Virtually Yours

If the Coffin is Rocking, Don't Come A-Knocking

"Seto... Seto..." A finger tapped continuously at Seto's forehead, attempting to jar him into wakefulness. Seto let out a sleepy growl and rolled, burying his face in the solid warmth beside him. The tapping stopped, only to be replaced by a hand lightly stroking his hair. Seto lolled his head back into that gentle touch. Behind him, Mokuba started giggling.

Behind...? Seto's eyes flew open in a panic as he jerked away from the person in the bed that was not his brother. The mutt stared back at him, a smile playing about his lips. "You always so jumpy when you wake up?"

Again Mokuba's soft laugh came from behind him. Seto turned to find his brother sitting on the bed grinning. "If you think this is bad, wait until he realizes he's overslept." Seto flicked his gaze to the clock and bit back a curse. He should have been at work two hours ago!

Seto shoved past Joey, rolling off the bed. He had no time to waste on morning pleasantries. "You two are coming with me," Seto shouted over his shoulder. "So get ready!" He wanted witnesses when he confronted his game programmers - people who also saw the Vampire King as Gozaburo. There would be no claims of hallucinations or nervous breakdowns, the latter of which Seto knew wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibility with the way he pushed himself at work.

Fifteen minutes later, Seto was showered and dressed, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited in the hallway. "Wheeler!" he shouted, pounding on the door. "Hurry up!" Another ten minutes passed before Joey finally came out of the bedroom, hair still wet from the shower.

Seto latched onto Joey's arm and began dragging. They should have been at the Kaiba Corp building long ago, not still lolly-gagging around the house. "Seto," Joey whined, drawling out the name piteously. "I'm hungry!"

"We don't have time for breakfast," Seto snarled as they reached the waiting limo. He slung Joey into the seat. Mokuba followed, taking the middle. As Seto settled in the back of the limo, he took out his laptop and began to work. He would need every spare minute to make up for his oversleeping. The clicking of computer keys filled the backseat as Seto lost himself in the spreadsheet, until a loud gurgle from Joey's stomach interrupted the steady rhythm.

Sighing, Seto gave Roland the order to stop someplace where they could get a quick breakfast to go. The limo was too long to easily navigate the close-together turns of a drive-thru, so instead Roland ended up parking at McDonalds. He took everyone's orders and went inside, soon returning with the food. Seto relieved Roland of the heart attack in a bag and cup holder full of drinks, and distributed the food while the butler resumed driving.

Seto sipped at a cup of watered down caffeine that the restaurant passed off as coffee, while Mokuba and Joey tore into the food. Suddenly a sausage biscuit was thrust under his nose. Seto frowned and turned to glare at Joey, who just smiled in response. "Here, Kaiba. Coffee isn't breakfast." Grimacing, Seto took the biscuit and began nibbling at it. It was hardly what he would consider food, but at least it didn't kill him.

By the time they arrived at Kaiba Corp, Seto had only nibbled his way through half of the biscuit. The three must have made quite a sight, Seto decided, as they strolled in right at nine. Employees openly gawked as the ever-punctual Seto Kaiba thundered through the building, biscuit in one hand, coffee in the other, almost three hours later than his usual arrival time. Their shocked gazes followed the tiny parade, traveling over Mokuba, who was lugging along Seto's briefcase, his jelly-covered mouth parted in a wide smile, and the blonde street punk in the faded jeans and t-shirt licking grease off his fingers.

Seto led his two odd shadows to a meeting room and once they were inside, slammed the door so hard that the windows shook. He wanted everyone to know exactly what sort of mood he was in. "Mokuba, get my computer hooked up to the projector," Seto ordered, before grabbing up the room's phone and hitting the All Page button. "All character designers for Age of Heroes drop whatever you're doing and report to meeting room 6D with your character design portfolios. If you are not here in the next five minutes, you can start looking for work elsewhere!" Seto slammed the phone down, letting the clatter resound through the intercom system. He tossed a watch to Joey and settled back in a chair, scowling. "Start timing, mutt."

"One minute and fifty-seven seconds," Joey announced when people started filing in, many huffing for breath. When Joey announced five minutes, Seto signaled for Mokuba to lock the door. Then he turned to address the character designers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I won't waste time dickering around because I know your time is as valuable as mine. So, to get straight to the point, I want to know who was responsible for designing the Vampire King." A timid, quavering hand rose into the air. Seto nodded calmly. "You stay. The rest of you get back to work."

The single designer left behind squinted myopically across the table at Seto, clutching his portfolio folder to chest. "What the hell kind of sick joke were you trying to pull?" Seto roared, descending on the little man like the wrath of God.

"S-s-sir?" the designer stuttered, staring at Seto in confused fear.

Seto pulled up screenshots of his fight with the Vampire King, displaying them on the projector screen. The trembling character designer stared at the screen, and then began rummaging through his portfolio. "That's not... That's not my design!" He spread several pages across the table, featuring a young, pale warrior with white-blonde hair cascading down his back. "That... That's the Vampire King, s-sir."

"Get out," Seto snarled. "Get back to work. Tell the programmers to delete and reload the files for the Vampire King." He swiped the drawings off the table and held them up, comparing them to the Gozaburo vampire. So, this hadn't been a design prank. "Hack job," Seto muttered. He closed his eyes and thought, plotting out his next move.

"I want to know exactly what was done to my game," Seto growled suddenly, springing into motion. He grabbed the phone, dialing the extension for his chief programmer. "Isolate the Age of Heroes game servers. Kaiba Corp network only should have access. Put a note on the main website that the servers are down for testing and will be back up again tomorrow. And get the VR pods active. Set them up to run Age of Heroes."

Hanging up, Seto turned his attention to his computer, accessing his personal database of Duelists. Joey and Mokuba watched Seto's every move on the projector screen. When he had what he wanted, Seto tossed his phone to Joey. "Call Weevil. I'll have Roland drive out to pick him up. We're going to need a mage."

Joey raised an eyebrow, but wisely kept his mouth shut as he dialed the number on the screen. Trusting Joey with this simple task, Seto turned his attention to dialing the extensions for several programmers that he trusted. He was going to need a capable team to monitor the game while they were in it.

"Come on." Seto took the lead, guiding Joey and Mokuba deep into the bowels of the Kaiba Corp building. They might as well not have been there, though, for all the attention he gave them. With his nose buried in his day planner, Seto dialed up the day's appointments to reschedule. In a monotonous chatter, he apologized, offered the excuse of a company emergency that required his personal attention, and offered a new time. Occasionally he had to hold the phone away from his ear so that the shouts of an angry executive wouldn't burst his eardrum.

When at last they reached the sub-basement where the virtual reality pods were stored, the cell phone was put away. Programmers and technicians busied themselves with connecting the pods to Kaiba Corp's network servers and configuring them for Age of Heroes. For a moment, Seto felt a brief qualm. The last time he'd used this equipment, the Big Five had trapped him in his own game. "What's the status on the Vampire King?" he called out.

"The corrupted file has been removed from the game and replaced with the original. We've got it stored to study the coding later. The game coding still seems to be sound." came the response.

"Delete the corrupted Vampire King files," Seto snarled. He wanted all traces of Gozaburo's image wiped out of his game. "There are at least two more corrupted characters that you can study for a hacker's calling card later." Despite the fact that his orders ran counter to the usual company protocol, the Gozaburo Vampire King files were deleted.

"I demand to know what's going on!" came a nasally yell. Seto turned to the door in time to see Roland dragging Weevil in. The boy had obviously disregarded Joey's call to get ready to be picked up, as he was still in his pajamas. Seto regarded the ladybug patterned cotton pants and plain white tank top t-shirt with a trace of amusement.

"Yo, roach!" Joey shouted in greeting. Seeing a familiar, friendly face seemed to help Weevil relax. The boy straightened his glasses and looked around, taking in his surroundings for the first time. "The Professor, over there," Joey said as he jerked his thumb in Seto's direction, "hasn't graced us lowly peons with his plan yet, but I'd guess we're going back to the vampire castle."

Weevil gasped as realization hit like an invisible hammer right between the eyes. "You mean I was gaming with Kaiba last night?" His eyes widened as a look of unadulterated hero worship filled his face.

Seto shuddered and pointed to one of the pods. "Just get in." Joey and Weevil each took a pod without complaint. Seto followed their example, pushing back a nervous qualm. Once he was settled, he gave the technicians the signal to begin.

A moment of bodiless disorientation filled Seto's senses as the world he knew faded around him. When the world took shape again, Seto found himself standing in front of a log-in screen. A keyboard appeared in front of Seto's fingers and he entered his login name and password. Next, he was prompted to select a character, though he only had one set up to choose from. When he chose "Andiron" and confirmed his selection, another wave of disorientation hit.

"Oh, shit!" Seto's eyes flew open at the feminine yelp. Wheeler was running his hands up and down his body, exploring the curves that he'd never had before. "Oh, shit! I've got boobs!" Seto ran his eyes up and down the body appreciatively, enjoying the sight of his Merry in the virtual flesh.

"Let me see!" Weevil lunged, making a grab for Wheeler.

"Perv!" Wheeler snarled, promptly introducing Weevil to his right hook and then scampering behind Seto.

"You dorks," Seto muttered with a soft snicker. Stepping to the side, Seto draped a gauntleted arm around Joey's shoulders. "Don't worry. I won't let the big, bad mage get you, mutt. After all, I saw you first."

"Are you guys through horsing around yet?" Mokuba's disembodied voice filtered around the three.

Joey started giggling. "God? Is that you?"

"Close enough," came Mokuba's response. "I've accessed the Party Chat system so I don't get left out of the fun. In this form of the game, you guys are going to have key words to open and close menus and access your abilities. The words you want are 'activate' and 'terminate.' You might want to practice a bit before leaving the town."

Mokuba's advice was sound. They wouldn't last long if they weren't familiar with the gaming system. They spent several minutes practicing opening and closing different menus. Seto could see the ones that he opened, but not the ones the others did. He was just about to suggest moving on when Joey said, "Activate Ability Vanish!"

Seto frowned and looked around, as Joey disappeared. Suddenly Weevil let out a yelp, clutching at his backside. "He kicked me!" Seto gave up all attempts at remaining aloof, and howled with laughter. Give him the ability to turn invisible and he went around pulling childish pranks - how like the mutt!

Invisible arms wrapped around Seto's waist, followed by the command to end the Vanish ability. Seto ruffled the hair of Joey's game body. "Let's get some supplies and go."

Lilyvale was eerily still without other players running around on various tasks. The three hurried with their shopping, eager to get on the road and out of the virtual ghost town. By the time they reached the waterfall, however, Seto would have given anything for the peace and quiet of Lilyvale.

"Please, Wheeler!" Weevil pleaded for what felt like the hundredth time. "Please! Just one feel! Have pity! I'm a scrawny, nerdy, gaming geek! Do you have any idea how that affects my chances with the attractive female populace? Please! Please! Please!"

Seto groaned and rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "Weevil, if he lets you cop a feel, will you shut up?" Weevil's head bobbed up and down in an eager affirmative. "Fine. Mutt, let him grope you."

"What!" Joey shrieked indignantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Not a chance!"

"Please! Please!" Weevil began again. Joey ignored him and got out a grappling hook. As he was getting ready to throw, however, Weevil took his chance. Coming from behind, Weevil wrapped his arms around Joey and let his fingers explore.

Joey shrieked again, elbowing Weevil in the stomach. The mage fell backwards, gasping in pain. "Activate, Menu, Party Status," Seto murmured as Joey drew his dagger and began stabbing. When Weevil's health was halfway gone, Seto grabbed Joey's arm. "That's enough. We do need him, after all."

With a growl, Joey tossed Weevil a healing potion. "Next time I see Tea," he muttered, "I'm apologizing for every harassing thing I've ever done. Well, except for the Panty Tank. She kicked my ass good over that one." Seto opened his mouth to ask, but then decided that he was better off not knowing what the "Panty Tank" was, especially since he had an impressionable younger brother listening in.

Joey grabbed his discarded grappling hook and tossed it into the waterfall without further incident. Before taking his turn across the rope, Weevil grinned at Seto and gave him a thumbs up. "It was worth it," he declared.

The dash to the sphinx's room went more smoothly than it had the previous night. Knowing the path and how to avoid the monsters helped tremendously. The sphinx had respawned by this time and was once again laying by the ladder leading into the castle. She regarded them coolly when they entered her prison. "Thou hast returned. For what more dost thou yearn?"

The sphinx yawned and moved away from the ladder without offering any riddles. Seto frowned, wondering if there was a trick involved. "Mokuba, find out if the sphinx is programmed to remember players who've already solved her riddles."

There was a bit of muffled conversation which Seto strained in vain to hear, and then his brother answered. "She's not. Players are supposed to solve her riddles every time they come through. There's a bank of riddles that she draws from at random."

Seto's frown deepened at that. So the sphinx was another hacked character. "Get someone on to analyzing her coding while she's active in the game. Don't delete her unless a viral presence is detected or the hacked coding proves to be malicious to the game. Now, who wants to try to get by her first?"

"Go on, go on," the sphinx grumbled, stretching her wings. "We've already had our fun." Joey slipped behind Weevil and shoved him towards the ladder. Weevil squealed in terror, covering his eyes as he went flying by the ladder and crashing into the sphinx.

When the sphinx made no move to turn Weevil into lunch, Joey and Seto started up the ladder. They were halfway up when Joey shouted down to the cringing Weevil. "Are you coming, you perverted little roach, or are you just going to stand there with your face between her bazooms?" With a yelp, Weevil scurried away from the sphinx, babbling apologies as he began climbing the ladder.

The castle appeared to be unchanged from their previous visit. As before, Seto took the lead. The monsters of the castle also remained unchanged. When they reached the throne room, Seto had Joey use Vanish and peek inside. "The Vampire King looks like the drawings," Joey reported when he shut the throne room door. "But there's no sign of Tweedledee and Tweedledum."

Since they'd beaten the Vampire King once before, the group decided to bypass him this time and seek out the missing Vampire Lords. "Big brother, the programmers say that they should be with the Vampire King. They're meant to be his honor guard or something like that," Mokuba said. That bit of knowledge worried Seto. Could the hacker have stolen his game characters?

As they approached the north tower, Seto started hearing muffled giggles. He stopped and motioned Weevil and Joey over to a door. "Do you hear someone?"

"Yeah," Joey whispered. "Get away from the door and I'll check it out. Activate Ability Vanish." Joey disappeared, and Seto and Weevil stepped away from the door. The door cracked open again, and then shut quickly. "Oh, geez! Terminate Ability Vanish! You guys do not want to look in there," Joey declared. "I think I'm scarred for life! That's even more traumatizing than Weevil honking my boobs!"

"Nothing could be that bad, mutt." Seto shoved Wheeler out of the way and threw the door open. The missing Vampire Lords weren't missing anymore. "I stand corrected. Mokuba, stop watching our progress!" Seto ordered at once.

The two vampires lay nude together in a coffin, regarding the group with unworried stares. Enough was showing for Seto to see that whoever had redesigned the characters had made them anatomically correct. "I remember you," the Pegasus vampire murmured, sitting up and drawing his coffin-mate into his arms. "You killed us."

The Dartz vampire cuddled against the other's chest, his face half-turned to watch the intruders. "It hurt," he added, lower lip sticking out in a pout. "Don't do it again."

Seto promptly slammed the door shut again.