So, last real chapter for As Real As It Gets. Sorry guys. Next chapter is like an epilogue or whatever. Everyone from Real World Seattle will be in the last chapter! Just though I'd tell you. I might have some religious things in here but these are things that I thought would fit best with the story chapter. The italics at the beginning are a flashback but later on, they indicate the words to the songs. For those who also read my behind closed doors, I will finish this story up probably before continuing that story. I'm so sorry. So, here is the chapter. Hope you enjoy and please review!
14 days. 336 hours. 20,160 minutes. 1,209,600 seconds. Two weeks is such a short time but it can seem so long when you've lost something that was everything to you. You daydream about what you've lost, wondering how it's doing without you. The seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, and before you know it, two weeks have been lived in a daydream. The only thing to save you is to see what you've lost again. Too bad seeing your savior is also the only thing that makes you sad.
"Hello?" Joey said heavy with sleep.
"Hey Joey," Pacey said wide awake from the other end.
Joey woke up completely. "Pacey?"
"I'm sorry I'm calling right now."
"Pacey, it's two in the morning. Do I need to remind you that we haven't spoken in two weeks because you hurt me more than I have ever been hurt before? I was trying to go on with my life, tying to forget you. You can't just call me at two in the morning anymore…"
"Joey…"
"What?"
"Gretchen died."
Joey put her hand to her mouth. "Pace, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that was why you were calling now."
"I'm sorry about calling in the middle of the night."
"No, it's fine."
"You were the first person I've called."
"I'm always here for you, Pacey."
"I know," he said shortly.
"Do you need anything?"
Pacey took a deep breath. "Will you come over?"
"Of course. Do you want me to come over now?"
"…Yeah…"
"Okay, I'll be right over."
That was the reason Joey was going to Pacey's house in only her pajamas. Once she reached his house, she parked the car and quickly went to the door. Pacey opened the door and Joey leaped into his arms.
"Pacey, I'm sorry," Joey said during the hug.
Pacey could feel the tears threatening to fall. "I'm okay," he said ending the hug.
Joey looked at him. His eyes were drowsy and a bit red. He was pale. "Pace, have you slept?"
Pacey shook his head. "No, I can't get to sleep."
Joey took his hand and led him into the bedroom. "You need some sleep."
Joey pulled back the covers and Pacey got in. "You need to sleep, too," Pacey said.
Joey bit her lip. Even when he was in pain, Pacey always looked out for others. "I'll sleep on the couch," she said grabbing a pillow from the bed.
"I don't want you to leave," he said looking at her.
Joey smirked a bit and got into the bed. "Try and get some sleep, Pacey. Tell me if you need anything," she said before turning off the light.
Pacey laid on his back and closed his eyes. He quickly opened them and looked at Joey who was on her side and facing away from him. He was never going to get any sleep like this. He just needed one thing. Pacey slid across the bed and wrapped his arm around Joey's waist before taking in the scent of her hair.
"I just need to hold you…if that's okay," he said into her ear.
Joey rubbed his arm around her gently. "Anything you need," she said softly.
XXX
He just stared out the window. The aroma from the coffee didn't affect him. His bright greenish blues didn't seem so bright anymore. The gray of the sky reflected off his slightly pale skin. It was the right day for a wake. He didn't want to be alone today, he wasn't sure he could handle it. He thought she would stay with him but when he awoke on the dreadful day, she was already gone. The door opened and he smiled his first smile in a while.
Joey closed the door and smiled back. "Sorry I left. I needed to pick up my dress," she said putting the dress down.
"I didn't think you were coming back," he said honestly.
"I wouldn't leave you," she said walking up to him.
Joey took the coffee from his hands and put it down. "You should go and take a shower. I'll get ready in the bedroom."
Pacey nodded and gave her a long kiss on the forehead. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he said before walking into the bathroom.
Joey sighed. "Me too, Pace, me too."
A half an hour later, Pacey emerged from the bathroom already in his suit.
"You ready to go?" he asked.
Joey slipped on her other shoe and nodded. "Yeah."
The car ride to the funeral home was a short one. They sat in silence the whole ride. Once they reached the home, Joey held Pacey's hand and gave it a little reassuring squeeze. He intertwined his fingers with her and walked into the funeral home.
"Hi Pacey," Doug said to his brother as he walked in.
"Hey Doug. How's everyone?" Pacey asked.
"Not so good. Mom and the girls are a mess. Dad's pretty upset as well. I…I haven't slept since she died. How about you?"
Pacey shook his head. "Just a few hours last night after Joey came over. Other than that, not a wink."
During the brief conversation between the two boys, numerous people walked up to them and told them how sorry they were. Pacey could only nod and made sure his hand never strayed from Joey's. That's when he saw the casket. He looked at Joey and she let go of his hand, knowing he needed to do this himself.
Pacey approached the casket slowly. As he made his way he took in everything. The casket was a soft shade of purple and so was the lining. A big bouquet of lilies rested on the casket with the words WE'LL MISS YOU placed inside. He got on his knees next to the casket and smirked at his sister.
"If you could see this place, you'd love it, Gretch. The flowers are beautiful. The casket is your favorite color, purple. You look so beautiful. They did such a great job on everything. What went through your mind as you got hit, Gretchen? Did you see who did this? Did you feel any pain? I wish I could talk with you just one more time. I want to know what you went through and how you are. How is heaven? Are you better now? I love you so much and I never had a chance to tell you that. I hope that wherever you are, you know that your little brother misses you."
Pacey stood up and walked to sit next to Joey. Joey ran her hand up and down his back. "She looks so peaceful," she said.
Pacey sniffed back some tears before holding her free hand in his own.
The priest went into the front and did the sign of the cross at Gretchen before looking back to the people. He began, "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Gretchen Ashley Witter. She was taken from us too quickly. Some of us here may feel as though they never had a chance to say goodbye. Do not dwell on this feeling. She is listening as you speak. Through prayer, your thoughts will be heard. Although Gretchen Ashley Witter has left this earth, she will never leave our hearts."
The priest gave a smile. It wasn't a fake smile like most people gave that day; it was a genuinely content smile. Everyone in that room wished they could smile like that.
A thin woman with long blonde hair took the Priest's place at the front of the parlor. She wiped at her teary eyes. She wiped at her hair before speaking. "I've known Gretchen my whole life. I remember the first time I saw her; she was wearing a corduroy jumper and had really puffy hair, perfect for the early '90's. We were only eight then but we knew that we would be friends forever. Gretchen was always there for me, no matter how crazy my dreams were. The first choral concert I had, Gretchen was front row and center. I even think she dragged her little brother too. She was at every concert after that," she turned to the casket and smiled as tears ran down her cheeks. "Gretch, I'm gonna miss ya at the concerts. I hope you're not making the angels too jealous in heaven. This song's for you."
She turned forward and closed her eyes and started singing.
And he will lift you
up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you
to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.
You who dwell in
the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in his shadow for life,
Say
to the Lord: "My refuge,
My rock in whom I trust!"
And he will lift you
up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you
to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.
The snare of
the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no
fear;
Under his wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your
shield.
And he will lift you
up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you
to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.
You need not
fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day;
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
And he will lift you
up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you
to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.
For to his angels
he's given a command
To guard you in all of your ways;
Upon
their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot
against a stone.
And he will lift you
up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you
to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of his hand.
By the end of the hymn, everyone in the room was crying. Mrs. Witter was taken outside for some air by Doug and Mr. Witter. Pacey wiped at his tears before they ran too far and even Joey had tear stains on her dress from her tears.
The priest gave everyone, including himself, a few minutes to control their tears before proceeding. "As the evening draws to an end, we pray once more for the dearly departed," he said bowing his head. The prayer was said and the blonde came up once again to sing, this time for the closing of the casket.
Amazing Grace, how
sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like
me...
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I
see
T'was Grace that
taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How
precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
The usher slowly tucked the delicate fabric lining into the casket, making sure that not a crease was made.
Through many
dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace
that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has
promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my
shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
A purple flower from the bouquet on the casket was placed in her hands before the lid was closed and sealed…forever.
When we've been here
ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less
days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how
sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like
me...
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I
see.
The people left the wake quietly. So many tears were shed that day and so many were left to still shed. Pacey and Joey silently walked back to the car, just holding hands. They got in the car and drove off. Pacey focused his red eyes on the road.
"Jo, I'm just going to drop you off at your place. I just…I want to be alone tonight," he said with a crackle in his voice.
Joey looked at him sadly. He was hurting inside. Pacey was in so much pain and there was nothing she could do to help him. Joey held onto his hand and stroked in lovingly.
"It's okay. Whatever you need, just tell me," she said still stroking.
Pacey lifted up their intertwined hands and kissed hers. "Will you come with me to the lowering of the casket in the morning?"
Joey shook her head and kissed his wrist. "You don't need to ask, Pacey."
XXX
It was a long ride home for Pacey Witter. He was all alone to just think. Thinking did him no good in this situation. Pacey barely held in the tears as he parked his car in the garage. Once inside, Pacey began to undress himself. He took off his shoes and took off his tie. As he reached his bedroom, Pacey placed the discarded clothes on a chair before finishing the process of taking off his clothes and putting on his pajamas. He sat down on the edge of his bed and sighed. The funeral card was gripped tightly in his hands. He began to read the back with the sympathy note.
It read: Remember Me
To the living, I am gone;
To the sorrowful, I will never return;
To the angry, I was cheated;
But to the happy, I am at peace;
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
Remember me in your heart,
Your thoughts, and your memories
Of the times we cried,
The times we fought, the times we laughed,
For if you always think of me,
I will never have gone.
To those who lives you touched, you will never be forgotten.
To those who truly loved you, you will never die.
A tear rolled down Pacey's face and onto the card. He wiped away the tear with his thumb before wiping the tears from his face. Pacey moved into the bed and wrapped the covers around him tightly. For the first time in a lone time, Pacey cried himself to sleep.
XXX
"Pacey, don't I get a goodbye?"
Pacey turned around to see Gretchen. She had a big smile on her face but tears were ready to fall. He smirked and pulled her into a hug.
"You really thought I would leave without saying goodbye to my favorite sister?" he said holding her tight. He felt his shoulder starting to get wet. "I'll be okay, Gretchen."
Gretchen pulled out of the hug and wiped away her fallen tears. "I know you will be. Still, you're only 17 and going half the country away. I'm so mad at Dad for sending you away with Doug to some place in Massachusetts."
Pacey shook his head. "Don't be mad at him, Gretch. I'm the one who got in trouble. Who knows, maybe Capeside will be fun."
Gretchen rolled her eyes and slapped her brother on the arm. "Why did you have to make out with a teacher, in a stolen car on top of that? And why did you have to get caught?"
Pacey laughed. "See, girls out here aren't really into me and well, the car was just an added bonus."
Gretchen rubbed his cheek. "Pace, Girls are going to realize how amazing you are one day."
Pacey nodded. "I know but it still gets lonely by myself."
Gretchen shook her head and laughed. "That doesn't mean you should make- out with teachers."
Pacey smirked. "I try and find a girl my own age in Capeside. I have to go Gretchen."
Gretchen hugged him one last time before he walked to the car. "Be safe, oh and Pace, watch my tape!"
"Will do Gretch," Pacey said before the car left for the airport.
Pacey's eyes sprung open. He got out of bed and started looking through a drawer. Pacey smiled as he picked up the old tape. The box was a faded gold with 'To Pacey' lightly written on it. He never watched that tape once in the ten years he had it. Pacey put it into the machine and sat down in front of the TV.
A shot of Gretchen ten years ago went on the screen. Buckingham Fountain (in Chicago) was behind her. A small breeze blew in and made her fair fly around. She smiled.
"Hey Pacey, If you're watching this then you must be in Capeside already. I hope that the move was okay for you and you're all settled in. I know that Doug just got that new house so everything is probably still a mess, just like you boys. Go clean up!"
Pacey smiled and a tear ran down his face before she continued to speak.
" Pace, I want you to realize how amazing a person you are. These girls have no idea what they're missing. You are kind and sweet and supportive; not to mention the fact that you are incredibly handsome. Girls will be fighting over you so don't try and seduce a teacher again.
"I'm going to miss you so much, Pacey. You were the only one who I really could talk to. I don't know how long you're going to be in Capeside, but I can't wait until you come home. Pace, if you only take one thing from this tape then let it be this:
Don't be afraid to live.
"Life is too precious and short for you not to be happy. Do everything in your power to be happy. If you want to go skydiving, go skydiving. If you want to live in a dirt house in India for ten years then go and get dirty. If you love someone then love them with everything you have. Even if India or skydiving or your love fails, don't give up hope. The only thing that matters in this world is happiness.
I miss you already baby brother. I love you."
The screen went dark. The tape was over. Pacey turned off the TV and went back to bed.
XXX
Joey rang Pacey's doorbell twice, like she always did, it was their way of knowing it was each other. The cold winter air was starting to just pick up. Pacey opened the door and just stood there, looking at her. Joey slightly smirked at him.
"Hey," she said softly. "You ready to go?"
Pacey nodded and locked up the door before walking to the car with Joey. Once they were driving in the nice warm car, Joey turned to Pacey and sighed as he looked out the window.
"How did you sleep?" she asked.
"Not so well," he responded while still looking out the window.
Joey nodded and looked back to the road. The rest of the ride was silent. Once at the graveyard, they got out of the car and joined the rest of the family around the coffin. Pacey grabbed Joey's hand and held it softly. Joey gave him a little squeeze and he looked at her with a small smile, his eyes full of tears.
The priest bowed his head at the coffin. "Please pay your last respects," he said shortly before moving out of the way.
The family got in a line and, one by one, paid their respects. Pacey was the last one to go up there. He never let go of Joey's hand. He placed his rose down and put his hand on the coffin. "I'm already missing you, Gretch. I love you."
Joey walked in step with him as they walked back to the car.
"Do you want to go home?" she asked getting in the car.
Pacey watched as she started the car. "Jo, will you take me somewhere?"
Joey nodded and drove off.
XXX
Pacey took a deep breath and looked at the fountain. The water was drained and the stones were ice cold. Buckingham fountain was completely deserted during the winter. He sat on the edge and looked at the ground. Joey sat down next to him.
"It's beautiful," she said.
Pacey looked at her and smiled. "Isn't it? When Gretchen and I were little, our Grandfather would take us here every Saturday morning to just see it turn on. After he died, Gretchen and I would take the train down here by ourselves. We got in trouble for that but we didn't care. We still came every Saturday morning to watch them turn on the fountain. She told me that when I moved to Capeside, she would still come down here. Gretchen loved this fountain so much. We were supposed to go out after wards, yesterday, like we always did once a month. It was all planned and everything but…but she died." Pacey began to wipe away his tears.
Joey wrapped her arms around him and rocked back and forth. "It's okay to cry, Pacey. Gretchen was so close to you and it hurts, I know. I want to make you feel better. It hurts me to see you in so much pain and I can't do anything about it. I'm always going to be here for you."
Pacey nodded and had stopped the tears. He ran his hands in her hair. "Don't be sad, Joey. I don't want you to be sad."
Joey cupped his face and kissed his forehead. "I just wish I could help you."
"I found this tape last night. Gretchen made it for me ten years ago when I first moved to Capeside. She told me to not be afraid to live. To do anything to be happy. I thought that what happened taught me to be careful. I was wrong, Jo. I got scared and I just left you. I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to tell you that love wasn't enough because it is. Our love is enough. You are the only thing that truly makes me happy, Joey. I love you with every part of me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you and have children, grand children, and great grand children, with you and grow old with you. I know that we're going to have to work at this everyday and we're going to have some bumps but I want to do that with you and only you. I need you, Jo."
Joey didn't know what to say, she really didn't need to say anything.
Joey smiled wide and kissed him with more passion than she ever kissed him with before. Pacey deepened the kiss and gave back just as much passion.
This was just the beginning.