Here it is! the very last chapter! Please review! Its been harrowing but fun to write.
The poem is 'If That High World' by Byron.
Chapter 14: Goodbyes
Kaylee knocks on the door before she opens it, balancing the tray on her other arm. Simon is sat up in his bunk, shirtless, the blanket pushed down round his waist. Kaylee raises an eyebrow, says nothing, and lays the tray on his lap. He blushes under her gaze and lays aside the triceratops she'd caught him playing with.
"I bought you soup," she says gesturing to the bowl. "Made it myself."
She looks so proud that Simon can't help but smile. He picks up the spoon and eats a mouthful.
"Its good."
Kaylee beams.
"But why are you doing this Kaylee?"
"What?" she frowns at him.
"I was a ben zhou hundan to you Kaylee. And you're not even cross. You should hate me and you're bringing me soup. After what I've done you shouldn't want to be anywhere near me."
Kaylee sits down carefully next to his feet. "River's right. You really are a boob. Sure you were real mean, but it weren't you talking. You're not like that. And I gave you reasons…"
"What?"
"I shouldn't have got mad at you bout 'Nara. Its just, well you got all crazy about what happened with us in Canton and you wouldn't share a bed with me since it ain't proper and all. But then I find you half naked in a Companion's shuttle and well my brain just went bibildy."
"It was River who ripped my shirt," he says quickly.
"I know. But Bester was a convenient way to make you feel worse. He didn't sell you out you know, not on purpose. And nothing happened with Mal I swear!" Kaylee is almost gabbling now. "We only shared a room because it was busy! And the last room only had one bed. He was a perfect gentleman I promise."
Simon silently bites the inside of his cheek then eats a mouthful of soup to hide it. He doesn't need to hear about Kaylee being in bed with another man.
"This is really good," he gestures to the soup with the spoon.
"River told me to look after you, I didn't do a very good job did I?"
Simon stares at her for a moment. "I covered it well. I didn't really want to die. I just…I didn't want to be…broken."
Kaylee looks like she might cry. And if she does Simon will break.
"Before she died River told me I was her perfect, amazing big brother and that she loved me." He sighs. "If I'm so perfect and amazing why couldn't I save her?"
"Don't think that. You tried your best. The captain and Zoë and Jayne all said the same. Everyone cried for her…"
"But why help me? You, and Inara has been a saint. And Mal two nights ago."
Kaylee cocks her head in confusion. "Mal?"
"Lets just say he made me realise something."
Kaylee grabs his toes through the blanket and wiggles them with a smile. "Remind me to thank him for you being able to smile again."
"And for letting me stay aboard."
"That was Jayne. Ordered the captain and everything. His face was priceless."
She's smiling again and Simon gets a flashback of her face when he stormed out. "Kaylee I am so sorry. I should never have said all those things to you. You don't say that to a lady."
"Lady?"
Simon nods, going pink. "Yes. My mother would be appalled with me. Oh guay!" His face falls. "I wrote to my parents. Mal is going to kill me."
Kaylee gives his foot a squeeze. "I won't tell. And they needed to know about her."
"I'm sorry Kaylee. I'll make it up to you I swear."
"For a smart person you really are dumb sometimes you know?"
"I thought I hid it well," he says with a weak smile.
Kaylee smiles widely at him and slides herself up the bed to sit next to him. "Now eat up doctor or I'll have to feed you myself." She rests her head against his shoulder. "And you can tell me between spoonfuls what you were doing with the triceratops."
"Wash sent him I guess." He looks mortified, and Kaylee can hardly hear the next few words. "I called him Hippocrates."
Mal leans over the sink and spits out the blood from his mouth. He looks up and wipes his face with the back of his hand. He climbs out of his room and heads for the infirmary.
The ship seems unusually quiet. He decides to peek into the passenger quarters to check on Simon. He catches a glimpse through the open door of Shepard Book and Simon, and the sound of voices lowered in prayer.
"Our Father, grant the soul of River peace and Serenity…"
If it helps him, Mal thinks, heading for the infirmary quiet as a cat. He passes the common area and notices a figure fast asleep across the chairs. She doesn't look so grand and glamorous now, lying there with her mouth open. He looks at her for a moment.
"She's worn out. Been up all night. Simon was sick again."
"I know it little Kaylee." Mal says softly looking to her as she appears beside him, shadowed in the muted light. Then he heads into the infirmary.
Kaylee catches sight of the blood in the harsh infirmary light. "Cap'n? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine." Mal wipes away the blood with a cloth and then studies his face in the reflection on the back of a metal pan. "Just bit my lip that's all. Knew that red protein was off, too tough to chew proper." He pulls his lip down to look at the tiny cut inside. "Bled like a bitch though."
Kaylee slips her arm round his waist. "Thank you."
"What for?" he says laying down the pan.
"Not kicking him off. And for the other night."
Mal raises his eyebrows. "I didn't do anything."
Kaylee gives him a look that says 'I know', then glances out the door towards the common area. "You and Inara. Thank you. He is grateful you know. He didn't want to die."
Mal nods. "I know." He touches his lip with his thumb again, and looks at it. The bleeding is almost stopped. "You know I've had enough of blood for a spell."
Jayne opens his eyes and knows she's there. He can just tell. He sits up on his bunk, causing several weapons to fall to the floor. The river pistol however remains where it was resting on his stomach.
"Red tin hero."
He winces. "I ain't a hero girl. You know that."
"He's not drowning anymore. He's got a lifeline." She lowers her voice. "Time for you to throw up the water you swallowed."
He feels very cold and scarily he knows exactly what that means. "River…don't go." He's not ready for her not to be around. Just got used to the phantom voice.
"The river doesn't run that way." There's a hitch in her breath. "Not a fairy tale. No happy ever afters. The mercenary isn't the one who gets the girl is he?"
"Guess not." Jayne feels like he's falling. Am I dreaming again? But I can't see her, only hear her.
"But swans mate for life!" He tone is distraught. "Cob and Penn. Everyone a match. My swan prince. This isn't fair."
"Life ain't fair…"
"This isn't life! I'm dead!" she snaps. Then her tone softens again. "The river is calm now. He can swim. She'll hold his head above water. I'm just be a stone in a pond casting ripples to the edge. Wash over your toes when you paddle." She giggles. "Paddle in river."
"You're saying goodbye ain't ya? Goodbye River."
Jayne swears blind he can feel her hand brush against his cheek.
"My cob. My Jayne. My red tin soldier." Her voice turns fond. "Copper for a kiss. I'll always be waiting."
The faintest breeze brushes against his lips and he wonders if it was her. He suddenly feels very dizzy, like when he passed out at the factory. He grabs the small black pistol in one hand and the edge of the bunk with the other, and wills himself to shake off the feeling.
"Take care of me," River says affectionately, and then there is silence in the room, and Jayne realises that the hand holding 'River' is shaking.
Simon stares hard at the cargo bay floor feeling a complete and utter loser. Top three percent my ass. I'm so stupid. He shifts his weight on the step and pulls his sleeves over his hands. Jayne stomps past him and claps him on the shoulder so hard that he almost tumbles down the stairs.
He resettles himself after Jayne has gone. He knows what he needs to do now.
"Goodbye River," he says aloud to the empty cargo bay.
"If that high world, which lies beyond
Our own, surviving Love endears;
If there the cherish'd heart be fond,
The eye, the same, except in tears –
How welcome those untrodden spheres!
How sweet this very hour to die!
To soar from earth and find all fears
Lost in thy light – Eternity!
If it must be so: 'tis not for self
That we so tremble on the brink;
And striving to o'er leap the gulf,
Yet cling to Being's severing link
Oh! In that future let us think
To hold each heart the heart that shares;
With them the immortal waters drink,
And soul in soul grow deathless theirs!"
The voice is a whisper behind his left ear. He doesn't dare turn around to look.
"You always loved Byron," he murmurs.
She laughs. "And you always favoured Keats."
"I'm so sorry." Simon's voice cracks.
"Wasn't up to you. 'How sweet this very hour to die!' Simon."
Simon feels tears well in his eyes. "Wo ai ni mei mei."
"Sweet Lancelot. I was just your Holy Grail. Go to your Guinevere. Wo ai ni Simon." The next word is a whisper. "Goodbye."
"Simon?" Kaylee comes down the stairs and sits herself next to him.
"If that high world, which lies beyond
Our own, surviving Love endears;
If the cherish'd heart be fond," he murmurs softly.
"What?"
"Nothing, just poetry. Byron. Something River said." He smiles at her.
Kaylee smiles back and Simon leans forward and tentatively kisses her on the lips. He pulls back a moment later, eyes searching her face.
"Feeling better?" she says with a wide grin.
He nods. "And I'd really like to kiss you again."
The slow smile that spreads itself across her face is a good enough answer for him.
Translation Notes (for whole story)
Hundan – bastard.
Feng kuag – crazy, insane
Ai ya- damn
Shenme? - What?
Goushi buru - lowest of the low
Hwoon dahn – son of a bitch
Wan mêi - perfect, beautiful
Lìngrén jingyi - stunning, amazing
Kwan Yin! - Goddess of mercy!
Tyen-sah duh uh-muo. - Goddamn monsters.
Jien tah-duh guay! - Like hell!
Nuòfu – coward
Wo ai ni – I love you
Tāmāde húndàn - fucking bastard
Luh suh – crap
Gou zao de! - This can't get any worse!
Pigu – ass
Dong ma? – Understand?
Ben zhou hundan - stupid bastard
Guay - hell