Re-mastering the fate of Souls

Disclaimer:I do not own this. I only own Brebeth, a Vala I invented for the sake of this story. None of the rest of this is mine, but I'm borrowing it so there

Chapter 1: I Object

"What do you mean I'm dead? I'm Boromir, son of Denethor, not some guy who is supposed

to be dead. You people must have made some mistake along the way!" the Gondorian exclaimed, trying hard not to lose his temper. Mandos, lord of the dead, sighed.

"The Valar do not make mistakes, Master Boromir, especially not huge ones."

"But I cannot be dead!"

"Then explain why your spirit is not currently with your body."

"You morons with obnoxious powers that could do a lot more good if you'd help us out over in Middle Earth decided to play a little trick on me. Well, here's the thing, Master Mandos, I don't see anyone laughing. So lighten up and let me go."

"It cannot be done, young one. You are dead. Your life has expired. Boromir of Gondor has taken his final breath."

"For goodness sakes, cut the darn jokes. My brother could tell a funnier story with his eyes closed."

"Your brother's a real kidder, Boromir. He gets me every time," came a laughing voice from somewhere in the vast halls. Mandos sighed.

"Brebeth, would you leave us alone. We are having a serious debate here!" the Vala yelled to the unseen being.

"Aww, do you mean you would rather have a serious conversation with this mere mortal than have fun with me?" The obnoxious female voice pouted.

"Boromir, this is Brebeth, the one Vala who never thinks before she speaks."

"Oh, but that's only your useless impression of me, Mandos. In your gloom and boredom of death you can't possibly see the light and beauty of my spirit which you yourself lack," by now Mandos was steaming and reaching for something to hurl at the other Vala who had appeared a few feet away from him. "What's that Ulmo? Yes, I'll be right there." With that Brebeth disappeared and Mandos breathed a sigh of frustration and relief.

"Now . . ." Boromir was about to continue, but he noticed something. "Hey, my body's back. Thank you, annoying talking Vala. I'll be going now."

"For Manwe's sake, look, you intolerable mortal steward, you!" hollered Mandos, shaking his halls with his roar.

"That's the elder son of the steward," Boromir corrected him, in quite a dignified fashion as he uncovered his ears.

"Whatever. It makes little difference whether you are the dark lord Melkor or a puny little molecule on a hobbit's pinky toenail. The point is you are dead! Look!" Mandos dimmed the lights and a screen descended from the ceiling.

"What is that?" demanded the man, drawing his sword. Mandos held him back to prevent a futile attack.

"Relax. It's just a projector." Boromir sat down and turned his eyes from the Vala to the screen. A picture at the foot of Amon Hen appeared.

"Hey, that's me. But why am I . . . ?" Boromir was cut off by his own voice, emitting from another place and time.

"I would have called you my brother, my captain, my king," the man on the screen declared, his life bleeding away, and his voice choked with a bloody death. Then the man's eyes unfocused. He was silent and still as death.

"NOOOO!" shrieked Boromir. "I still have to help finish the quest. I must save Gondor, Minas Tirith, my home. I have to go to Frodo . . ." his voice faded as he raced out of the room, quite to the surprise of Mandos, who soon realized the door had been wide open during the movie scene.

"How many times must I say it? Close the door!" Then the Vala had a more urgent thought and he sped after Boromir, ripping the screen as he lunged through it. The clever Vala managed to remove the shred from his face just before slamming into the wall. Recovering quickly, he sprinted out the door, praying to himself that he was not too late to prevent a terrible occurrence. Then he saw the most frightful thing in Valinor, an open door leading straight to the sea. The deceased Gondorian was nowhere in sight.

"Boromir!" the Vala yelled as he raced to the door. In the sea he saw the man's body floating face-down. He was too late. From the sea came Boromir's a strong masculine laugh.

"Now that's what I call a good joke," came the familiar voice. Mandos groaned. How in Valinor would he explain this to Manwe?

"How many times have I told you? We have to have locking mechanisms in my castle of the dead. Especially on the doors that lead to the sea! This is a castle of the dead! Boromir, I hope you heard me! DEAD! That includes you! Hey that's not the dead sea. Come here!" The Vala screamed. Boromir's spirit just laughed and continued its journey back to Middle Earth. Mandos groaned heavily, which was echoed by another laugh.

"I must amend a bit of your complaint, Mandos. First: Manwe has been told by you negative zero point oo times that you need locks in your castle. Secondly you are the only Vala ever to make a mi . . ." she was abruptly cut off by Mandos who flung her as far as he could into the sea, which was a very good distance. "A mistaaake," her voice echoed throughout Valinor.

Up in his castle with the other Valar, Manwe sighed. What had Mandos done now?