Imagine That
Summary: After a night out with the guys, Marty can't get Tom's question out of his head. Marty begins to imagine himself in Jim's place.
"Can you imagine that"? Marty wasn't able to get that question out of his head. He kept hearing Tom's voice repeating that question in the bar after a night out with the guys. Tonight they had invited Jim. The three homicide detectives had unwound at a bar after a hard day at work. They had a few rounds of beer, then Jim left with his guide dog, Hank. Marty and Tom sat in compassionate awe, watching Jim leave the bar. Carefully moving around the other people in the bar, holding onto Hank's harness, and making their way out of the bar. "Can you imagine that?" Tom asked. Marty knew what Tom was talking about. "No" Marty replied while watching Jim leave the bar.
After Marty had left the bar, and drove home, Tom's question was the only thing he could think about. It had never occured to Marty. Once Marty was walking up to his apartment building in the cold Brooklyn night, started to think about it. "What if I were in Dunbar's place?" Marty asked himself. He got into the apartment lobby's elevator, pressed the button for the 5th floor, he started to think about his question. As he walked into his apartment, Marty found it cold, dark and lonely. But Marty wasn't suprised. This was the typical look and vibe of his apartment these days. Marty was married to his wife Carolyn for 12 years. Their son, Marty Jr. was born two years later. All Marty seemed to care about was his job, although deep down, he loved Carolyn and Marty Jr. more than he could ever express in actions or words. Carolyn told him if he didn't get his priorities straight, she would divorce him. In fact, Marty remembers the day Carolyn left him. She wrote him a note that simply said ' I took Marty Jr. to school, went to work. I have a meeting with a divorce attorney. Now you can be a cop without your family getting in the way. Carolyn'. Now Carolyn and Marty Jr. live in Conneticut, and Marty gets to see Marty Jr. every other weekend, and holidays. Marty didn't realize how much he missed having a family, a nice warm apartment to come home to after work, especially on a day like this. Carolyn had been right, Marty did place his job over his family. In fact, he even missed probably about at least 5 wedding anniversaries, and Marty Jr.'s first Christmas. Carolyn leaving him and only being able to see his son every other weekend and holidays was the worst thing that had ever happend to him. But Marty knows it was his fault the marriage didn't work. Carolyn did her part, more than her part actually. Now Marty feels the pain of his actions every night when he comes home and every morning when he wakes up, alone. Quite simply, Marty screwed up--big time.
Marty still lives in the two bedroom apartment he shared with Carolyn and Marty Jr. He walked over to his living room table to turn on a lamp to bring some light into the cold, dark, lonely apartment. Marty went over to his radio to play one of his favorite jazz CD's. He sat on his couch and listened to a song called "Feelin The Same Way" by Norah Jones. If it was one thing Marty and Jim had in common (besides the fact they are both NYPD detectives) it would be their favorite type of music. Marty and Jim both loved the smooth, relaxing flow of jazz music. Both men loved jazz, either vocal or instrumental.
With the smooth flowing tunes of jazz floating throughout the otherwise silent apartment, Marty got lost in his thoughts again. "What if it had been me in Dunbar's place that day at the bank?" Marty thought, imagining himself in Jim's position at the bank robbery that cost Jim his sight. "Would I have reacted like Jim or would I have reacted like Terry?" Marty thought referring to Detective Terry Jansen, Jim's former partner that failed to cover him in the shoot out. Marty placed himself into the situation, a bank robber with a bullet proof vest and an AK-47, three other cops without ammo, a couple cops killed, and a partner frozen with fear. Marty could now either be like Jim and take his partner's gun, kill the perp, and be blind for the rest of his life as a result or he could be like Terry and do nothing. Like any other cop, Marty would love to say he would have reacted like Jim. "Terry" Marty had said to himself. He knows he would have reacted like Terry, had he been in their place at the bank. It took alot of balls to do what Jim did that day.
It made Jim a hero. It didn't come without a price to pay though. The price Jim had paid was having his optic nerves severed, which meant he would have total, irreversible blindness. Sometimes at the Precinct, Marty subtly watched Jim and wondered if what he did that day at the bank was worth being blind for the rest of his life.
Marty got up from the couch, and turned the lamp off. The apartment once again became dark, cold and lonely. Usually, the moonlight would bring a small glow of light in through the living room windows. On this night, however, the apartment remained completely dark. Marty wanted to get a feel, a glimpse, of how Jim experinces the world (even if it was only a tiny feel). He began to walk throughout his apartment, holding his hands out in front of him so he wouldn't (or at least hoped he wouldn't) bump into anything. Like Jim did that day the desk drawer was left open and his shin was slammed against the sharp metal desk drawer. A chill went down Marty's spine as he recalled what he did to Jim. It was wrong, plain and simple. You just don't leave stuff lying in the middle of the room when a blind person is around. Walking around the dark apartment, Marty realized why. He made his way into his bedroom and then Marty felt an instant sharp, throbbing pain going through his right shin. He leaned down and rubbed his right hand over his throbbing shin, and held onto his night stand with his left hand. If Marty could incorperate the pain he felt when Carolyn left him into physical pain, then this would probably be it. After rubbing his shin for a couple of moments, Marty limped over to the bedroom light switch so he could see what he had slammed his shin into. Still limping, he carefully retraced his steps, only this time stopping short of where he began to feel the pain. His shin slammed up against a nightstand drawer that he had left partially open before leaving for work, he figured he was probably in such a rush to get to work he forgot to close the drawer (it was where he kept a picture of him and Marty Jr. which he looked at every morning). Another thought occured to Marty. When Marty was walking around in the dark and slammed his shin into something, he could always turn around, flip a switch and see what it was that his shin was slammed into. Jim Dunbar could not.
The pain in Marty's shin began to subside. He made his way back to the living room, turned the CD off, turned the lamp and TV back on. Marty could not imagine what it was like to be able to see everything one day, and unable to see anything the next. The whole process of it just blew his mind. Of course, Marty knew from day one that Jim was blind, and that being blind meant being unable to see. But it wasn't until recently that Marty clearly began to understand that. One day at the Precinct, Marty held up a search warrant because Jim had wanted to know what he had. And then Tom reminded him "Hey, he can't see that". The other time was when he found Jim in the locker room reading a book in Braille. That's when it really hit him. For the first time, it finally sank in. Marty realized that Jim Dunbar really can't see. The man literally sees nothing. That is something Marty simply can not fully imagine or understand. Marty hoped that was something he would never have to imagine for himself.