that slurpy thing…"
"Yes! Yes! YEEEES! YES- BUBBLES!"
Thank you so much for reading! This is my first completed fanfic! I feel so happy! And to think I had at least a handful of people who read it! I know this last one was long (believe me, it took forever to write), but it WAS the final chapter. And I apologize for all the sex jokes, but so much of "The Phantom of the Opera" has material that is easy to make perverted! I love you all for reading! This is giraffy410, signing off!