Love, Loss, and Learning

By: SSCereriEnjeru

Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to, I am forced to admit that I do NOT own Gundam Wing. I am merely borrowing the characters for the sake of entertainment, not profit...so don't bother suing.

I actually wrote this as a paper for my Creative Writing class...When the teacher assigned the essay (we had to write a short story of our own topic...), I just happened to be daydreaming about Gundam Wing, and was sorta making up this story in my head...So when I found out I could write a story about anything, I was like 'Hey! I can just jot down my fic idea!' So I did...here it is...

Ta dah!

Oh, and just a minor note, italics are Duo's reflections, and normal text is real-time happenings...just so you know...

I was blinking furiously, trying hard to fight back my tears.

Don't cry for me, Duo.

I had never been one to cry, but as I watched her struggle to draw in one last breath, I couldn't help but do so.

Hilde, I'm so sorry.

I began to sob; my body shaking with anger. This should never have happened. I should have been there! I should-

I love you, Duo.

My eyes widened.

I love you too, Hilde.

She smiled one last sweet smile, and closed her eyes. Slowly her hand slipped from my gentle grasp. Life had thrown her in my path, and now as swiftly as she had arrived, she was ripped away.

The tears returned tenfold, as I clutched her lifeless body. Loss was no stranger to me. My parents both died when I was three; my caretakers, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, followed them when I was fifteen. As accustom as I have become to death, the loss of Hilde tore at my soul.

There I sat, sobbing and rocking, my love cradled in my lap. Time had enveloped us, creating a barrier against the outside world. It was just Hilde and I. Through my grief, I had lost touch with my surroundings. I felt as though we were suspended in darkness, a vast vacuum of nothing. The world had past us by, and there I sat mourning the passing of my one true love.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was really a matter of minutes, I felt a strong force pulling her away from me. Judgement day had come for her, but I was compelled to hold on.

No! You can't take her from me! Please...don't take her from me.

No matter how hard I tried to cling on to Hilde, the force overwhelmed my grasp. I felt her slipping through my fingertips and there was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could do to keep her alive, and now there was nothing I could do to keep her with me. A pair of strong arms surrounded me, forcing me into a restraining hug. I violently struggled to break free, my vision blinded by fury and angst. There was nothing I could do for my Hilde, and now there was nothing I could do for myself. I felt a prick on my arm, and suddenly there was stillness.

"Has he come out yet?"

Quatre shook his head. "He's been in there ever since her funeral. If he keeps this up, we're gonna have to break in. Three weeks is a long time to hole himself in his apartment."

Heero sighed, running his hand through his chestnut mane. "He'll come out as soon as he runs out of food. He may be mourning, but with his appetite, he'll be out eventually."

Quatre gave a weak smile, revealing only a mere shadow of the blond boy's usual cheerfulness. "We can only hope so."

I woke up the next day, dreary-eyed and lost. I tried to sit up, but the dizziness induced by the retreating muscle relaxer held me back. My mind was fuzzy, incapable of comprehending the situation I found myself in. Once again I attempted to sit up, this time succeeding. Blinking the weariness from my eyes, I took in my surroundings. I was in Quatre's guest bedroom, surrounded by my four closest friends. They watched with concern, as the previous days events flooded my mind. The battle, the gunshot, Hilde...Tears once again found their way to my eyes, the pain once again overcoming me.

Someone sat down next to me on the bed, and wrapped me in a supporting embrace. Heero...He held me as I cried, his shoulder soaking up my tears, my snot, and the grief that wafted off my shattered aura. I felt someone taking one of my hands, someone rubbing my back, and another stroking my long mahogany braid. We sat there for over an hour, my friends sending me waves of comfort, until I finally drifted of to sleep.

WuFei and Trowa quietly walked to the door, to listen. It was their turn to go and check up on Duo. To their surprise, they heard rustling of papers, and the opening and shutting of drawers. After four weeks since retreating to his apartment, this was the first time anyone had heard Duo stir.

The Chinese boy kept a stoic expression, but his eyes betrayed his relief. "Sounds like he'll be alright," WuFei said to his tall light brown haired companion.

Trowa nodded, "Quatre will be relieved. He worries himself sick about everything."

Her funeral was a small affair. Just a small group of Hilde's closest friends gathered together to pay their respects to their fallen companion. We were on a ship, in the middle of the Mediterranean sea. Each of us had a hand full of her ashes, which we cast into the wind. That was her wish; to be one with the earth she fought so hard to protect.

All through the ceremony, I felt numb and hollow. The sight of the ashes of her cremated remains made me feel sick. 'This isn't Hilde,' I remember thinking. I picked up the picture of her, that sat on a small wooden table. I peered lovingly at the paper face, caged behind the cold glass. Closing my eyes, I could see Hilde in my mind. She was laughing, something that she often did. She was tall, just a few inches shorter than I. Her jet-black hair was kept short, allowing her crystal-blue eyes to shine out. She was slender, and always wore tasteful clothing that subtly accentuated her curves. Tears started to roll down my cheeks, as I realized that never again would I be able to hold her in my arms. All I had left was the fist-full of ashes that I was about to cast into the wind. I opened my hand, and let the wind carry her away from me.

The plane ride back to London was exhausting. My friends accompanied me back to my apartment, and after a quiet round of hugs, they left me to be alone with my thoughts. After four weeks of wallowing in my misery, I felt the burning desire to write a journal in hopes of easing the pain. I sit here now at my desk, putting my pain on paper, to rid my mind of the poison I've allowed to build up. I love Hilde with all of my heart, but after writing all of this, I realize that I am not helping her by feeling sorry for myself.

As I've eaten pretty much everything in my cupboards, I am starving, and I haven't shaved in weeks. Hilde will never rest in peace if she feels like she has to stay behind and baby-sit me. Not only that, but I haven't spoken to my friends since the funeral, and I know their worried sick about me...especially Quatre... :Laughs:I'll come out of my dungeon soon, but I have one last thing I must do...

Duo closed the cover of the notebook he was writing in, and placed it gently in the top drawer of his desk. He shut the drawer, and moved on to the next. After rummaging a bit, he pulled out a white square of paper, and pen in hand, again he wrote.

My Dearest Hilde...

Once he was finished with his letter, he lovingly began to fold it. A crease here, a fold there; until in his hands he cradled an origami crane. A crane for good luck; good luck on her journey in the afterlife. Duo stood up and stretched. Then, crane in hand, he walked into the kitchen. Gently he kissed the crane, and then he pulled a small box out of his pocked. He pulled one of the matches out of the box, and struck it, watching the match come to life. After laying the crane in the sink, he held the match to it, until it was ablaze. Duo smiled. This way, she was sure to get his letter.

As the paper crane finally finished it's departure, Duo heard a knock on his door. A smile crossed his lips as he opened the door, revealing four concerned twenty-year-olds. After four weeks of silence from Duo, his friends were ready to storm in. Expecting a mourner, they were pleasantly surprised when Duo smiled and said his infamous words, "I'm hungry!"

A young spirit drifted alone, unable to go on to the next faze of her existence. She had been trapped her for some time now, her bond to the living too difficult to sever. As she floated there, a small white paper crane materialized, and flew towards her. Hilde smiled, knowing the sender of the crane. She held out her hand, and the crane landed in her palm, and began to unfold it's self. Tears streamed down her luminescent cheeks, as she read the words of her mortal lover.

My Dearest Hilde,

Time has passed since you parted from this world, and still I can feel your

presence. I remember the day I met you on that lonely battlefield. We were

supposed to be enemies, but yet deep down in our souls, we were fighting for the

same cause. Our lives intertwined, and not a day has passed since then, when I

have not thanked the gods for sending you to me. You were the best friend that I

could have ever asked for, and the guiding lamp in my aimless life.

These past few weeks have found me in a deep depression, mourning for

my loss. However, I started to realize that I could shed an infinite number of

but there was nothing I could do to bring you back to me. All I was doing was

keeping you from moving on to your final destination. Remember that I love

with all of my being, and that someday I will follow your trail to our final

mission. I will see you on the other side.

All my love,

Duo

Hilde smiled, and found herself enveloped in a radiant white light. A pair of ethereal arms wrapped her in a loving embrace, and lifted her up to her final mission.

:A/N:There it is folks...wrapped up in shiny silver paper, with a big purple bow! Grins What doest thou think? Please let me know!

Hugs, Ceri