I look up at the door when I hear it squeak a little when it's opened a few inches and then a few knocks are heard.
"Can I come in?" Harm peeks his head in through the opening. He looks completely amazed when he sees what's resting in my arms. "You're both awake," he states.
I was actually surprised when I woke up and didn't find Harm there, but when I realized how much time had passed since this had all started I was glad that he had hopefully gone to get some very well deserved sleep.
"I think we're starting to get a hang of this," I tell him and look down on my daughter who's feeding at my breast.
"Does it hurt?" he asks. He has started to walk towards the bed now.
"No, it's not so bad," I reassure him.
"I was so scared when Sturgis was there to meet me as I got off the plane yesterday," he says as he sits down on the bed. "And then I got even more scared that I was going to miss the birth."
The last 26 hours have been intense to say the least. One and a half week ago when Harm came home and told me that he had to go to Australia for about a week I got a very bad feeling about it, but Harm was already feeling guilty about it and I didn't want to make it any worse for him so I kept it to myself. On my last day at the museum, two weeks before I was scheduled to deliver, I started getting some labor pains. I was in the middle of guiding a first grade class around the exhibits and I had to leave it over to one of my colleagues before I called Sturgis and asked him if he could drive me to the hospital. I knew Harm had gotten on his plane as planned so I still had hope that he would get here in time for the birth.
As it turned out he was there well in time, because I ended up being in labor for a little more than 20 hours. When the little bundle I'm now holding in my arms was finally born we were all completely exhausted. Right now though I'm just so filled with joy over the fact that we're all OK.
"I'm glad you were there, Harm. I never would have made it without you."
"I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world," he tells me and gently takes my hand in his.
"She's told me her name," I tell him. He raises his eyebrow at me, but before he has a chance to express his doubts about my statement I continue "Her name's Ester."
He takes a good look at her even though he must already have memorized the way she looks and tastes the name "Ester," he says slowly. "Yeah, I think you're right. Ester Mackenzie." He strokes his hand over her little head looking like he's a bit afraid that he'll disturb her feeding, yet unable to stop himself.
"No, Harm," I shake my head "Ester Rabb."
"Are you sure?" he asks me and he's completely unable to cover his pride in his daughter getting his name.
"Yeah," I nod "As I said she's told me her name and she's an Ester Rabb," I smile at him and he meets my smile. She doesn't seem to want to eat more for now and I change her position in my arms to start burping her.
"Can I do that?" Harm asks.
I nod and he reaches out to carefully lift her over to his arms having her rest against his shoulder. He's good with her.
"She's so little," he says as he holds her and rubs her back.
"Yeah," I sigh "Do you think maybe she can stay that way for ever?"
"There's always hope," Harm says. I'm convinced she'll give us both a fair amount of headache eventually.
"Are you a little bit disappointed that it wasn't a boy?" I say very quietly. I can't help it, I have to ask.
He just looks at me horrified "No," he says and the force in his voice unsettles Ester a bit, but she calms down quickly when he continues much calmer. "She's perfect just like we both knew she would be. I guess it's a bit early to tell who's looks and who's brains she got …" he says and I think we're both thinking about that conversation over five years ago. I doubt either one of us thought that our deal would work out like this.
"Who knows maybe we can make a little brother for her in the future." I'm not sure what's gotten into me.
Harm raises his eyebrows as he looks over at me "A few hours ago you said you were never ever going to let me or any other man for that matter touch you again."
"Maybe I exaggerated a bit," I say. Truthfully I've already forgotten most of those 20 hours of labor and what they were like.
Ester has started to doze off on Harm's shoulder and he gently puts her back into my arms where she lies just silent sleeping. He strokes my chin and I can tell that something's up, that there's something he needs to talk about. When he doesn't speak for a couple of minutes, I decide to ask him myself.
"Harm, what's on your mind?"
"It's just … I'm so afraid that I'll loose you," he admits to me and it gets me completely shocked. That was not even close to what I thought he would say.
"Harm," I start protesting, but I quiet down when he puts up his hand saying that he's not finished.
"I'm so happy I have you now and I don't want to loose you," he says and I still have the feeling that he's hiding something from me "You're so wonderful, so perfect and you've given me the greatest gift anyone could," then his voice is just a mumble and I have troubles making out what he's saying "I just wish I'd know you're here and let me be beside you a little bit for me and not just because of the baby."
Tears start strumming down my cheeks "Harm, you are wonderful," I say strongly "You've given me so much. You gave me faith in myself that I could get well again and that I could do this," I pause before I start talking again "The fact that I was pregnant with your child did force me to open up and let you come closer both because I wanted you to know your child right from the beginning and because I needed your support, but I'm so glad that it all happened. I always want you around Harm."
With one arm I'm holding my sleeping daughter and with the other hand I start wiping away the tears. Harm stops me in the middle of a movement and uses his thumb to take away the rest of them and when they're all gone he leans in to kiss me gently on the mouth.
There's a few knocks on the door and Harm then turns to me and says "My mother's here and she wants to see you and Ester," I raise my eyebrows at him. "She's kind of been waiting outside of the door. Can I let her in?"
"You've had her wait outside the whole time you've been in here."
"Well, I … Yes."
"Then stop tormenting the woman. Let her in," I tell him.
"I have a feeling you two are going to get along a lot better than what would be good for me.
"Finally," Trish Burnett protests when Harm opens up the door for her. "So," she raises her eyebrows "are you going to introduce us? I don't think we've ever been really introduced in person, because if we had I would have remembered it," she adds.
"Mom, this is Sarah Mackenzie and," he strokes his hand protectively over the baby's head "this is Ester Rabb. "Mac, this is my mother Trish Burnett and well I guess we'll continue with the introductions when you're awake, honey," he says towards Ester.
"It's nice to finally meet you Ms Mackenzie," Harm's mom has walked over to the other side of the bed and reached out her hand towards me. "I would love it if you called me Trish."
I take it and we firmly shake hands "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Trish. My friends call me Mac," I add.
Trish now has problems taking her eyes off of the bundle in my arms. She looks like she's in just as much aw as Harm and I are. With all three pairs of eyes watching her, Ester wakes up and stirs a bit in my arms before she settles down again looking like she's looking straight at my face.
"Do you … Do you want to hold her?" I ask Trish. I see the immediate smile that lights up her face.
"Are you sure?" she asks me just in case, but I just nod and she leans down to pick her up. Ester just looking at the stranger that's holding her. "I'm your grandmother," Trish tells her.
Harm has moved closer to the bed again and we link our hands together slowly braiding our fingers.
"So when are you two getting married?" Trish suddenly asks and looks from Harm to me and back to Harm again.
"We're not," Harm says in a tone that says it's not the first time he's answering that question,.
"Then once and for all please explain this … relationship that you have," Trish demands and it doesn't seem to be any point to argue with her.
"Mom, Mac and I … we …"
"Harm and I are an us," I state firmly, but I doubt it will really be very informative to her, yet to me and Harm that word has more meaning than anything else.
"And what does that mean in English?"
"It means that there's no Harm without Mac and no Mac without Harm," Harm says rather poetically and I think we both decide that that's all we're going to say on that subject at least for now.
"Hm," she just mutters and Harm and I can't help looking at each other and exchanging a smile.
"So how come the name Ester?" Trish asks after she's put Ester down in the crib where she can sleep undisturbed.
"She told Mac that's her name," Harm says and look that Trish gives us must be very close to fatal. I think she thinks we're being a bit too unorthodox right now. I want to tell Harm to try to be a bit nicer to his mother, but at the same time I'm starting to get very sleepy again. I still haven't completely caught up on the sleep I lost last night.
"You need to get some more sleep, Mac," Harm has been watching me very intently. "Mom, maybe you could come back later."
"Yes, I will," Trish says. "It was nice to meet you, Mac," she says and also walks up to take a last peek at our little Ester.
"Harm, you need to get some sleep as well," I protest when Harm remains sitting on the chair beside my bed still holding my hand. I look forward to tomorrow when I get to go home with the two most important people in my life.
"I'd rather not leave the two of you," he gently protests.
I start moving a bit to the side of the bed and motion for him to get up and lie beside me. "Please, Harm," I say when he seems to protest. Finally he gets up on the bed and lies down beside me in one of our most common sleeping positions with my head resting on his chest.
"This has been the best day in my whole life," I tell him.
"Me too," he answers me as he blows warm air into my hair.
"Harm, why are you afraid you'll loose me?" Something has reminded me of what he said before Trish walked in.
"I …" he pauses "I got some news two weeks ago."
"Good or bad?" I say, but soon after I've said it I realize they can't really be that good if they're making him scared.
"It depends …" he pauses again "I'm being stationed abroad for a year at least. In Sydney to be more exact and I … I would like the two of you to come with me," he says it like he's afraid I'll be angry with him, but I was part of the military service long enough to know that you don't make career decisions on your own there and I probably would have been more angry if he hadn't wanted me to come with him.
"I'll come with you," I state slowly, but in one breath.
"I know you have your job that you love here and all of your friends and Sydney doesn't exactly bring a lot of nice memories back for either of us, but I'm sure you find a new job there or you can take more classes in paleontology or …"
"Harm, I'll come with you. I don't care about my job, my friends or anything else as long as I'm with you and we raise our baby together."
I can feel him take a deep breath and then breathe out. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."
"If you've know for two weeks why haven't you told me?"
"I didn't want to risk anything with the baby, if you got upset or …" Harm starts explaining.
"Well, I … it wouldn't have been a risk, but I do love and appreciate the fact that you care so much about us."
"Mac, I don't just care. I do love you, you know."
"I love you too, Harm." He wraps his arms even tighter around my upper body. "You never have to worry about loosing me, because I will follow you everywhere, whether you want it or not."
"Is that a promise?" he asks me. I know it won't be long until we're both sleeping.
"Yeah," I say "Or a threat, I guess. It depends on how you see it."
"I'll take it as a promise then," Harm whispers into my ear. "But I promise you, Mac, you won't always have to be the one who has to make sacrifices for us to be together."
"Sleep tight," I say right before I drift off to sleep and I'm not sure if he does answer me or if he's already asleep as well.
The End
AN: Great thanks to everyone who sent feedback about the story. It was very appreciated. This will be probably be my last contact with fanfic world for a while. My life just won't allow it right now, but maybe when I'm through with my military training, then … who knows! Anyway this is goodbye for now, but of course if you have any questions you're welcome to write and I'll try to answer them as soon as I can. Take care!