Live or Die

Allie Helms

Chapter Two

Realization

I'm lost in my thoughts, and baby I've fought for all I got. Can you hear me?

I stopped kissing him, and he froze, "What?"

"Someone is behind me," I said.

I looked behind me then back into my eyes, "Yes."

"Stand back," I said unsheathing my lightsabers, and turning around to come face to face with Padme.

I looked at her shocked. "What do you thing about the diplomatic solution now?" she said quoting me.

"Screw it," I said. I clipped my lightsabers to my belt. We embraced each other in a hug. She smelt of the flowers on Naboo, and it reminded me of how much I missed it. We laughed and I pulled back, and looked at her. She looked far more tired a rigid since the last time I saw her three years ago at my wedding. Then again she looked more wise, and beautiful too. "You look so different," I said.

"You haven't changed at all," she said. "You act the same, but there is something. In the corner of eye I see dread, and displacement. Like something is about to happen, is something going to happen?" she asked.

I laughed, "You could always read me, but I assure you that nothing bad is going to happen. Everything will be fine."

She smiled, and I could feel some doubt in her voice. "Well, I better go in for the briefing."

"Us too, Rose," Anakin said.

I looked over to Anakin, "Annie I'm not feeling too well all of the sudden. I'm going to go back to the apartment, but I will stop by the Jedi Temple before I do. I have to visit one of my students, and ask Yoda something."

"I'll come with you," he said.

I shook my head, "No, they need you here for the briefing. Anakin I'll be fine. Trust me, love." He shook his head. "And I will come visit you tomorrow," I said to Padme.

"Will you sing to me?" she asked.

I nodded," Now if only I could find a speeder."

Anakin tapped me on the shoulder. "Over their, Angel," he said pointing to an open speeder.

I stood in my tip-toes, and kissed him lightly on the lips, "Thank you, babe." I walked over to the speeder, and got in. I turned it on and sped off.

"Knock, knock," I called through the open door of the Jedi bunk.

A girl about thirteen came walking, "November, you're back!" She came up and hugged me. "It's so good to see you," she said.

"It's good to see you too Fayanna," I said hugging her back. "Have you been practicing your sword exercises like I taught you?" I asked her.

She nodded her head, "Yes, and I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

She looked out across Courscant like I used to when something bothered me. "For believing I could do anything. When the Council said I wouldn't be trained well I don't know what I would have done. I've always wanted to be a Jedi and you showed me I could be it even if people said I couldn't."

"Oh Fayanna, you'll be my apprentice soon enough I promise you. Just start to meditate regularly, and practice becoming a great warrior, and I know you'll get it," I told her. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and talk to Master Yoda about Council stuff, " I hugged her and she looked up at me.

"Are you teaching tomorrow?" she asked.

"Do you have meditation after afternoon break?" I asked back.

She smiled, "Yes."

"Then yes I am teaching tomorrow. I will see you tomorrow, and keep working. I sense you becoming a great Lady Jedi," I said.

She smiled an even brighter smile this time, "Just like you."

"Yeah, just like me," I said a little doubtfully, but she didn't hear it in my voice.

I exited her dormitory, and went to search for Master Yoda. I stopped in the middle of the temple, and closed my eyes. I searched my through the force and found him right behind me. "Searching for me, you are," his squeaky voice said from behind.

I smiled as I turned around. "Yes, Master Yoda I have to talk to you about something," I said.

He chuckled his little chuckle, "Getting doubtful, you are, hmmm."

"You can always tell," I said.

He looked up at me, "Easy to read, you are when confused. Go into the meditation room, we should."

I nodded and we walked to the dark abandoned room. I sat down across from Yoda. "Well," he said.

"Right," I said caught off guard. "Yoda tomorrow will be my birthday, and it will have been three years since you found me as the Lost Prophecy. Are you sure you and the Council were right about me? Are you sure that I am truly that woman?"

"Do you not wish you to be the Lost Prophecy?" he asked.

I looked at him, "Master Yoda, I don't want to die."

"But unafraid of death, you are," he said.

I tried to reason with him, "But I am . . ."

"Not, you are. Sense it in your soul, I do. Afraid to lose Anakin, you are. Concerns me, this does. Know something is going to happen, you do," he said.

"I won't tell you," I said quickly.

He smiled up to me, "Not asking you to tell, I am, but a big secret, you hold. Tear you up inside, it could. Balance, remember. For you that is all I have."

"I will keep that in mind Master Yoda. Thank you," I said.

He smiled, "Now back to your husband with you, and your young friend, Fayanna, seeking a master, she soon will be."

"I know Master I have been giving her tips, but I may not be able to be her master," I started but he cut me off.

"Her Master, you will be. One in two, you are," he said.

I got up and bowed. "If the Council wished it, then I shall take up the duty."

"Thank you," he said.

When I got back to mine and Anakin's apartment it was dark like my mind right then. It was coming. It was the deep breath before the plunge, and it made me nervous. Tonight Anakin would have his nightmare, and it would start. His fall, his turn, his true evil would come out, and I wouldn't be able to stop it.

I walked over to the balcony, and looked out over Courscant. It was dark, but there were still little dots of lights all over the city and the speeders still zoomed by below.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek into the corner of my mouth. I then went into our bedroom, and opened the drawer tot he dresser. I pulled out a white night gown, and set it down on the bed. I changed into it, and took my hair down. A shiver ran down my back as the hair fell down over my shoulders.

I then took my problems into the kitchen. I grabbed a knife from the drawer, and looked at the perfect metal of the blade. I then went back to the balcony, and sunk down to the floor with my back to the railing. I took the knife in my hand and pressed it to my arm. I pressed a little bit harder, and I saw the liquid substance roll down my arm into the crevice of my elbow. I swipe across and the blood made me realize I could have pain. I took the blade off the wound and placed it beside me, and I started crying. The tears sliding down my face, and falling on the wound.

I sat there for about thirty minutes before Anakin arrived. He saw the darkened apartment. "Rose." He heard me weeping, and looked over tot he balcony. He saw me huddled in a slump, and I rushed over. His eyes caught sight of the knife beside me, and then to my arm, and my blood drenched nightgown. "Rose," he whispered. "What did you do?"

"In my world to get rid of pain we cut ourselves," I said shakily. "It's not the best way, but for me it works."

"Shh," he whispered. "It's going to be alright. Come lets get you bandaged up and changed then we can go to bed."

I nodded. "I love you so much," he smiled.

"I love you, but you have to promise me that you will never do this again," he said.

I looked at him, "and if I don't?"

"I'll get Obi-wan after you," he said.

I laughed, "In that case, I promise."

He pulled me up, and walked me over to the couch. He got me a wet towel. I took it and pressed it upon the wound. After that I stopped crying. He then bandaged it up, and led me up stairs. I got out a dark green nightgown this time, and changed into that while Anakin got into his sleep pants. I the crawled under the covers and Anakin followed suit. He wrapped me in his arms, and kissed the top of my head.

I didn't fall asleep all though Anakin thought so. I felt him stir in his sleep, and I knew it was happening. I took a deep breath. I had to be strong right now for Anakin, for me. I felt him sit up abruptly, and turn to put his feet on the floor. I felt him bury his head in his hands, and sigh. He got up, and took his robe from the bottom of the bed. I turned in bed, and caught a glimpse of him walking downstairs.

I followed him into the living room. "What's bothering you?" I asked taking his hands in mine. His strong loving hands gave me strength. They were callused on his palms from his lightsaber, and so were mine. We were working Jedi of the Order that I so dearly love.

"Nothing," he answered.

I sighed, "I know it is something."

He looked down at our hands, and found the black and white heart shaped stone of my engagement ring. "I remember when I purposed to you."

"Anakin tell me. You had a dream didn't you?" I asked.

He looked to my cut, and rubbed it. I felt love glow through the wound healing it inside out. His eyes then wandered up to meet mine. They were a dull blue, and I could sense this was it. "It was about you," he said.

"Was it bad?' I asked.

He looked worried, "Liked the ones I used to have about my mother just before she died."

"And?" I said wanting more.

"It was about you," he said.

"Tell me," I said giving him entrance into my mind and soul.

He rubbed my hands with his thumbs, "It was only a dream." I looked at him. "You die at the hand of a Sith, but it's like your giving up." I nodded.

So, that was how I would die. By a Sith, and I would give up. It could happen. "It was only a dream Anakin."

He took me in his arms, "I won't let this dream become real, Rose."

"Maybe you should talk to Master Yoda tomorrow morning, and I want to go with you," I said.

He pulled me to arm length, "No."

"Anakin you need someone's insight. Please they need to know how I am going to die to protect me. Love me that's all I ask of you remember?" I pleaded.

Alright I will," he said.

I smiled, "Good." I brought him into another embrace, and kissed him ever so deeply. I truly loved this man.

The next morning I woke up with Anakin, and took a shower. After that I got dressed in a golden yellow dress. It had a short sleeved top, and a flowing bottom. I then put my hair up in twin French braids. I took my lightsabers, and slipped them into my hidden pockets as Anakin liked to call them.

When Anakin was done putting on his Jedi garb he came up behind me while I was putting on my perfume. "You don't need to wear that you already smell desirable," he said planting little kisses on my neck.

"Annie!" I said.

He looked at me through the mirror, "Sorry."

"A little feisty this morning aren't we?" I asked.

He put his arms around me waist, "Only because I'm so in love with you."

"And I'm so in love with you," I said.

I took off the bandage from my self-inflicted wound. "Don't do that love," Anakin said.

"Anakin last night was not the first time I had done that. Now I know what I'm doing," I said.

He turned me around, "What!"

"Anakin before I came here I did it some, but not a lot. See?" I showed him some scars on my upper arm. "Plus all wounds need air," I said.

He looked disbelievingly at me, "You used to do this, and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered," is aid.

"It matters to me Rose," he hugged me, and put his face in the crook of my neck. "I don't like it when you hurt yourself. You scared me half to death last night."

"I promised I wouldn't do it again," I said.

He pulled me back. He took my arm and kissed my wound, "good." He kissed it some more.

"Stop," I said giggling. "That tickles." He stopped and smiled one of those rare but awesomely handsome smiles. "And you need to smile more often," I said smiling back.

"Well, I'll smile more often if you laughed a little more often too," he said sticking out his hand. "Deal?"

"Deal."

Anakin and I now sat in the same meditation room I was in with Yoda last night. "Premonitions . . . premonitions . . . hmm . . . these visions you have . . ." Yoda said pondering on them.

"They are of pain suffering death," Anakin said to be more specific.

Yoda looked at him, "Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?"

"They're actually about me," I told Yoda.

He looked up at me then back at Anakin, "so, how is the Lost Prophecy to die?"

"St the hands of a Sith. It looked like she gave up, or was feeling too much pain to continue fighting," Anakin said.

"Careful you must be with sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side," Yoda told him.

Anakin looked at Master Yoda determinedly, "I won't let these visions come true Master Yoda."

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is," Yoda told us.

"What must I do?" Anakin asked.

Yoda pointed a stubby finger towards Anakin, "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Anakin and I nodded.

We then go up to exit and as we reached the door Yoda spoke again, "Such a deep cut, that is Lady November."

I looked at Anakin, "I'll see you later." He nodded, and I came and sat in front of Master Yoda. "Yes it is."

"Happen when you were kidnapped, it was not. Done yourself, it was," he said.

"Yes it was," I said.

He looked at me, "This secret, growing deeper, it is. Weighing heavily upon your shoulders it is."

"What should I do?" I asked.

He handed me a journal. "Write in here, you must. Give it to anybody, you do not. Has to read it, nobody does."

I looked at the black and white leather bound cover. I could start my story over from scratch. "Thank you Master," I said.

"Now go, you must. A class to teach, you have," he said.

I bowed and walked out of the room.

I walked into class, "Hello class."

"Hello, Lady Jedi Master November," they said in unison.

I looked at them, "Oh please! I hate having my whole title before my name. Just call me Lady Jedi, Jedi November, or Master November please. I can't stand that. Can you believe they gave me the whole title of Lady Jedi Master November Rose Lee Skywalker? It's so dreary."

They giggled. "Okay Liam, can you get the shades please. They rest of you clear your mind. Today we will be using the Force through meditation to find simple things. Okay close your eyes and I will ask you were something is in the room. The one who raises his or her hand fist will get to find it. Okay do you want to do a fun one?" I asked. They shook their heads. "Okay this is top secret only Master Anakin knows this one, and if you know it too you have to keep it secret. Got it?" The shook their heads again. "Okay anybody know where I keep my lightsabers when I wear my dresses?" I asked.

One little boy raised his hand. "Yes Damien."

He opened his eyes, and came up to me. He reached into my skirt, and pulled out my lightsabers, "Right here."

"Brilliant! Good!" I said praising him.

"Wow they are so heavy. How do you fight with them?' he asked.

I laughed, "The same way you fight with your training sabers, but your training sabers are a lot lighter then actual ones. When you become as apprentice then you will get real ones."

The rest of class went well, and afterwards I went to the Council chambers for the meeting. I entered and saw all the members sitting in a circle. "Sorry I am late Masters. One of my students wanted to know something about Force signatures," I said apologizing.

I took a seat beside Obi-wan, and asked him what had happened. "Chancellor Palpatine has asked that Anakin be appointed to the Jedi Council," he said.

"What!" I yelled. I looked around, and saw the Masters looking at me.

"Something to say about the Chancellor's appointment, do you Lady Jedi?" Yoda asked.

I nodded, "Yes I do not think this is a good idea. I mean the Chancellor is not the head of our Order he does not command us, and it is his fault we are in this war anyway. It is his fault we have to be Generals instead of keepers of the peace."

"Lady November, you are right on all those circumstances, but we cannot deny him access," the hologram of Ki-Adi-Mundi said.

"I know," I said. "I am sorry for my outburst."

They then called Anakin back in, and he saw me sitting next to Obi-wan and he smiled. "Anakin Skywalker, we have approved your appointment to the Council of the Chancellor's personal representative," Mace said.

"I will do my best to uphold the principals of the Jedi Order," Anakin said.

Yoda then pointed a finger, "allow this appointment lightly, the Council does not. Disturbing is this move by Chancellor Palpatine."

"I understand," Anakin said.

My gaze stayed locked on him, "You are on this Council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master."

"What! How can you do this?" Anakin began. "This is outrageous, it's unfair . . . I'm more powerful then any of you. How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?"

"Anakin we do not underestimate your powers, but you are still a little unpredictable. You are not balanced inside. More of the Force you have yet to study," I said.

Mace looked angry, "Take a seat, young Skywalker."

"Forgive me Masters," he said taking a seat next to me.

"We have surveyed all the systems in the Republic, and have found no sign of General Grievous," Ki-Adi-Mundi spoke again.

I shifted in my seat, "Grievous is on one of the Outer Rim planets then."

"Sweep those, you should," Yoda said to Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"It may take some time. We do not have many ships to spare," Obi-wan pointed out.

"We cannot take ships from the front line," Mace said.

Obi-wan rubbed his chin, "And yet, it would be fatal for us to allow the droid armies to regroup."

"I agree," I said.

"Master Kenobi our spies contact, you must, and then wait," Yoda said.

I nodded, "We still have to help the Wookies with the droid attack. We can't afford to lose them."

"I know that system well. It would take us little time to drive the droids off the planet," Anakin said.

"Skywalker, your assignment is here with the Chancellor, and your wife. Kenobi must find General Grievous," Mace said, and I could feel disappointment in Anakin's force signature.

"Go, I will. Good relations with the Wookies I have," Yoda said.

"It is settled them. Yoda will take a battalion of clones to reinforce the Wookies on Kashyyyk. May the Force be with us all, Master November can I speak with you for a moment?" Mace asked.

I nodded at Anakin and Obi-wan to wait up. "Yes master," is aid.

"I want you to go with Anakin whenever he goes to see Chancellor Palpatine," he said.

"What? You don't trust him," I said.

"I do, but he is a little too close to the Chancellor for comfort," he said.

I nodded, "I understand, Master. I will do whatever the Council wishes. May the Force be with you." I bowed then walked out.

A/n: sorry for it being messed up but my computer doesn't like me anymore. Hopefully my dad will get it fixed. By the way Nov. 11th is my b-day. Go me! Go me! does a dance review!