Chapter3

As soon as the lock clicked Harry crumpled down onto the floor, and leant against the wall to support his aching back. He was so tired. He didn't know how much more of this he would be able to take before he broke. He wondered vaguely how long it took for a person to die from exhaustion. He hoped desperately that it didn't take that long. All he wanted to do was rest. Closing his eyes he entered into darkness, but he couldn't fall asleep, he was too scared of what wait for him in his dreams, and if his Uncle found him asleep on the kitchen floor. Harry still smelt the bacon he had cooked not long ago, and it made his stomach hurt, and grumble loudly. He moaned lightly in annoyance as though his stomach would get the hint to be quiet. The strange thing was Harry wasn't hungry at all, which he found strange since the only thing he had eaten since he had gotten here was a couple pieces of stale bread, and water, and the only reason he had eaten that was because his stomach wouldn't shut up. Just the thought of food made him a bit nauseous. Food just didn't seem that important. He sighed heavily, and opened his eyes, squinting from the light coming from the window. Better start on the living room. He was asked, well more like ordered by his aunt to clean every inch of the living room, which was a mess from Dudley's friends that were over late last night, and had been in the living room with there muddy shoe's on, and were deliberately grabbing anything that wasn't attached to something and throwing it across the room. Uncle Vernon had, had a fit, and of course blamed it all on Harry. Harry shuddered slightly remembering the beating he had gotten for that the night before. He got up slowly wincing, and biting his lip to stop himself from yelling out. He surveyed the living room from the doorway trying to decide where to start. He finally decided he would gather all the picture's, and momentums first incase he accidentally stepped on something important. He leaned down slowly trying not to disturb his leg, and picked up the closest object near him, which unfortunately was fairly heavy. It was Dudley's wrestling trophy that he had won a year or two ago. Harry looked at it more closely now a familiar prickling behind his eyes, and a lump in his throat. He had never noticed before what a resemblance it had to the Triwizard Cup. A picture of Cedric's dead form lying on the ground beneath Harry flashed before him. Harry closed his eyes tightly trying to rid the image from his mind, but it just wouldn't go away. Why was he so weak, Harry thought desperately, now unable to stop the tears from flowing down his hollow face. For Gods sake he was crying over a fricking trophy. He threw it on the ground angrily. He had to be strong; he had to show no emotion that is what everyone else wanted. He was supposed to be the brave one, the one everyone else looked to for support. He was the shoulder to cry on. If he had just controlled his emotions before Sirius might not have been dead. If he had stayed calm, and thought the situation out he would have realized he could have used the mirror to call Sirius to check on him, but no he had to be the hero, and jump into action. Harry had gone over the what ifs to many times to count, but they hit him harder each time he thought about them. But now they seemed to be suffocating him. Harry started to breath heavily. He clutched his head with his hands, and pressed as hard as he could thinking maybe if he pushed hard enough his brain would stop working, but it wasn't working. He yelled out in frustration, and started to kick the wall as hard as he could with his non-injured leg. It hurt like hell, but after awhile it just didn't matter. Harry stopped kicking when he was so exhausted that he couldn't stand anymore, and he collapsed on the floor breathing heavily, and crying silently. He lay like that for minute's hours he didn't no how long, and he didn't care. He fought that darkness that wanted to engulf him, but he didn't have the energy, and he was soon swallowed into the darkness of sleep.

Harry woke up to silence. When he opened his eyes all he saw was white. He struggled for a few minutes to figure out where he was when he remembered the past events. He sat up painfully, and looked around. He was still in the living room, which looked worse than it had before he had gotten in there. Now with the mess from Dudley's friends was the blood all over the carpet, and the wall. Speaking of the wall Harry had know clue how he was going to cover that huge dent. Harry closed his eyes again wishing he were still asleep. Harry had actually slept surprisingly well with not a single nightmare. He tried to shift his leg but couldn't seem to so he opened his eyes to inspect it, but immediately regretted it. His foot was three times bigger than normal, and covered in fresh, and dried blood. He was pretty sure that all of his toes were broken, and his ankle, but surprisingly Harry couldn't feel a thing. At the moment that was fine to Harry, he wasn't sure he wanted to be able to feel it. He wondered why the Dursley's were not home yet he must have at least been out one or two hours. They had probably gone out for lunch, and knowing how much Dudley eats that could take a couple more hours. Harry tried to get up once but as soon as he was upright he became extremely dizzy, and had to grab the wall for support. Once the dizziness had passed Harry hobbled over painfully slowly to the kitchen. Once there he took, and old dish cloth, and wrapped it as best he could around his damaged foot, and secured it. Then he started his journey up the stairs, which now felt like a damn mountain to Harry.

Half an hour later Harry was in the bathroom running his leg under warm water, and carefully trying to get off all the blood. As soon as his leg was as clean as he thought that he could get it he took, and old brace that Dudley had used when he had injured his leg in wrestling, and he secured it tightly on his leg. He could now feel a light tingling in his leg, but he ignored it. After he had wrapped gauze around his swollen foot he took a knife, and cut off the end of the gauze, but his left hand that was holding his leg got in the path of the knife, and made a gash on his palm. He hissed in pain, and dropped the knife to the ground, but something kept his eyes glued to his palm which blood now flowed out of. He watched as the blood pooled at the side of his hand, and then dropped into the white sink leaving a trail of blood going down the ever so white sink. He didn't no why he was so transfixed on the blood. Harry felt his heartbeat increase in speed, and was excited. It felt like a rush of energy had just entered him. His body that had felt so… so numb was now so alive. All the pent up emotion that he hadn't even realized had been there was released. It was seeping out with his blood. Harry started to chuckle softly, but it soon increased into a laugh, and then he was on the ground rolling around in hysterical laughter. He had no clue what was so funny, but he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop. He never wanted to stop.

Remus Lupin stood outside of number four privet with a deep frown on his tired face. He was on the doorstep of the Dursley's house wearing normal everyday muggle clothes, and looking behind him every so often to check if anyone was watching him. He raised his hand as if to knock on the door, but dropped it after a moment. Remus had been asked to pick Harry up at 12:00 by Professor Dumbledore, and to bring him directly to headquarters with his things. It was now 11:40, and Remus had never been so nervous to see Harry before. He wasn't sure how Harry was coping with Sirius's death, and was afraid if it was anything like how he himself was doing. He was also scared that Harry wouldn't want to talk to him. That he would close himself off to everyone. He reluctantly raised his hand, and knocked on the door. He looked down at his shoes, and fidgeted with his hands for a while, but no one came to the door. He decided to try again, but this time he rang the doorbell. After another couple of minutes he started to grow worried. He took out his wand making sure to keep it hidden in his robes, and muttered Alohamora, and opened the door after hearing the click of the lock. Once fully inside he closed the door, and looked around trying to spot someone.

"Hello?" Remus said cautiously, and after receiving no answer he ventured into the kitchen with his wand still out. He knew that the Dursley's were not going to be home until later tonight, he had been told by Dumbledore that the Order was going to keep them away from the house some how until later tonight so he knew that they weren't in the house, but where was Harry?

"Harry are you here?" he yelled again. He listened carefully for any sound of movement. He heard the creaking of boards upstairs, and the shuffling of feat. He waited to see if anyone was coming downstairs, but know one did.

"Harry is that you?" Remus questioned yelling loud enough so that if someone was upstairs they would be able to hear him. Again no reply. Now he was starting to get a little worried. He started to walk briskly up the stairs, and to the room which he knew was Harry's.

"Harry it's Remus are you there?" he said right outside of Harry's door. When he received no response he opened the door. He sighed inwardly with relief when he was Harry sitting on his bed looking towards the doorway at him.

"Hello Professor Lupin, when did you get hear?" he questioned looking just to the side of his gaze.

"Didn't you hear me Harry? I've been calling you from downstairs" he replied looking Harry over closely. He could tell that the boy hadn't gotten much sleep at all. His eyes where hollow, and red rimmed from crying. He also looked fairly skinny, but he couldn't tell by how much because of the oversized shirt that he had on. Other than that he looked to be fairly healthy. He could tell that he had just been moving around very quickly because his face was tinged red, and he was breathing heavily even though he was trying to hide it.

"Harry is something wrong?" he asked concerned.

"No, why would you ask? Harry said looking confused.

"You just look like you went for a jog or something," he answered checking him over again just in case he missed anything wrong.

"Oh well you just surprised me is all" he said not meeting his gaze. Remus could tell that Harry was different. He couldn't explain it exactly, but he knew. He put this thought to the back of his mind.

"Well you scared me too, when you didn't answer I was a bit worried" he said truthfully smiling at Harry.

"Sorry Professor," Harry said sincerely meeting Remus's eyes at last. He was a bit shocked at the emptiness in Harry's eyes, but then Harry broke the gaze, and he remembered that he had to speak.

"Harry what have I told you about calling me professor Lupin, call me Remus please. Professor makes me feel so old" he said walking over to Harry, and sitting down beside him.

"Alright" he said looking straight ahead. Remus sighed knowing what he had to do.

"Harry I think we need to talk about…" but Remus was cut short by another voice.

"Hey anybody here!"

After Harry had finally stopped laughing he cleaned up the mess made, and finished cleaning up the living room making sure to scrub most of the blood out of the carpet only leaving a very faint red mark on the carpet which he covered with the rug. He decided that the Dursley's wouldn't care if he switched the living room around a bit so he moved the TV to go in front of the dent caused by Harry's foot. When he had finally finished that he had gone upstairs to change clothes so that he could start on the chores for the day. He already new that he wasn't going to get them all finished because of the time he had wasted before in the living room, but he decided that he would try and get as much as he could done, so that his beating was too bad. Once changed his exhaustion finally started to take a toll on him. He sat down on his bed, and closed his eyes just resting. Twice in the same day he was resting this was one of his better days Harry thought to himself. But his rest was disturbed. He opened his eyes did he just hear the click of the lock. It must be the Dursley's, but he hadn't heard the car pull up.

"Hello?" Harry heard a familiar voice say. No it couldn't be he thought. He waited a couple more minutes

"Harry are you there?" he heard the voice say again. It couldn't be him. Could it be Lupin, and why was he here. Oh god I can't let him see me like this he thought. He stood up quickly even though his legs protested fiercely, and went over to his trunk. He needed to get something to ease the pain in his legs. He rummaged in his bag until he found what he was looking for; a healing potion. Madame Pomphry had given it to Harry after he had been in a quiditch accident, and he hadn't used it. He popped the top off of it, and downed the whole thing in one gulp, and swallowed quickly. Soon he felt the familiar sensation of the potion working on his aching body.

"Harry is that you?" he heard Lupin yell from the kitchen, and then heard him briskly walking up the stairs Harry quickly closed his trunk, and looked himself over making sure that he looked alright. He was very thankful for Madame Malkims quick cover up, which was a magic cover up that concealed blemishes, and pimples, or in Harry's case bruises, and cuts. He had ordered it a week after the summer had begun, and had been very thankful. Once he was sure that none of his bruises or cuts was showing he ran back to his bed, and sat down, just as he heard Professor Lupin question,

"Harry it's me are you there?" and he opened the door. The werewolf looked much more tired than usual, and that was saying something. He also looked scared, and worried as he looked at Harry from the doorway. Harry saw relief flash in his eyes when he saw Harry.

"Hello Professor Lupin, when did you get here?" he said trying not to sound too out of breath. Harry made sure not to meet his gaze.

"Didn't you hear me Harry? I've been calling you from downstairs" Lupin said. Harry tensed slightly as he felt the Professor's gaze looking him over.

"Harry is something wrong?" Lupin said finally sounding concerned. Harry was scared. How had he known.

"No, why would you ask?" he replied trying to look confused, but inside he was panicking.

"You just look like you went for a jog or something" Lupin replied, and he felt his gaze look him over again.

"Oh well you just surprised me is all" he said trying to sound as normal as possible, and still did not meet his old Professor's eyes.

"Well you scared me too, when you didn't answer I was a bit worried" he said after a moments pause.

"Sorry Professor," Harry said sincerely. Finally he met the werewolf's gaze, and they stared at each other for a minute. Harry could see sadness in those eyes, and years of pain, which made Harry, feel bad for not being there for Remus when he needed him. Harry broke the gaze ashamed of himself.

"Harry what have I told you about calling me professor Lupin, call me Remus please. Professor makes me feel so old" he said smiling at him, and he heard him walk over to the bed, and sit down. Harry looked straight ahead not wanting to look at those sad brown eyes any longer.

"Alright" he said saying anything to fill the silence.

"Harry I think we need to talk about…" but another voice cut Remus's short.

"Hey anybody here!"

They all looked like they were exhausted. Tonks had bags under her eyes, kingsly's eyes were half open, and even Moody was slumped over more than usual. They were all holding brooms, and ready to go.

"Hello Harry!" Tonks, said happily putting on the biggest grin she could muster. Harry smiled back at her.

"Hi" Harry replied.

"Long time know see Harry how's it been going?" Kingsly asked also smiling at Harry.

"Good thank you. How about you I've heard that you have been busy." Harry asked politely.

"You have know idea. Can't sit down for a minute can we?" growled Moody.

"But, things have to be done, and someone has to do them" Moody added grumpily. Moody was never that good at welcomes, and didn't look extremely happy to see Harry, but Harry didn't care much, he didn't care for much for anything anymore.

"Well enough sitting around even though that is what we all would like to do, we have to get you to the Order before Lunch so lets get going" Moody said wirily.

"Are you packed yet?" he asked.

"No he isn't" Lupin replied for him.

"I just got here shortly before you three did. Harry do you want one of us to go up, and help you pack?" Lupin asked.

"No, that's okay it'll only take a minute." Harry said hurriedly. He walked out of the room as quickly as he could without fainting out of pain. He hoped desperately that they couldn't see him limp; also he was grateful that he had his face turned away from the order members. When he finally made it to his bedroom he packed as quickly as possible. His room was fairly neat because he had been in his room most of the summer and had nothing better to do so he cleaned the little things that he had in his room. The only thing he could get from his room was his muggle clothes, which he had few of. He took all his clothes, and put them on his bed, when he remembered that his suitcase was under the stairs. He limped downstairs ignoring the pain coursing through his entire body and entered the living room trying to walk as normally as possible making sure he schooled his face to look as normal as possible. When he entered the room he found Lupin talking quietly with Tonks, Moody, and Kingsly. As soon as they saw him enter the room they split apart quickly.

"Umm sorry to disturb you, but could one of you help me open the cupboard under the stairs my school stuff is under there it's locked." Harry asked rather quickly.

"Why is it under there?" Lupin asked suspiciously.

"Oh the Dursley's don't really… Well they understand that I can't do magic out of school, and they are still a bit scared of me, but what else is new anyway…" Harry stopped not wanting to sound like he was complaining.

"Well I can come, and open it for you," Tonks said happily.

"Show me the way."

"Okay follow me." Harry said, and walked out of the room, and into the hallway. He stopped in front of the cupboard, and waited for Tonks. Tonks came up beside him, and looked at the lock.

"Well look at this silly thing. I don't know how muggles can stand not having magic. It makes life a whole lot easier." She said airily taking out her wand, and giving it a swish. There was a click, and the door swung open.

"There… you go," she said trying to stifle a yawn.

"Sorry I've been so tired lately."

"Thanks. Ill go up and finish packing." He said, and walked slowly back up the stairs with his suitcase, and broom clutched in his hands. He had just finished putting all his clothing into his suitcase, and was at the door, but stopped. He turned around, and yanked the lose floorboard up, and grabbed all of his letters, including all the previous letters of Sirius's. He didn't know what to do with them. He didn't need them, but he didn't want to throw them away. A silent tear trickled down his face, but was hardly noticeable by Harry. He stood there for a while trying to figure out what to do with them.

"What's that?" Lupin had just come into his room, and was reading behind his back.

"Oh it's nothing" Harry replied, and he threw one of the last reminders of Sirius into the trash, and walked out of the room with Lupin behind him.