Chapter 9: Just a Game
Inara invited Simon to her shuttle for tea. She knows social niceties aren't what he needs right now but maybe. He enters after a soft knock, and Inara sits him on a sumptuously cushioned sofa and pours him tea.
"How are you?" she asks him gently.
Simon stares at the teacup in his hands. He sets it down on a low table before the ripples on its surface betray his shaking hands.
"I'm…better, thank you."
Inara can tell he's hiding behind his Osiris-bred front, but she'll play along for now. She can always read people. And Simon is easy to read. He may be pretending to be ok but he's far from it. Only Inara seems to be noticing the redness around his eyes, the vaguest rasp of dark stubble on his chin. He's wearing a grey jumper and he keeps fiddling with the sleeves; pulling the cuffs over his hands, then pushing them back up and repeating it all. Like a child hiding their hands. She catches a glimpse of his inner arm and tries to tell herself she didn't just see what she thinks.
"River was very dear to us all," Inara sets her own teacup down. "So don't dishonour her memory by lying now Simon. Talk to me. You're not better." She seizes his wrist and pushes his sleeve back. "What's this?"
"Just vitamin injections," the words slide easily off his tongue. "I'm not sleeping well so I…and after all that rain I don't want to get sick. Just a pick me up." He tugs the sleeve back down.
Inara isn't sure about what he's just said, but doesn't question him further. "You can still talk to me. Kaylee is crazy because you aren't talking to her."
"If I'm confessing surely I'm in the wrong room." He raises the ghost of a smile from Inara.
He stares at his hands. "Its just…I did everything to free her. Broken or not she was my sister. I gave up everything. I'd give up everything for her. When those hill folk kidnapped us, they wanted to burn her as a witch. I got up on the pyre, told them to light it. I meant it." His words come tumbling out. "I wanted to burn with her. Because if she was dead…and I…" He swallows. "I didn't get to say goodbye." A single tear tracks down his cheek, then he bites the inside of his mouth to stop anymore. He bows his head quickly and wipes it away. When he looks up again he is clear eyed. "Thank you for the tea." He stands and leaves the shuttle. The teacup mostly full on the table. Inara stares sadly after him. In his eyes the sun has already begun to set.
He lines up the bottles on the work surface. First by size, then moves them by colour, use by date. He hunches on the stool and leans an elbow on the work surface. He stares at the bottles until his eyes blur.
The pill and medicine bottles scrap across the surface.
"Eeeny meeny miney mo," Simon murmurs to himself, "catch a reaver by its toe, if he bites you let him go, eeeny meeny miney mo."
He moves the bottles into a square shape. Like chess. Just a game. He rotates the bottles so all the labels point towards him. Separates them into two groups. The general medication and River's. Just a game. He pushes half away and stares at the medicine hard. Dioexiotimal. Aspirin. Biatizine. He opens a bottle and draws a trail of pills across the work surface. Counts them. Changes the pattern into a six by six grid. Splits it into two. Eighteen. Pushes half back into the bottle. Splits it again. Nine, adds one and puts the remaining eight away. He stares at the ten tiny white pills of the worktop. Just a game.
"Doc?"
Simon palms the lot and stands, turning to face Mal.
"Yes?"
"Just thought you might like to know chows in ten."
Simon nods, trying not to crush the pills in his hand. Mal stands there for a moment, eying the bottles. Simon jumps in with his explanation. "I needed to find some sleeping tablets. I…uh…couldn't remember where I put them. It's been hard…"
Mal nods. "I understand."
No you don't, Simon wants to scream at his departing back. How could you? Instead he shoves the pills into his pocket and tidies the bottles away. Just a game.
Mal wakes up and chokes. He scrambles out of his bunk and goes to the sink. He spits a dark globule of blood out into the sink. He wipes his hand across his face and it comes away red. It's his nose. It really shouldn't still be bleeding. He stares at the small puddle of blood in his palm, and feels a small shudder of fright go down his spine. He's had nosebleeds before, been hit in the face plenty of times, and its never taken this long to heal.
He thinks about going to wake Simon, but Mal knows he hasn't been sleeping that much and the way things have been lately, he may well refuse to even look at him. Mal rinses the blood down the plughole and grabs a pair of trousers.
Inara opens the door looking bewildered. "Yes Mal?"
He takes the hand away from his nose. She takes one look at the blood and ushers him inside. She makes him sit on the sofa while she fusses about finding a cloth. The velvet cushion behind him is tickling his naked back.
She thrusts a cloth into his hand. "Hold that to your nose," she tells him.
Mal obediently holds it up against his nostrils and tries not to lean back too much; he doesn't want the blood running down his throat.
"I'm getting the doctor Mal," Inara says firmly heading for the door.
Mal mumbles behind the cloth, "I don't think…" but she has already gone.
Simon wakes up confused at the soft hands shaking his shoulder. He pushes himself up on his elbows and blinks blearily. "What the…?"
A soft finger presses itself against his lips. "Ssshh Simon, its Inara. The captain needs your help."
"Get my bag," he instructs her, as he gets up. He finally notices the wisp of satin nightdress she's wearing, or not wearing, and averts his eyes, a blush climbing his cheeks. He grabs a jumper and pulls it over his head.
Inara hands him the bag. "My shuttle," she says.
Mal is lying back against the cushions when Inara and Simon return. Simon says nothing about why the captain is half naked in her shuttle in the middle of the night. Inara carefully takes the blood soaked cloth and stands back to let Simon work. She notices that Mal's face is paler than normal, the blood bright against his ashen skin. He looks like he's been in a bar brawl. Simon carefully shines a small torch into Mal's nose.
Mal flits his eyes between her and Simon, and mumbles, "What is it doc?"
"Not sure." Simon pulls out a bottle from his bag, and fills a syringe.
"Why does that not fill me with confidence?" Mal mumbles again. He jerks when the needle goes into his arm. "Ow!"
"Sorry, missed the vein," Simon says apologetically and tries again.
Mal notices that his hands are shaking. Simon's hands never shake when he does his doctoring. Just like Jayne or Zoë's hands don't shake when they shoot or Kaylee's hands don't shake when she's fixing Serenity. Mal tenses as the needle slips in again, but Simon calmly injects the solution into his vein.
"What is that?" Inara asks as Simon withdraws the needle.
"If should make his blood coagulate quicker to stop the bleed out…"
"Should?" Mal sits up suddenly.
Inara pushes him down with one hand as Simon answers. "Well since we don't know for sure what caused this I can't say if this will help you." He digs into his bag again and pulls out a small pill bottle. It rattles in his shaking hand as he hands it to Mal. "Iron supplements. Take two of these a day. If this happens again, tell me. Goodnight." Simon picks up his bag and leaves the shuttle.
"Goodnight Simon," Inara calls softly after him.