Here's a nice long chapter. PLEASE read and review. Ignore the happy title, its all very depressing and I know some people are going to hate me...

P.S If anyone wants to set me a challenge (not related to this story then feel free to e-mail it to me and I'll try!)

Chapter 11: Dinosaurs For All

Wash smells her perfume before he hears her. "Don't worry we'll be on Persephone in a little under six hours. You'll be in perfect time for any appointments you've made."

Inara pulls a face as Wash lazily swivels the chair with a yawn.

"I'm not worried about that."

He gives her a quizzical look and then realises what she means. "How are they?"

"To be honest I don't know. Simon is avoiding everyone. Kaylee is alternating between mother henning Simon, and being horrible upset. Mal is guilty and injured. Jayne is…" she shrugs, "Jayne."

Wash nods and bites his lip. "How you doing?"

"Me?" Inara looks surprised at being asked.

"Yeah," Wash tosses her a t-rex, and she turns it over and over in her hands. Running perfectly manicured fingernails up its spine.

"I'm alright…" she stops. "No I'm not. I don't know what those tyen-sah duh uh-muo did to Mal. He could bleed to death and all we'd do is watch. Simon is cracking. I can't reassure Kaylee. I'm sure even Jayne is going off the rails." She blinks hard in an attempt to stop the tears coming.

Wash is on his feet in moments, and puts his arms around the Companion. "Ssshhh," he soothes rubbing her back. "Its always ok."

Zoë chooses that moment to come to the bridge. Wash waves her frown away over Inara's shoulder. Her husband's soothing technique of 'Dinosaurs for all!' was…interesting.

Jayne tightens his fingers around River. He can see him in the corridor ahead of him just about to enter his room.

"Tam," he says, his voice barely loud enough to carry.

Simon looks round, his eyes a little glazed over. "What?"

"You know I thought it was your sister who caused all the problems on this boat," he advances on Simon. "But it ain't. Its you. You brought this trouble down on us."

"Leave. Me. Alone," Simon says firmly.

Jayne points the pistol at him. "No."

"What?" Simon stares at him evenly.

"I'm sorting out the problem." Jayne gestures to his own temple with the gun. "You see I got this girl talking in my head at all hours, and it's beginning to give me a headache."

Simon's mouth is open in confusion. "You what?"

"River is talking to me."

Simon starts nervously, Jayne never calls River by name. "Jien tah-duh guay! My sister isn't talking to you. She's dead."

"Yeah she's stone cold. That's the predicament I'm in. She's talking in my brain, and most of its about you. And I'm failing to see why I should be concerned. I want her out. I want her to stop."

"Why should I care?" Simon's voice has a bitter edge to it. "River isn't talking to you. You hit your head, you're delusional. Why would she talk to you?"

"You don't wanna know what she says?"

"No! I don't want to share your delusions!"

Jayne presses on regardless of his comment. "She's got some big idea that you're going crazier than she was."

Simon turns away and opens his door. "You don't know what you're talking about," he says, his voice low and dark.

"Don't I?" Jayne's slow ironic smile disturbs Simon for some reason. "You think I ain't buried people? I have. You're not the only one hurting boy." He aims the pistol back at Simon. "You see, I worked it out; how to get rid of her, how to stop her talking," there is a loaded pause. "Its to get rid of you."

The cocking of the pistol is loud and ominous in the enclosed corridor.

Simon turns back to Jayne, and steps forward slowly and deliberately so that the muzzle of the pistol is pressed against the centre of his chest.

"Do it then." His voice is steady. No wavering, no fear, no emotion.

Jayne stares at the younger man in shock, his finger resting on the trigger. He hadn't expected this.

"Do it!" Simon's voice is sharp and insistent. "You hwoon dahn!"

"Do you want to die boy?" Jayne snaps angrily.

"Don't do it Jayne," the sweet girlish voice murmurs softly in his head.

Jayne flinches and moves to pull back the gun. Simon grabs the muzzle and holds it in place against his heart. "You heard me you nuòfu! Pull the trigger! Rutting shoot me. I don't care."

Something in Simon's eyes scares him. Jayne's looked into the darkness and he knows when it's staring back at him. He twists the gun brusquely out of Simon's hand.

"Good tin soldier," she says softly. He knows she's smiling.

Jayne turns on his heel and walks away silently.

Simon's voice rings mockingly after him. "Knew you couldn't do it. Coward. Couldn't save her could you."

Jayne keeps walking, River held tightly in his hand.

Simon pops the last three pills out of the plastic blister pack and dry swallows them trying not to gag. He settles himself back on his bunk and leans the wall trying to ignore the gnawing pain in his stomach. That confrontation with Jayne hadn't helped him. River wouldn't talk to Jayne and ignore him. She wouldn't be that cruel. He picks up a pen and paper and tries to write. His hand is shaking. He lays down the pen and balls his fist trying to stop the tremble. It's not working. Simon leans his head back against the wall and feels tears run down his face. I can't do this. Do I really want to die? Simon doesn't even know the answer. He needs someone to just hold him, tell him it's going to be okay; like his mother used to do when he was small. The gnawing ache intensifies. The pills aren't working. He fishes in his medical bag and finds what he needs. He rolls up his shirtsleeve as easily as if he was going to wash his hands for dinner, and grabs a belt. He doesn't look, doesn't need to; he can find any vein in the human body blindfolded. He only catches a glimpse of his arm, the belt, and the needle tracks, and his stomach turns a little. Simon looks away and pushes the plunger of the syringe down. He knows this isn't right. But he needs this. Then I can function like a man. But I'm not. I'm a hollow shell who looks like a doctor. I'm sick of hurting, sick of missing her, sick of trying to keep it together. I'm hearing her voice and she's not even talking to me. She's talking to that ape and I hate it. I want it over with, all of it. He blinks back more tears and picks up his pen. It's a letter he has to write, however hard it is. They deserve to know.

'Dear mother and father, I thought I had better write to tell you that River is dead. How and why doesn't matter. But she was happy, we were happy. We had friends out here in the Black. There's even a girl. Maybe. I know you would be appalled by her, and of that I am truly glad. I won't be coming back. I know I threw away everything that you thought was important and it was worth it. She was worth everything. I'm sorry I let you down. Wo ai ni. Your son, Simon.'

He'll dump the letter in the first postal station he sees on Persephone in secret – Mal will have a fit if he knows he is writing to his parents – and he won't think on it again. The pain has subsided now and Simon thinks that maybe he'll be alright.

Kaylee was worried. Simon had eaten exactly two mouthfuls of breakfast before making some excuse and leaving the room. He looked paler than ever before and he was jumpy. Even Jayne closing a locker a little harder than usual spooked him. Jayne wouldn't even look at him. Kaylee wondered what was happening.

She opens Simon's door uninvited. "Hey Simon," she says trying to sound upbeat.

He looks up from the medical text he's reading and just stares at her.

"So…" she tries to think of conversation. "We'll be on Persephone soon, bout ten minutes until docking Wash says."

"Okay."

Kaylee can't keep the charade any longer. "Simon are you alright?"

He gives her a withering look. "I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"How would you know?" he snaps, slamming the data reader down.

"Because I care about you…"

"Yeah, you really care." He laughs bitterly. "You really cared when you were screwing around with Bester. Tāmāde húndàn got River killed and you batted your eyelashes to invite back onto the ship and into your bunk."

"That ain't fair…"

"You're a hypocritical little bitch. You get mad at me when you're off having your little tryst in a hotel room with the captain. Yes Bester told me all about it," he says, taking an almost perverse pleasure at her shocked expression. "Now if you're completely finished I have things to need to go out and do."

"You can't go off ship. Mal said…" she's almost too shocked to be mad.

"Oh 'Mal said'," he mocks. "That makes it all alright."

He stands up and Kaylee grabs his arm, "Its dangerous Simon…"

"I'm a big boy. I can survive. Leave me alone." They all think he's naïve and unworldly. He knows exactly where he needs to go to get what he wants. He thinks about the wadge of cash burning a hole in his pocket. More than enough,

"No! Talk to me."

"Don't want to talk," he says sullenly, shaking her hand off roughly.

"But I saw you go to Inara's shuttle…"

"Maybe we weren't talking," he leers.

"That ain't true…" Kaylee's voice sounds like it's on the verge of cracking.

Simon shrugs. "Why not?"

"Because…because we…" she stutters.

"Because we what? You thought we had something?" He laughs and the sound cuts Kaylee to the core. "We didn't have anything. You're just a greasy uncultured farm girl mechanic. A mechanic of a luh suh criminal junker. What ever have you the idea that I could ever love you?"

Kaylee slaps him round the face so hard that the handprint reddens instantly. He stares he down.

"Let. Me. Past." His tone leaves no room for argument.

Kaylee presses herself against the doorframe as he shoves past, and lets him go. Hot angry tears streaming down her cheeks.

Wash finds her sat on the stairs.

"Kaylee?"

She looks up teary eyed.

"What happened?"

"Simon…he was so mean. He said…" she hiccups, "Serenity was a luh suh junker. And that I…I was just a…a greasy uncultured farm girl mechanic…and that he could never love me…" she dissolves into fresh tears.

"Where is he?" Wash demands, looking angry.

"He left." She rubs her face with her hand.

Wash sits next to her on the step and puts his arm around her. "Serenity ain't luh suh. She's shiny. We know that. Simon knows that. He's just…upset…" Wash doesn't voice what he's really thinking about the doctor right now.

"He ain't never been mean before."

"I know. He's a fool Kaylee. You're not 'just a mechanic'. You're," Wash swallows hesitantly, "well, you're amazing. You keep us flying when no one else could. And don't let my wife hear this," he grins, "but you're the prettiest thing on this boat."

He pulls her close and kisses the side of her head. She sniffles and Wash turns her face to his gently. "Don't cry pretty little Kaylee." He wipes away her tears with his thumb, then leans in and kisses her on the cheek. "If you want you can bring Steggy to play with my other dinos."

"Okay," she smiles.

Wash decides he will make sure Simon doesn't make Kaylee lose her smile again, one way or another.

The room is dark and dingy, and off some back alley he would never normally venture down. But now…now he doesn't mind the dirt or the smell. Hardly even notices. He knew where he had to come. Men hover round the edges of the room, smoking and talking. Simon ignores them. He isn't here for them. He has money and they're willing to sell him what he wants, needs…

Simon hisses through his teeth and tenses as the needle goes into his arm. But he doesn't stop the man with the dirty needle. This is what he has to do. For her.

Translation Notes

Tyen-sah duh uh-muo. - Goddamn monsters.

Jien tah-duh guay! - Like hell!

Nuòfu – coward

Wo ai ni – I love you

Tāmāde húndàn - fucking bastard

Luh suh - crap