A/N: And here be ch 3! Wow I can't believe you people actually want MORE! Very odd indeed.

OH! And thank you SOOO much for all the reviews again! -Hands out Akito's thong to reviewers-

Hmmm about this ch…….well the rest of the family does make an appearance! Minus Kureno and Rin, why? Well simply because since Akito's actually male in the anime, I decided to stick to the anime version instead of the manga. And as you know, neither Rin nor Kureno make a appearance in the anime! (so sad!) Plus……….it's less people to write about!

Well read on and ENJOY!

DISCLAIMER: ME NO OWN ANYTHING FRUITS BASKET!

Prescription For Disaster

CH 3

Sicklys Candles

It has been two weeks since I ran out of that gay bar, and I still feel dirty.

And smelly.

But! I will be going back to my happy-go-lucky bitch self in no time.

And do you know why?

For in one nights passing, it will be my celebration for coming out of the female uterus!

Or my birthday, if you are stupid.

Which you are, of course.

So what do you think I did?

I demanded a big birthday party of course!

With Cake, piñata's, balloons and games! Clowns! Pony rides! And of course all my gays! (Damn rhyming!)

…

Meaning my slave family.

Oh yes, they will all be coming.

Even that female Tohru girl.

Why you ask?

I feel like pulling her hair.

Akito Smirk.

Along with her, will be Shigure shithead, Smelly Kyou, Yukiiii dear, Ayame, Whore Tori, Midget Momiji, Kisa and her bitch Hiro, Kagura, Haru and Ritsu.

But not Rin or Kureno.

Why?

Because.

….

They don't make much of an appearance.

Plus Rin got all freaking pissy because I asked her to give pony rides.

So I hate her now.

But back to business.

I have also asked (demanded) to go to Mr. McDonalds. Because it's my birthday and I get what I want!……….Which is some of their coffee.

One more sleep and I will be able to look forward to all of this!

Or looking forward to pulling the female's hair.

Either way, horary.

…I really have to stop rhyming, since poets sicken me.

Well it's now my bedtime, (7:30 sure does come fast.) so go away.

15 hours later.

Ahhh! It is now morning I see, dreadful sunny sunlight! How I hate you! But just knowing that today is my celebration of birth, made it tolerable.

I sat up on my therapeutic futon, and waited for a servant/slave person to lift the rest of my body up.

It's too much strain to do that myself of course.

30 minutes later, I was bathed for the 1st time that day, clothed in my hip street clothes, and glaring at my family members which stood in front of me.

Plus that annoying, muddling, female Tohru.

…

…

…

Well!

Weren't they going to wish me a pleasant day!

Or whatever people say when it's their birthday…

Finally, someone spoke!

THE ALL AND POWERFUL ME!

Bwaha!

"Ahoy all! It's good to have everyone here who cares so deeply for me, to attend my celebration of birth." I spoke to my bitch crowd.

Silence…

Finally, Shigure spoke up.

"It's good to be here Akito-Sama! We wouldn't miss it for the world!" He replied cheerfully.

Damn him and his lies! All he wanted was that sugar filled, sweet cake crap!

Well the jokes on him, I'm a diabetic.

So it's sugarless.

And I'm lactose and tolerant.

So it's dairy-less.

Plus I damn well don't even like cake, so it's replaced with fermented Soya beans and raw tofu.

Meanwhile while I was busy daybitching, everyone had decided that they were going to pass on the Mr. McDonalds thing.

Akito Glare.

Blithering idiots!

Well sure I was more then thrilled that they wouldn't be coming, but do you really expect me to show it?

Thought not.

But good old Whore-Tori was to drive me.

Bliss!

So he and I got into his sleek black car (good choice in color I must say.) while the others went inside MY house.

…

…

They better not even THINK about touching Flufflies.

A few minutes later Hatori-Whore and I walked into Mr. McDonalds, where Hatori-Whore walked to the front and asked (Humph! Freaking pussy! Demand bitch! DEMAND!) for two cups of coffee. (Ha! He shall NEVER disobey my orders on my celebration of bitc-I mean birth.)

While he waited for the java, I let my eyes wonder to look for seating.

But, I found something much more interesting.

The sign told me it was a…."Play Area".

Hmm…I don't believe I have ever heard of such word.

So, curious as I was, I slithered over to the sign and read the rest of the large writing. (Finally! Something I could read without squinting!)

"Children under 90 pounds only. Please remove shoes before entering."

….

….

Buwhaa! I was well under 90 pounds! So there was no reason for me not to enter this "Play Area". Oh how I wreathed with ecstatic joy!

Though of course, I wouldn't remove my shoes.

It was very likely it was dirty and smelly in there. Crawling with germs that smelled, and were just waiting for me to show up and give me a few more illnesses.

I gathered up my strength and pushed open the glass door.

Inside the room I was faced with countless ropes, towers, nets and balls.

…

…

…

So now what?

Thankfully, someone there was able to answer my question.

A child, (How outright evil.) no more then 5 years old dragged himself up a rope, climbed the ladder to get to the large tower, and jumped into the area of balls, where evil he then laughed evilly and ran out….evilly.

Did I mention how evil children were?

Back to the task at hand though, by watching the spawn of Satan I was able to figure out that this must be some sort of indoor "playground".

I also figured out that I was unqualified to climb a rope or ladder, or jump.

So I had to resort to plan B.

I crawled into the ball area.

What! Did you expect me to turn around and cry to the people who made this for not making it handicap friendly!

I think not! And you know why?
For I am Akito Sohma.

And I don't leak from my eyes.

I sat in the middle of the large hole in the ground covered in different colored balls, and pondered the whole point of this.

Of course there was no point, but I just felt like doing it.

It remind me yet again of my childhood…..

FLASHBACK:

Hatori sat and pondered at the young six-year-old Akito who sat in the corner of the darkened room holding a white ball.

"Now Akito, why don't you throw the ball to Hatori?" Asked Hatori.

Akito looked up to him with his cold dead eyes, and without averting his sight, threw the balls towards Hatori.

"Weeeee…." Akito replied lifelessly.

Hatori walked up and grabbed the ball with lay a foot away from Akito.

"Now, wasn't that fun Akito?" Hatori inquired.

"…………..Weeeeee." I responded.

End Of Flashback:

Ahhh! Such a lively little thing I was!

I Suddenly stopped daydreaming….

Something dreadful started to occur.

I started to sink into the depths of the colored balls.

Okay, okay, now I won't panic. I may be weak but I'm sure I'm strong enough to pull myself back up.

Attempt to swim my way back to the top andddd…..

Mission Failed.

Akito Glare.

The balls were well past my head now, and I know that it was only a matter of time before the balls consumed my breathing space and I slowly suffocated.

Of course, I won't not scream for help, that's only for the weak and helpless.

…

…

Okay, so maybe in my case it wouldn't be a bad idea, but it would still ruin my reputation.

Ass-bone finally hit something.

Something pointy.

And pokey.

And bloody painful.

Deep breath and…….

"HATORIIIIII! HATORRIIIIIIII! SAVEEEE MEEE HATORIIIIII!"

Ahh pity, there goes my dignity.

I heard the door slam, footsteps, and then a strong, pretty hand reaching down in the colored balls and grabbing me from the scruff of my top and hauling me up.

There stood my bitch looking terribly alarmed.

Oh Whore-Tori, I have never been so glad to see your pretty eye. Oh how I love you! I would have kissed you if you weren't covered in smelly germs!

"Akito-sama! Are you okay! I heard your scream!" He yelled while he helped me stand on sturdy, ball-less ground.

Well no shit you heard my scream, why else would you come running in? Suddenly had the urge to jump in some balls! To climb a rope or latter? OH HOW I LOATHE YOU!

Hmmm….I was being surprisingly bitchy.

That's when something clicked in.

Something was sticking out my ass-bone.

I looked down towards my behind, and what to my surprise should I find?

A needle!

Yes, a small needle stuck in my ass-bone.

I quickly pulled it out, and noticed there was a note attached to it.

"You are now affected with AIDS." I read aloud.

….

….

….

Akito Snort.

Well I know that!

I've known for about 2 years now!

…

Dear me, what dimwitted dipshits.

All rest assured, I threw the needle back into the ball pen and walked outside, a dazed Hatori-Whore followed me.

A little while later, Whore-Tori and I got out the car and walked into my house, where the main living quarters was decorated with streamers and posters with the motto, "Happy Birthday!"

….

Akito Glare.

How unbelievably tacky.

It must be the work of Tohru Honda.

Because she's tacky and ugly.

And smelly.

Speaking of the girl, she was standing beside Yuki and Kagura, who were engaged in a conversation.

Everyone else stood around the room, looking extremely gloomy and depressed.

…

How wonderful!

Akito Smirk.

Suddenly something incredible happened, Hatori Whore became the life of the party! (Good thing too, as there's no way in hell that I'm gifted to do that.)

The only thing Whore-Tori did was talk, of course. But it was better then nothing.

"I'll grab the piñata." He said to the dull group.

….You mean he actually got one?

…..

I don't even know what a piñata is damnit!

It just sounded clever!

Meanwhile, Hatori Whore came back carrying what looked like a papier-mâché cat and a foamy-like child's bat.

Hm….

Bat + cat Something I have long been dreaming about.

It looked over to the devastated Smelly Kyou, and winked at him. And just for the hell of it, I threw in a lick of my lips. (Of course, not sexually, just um……..okay yeah sexually. What! Yeah he's stupid and smelly, but he's still pretty.)

He quickly hid behind Kazuma.

Bwhah, oh yeah. That got him!

Mission Complete.

Oh, someone was speaking.

"The object to a piñata is too…….smash it. Then get candy." Hatori said to the group.

Oh yes! How WONDERFUL! How wonderfully, bubblingly, frothingly, burstingly, blissingly, orgasmlly, odorlessly, breathtakingly, smashingly wonderful!

But there was more.

"….But you must also be blindfolded." Whore-Tori finished off, and then started the task of hanging up the Kyou smashy smashy doll.

Why blindfold me? I'm already half blind as it is! Screw him!

Ohhhh…..The thought of that thrilled me.

Oh I am ever so lonely.

I sighed, alas, my life is but a gaping void where loneness resides.

And my birdies of course.

Meanwhile outside of my lonely void, Hatori Whore was staring at me holding a bright yellow foam bat in his left hand, and a black blindfold in the other, while the Kyou imitation doll hung from the ceiling with a screw……..tee hee.

"Oh………" I responded bluntly to my bitch posse, " I suppose it's my turn to spank the cat?" Oh how I love seeing Smelly Kyou flinch like that! It just gets the blood pumping in my veins! A very rare occasion indeed.

Without any more delay the others were causing me, I walked to Hatori Whore while the other freaks stood around him and myself.

Deep breath.

"Well? Are you going to tie me up so I can whack off at the cat!" I sneered at him.

That sentence earned a good gasp from Smelly Kyou.

Wasting no time, Whore-Tori quickly put the cloth around my eyes and handed me that stupid bat thing.

Oh this is such bliss! Here I am, armed with a big, bad, bat, as my dearest family stood around me.

Happiness engulfed me, I couldn't control my urges, this was just to perfect!

I am sorry to say that was the day I nearly killed my family. (Okay, maybe not so sorry.)

I walked straight ahead of me and started to pummel the unfortunate soul who stood in the way.

Lift bat, swing and hit, yell in pleasure, struggle to lift bat, swing and hit, yell in pleasure again and throw in a few profanities.

Oh yes! This was better then sex!

Well it's better then I would imagine sex to be like. (Weak heart, remember?)

Suddenly, I heard a voice!

It was that insufferable Hiro!

"Should I stop him? He's wrinkling my outfit."

Oh yes, hurting you like hell isn't it!

"Just let him continue, it might tire him out."

Stupid Hatori Whore! It won't tire me out!

But damn, this bat was getting freaking impossible to lift!

Another voice spoke up, Ayame's I believe, but I wasn't really listening. Too bloodthirsty at the time.

"Um, I think it's time I get the cake."

The next few moments were a complete blur, all I remember was someone grasping the big bad bat from my hands and wrenching it from my death hold on it, and then someone taking my blindfold off.

Everyone stood around me staring at me quizzically, Hiro was right in front of me looking annoyed but not damaged.

….

The hell!

He should be at my feet!

Covered in blood and maybe some entrails!

Begging for me to spare him his life!

But nooooooooo, he just looked at me for a jiffy and walked away!

How unfair! How utterly, annoyingly, stupidly, straightenly, horrificly, ghastly, maliciously, nastily unfair!

I quickly took the 5 Prozac pills Hatori Whore offered me, swallowed them without any water, and glared at each and every one of my family members.

But, someone was missing……Ayame bitch.

How dare he run out on my celebration of birth! Can't he TELL this is supposed to be a freaking sentimental killing spree moment for me!

That's when I heard him.

Singing.

Shudder.

I cranked my neck in the direction of his voice, and there I found him standing in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a cake, and singing some sort of "Happy Birthday" anthem.

Singing horribly.

And where the hell did he get that cake!

But alas, I didn't have time to think about it, because the rest of the bitch clan, plus the female Tohru, joined in on his anthem of horror.

And they sang and they sang and they sang and they sang AND THEY SANG AND THEY SANG AND THEY WOULDN'T SHUP THE HELL UUUPP!

Oh, they quit I think.

As they're all staring at me as I shake my head, with my hands clasped over my ears.

Tee hee, scared you, didn't I?

Yes, I'm not mentally stable.

Fear me.

I looked down at the small table that was by my feet, (Which most likely one of the slave/servant people put there during the horrible singing) and saw what looked like a round, white cake with the words "Happy Birthday" written in plan gray lettering, while 3 small candles sat in the middle of it, slowly burning from the flames which they held.

I looked around at the people who surrounded me, as they stared at the cake looking as gloomy as ever.

……..I take it, I'm supposed to blow the fire out?

I really should save my breath though………

Sighing in defeat, I kneeled down to the cakes level and stared at it for a moment.

It smelled of smoke.

….So much smoke……

I'm starting to feel light headed I think.

Oh dear Aktio……The smoke! It's unbearable! I just keep inhaling it!

The next thing I know, I landed head first into the cake.

Of course by then I had already blacked out, so I didn't have to face the torture of actually smelling that smelly cake!

All in all, it was a shitty birthday. But I got to smack some of my bitches up, so that made it a bit better.

Akito Smirk.

A/N: And there you have it, another pointless ch! Hope you enjoyed it! Hmm…..next ch I think I'll have a Halloween special just for Akito! BUWHAHAHAH! So, until then, PLEASE REVIEWWWW!

Till I write again!

DG3