Virtually Yours

You've Got to be Kitten Me

Seto rolled over in bed and stared at his alarm clock, a sleepy frown working its way across his face. He'd set his alarm clock to go off at 4:30 before he went to sleep, of that he was certain. So why was it saying 7:07? Mentally, Seto began retracing the events of the evening to determine why his trusty clock had failed him.

When he, Mokuba, and Joey had arrived home, Joey had insisted that he be allowed to prepare supper. Seto had watched Joey cook, so he knew that the food hadn't been drugged. Joey had fixed a homemade pizza, insisting that Seto eat a "real meal" because he'd skipped lunch to finish going over some contracts. No, there was nothing there to explain the alarm clock.

After supper, the three had gone to Seto's room. Joey and Mokuba had sprawled out on the bed, finding a movie on the TV Seto normally watched the news and stock reports on. Seto sat at his desk and worked even more. By the time he had finally gotten everything caught up, Joey and Mokuba were snoring soundly. Seto had stretched a blanket over the two, turned on his alarm clock, and crawled under the covers.

Sitting up, Seto glared at his empty bed. Both Mokuba and Joey were gone, and one of them had to have turned off his alarm clock. Being late one day could be excused, but two days in a row? Were those two trying to ruin him? This had to be Joey's doing; Mokuba would never mess with Seto's clock!

Seto growled empty threats to himself as he climbed out of bed. The mutt was a bad influence on Mokuba, he decided as he threw open the door to his closet. The mutt didn't belong in the Kaiba brothers' perfectly structured world, he concluded as he jerked out a suit. The mutt brings chaos where ever he goes! Seto's fists clenched the expensive fabric as he stormed into his bathroom. The mutt looks damn fine in nothing but a towel...

Freshly showered with a towel wrapped around his waist, Joey stood at the sink, brushing his teeth. He was humming some tune that Seto didn't recognize, but it was certainly bouncy and cheerful. As he caught a glimpse of Seto in the doorway, Joey quickly spat and rinsed. "Good morning, sleepyhead!" came the far too chipper greeting. "You probably want to hurry, right? Go ahead. I won't peek at your Petit Dragon."

For once in his life, Seto found himself without an insult ready to lob back at Joey. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He was coming up blank! A slow flush crept up into Seto's cheeks as he turned away. "Stupid mutt," he muttered. "It's a Blue Eyes."

Joey stared at him blankly for a moment, mouth dropping open incredulously. Then he broke out into peals of body-shaking laughter. He howled, he cackled, he pounded the bathroom sink. And he left Seto wondering whether or not he was having some sort of weird seizure until he managed to gasp out, "Blue Eyes or blue ba-"

Seto clapped a hand over Joey's mouth before he could finish that thought. Tears were streaming down Joey's cheeks from where he'd been laughing so hard. "Stupid mutt," Seto murmured again. "You're wasting time. Now go get dressed." He gave Joey a firm shove towards the door.

Once Seto was cleaned, dressed, and ready, he went back to his room, expecting to find Joey waiting. But the room was empty. "Mutt?" he called. No answer. Seto went out into the hall, looking for some sign of Joey. "Mutt, here boy! Where are you?"

After several minutes, his calls received a response. "Will you hurry it up? Your breakfast is getting cold!"

"Breakfast?" Seto growled as he barged his way into the kitchen. "We don't have time-" His tirade was silenced by a piece of bacon sliding into his mouth. Joey smirked as he released the slice of meat, then sat down to finish his plate.

Since the food was already made, there was no sense in letting it go to waste. Joey, meanwhile, had turned his attention to his laptop which was already set up on the counter, pointing his fork at the screen. "Anyway, like I was saying, Pinky, your master plans suck. I mean, really really suck!"

Seto sat down beside Joey so he could see the screen. A sleep-tousled Siegfried sat on the couch. His normally flawless hair was frizzed out in a cloud of pink disarray. He cast a baleful look at Seto. "This world lacks coffee, Herr Kaiba, that blonde ape will not stop jabbering at me, and those two...," Siegfried whirled to point an accusing finger at the vampires cuddling in the background, "are worse than a pack of cats in heat when they're not pestering me with questions about our world!"

With a smirk, Seto sipped at his coffee, being sure to sigh contentedly over the taste. Siegfried groaned and slumped across the couch to stare at the ceiling - the absolute portrait of abject misery. "What? No complaints about the sphinx?"

Siegfried waved a hand dismissively, not even bothering to sit up. "If she were here, I'm sure I could come up with something. She, at least, has the decency to make herself scarce. Your little mage logged on last night, and she went off with him. I presume they went to terrorize other players."

Seto let Siegfried ramble, his attention turning to the vampires. Pegasus had given Dartz a little shove towards the couch, and Dartz was creeping across the floor as though stalking prey. With a sudden leap, Dartz pounced onto the back of the couch, growling playfully as he leaned down to pretend to take a bite out of Siegfried.

Siegfried reacted as any rational human would when face-to-face with a set of teeth capable of ripping out his throat. He screamed and rolled off the couch. Dartz leapt from his perch, landing on top of Siegfried. "I got you! I got you!" the vampire crowed delightedly. Seto shut off Joey's laptop before he had to listen to Siegfried cry for help. He didn't want to feel obligated to rescue him from the vampires' idea of fun.

Once they were through eating, Joey put the dishes in the sink for the maid to take care of. Seto drummed his fingers on the counter impatiently. "What's taking Mokuba so long?"

"He left already," Joey answered. "He went to get Weevil picked up and get your paperwork going so that we could spend some more time in the game. Now let's roll!" Seto nodded, heading for the door. If there was anyone he knew he could trust with Kaiba Corp's day-to-day operations, it was Mokuba.

When they reached the building, Seto called up to his office to see if Mokuba had everything under control. Joey stood behind Seto, tapping his foot impatiently while Mokuba assured his brother that everything was just fine and that yes he would drag him out of the game if anything that needed Seto's personal attention cropped up. Satisfied that, for the moment, there were no immediate problems, Seto took Joey back down into Kaiba Corp's sub-basement.

"Good morning, Mr. Kaiba," greeted the technicians running the virtual reality equipment. Seto grunted something that could maybe pass for a "good morning" as he settled in the pod. Soon he was logged into the game and heading for Dame Chat's home with Joey following on his heels like a good puppy. "Allow me," Joey said when they reached the door. He pulled out a lock pick and began fiddling around. "It's funny how this body can do stuff I normally can't do." The lock clicked and Joey pushed the door open.

The first thing they saw was that the vampires had been busy. Siegfried hung from the ceiling, tied up with Dame Chat's knitting. Pegasus stood beside his trussed up prisoner, brushing the last of the morning frizzies out of his hair. "All done. Now, was that really worth all that fuss, silly human?" he murmured. Gagged with doilies, Siegfried could do little more than glare miserably.

Joey made no attempt to hold back his mirth, and was soon laughing almost as hard as he had been in the bathroom. The corner of Seto's mouth twitched upward slightly in a faint gesture of amusement. He refused to allow himself to show amusement in front of Siegfried, though he promised himself a good laugh later. For now, they had business to attend to. "Where's Weevil?"

"Oh, around somewhere, I'm sure," Pegasus said as he cut Siegfried loose. Siegfried thudded to the ground with a pained grunt. "I figured you would arrive shortly, so I asked Dartz to find him."

Almost as though his name were enough to conjure him, Dartz came pounding up the porch. "I found them! I found them! Seto Knight! Joey Thief!" Seto sidestepped in time to avoid an enthusiastic greeting as Dartz pounced. The vampire managed to land in a crouch, whirling around on the balls of his feet to tackle Joey. The mutt wasn't quite as quick on the uptake, and went down to Dartz's flying hug.

Pulling out the doily gag, Siegfried snorted in disgust. "I thought vampires were supposed to be vicious creatures of the night."

Dartz turned from his Joey hugging to hiss at Siegfried. "You're a bad God," Dartz growled. "No one cares what you think!"

"Why you stupid, little-"

"Dartz," Seto interrupted, shooting a glare at Siegfried. "Why don't we go get Weevil and the sphinx? You can show me what an excellent tracker you are." Seto had no doubt that the vampires could be positively murderous when necessary, and Siegfried seemed well on his way to bringing that trait out in Dartz at least. As much fun as it probably would be to watch the vampire decorate the walls with Siegfried's guts, there were more important things to be done. Dartz bounded to his feet, latching onto Seto's arm and leading him out the door.

Once they were out of sight of the house, Dartz slowed, releasing Seto's arm. He placed a finger to his lips, and began moving soundlessly off of the path. No leaves rustled nor twigs snapped beneath the vampire's feet. Seto followed as silently as he could, though, compared to Dartz, he felt like an elephant lumbering amongst the trees. When Seto could hear a stream babbling ahead, Dartz slowed, signaling for Seto to again be quiet. At last they stopped, Dartz crouching behind a tree and Seto following his example.

Ever-cautious, Seto peered around the tree trunk. The sphinx and Weevil lay by the stream, Weevil's head resting against the lion's side. The sphinx had a wing stretched out over the mage, shading him from the sun. "Dost thou sleep and dream of sheep," the monster asked, glancing over her shoulder.

"No," Weevil yawned, stretching before sitting up. Idly, the boy raked his fingers through the sphinx's sun-dappled fur. "I'm still awake, kitten." With a rumbling purr, the sphinx rolled to her side, allowing Weevil to stroke her lion's belly. He seemed glad to take the beast up on her silent invitation.

"Weevil Mage, why didst thou hide? Of thy true face, my sight was denied." Listening, Seto smirked a bit. At least the sphinx was bright enough to have seen through Joey's flimsy excuse.

"Because," Weevil began. He paused and stared down at his magician's robes. "Because this is how I want you to know me, kitten. In my world, I'm the kind of guy that most people won't look twice at. When I duel, I'm a somebody, but the rest of the time I'm just a nobody."

"To me thou art somebody," the sphinx murmured. "Many wondrous traits thou dost embody. For thee, I do care. This I declare. With you, I am smitten. I am your Kitten..." The sphinx drew Weevil into her embrace, a smile crossing her face. Seto decided the two could use some privacy, so he tapped Dartz's shoulder and motioned back the direction they'd come. Dartz nodded and the two set off.

The two hadn't gone far when a trio of newbies stumbled into view. The warrior and two mages halted in front of Seto and Dartz. "Gawking newbs," Seto muttered to himself. The warrior of the group pulled out his sword and lunged. With a hiss of surprise, Dartz dove to the side as the warrior attacked. Seto quickly rattled off the commands to send a chat request to the group. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted the moment the request was accepted.

"Calm down, Tristan," the female mage called out to the warrior. "This is a game, after all. I seriously doubt the 'weird shit' Joey mentioned would be here." Seto groaned in realization. Of all the people in the world to run into... Of course the mutt's friends would try to find out what was happening. The girl mage continued to babble. "Really, it would be just like Kaiba to put in characters that look like his enemies just so he could kill them. So stop acting like that thing is the real Dartz. We're really sorry to bother you guys. We're just trying to find a friend."

"About yeah tall?" Seto asked, holding a hand up at about Joey's height. "Blonde? Atrocious accent?"

"Yeah, that's him!" the other mage blurted.

"Haven't seen him." Then Seto glanced over at the vampire. "Dartz? You hungry?" Seto murmured, starting to grin a little. The vampire nodded, tongue darting out from between his teeth. "Well, there's a three course meal right in front of you. Dig in."

The vampire didn't have to be told twice. In a blur of motion, he was among the three newbie players. Seto leaned back against a tree to watch the action. This was the perfect opportunity to see just how dangerous the vampire could be. Dartz went for the mages first, grabbing Yugi and scurrying up a tree. He used the boy as a shield as he dug in his fangs and began wiping out his health points. When Yugi's health hit 0, he vanished back to Lilyvale and Dartz was swooping down to snatch another snack.

Tea and Tristan also fell before the vampire's onslaught. Once the pests were gone, the two continued their walk back to Dame Chat's home, Dartz making contented purring noises. Seto smirked to himself. He doubted one virtual vampire attack would be enough to convince those three to mind their own business, but it had been quite satisfying. Sure, he'd have to face Joey's anger when his friends told him about this, but as Weevil had said about copping a feel on the mutt, "It was worth it." Now Seto felt ready to handle anything the world could throw at him.