Here you are, enjoy the angsty-ness (is that a word?) of chapter 12. Please read and review because I love seeing your opinions.
This song kind of sums up this chapter more than anything so here it is.
Caught By The River - DovesSon what have you done?
You're caught by the river
you're coming undone
life you know it can't be so easy
but you can't just leave it
'cause you're not in control anymore
and you give it all away
would you give it all away now?
Don't let it come apart
don't want to see you come apart
son what are you doing?
You learned a hard lesson
when you stood by the water
you and I were so full of love and hope
would you give it all up now?
Would you give in just to spite them all?
And you give it all away
would you give it all away now?
don't let it come apart
don't want to see you come apart
cause you give it all away
and you give it all away now
don't let it come apart
don't want to see you come apart
lay I lay in the long grass
so many people
so many people pass
stay stay here and lie on back
get down in the cornfields
stay till we're caught at last
give it all away
give it all away now
don't let it come apart
don't want to see you come apart
and you give it all away
you give it all away now
don't let it come apart
don't want to see you come apart
and you give it all away
Chapter 12: Time Comes
Jayne sits on the catwalk, River resting in his lap. He's hungry, he skipped breakfast. The footsteps come up to him slowly. He knows the sound of high heels on metal grating. She stops beside him, her long skirt rustling against his shoulder and he doesn't look up.
"Why's she do it?" he says quietly.
"Who? River?"
"Yeah. Why'd she kill herself? I don't understand it. Just upped and out of her body. At her own whim. What makes a girl do that?"
"River was…troubled…" Inara tries to help but Jayne ploughs on like he hasn't heard her.
"Now she's talking to me, and I try to shoot her ruttin' brother."
"You did what?" Inara's normally calm voice goes shrill.
"Figured if he was dead then she'd shut up. But all she did was yammer on to tell me not to kill him. And I didn't." His fingers stroke the gun in his lap gently, like it's a small kitten. "Hell I ain't a wimp. I'll kill a man if I want to. But I couldn't kill him. He'd have welcomed it. He'd have been happy for me to shoot him. She wasn't."
He looks up at her now and his eyes are sadder than Inara has ever seen them.
"Where did Simon go?"
Jayne points out down the ramp. "Bout twenty minutes ago. Thing is…" he sighs and decides he is going crazy, "I'm starting to think she's got a point. He's cracking. I don't want to help him. Bastard didn't believe me anyway. But she's not going to stop until I do. One word and I pulled the gun away. Gou zao de! I passed out! On a job. I never pass out on a job for no reason. Got her dead." He rubs his eyes. "Feng kuag girl. Why should I care?"
"Its alright to hurt Jayne," Inara says lowering herself delicately to sit beside him. "I am. Mal is, in his way. Kaylee is. You can grieve for River. We all are. It takes time."
"It always takes time." His voice is tired as he cuts her off, an idea forming. Kaylee. Is she the key River? She doesn't answer him. And his fingers go round his River again for comfort.
Kaylee starts to scrub down the new motivator coil Mal had brought back for her from going out to set up new and exciting crime. She scours at a particularly stubborn piece of grease and doesn't hear Jayne behind her until he speaks.
"Need a hand?"
Before she can answer he has plonked himself on the deck next to her and is up to his elbows in soapy water.
"Thank you," she wonders if he heard about what Simon said. Think of the devil she thinks, hearing his unmistakable footsteps on the ramp. She looks up sharply.
Simon is walking slowly into Serenity. But something is wrong. He stumbles slightly at the top of the ramp, catches himself, sways slightly and continues. It looks like there is a sheen of sweat on his forehead and his eyes…Kaylee is sure something ain't right.
"Simon?" she doesn't even know if he'll speak to her after earlier. Beside her Jayne is tense.
His head turns to look at her and Kaylee's eyes widen when her gaze meets his. Simon's eyes have a glazed over look. Before she can look away, Simon suddenly keels over. His head hits the cargo bay decking with a sickening thud.
"Oh God!" Kaylee scrambles to her feet. "MAL!" she screams as loudly as she can.
The sound of running boots echoes above her head as she goes to Simon's side. He really does not look well. Oh God there's blood. Just a trickle near his left temple. And a few small spots of red on the left cuff of his pristine white shirt.
Mal and Zoë come thundering down the stairs and they don't say a word until Simon is laying on the infirmary's couch. Kaylee hovers in the doorway, Jayne behind her. Zoë is all business, stripping off Simon's shirt.
"Mal," Zoë gestures down to Simon's left arm. Kaylee scurries forward to look too. Below the needle tracks on the inside of Simon's wrist is a brand new black tattoo. An entwined 'R' and 'T' are inked into his skin. Around the tattoo the skin looks inflamed and red.
"Is that why he…?" Kaylee starts.
Behind them Wash and Inara enter the infirmary. Mal is rifling through Simon's pockets. He looks to Zoë and shakes his head. He holds up a small glass vial.
"Doc's trouble ain't that ink," he purses his lips. "He's strung out on drops."
"What?" Wash stares at the captain as though he has just grown another head.
Kaylee looks like she might vomit. "Are you sure?"
Mal shrugs. "Well I can't be the only one noticing his mood swings lately. Zoë. Everyone else, dining room, ten minutes."
Zoë nods, knowing what she has to do.
Zoë has to raid the doctor's room. Book catches her at it.
"What's going on? Invading the boys privacy after everything he's been through?"
Zoë pulls three bottles of pills out from under the mattress. "He ain't in a position to argue Preacher." She fishes under the bunk itself. "Simon's currently in the infirmary. Mal will explain in the dining room in a minute."
Book turns and leaves, muttering something biblical under his breath.
She shakes a bag out on to the bed, and gathers together the selection of pill bottles, medicine bottles, syringes, and packets she finds. Some are empty, some not. Zoë methodically searches the room until she is sure that she has got everything. She returns to the infirmary and dumps the entire lot onto a work surface. Simon is doped and Mal has sent the others away.
He stares at the haul grimly. "What have we got?"
"Dioexiotimal, anti-psychosis medication. Aspirin. Biatizine, another one of River's I'd guess. Valistat, anti-depressant." She squints at another bottle. "Zolaform, God knows what that does. Colisant for mood swings. More of River's anti-psychosis medicine. Syringes. Sleeping pills. Anaesthetic. Dopers. Amphetamines." Zoë looks to Mal, whose face is dark. "And the drops."
Mal looks to the offending vial on the worktop. "Yeah," is all he can think of to say.
"Think he's an addict sir."
Mal throws her a look. "Maybe he's trying to join his sister."
"Maybe not," comes a voice from the doorway. "Boy needs help."
"He surly does," Mal folds his arms. "But not at the expense of my crew. A junkie doctor? In an infirmary full of drugs? A wanted fugitive making illegal drug deals on the back streets of Persephone? Shepard I don't know if we can help him."
"Everyone can be helped Captain."
Book's calm voice is starting to irritate Mal. "All the doc needs right now is a doctor, which we ain't got. Now we're gonna talk about this, with everyone."
They sit around the dining table to talk about Simon. Inara thinks about the incident with the tea and if she'd just spoken up whether this could be prevented. But she stays silent. Mal paces up and down at the end of the table. Jayne drums his fingers on the table. That tune which is stuck in his head. Her song. Kaylee stares at the tabletop, looking on the verge of tears. Zoë is all business. Wash is looking shocked and babbling, "Simon wouldn't be that stupid. He's a doctor. He knows what they things do to people…"
Book looks serious. "Sometimes the Lord has to test his flock."
"God wasn't testing him Preacher. The doctor did this himself." Mal looks round at them all, face set hard. "And time has come that we need to deal with him."
"What?" Kaylee's eyes snap up to Mal instantly.
"Something will have to be done Kaylee. And he's made damn sure that it falls to us to do it." He shrugs. "I'm open to suggestions."
Book looks up again. "We have to help the boy. It's the right thing to do."
Inara nods. "We can't give up on him. After River."
Jayne flinches at her name and stops drumming his fingers.
"Valid point Shepard, but can we help him?" Mal raises a hand to silence the "Captain…" forming on Kaylee's lips. "I know what you think Kaylee. You think the sun shines out of his pigu and the like. But right now that ain't helpful."
Kaylee stares at him, mouth open. Inara wraps her hand around Kaylee's to soothe and silence her.
"Zoë, you're being awful quiet. Time to wade in."
Zoë looks up and meet his eyes steadily. "I think we should leave him at the nearest hospital sir."
"What?" Wash stares at his wife. "No. No way. He's…he's…"
Zoë knits her fingers together and keeps her eyes on Mal. "Not saying it's a great solution sir. But he needs professional help. We can't give him that. He'll be a time bomb. Can we afford that?"
"No. I won't fly the ship," Wash continues. "I won't do it. You can't make me. Zoë…"
Kaylee just sniffles, her head down. Inara is still holding her hand and staring at Mal as though her eyes alone will get him to change his mind. "Mal you can't seriously consider this."
He looks at her, "Would like nothing better than to dump the son of a bitch and run, but it ain't that simple. Never is."
"Do unto others captain…" Book begins.
Jayne rubs his eyes as the arguing intensifies. Only Kaylee isn't talking. Jayne can hear her crying softly.
"Please Jayne…" that voice, girlish, pleading and driving him slowly insane.
"Shut up!" he growls viciously at the phantom voice. .
Everyone falls silent and stares at him, his tone being so authoritative and all.
"Something to add Jayne?" Mal asks.
"Yes," Jayne snarls. "He stays on Serenity. We owe her that." Jayne gets up and walks out of the room.
Mal stares at his back open mouthed. "Did he just order me on my own gorram ship?"
Translation Notes
Feng kuag – crazy, insane
Gou zao de! - This can't get any worse!
Pigu - ass