Chapter 13
The rest of the day dragged on, but Raven had successfully made it to her last class of the day. The teacher was absent, there was a sub, but he was talking on his cell phone the whole time. Raven rubbed her forehead, sighing. She was all alone. Eddie didn't have this class and Chelsea was…gone, so Raven had no one to talk to.
She dodged some paper balls and airplanes. Kids could be so…stupid. She closed her eyes and leaned her throbbing head on the cold desk, hoping for some relief. Raven had been asked if she were a lesbian countless times since lunch, and it left her with a massive headache. Most of the time, all the kids needed was a yes. Some of the time, the kid would blab on and on about how brave she was and how horrible it must've been to see, "dyke" written on her locker. A few asked about Chelsea. Raven answered all of their questions and kept up with all of their conversations, even though she didn't want to.
She figured that getting it all out today would make it easier to handle tomorrow for both her and Chelsea. She did it more for Chelsea though. Chelsea could come back to school and today's events would be old news. By tomorrow, the kids would have something else to talk about, and Chelsea wouldn't feel so insecure and uncomfortable.
Raven hoped that's how it would go. Right now, nobody had asked anything, and there were ten minutes until the end of school. All she needed to do was get through it.
As she was sitting there letting the cold, clammy desk relieve her headache, something stuck her in the back of the head. She flinched and grabbed the object quickly. She lifted her head slightly and looked at it. A freaking paper airplane.
This one had something written on it. R U REALLY A LESBO?
That was it. The last straw. Raven had had enough.
She slammed her hand on the desk so loud it made the whole class jump. Crushing the paper plane between her fingers, Raven stood up and walked to the front of the class. The substitute looked at her, flipping his cell phone down. Students turned into their desks, facing forward, watching Raven as if she were the teacher.
"Okay. Who wrote this?" Raven yelled, holding up the plane.
Nobody answered. She figured that much.
"All right. I'm only going to say this one more time. Yes, I am a lesbian. Are you happy now? Huh? Does that fill the void in your lives? Does that provide you with some sort of sick satisfaction? Really people, why do you care? I'm not doing anything to you guys. I'm still me, Raven Baxter. So what if I happen to like a girl?"
Raven really wanted to say 'love' but that wasn't anybody's business.
"So yes. There it is. Go on, tell all your buddies. Spread the word. Raven Baxter is a lesbian, and she doesn't give a damn about who knows it. And then, get over it." Raven crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor, walking out of the classroom.
Then, the bell rang.
Raven didn't even bother to stop by her locker as she ran out of the school.
Raven finally stopped running when she reached Chelsea's house. Bending over and putting her hands on her knees for support, Raven took deep breaths. Running in heels was never, ever easy…or fun. After a few moments, she straightened up and put a hand on the back of her hip, still panting a little. She shuffled up the steps to Chelsea's front door and pressed the doorbell.
Nobody answered.
Raven looked in the driveway. The Daniels' car was gone. Maybe they had gone out. Raven didn't think Chelsea would want to go out after today.
She rang the doorbell one more time, waiting a few seconds for an answer. When none came, she turned around reluctantly and started back down the steps. A few seconds later, she heard the click of the door lock and she turned. The door opened a little, revealing Chelsea.
"Hey." Raven said softly, still trying to catch her breath.
Chelsea didn't look too hot. Her hair was messed and covered her face, which Raven could see was shined by tears that weren't wiped away. Her eyes were puffy. She stood by the door, wilted. Her whole stance was deflated, exhausted…defeated.
"Hey. What are you doing here?" Chelsea asked, holding the door close to her body.
"I just wanted to see how you were holding up." Raven stood there, almost afraid to move. "Can…can I come in?"
Chelsea pulled some hair behind her ear and nodded. She stepped back as Raven cautiously pushed the door open, stepped inside, and then closed it. Looking around the house, she realized that Chelsea's parents weren't there. "Where are your parents?"
"At school. They left to meet with the principal a while ago."
"Oh. My parents went before."
Chelsea nodded, avoiding eye contact with Raven. They moved to the living room where Raven sat down on the couch.
"You want something to drink?" Chelsea asked, hesitant to sit.
"No. I just want to talk to you. Come sit." Raven patted the cushion next to her.
Chelsea didn't move for a minute, but then gave in and slowly sat on the couch a few inches away from Raven. Raven went to touch her hand, but Chelsea shied away.
"Chels?"
"I'm sorry. I'm just freaked."
Raven sighed, picking at the nail polish on her finger. "I'm freaked too. But Principal Lawler promised to catch the people who did this. And I swear the lockers are all cleaned up."
"Yeah, but that doesn't change what happened. All our classmates…they're gonna want to know." Chelsea whispered, feeling more tears come to her eyes.
"I handled it Chelsea. You don't have to worry about that."
"How did you handle it?"
"I just told them the truth."
"You didn't."
"What?"
"Rae, please tell me you didn't announce to everyone that we're gay." Chelsea stood up, agitated.
Raven looked at Chelsea, gulping a little. "I-I didn't announce it. Some kids asked…so I told them the truth--"
"Oh my God Raven! Why, why would you do that?"
"Hey, wait. No, it's okay--"
"No! Raven you know how I felt about that! You knew I didn't want to tell anyone!" Chelsea yelled at Raven and then stormed off to her room.
Raven sat there in shock for a moment, and then stood up. "Chels." She shouted as she jogged into Chelsea's room. Chelsea was sitting in the corner of her bedroom, her knees up under her chin. More tears streamed down her face. "Chelsea. I know how you feel sweetie, but the minute the spray paint dried, that decision was out of our hands. What, did you want me to deny it? Huh? Say that I'm not going out with you?"
Raven got down on her knees in front of Chelsea and wiped a few tears away from her cheeks. She put a hand under Chelsea's chin and lifted her head so their eyes met. "Say that I don't love you? Because I'm not going to do that."
Chelsea didn't answer. She didn't look into Raven's eyes like she usually did. Instead, she turned her head away, letting her messed hair fall into her eyes. And she whispered, "Maybe we should take a break."
"Wh-what?" Raven asked, sitting back on her feet. 'She didn't say that. You didn't hear that.' She thought nervously. There was no way…
"I can't take this Rae. Telling our parents was a mistake. And now this…it's too much."
"Don't say that. That's not true. We can get though this. We can."
"I'm sorry. I can't."
Raven's eyes burned with hot, salty tears. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. How could Chelsea be saying this to her?
Chelsea wiped her own cheeks with her hand and stood up. She walked past a shocked Raven to her window. She stood there, with her back to Raven, hugging herself.
Raven stood up and turned. Finding her voice, she angrily muttered, "You're quitting? Hmmm? You're giving up? Just like that? You're great when everything's going fine and dandy, but the minute there's a problem, you go running?"
She moved closer to Chelsea, her voice rising as she spoke. "So what, what you said on Saturday was a lie? You told me you loved me and you didn't mean one God Damn word of it! Is that it?"
Chelsea didn't respond. She didn't even turn around, but Raven could see her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. Tears streamed down her own hot cheeks and she gasped in some shaky air. Her heart was breaking.
"I want you to know Chelsea, that I love you. I love you more than I could ever have imagined. I thought you loved me too. And I thought we could get through this, because that's what people who love each other do. When things get bad…horrible, people who really love one another stick together. They fight to stay together. Because…some things are worth fighting for. And I knew this was it. You are the one thing in my life that I thought was worth fighting for."
Raven paused, hoping that Chelsea would turn around an tell Raven she thought the same way. She could picture Chelsea running into her arms, begging for forgiveness, saying that their love was worth it. Chelsea didn't turn. She didn't budge an inch.
And just like that, Raven's heart shattered into a million pieces.
"I guess I was wrong."
Raven didn't know what else to say. She felt as if her world was crashing down around her. Chelsea's room became a blur. The walls seemed to melt; colors meshed together in one big glob. Chelsea did too; blending with the wall by the window. It felt hot and suffocating. Raven put a hand to her throat. She couldn't breath. She had to get out of there.
So she ran. She ran from the house to the outside world. It spun faster than it ever had before. Raven could feel herself stagger and she gripped on to the cold steel fence of a house. Everything was out of focus. People had no faces as they passed by. There was a loud hum in her ear, blocking out all other forms of noise. She couldn't stop though. She had to keep moving, so she let go and began to walk down the street, hugging herself and staring at her shoes, the only things that stayed in focus.
After what seemed like an eternity, Raven looked up. She was in her bathroom, staring at the toilet.
There was a horrible tickle in her throat and she tasted bile. She collapsed into the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into the bowl. When it finally ceased, she fell back, sitting against the small porcelain bathtub.
Then, she passed out.