TITLE: One Lonely Night
AUTHOR: Kristen Kilar (chickadee(underscore)from(underscore)3(at)yahoo(dot)com)
RATING: PG. Extreme angst (it is me). Sex (nonexplicit). Cursing, but it's all Chinese and the Firefly replacement words. Character death. Ish.
DISCLAIMER: Hayden Christansen is a good actor. That statement is fiction. So is this story. I don't own the characters or the 'verse. If I did, money wouldn't be such a problem. Italicized lyrics from "One Lonely Night" by Endway.
ARCHIVE: Just ask, I'd love to give permission.
SUMMARY: He can't make the red go away.
SPOILERS: Nothing in particular, I don't think.
PAIRINGS: River/Jayne
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Blame this one on niki blue (again). She wrote me a brilliant LCS fic. So I wrote her Rayne in response. But it's me, so it's extra angsty. Unbetaed, so any mistakes are mine. And niki, you are not allowed to ask me for anymore fic until January. I have homework, and other fics, and my novel, and short stories, and the play. So there.
What can I say that there's no way, that you'd be wrong now
She said it would be okay.
She smiled in that way she had and said, "Paquin will be fun. He and she will have a good time."
She was kissing him before they reached the dirt.
She was so cheerful.
She didn't sense anything bad coming.
She was never wrong.
Can I say anything to make this go away?
"Come on, baby doll, get up now."
He's scrabbling at her, desperation in his hands, touching her everywhere, and the ridiculous thought strikes him that gorramit, that's what got them into this mess, but it wasn't the same kind of desperation.
He wasn't terrified, then.
He's terrified now.
He can't make the red go away.
On and on, and it's never different
Why did he think his luck would be any better this time?
Him and women, weren't meant to be, and he shoulda known by now.
Shoulda known to keep her away from him.
Shoulda know that bringin' Crazy into his life would just screw her up.
But he hadn't expected this.
He hadn't expected the red.
I'll stand up and make it all—make it all go away
Come on, baby doll, get up now.
Her mouth is moving and no words are coming out and that scares him most of all.
He wants to fix her, now.
He wants to pick her up and take her to Doc and get her fixed, now.
He can't stop the red.
He can't find where it's coming from.
He can't fix her.
Do you want it? Do you feel it anymore?
"Please don't leave me, baby girl."
She whispers something, too soft for him to make out.
Big brown eyes full of shock and fear and emptiness and it ain't like her to look like that.
The red makes everything different.
He needs to get rid of it.
So he tries to find the source, and her skin feels cold and clammy and slick under his hands.
"Can you feel me? Come on, baby doll. You can't leave me. I'll get into all manner of trouble by my lonesome. I need you."
Are you honest or did you lie along the way
Her mouth is moving and no words are coming out and that's starting to make him angry, and that's good, the anger drives back the fear, and he hates the fear.
"Why didn't you know! You know everything else, Crazy. You know everything that's coming. Why didn't you know this?"
He can't stop the red.
He can't find where it's coming from.
He can't fix her.
"Or did you know? Did you know and we came down anyway? Is this all part of the plan?"
God, don't let this be part of the plan.
God, please don't take his baby doll away from him.
I'm on my way, don't you ever talk that way to me again
Big brown eyes look hurt and that reassures him a little.
Hurt is better than emptiness.
"You said it was going to be okay," he says, talking to fill the emptiness, talking to drive back the fact that he can't hear her. "You said. You said Paquin sounded like fun. This ain't fun, baby girl. This ain't my idea of a good time."
She says something but he can't make it out and he fights back another wave of terror.
He can't lose her.
And I wonder where I'll go, 'cause I don't need you now
It was supposed to be an innocent little shore leave.
And it was.
It was mouths and hands and a distinct lack of clothes.
It was baby doll laughing and purring and teasing.
It was dreams and sighs and screams of the best kind.
It was good.
Until a gunshot rang out.
Until there was red everywhere.
He doesn't know what he'll do if he can't stop the red.
He has to stop the red.
And I won't see you now
Big brown eyes seek out his.
He can't stand it.
He can't look at her as he loses her right in his arms.
So he evades her gaze and pulls at her clothes and seeks the place where the red is coming from.
He'll kill the hwoon dahn who fired the shot.
He'll die without her.
"Come on, baby girl. Help the ape-man. Where's it coming from? How do I stop it?"
Her mouth moves but she doesn't say anything.
And this is who I am, this is where I stand
"I love you, baby doll."
He's never said this before.
"I love you, baby girl."
He's never cried like this before.
"I love you, Crazy."
He's never died like this before.
"I love you, River."
He's never said her name like this before.
One lonely night, one lonely night
Her mouth moves and at last he can hear her.
"He doesn't look better in red," she whispers.
And one tiny hand comes up to rest on his broad chest.
He looks down.
And finds the source of the red.