Virtually Yours

A Bug in the System

Joey rose from the fog of sleep slowly, sense by sense. First came the knowledge that he wasn't in his own bed. This bed was too soft and comfortable, not that Joey was going to complain. A clean, antiseptic smell told Joey that he wasn't at Tristan's or Yugi's. Tristan's room had a slightly musty scent laced with a faint tinge of old gym socks, and Yugi's room smelled of vanilla air freshener. Joey heard a TV playing, but it only droned on about mergers and stocks – things which Joey didn't even pretend to understand. Slowly Joey cracked his eyes open.

The room was white and sterile – a hospital room. Joey glanced to his right and frowned. Seto Kaiba was leaning back in the chair beside the bed, arms crossed, one foot propped up on the mattress, gaze fixed on the TV attached to the wall, trademark scowl firmly in place. "Hey," Joey muttered, pretending to be watching the stock reports.

"Stupid mutt," Kaiba sneered, not even bothering to spare Joey a look.

Joey snarled and clenched his fists, or at least he tried to. Frowning, Joey stared at the cast on the wrist that he'd sprained. Already someone had signed it. Joey turned his arm to get a better look.

Get well soon.

Virtually Yours,

Professor

"It wasn't a sprain," Kaiba continued as though he hadn't noticed Joey being on the verge of losing his temper. "You've been going around for the past couple of days with a hairline fracture. At least you had the sense to keep it wrapped up. You also have bruised ribs from where that beast was kicking you, some cuts on your back from broken glass, and a nasty bump on the back of your head."

Joey listened as Kaiba cataloged his various boo-boos. None of it sounded all that serious, though when taken altogether the injuries left him aching all over. "Bastard nailed me with a beer bottle," Joey explained with a painful shrug. His ribs were killing him.

"After the heart attack you nearly gave me, Wheeler, you could've at least had one serious injury to make the scare worth it." Joey shot Seto a dirty glare. Wasn't Kaiba ever going to shut up? He didn't want to just lay in bed and be insulted. "By the way, my offer still stands."

Offer? Oh, yeah! The Professor had offered to let Joey come stay with him if the job didn't work out. But Joey wasn't about to let Kaiba off the hook that easily. "So you're going to hire me a lawyer so I can sue the pants off of you for wrongful termination?"

Much to Joey's surprise, Kaiba pulled out his cell phone and began dialing. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Joey sat up and grabbed Kaiba's arm. "It was a joke, you moron!"

Smirking, Kaiba held the phone to Joey's ear. "The time is 8:07 pm," came the time and temperature recording.

"Bastard," Joey growled as he shoved Kaiba back. Then he turned away to hide the fact that he was trying not to smile. Apparently Kaiba did have some shred of a sense of humor in that cold shell he called a heart.

"And a 'jerk-face,'" Kaiba added, putting the phone away. "And let's not forget that I'm an 'ass-hat' as well, and probably any of a number of other unsavory names you've called me. Which is why I can't figure out why you came back to the game. You could have just walked away, Wheeler."

Joey sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He rather lie there and be insulted than talk touchy-feely crap with Kaiba. "I thought about it," Joey answered, figuring he might as well go with honesty. "But I had to come back. Only a coward runs away, and I'm not a coward. Besides, when your brother said you loved 'Merry,' you didn't deny it. You had a right to know who 'Merry' was."

Seto stiffened noticeably and turned back to the TV. Joey noticed and smiled. Apparently Kaiba was as uncomfortable with this conversation as he was. Grunting, Joey rolled over to Kaiba-watch, trying to see something of his Professor in the aloof boy. Ever so softly Joey began to chuckle, the noise causing Kaiba to turn and face him. "You know, it really is very cliché for the knight to come charging in to the rescue. But I appreciate it, Kaiba. Thanks. Now, how about tossing me my clothes so we can blow this place?"

Kaiba rose and left the room, presumably to go sign Joey's discharge papers and pay for this little hospital stint. Joey used the opportunity to put his clothes back on. The act of dressing proved an extremely painful one, every movement pulling at Joey's sore ribs. Once he had his pants on, Joey decided that was plenty. He hurt too much to mess with his shirt.

When Kaiba returned, he led Joey out to his limo. Neither boy spoke as they left the hospital. Joey frowned, disliking the silence. It seemed as though they didn't know how to talk to each other in real life. When he got into Kaiba's limo, Joey's frown deepened at the sight of his backpack sitting on the floor. "I took the liberty of having Roland pack your things," Kaiba explained. "Everything else is in the trunk. You aren't going back to that place."

Joey leaned back in the seat with a noncommittal grunt. He didn't like the idea of Kaiba running his life, even if he did have good intentions about it.

Joey shut his eyes for a few minutes to rest. He still felt a little groggy from whatever painkillers Kaiba had made the doctors pump him full of, even though the pain-killing part had worn off. After a moment, Joey started feeling like he was being watched. Carefully Joey cracked his eyelids open a tiny fraction, only to find Kaiba staring at him. Joey knew he had a set of killer abs more than worthy of a stare or two, but Kaiba wasn't looking down that low. "Penny for your thoughts, Kaiba."

Joey expected Kaiba to snap something about how his high and mighty thoughts were worth so much more than that, but instead all the other boy did was turn his gaze towards the front of the car. If Joey didn't know better, he'd almost think Kaiba was embarrassed. "You don't hide them," Kaiba murmured.

Them? Oh... Joey opened his eyes and sat up. "It's alright to look, Kaiba. I don't care." Slowly, Kaiba turned to look, his face unreadable as he studied the thin lines that criss-crossed Joey's body. "I used to be part of a gang," Joey explained. "That's where most of them came from. My old man mostly used his fists, so I won't have too many reminders of him once the bruises fade." Joey paused before pointing to a couple of old burn scars near his shoulder. "These are from him, though, where he decided to use me to put out his cigarettes."

Figuring he'd said enough, Joey shut his eyes again to allow Seto to stare all he wanted. It was funny, Joey decided, that in the game, he and Kaiba could talk nonstop, yet when in the same room they hardly had a thing to say to each other. "Hey! When you get me settled where ever you want me, I'll probably play Age of Heroes for a while. It'd be nice to have a knight to watch my back."

"What a coincidence." Joey cracked his eyes open a little and was rewarded with seeing Seto smile - not a smirk or a sneer, but a genuine smile. "I happen to know of a helpful knight. I'm sure he'd be glad to meet you back at Lilyvale."

The rest of the ride fell into a discussion of quests for the two boys to send their characters on and what equipment they would need. For the first time, Joey truly felt like he was with the Professor. They were still chattering when they pulled to a stop at the Kaiba Mansion. Kaiba grabbed Joey's backpack and got out of the limo, creating the first conversational lull since they'd started talking about the game.

The driver/butler guy - Roland - popped the trunk to get the rest of Joey's things unloaded. Kaiba came around to Joey's side of the car and offered him a hand out, and the three went inside together. Joey froze and stared, savoring his first glimpse inside the famous Kaiba Manor. Right in front of him was the most gorgeous staircase he had ever seen. From the left and right, marble steps cascaded onto a central landing, where they merged into the single set of stairs that spilled onto the walnut flooring. A wrought-iron banister twisted its way around this veritable waterfall of steps so temptingly that Joey made a mental note to go sliding down it once his ribs stopped killing him.

"Big brother!" a small shape howled in delight as it came flying down the stairs to latch onto Seto. "Are things ok between you and Merry now?"

Seto ruffled Mokuba's hair fondly. "I think so. Merry's going to be staying with us for a while at any rate." The smaller boy's grin became even wider as his gaze moved from his brother, to Roland who was laden with Joey's meager possessions, and at last to Joey himself.

Joey had to give Mokuba some credit - the kid didn't laugh. He looked like he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from doing so, though. Instead, he relieved Roland of some of Joey's things, and the whole group started up those majestic stairs.

When the reached the room that would be Joey's, he found himself staring once again. His whole apartment could easily fit in this one room. Seto pointed around the room, giving Joey an abrupt tour. "The closet is over there. Bathroom is through that door. My room is next door, and Mokuba's is right across from mine if you should need anything. If you're hungry, let Roland know and he'll bring you some food."

With those words, Seto turned and left, leaving Joey staring after him. Now that was the cold Kaiba he knew. "He's not a bad person." Joey blinked and glanced down at Mokuba. The kid stared off in the direction his brother had gone. "He just keeps everyone at a distance. I don't think he even means to do it anymore. He just does. But I think... I think he really is happy that you're here. Good night, Joey."

Joey watched Mokuba go across the hall to his own room, and then he turned to Roland. Now that food was a possibility in the very near future, Joey had to admit that he was hungry. Now, what did people eat in a place like this? He knew from fish eggs and snails were supposed to be delicacies, but he'd sooner starve. He'd eaten a snail once when Tristan had bet five bucks that he wouldn't. It definitely made his top ten list of Things Not to Eat. Hesitantly, he asked, "Any chance of a turkey sandwich?"

Roland nodded.

"With lettuce and tomato?"

Again Roland nodded. The guy obviously wasn't much of a talker.

"And some coffee?" If he was in for a late night of Age of Heroes, then he might as well make sure he could stay awake for it.

Roland nodded one final time and left to get the food. While Roland was gone, Joey dug through his things until he found his computer. He plugged it in and settled on the bed, sinking into the softest mattress he'd ever lain on. By the time Joey got the computer booted and the game loading, Roland returned with a tray which he set on the beside table. Joey mouthed a "thank you" as he eyed the contents of the tray - a full pot of coffee complete with hot plate to keep it warm, sandwich, chips, a spear pickle, and cookies.

"I was starting to think you weren't coming, mutt."

"Had to find my computer, moneybags," Joey explained through a mouthful of food. "If you were getting worried, you could've checked on me. I am just in the next room, after all."

"Chew and swallow before you talk, mutt. Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?" Kaiba growled.

Joey stuck his tongue out at the computer screen, even though he knew it to be a futile gesture. "Are we going to play or insult each other all night?" Joey was already directing his character to the Item Bank. He knew exactly what he wanted to do, and he'd be damned if a grumpy Kaiba was going to mess it up.

At the Item Bank, Joey began taking out and equipping several things he'd collected. First came the silver bracers, followed up with a silver dagger, and a collection of stakes. "Wheeler, why the hell are you loaded for undead bear?"

"Because, moneybags, we're going to break into the castle up on the mountain and see what kind of treasures we can find!"

"Are you out of your mind!" Seto roared. "That place is a vampire warren! It's suicide to go there! Look, Wheeler, if we go through the front gate, every vampire in that place will know we're coming, and we'll be toast before we get to the castle. If we go climbing the mountain, we won't have any stamina by the time we get to the top, and any monster could come along and pick us off! That place is impenetrable!"

Joey was pleased to note that despite his protests, Seto was also loading up on the silver. Dying in the game wasn't a huge loss. The penalty was a loss of experience and about half of the money a character was carrying. Joey would stash all of his cash in the bank before pulling a risky stunt like this, and he bet that Seto would as well. "Kaiba, we don't know what kind of puzzles we'll face in there. We should bring a wizard into the party so we've got all the angles covered."

"I don't like grouping with strangers, Wheeler." The knight character crossed its arms and somehow managed to pull off a patented Kaiba death glare.

"Fine, fine. No strangers," Joey promised. "There is a wizard in the game we both know." Switching to the text bar, Joey typed, "/find Scarab." Then he swore when he saw the little creep was online. But Kaiba had said no to strangers, so unfortunately this was the only option. Joey sent the invite to join their group.

The wizard that teleported to the inn wasn't bad-looking at all. He was tall and slender, wearing a deep purple robe trimmed in golden arcane symbols. Sea foam green hair curled around his shoulders, and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses perched lightly on his nose. No, looks definitely weren't the problem.

"So the little thief that has stolen my heart needs some help," came an all-too-familiar nasally croak untouched by the game's voice mods.

"Weevil," Seto groaned. "Are you out of your mind, Merry?"

Joey chuckled at the way Seto switched to calling him by the nickname when there was someone else around to listen in.

"You're the one that said no strangers," Joey smirked.

"They don't get any stranger than this guy," Seto countered.

Weevil took hold of Mercutia's arm and drew the character towards him. "Come, my little thief. I know a lovely forest where we can listen to the crickets chirp all night long."

Joey snarled and pulled his character away. Why did everyone who happened to have a pair of gaming gloves think that was a license to manhandle him? "Touch me again, you oversized cockroach, and I'll shove that spellbook up your ass! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm taken, you perv?"

"Really now?" This time it was Kaiba grabbing Joey around the waist and smiling. "Anyone I know?"

Joey froze as warm breath tickled his neck, and a pair of arms encircled his waist. That hadn't just been in the game! Joey pulled off the headpiece and turned to find Kaiba sitting on his bed. "Bastard," Joey murmured as he leaned against Kaiba and put the headpiece back in place. After a moment, Joey sat back up. "You make a bony pillow, Professor."

"Look, bug, I don't want you here, but Merry insists we're going to need a wizard if we're going to break into the vampires' castle." Joey noticed Seto was still holding onto him as he explained what they wanted with Weevil.

"Are you out of your mind?" Weevil shrieked. "No one's ever made it in there! It's... It's character suicide! It can't be done!"

"It can, too!" Joey insisted. "You don't put a place like that in a game like this without a way in! We know what doesn't work. Front gate equals vampire chow. If we climb the mountain, we'll be too tired to move before we're halfway up. How about a levitation spell?"

"No," Weevil sighed. "My magic would be drained before we got to the top, and we'd be dashed to bits on the ground."

"Which means," Joey insisted, "that there's another, less obvious way in. So let's go to the mountain and start searching!"

After some arguing, the unlikely trio made their way to the mountains and began the hunt for a way into the castle. The landscape in this part of the game was fitting for an area of undead. Wind moaned through the branches of leafless trees. Scrubby brush and hunks of rock reminiscent of crouching trolls pocked the landscape. A waterfall cascaded from the mountain onto a nest of jagged rocks before flowing off down the riverbed.

Weevil started searching the mountainside for hidden passages, levitating to likely looking outcroppings. Seto used his warrior's strength to try to push aside the rocks on the ground. Joey stood still, chewing his lip in thought. Somewhere was the right key. They just needed to find it. Since the mountain and the rocks were being covered by the others, Joey began checking out the waterfall. Maybe the rocks around it could be scaled more easily...

Joey pulled out a grapple and gave it a toss. "Shit," he grumbled as his finger slipped on the mouse and he ended up tossing the grapple at the waterfall. The hook went in, much to Joey's surprise. "Guys!" Joey whooped. "Guys, it's the old cave behind the waterfall trick!"

"Good work, Merry." Kaiba murmured in calmly as he and Weevil made their way to the waterfall. Finding the doorway proved to be the easy part. Reaching it, however, was going to be problematic. Kaiba rubbed his chin as he studied the set-up. The trajectory was wrong for swinging into the cave; any attempts would end in a spectacular crash into the rocks below. "I've got it!" Quickly Seto outlined the game plan for getting everyone into the cave.

Seto took the rope and walked away from the waterfall until it was taut. Joey, with a thief's dexterity, fairly flew across the rope and into the cave. "Shit! It's dark in here! We should've sent the roach first to light things up."

"Well, just be patient, puppy. He's on the way." Joey waited until Weevil was safely in the cave before elbowing Seto in the side.

Weevil, meanwhile, cast dancing lights to illuminate the cave. "You know, beautiful, we could just leave him out there. The two of us ought to be more than enough to handle some vampires..."

Joey began grinding his teeth. He was tired of this little punk fawning all over him just because his game character was cute. "Let's get a few things straight, you fucking roach. One - I don't abandon my friends. So you are going to levitate Andiron in here or this quest ends right now. Two - I am a guy with absolutely no interest in a little twerp like you. And three - I still haven't forgiven you for throwing my best pal's Exodia cards into the ocean! Now start making Andiron float, or the next time we bump into each other, I'll kick your scrawny ass!"

Once again Joey felt Seto's arms around his waist. "Do you always bark so much, mutt?" he whispered. Joey didn't respond, trying to stay focused on the game. Weevil had finally cast the levitation spell on the knight, and Joey was busy hauling him into the cave.

By the time Seto was in the cave, Weevil seemed to have gotten over his shock. "Ew!" he gagged. "Ew! Ew! Ew! I can't believe I've been flirting with Wheeler!"

"It hasn't exactly been a thrill ride for me either," Joey harrumphed. "Now let's go."

Even with the dancing lights spell, darkness overwhelmed the cavern. Careful exploration yielded a staircase carved into the cavern stone, a leering angel sculpted overhead. Joey stared up for the short distance that he could see, and let out a low whistle. "Gentlemen, I do believe we are about to ascend into hell."