:3:See to Believe:3:
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
-Douglas Adams
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
---
When he reached Kagome, he was greeted with a hug and the cry of 'it's been so long!', followed by a cheerful round of question about where he'd been and what on earth he'd been doing. He answered them with a smile, his mood lifting as they spoke. Though she was taller now, and certainly older, she was still just as cheerful as always.
The good mood didn't last long, though, as he saw Sango walk out of the hut and pause for a moment. He was certain that Kagome saw it too, though she chose not to say anything about it.
Another rounds of hugs and hellos ensued. Sango moved mechanically, smiling at her younger friend and answering the same questions she always asked. She was fine, yes, so was Kohaku. Rebuilding the taijiya's village was moving slowly, but steadily, and she was very excited to see how the plans looked when the group of men who built the village they stayed in were done.
And then something familiar happened. It had been a long while, but it clicked immediately when Kagome excused themselves from Miroku and Inuyasha that there were some big questions to be asked. That much was still the same.
They stood not far from the hot springs that they normally used as baths, and Kagome folded her arms sternly.
"What's happening with Miroku-sama?" she asked. Sango shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant way.
"I don't know. He came here with Shippou, I believe."
Kagome scoffed.
"That's not what I mean, Sango-chan. What happened between you two?"
Sango sighed, not quite meeting the perceptive girl's eyes.
"I told you years ago. It just…wasn't meant to be. Things don't always turn out the way you plan them, and we were one of those things."
"I don't believe that," her friend said quietly, looking at her squarely. Three years had done a lot for Kagome, especially when it came to backbone development.
"Well it's true!" she snapped. The younger girl took a step back, startled, and Sango spun around.
"You should know better than anyone that there are some people who just can't be together," she said flatly, hating herself for the barb. To herself, she added, "A houshi and a taijiya had no right being the way we were."
"Sango-chan…" Kagome whispered, feeling her friend's sharp words.
"I'm heading back," the taiji-ya said, and did so. The young miko sighed, leaning against a tree. What had happened? It was so…weird, them not being together. No matter what had been happening, either in the feudal or modern era, they were a constant. He groped her; she slapped him. Now they hardly even spoke to each other, it seemed! She didn't understand any of it…maybe it was a bad joke. If so, she wasn't laughing.
She shook her head and walked back to camp.
---
"Houshi-sama," she breathed. His face broke into a smile, and he reached up with his new, whole hand and cupped her cheek. Doe-brown eyes widened at the touch, but after a moment she smiled as widely as he was and covered that hand with her own.
"There it is," he told her.
"There it is," she agreed. They looked at each other for a long moment, each comprehending the life that they now had. The wind was blowing softly, and she was overjoyed to realize that Naraku's curse – curses – were gone. No more choosing. No more fighting against time, worrying about the death that lingered around them, no more hopelessness. She gave a little chuckle, and he looked at her quizzically. His thumb rubbed her cheek.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked. She turned his hand so that it was palm up and traced the lines on it.
"It's nothing," she sighed. And the wind carried a laugh and a sigh on it, yet it was not kind. This laugh was one of derision, and the sigh was condescending. These were not the noises that the taijiya made as she enjoyed a quiet moment. A wisp of cold traveled with this wicked duo, and slid down Sango's spine. She gave a shiver as it settled in the base of her stomach and she knew. This was meant for the ears of one person, and one person alone. Her.
She had to be subtle. Careful. She had to slip away from him. Maybe not right now, maybe in the night. But what if they were gone by then? What if she wasn't quick enough? Now was not the time for 'what if', yet she had waited so long herself that it could not help but seep into her mind, the nasty seed of doubt worming itself into her subconscious until it warped her every move. Better to take care of it now.
She stood, and he made a motion to stand as well. Feeling a little panicked, she motioned for him to stay put, hoping that he would read into it nothing but reassurance. He did. Sango turned, and walked away – into the woods and towards the woman responsible for the ice in the taijiya's belly.
She saw her there almost immediately. Leaning casually against a tree, opening and closing her fan carelessly, the youkai looked up and smirked.
"Nice to see you again, taijiya-chan. Hope I didn't interrupt anything important," she said, her tone implying that she knew she had.
Insulted and disturbed by both the nickname and the fact that Kagura had seen her with Miroku, Sango flexed her forearm and in a flash the weapon she always had with her was out, and her sleeve had been torn away.
"What do you want?" she snapped. The youkai raised a delicate finger.
"Careful, now. You want to make a good first impression, don't you?"
Sango paused, and the ice in her belly spread through her chest when Kohaku stepped out of the bushes. He looked at her blankly, mindlessly. She spun around and looked at Kagura.
"Naraku's dead!" she cried. "I saw him die!"
"That bastard covered all the bases, it would seem. Even I have one final task before I get my happy ending," the youkai sneered. Gesturing in Kohaku's direction with her fan, she began to explain.
"He won't die without that shard, now, that I can promise. All you'll need is for the miko to 'purify' him. Got it?"
The taijiya nodded, looking at the other woman carefully. Was this another trick? Some cruel, malicious joke, perhaps? It wasn't out of the question. When she removed the jewel shard, Kohaku could die instantly, and she'd be left mourning again. On the other hand, it could be the truth. She could have her brother again. They could be happy.
The love for her sibling outweighed the 'what if' once more.
"And his memory?" she asked quietly.
Kagura shrugged and tossed her feather into the air, landing neatly upon it.
"It'll be back sooner or later."
She began to fly away, and Sango had begun to turn back when the youkai's voice rang out.
"One more thing, taijiya-chan. The terms of your bargain still stand. One look and poof!"
She whirled around and looked up in horror at the youkai, noting that Kohaku was now behind her on the feather.
"You have two days to choose," Kagura called off, and was gone. The young woman stared after them for a long moment, before collapsing on the forest floor. It wasn't long before she picked herself up and walked back towards Miroku to tell him (not entirely untruthfully) that she had run into a demon who had tried to pick a fight. She stopped only once, slicing her leg with the sword on her arm so as to be convincing. It was neither the first lie nor the last that she would tell her houshi, and it was most certainly not the worst.
But while her body sat next to him, and let him treat the wound with tender hands, her spirit was still crumpled on the ground, sobbing desperately.
---
Kohaku was still not back when Sango returned to camp, but Miroku and Inuyasha were fighting – sparring – just outside the hut. She paused, hesitant to move past as she watched Miroku move through the air with the same sharp fluidity that he had demonstrated the last time she'd fought with him, against Naraku.
His staff jangled as he made a sweep at Inuyasha. The hanyou moved quickly out of the path of the weapon, laughing.
"You're still useless, bozu!"
With that he moved forward, slashing with his usual gracelessness at the monk. Miroku blocked the move with his staff, pushing Inuyasha back. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sango watching them, and he waved cheerily before Inuyasha tackled him.
The taijiya watched in bemused shock as Miroku did a somersault, using his feet to carry the hanyou up and over his head. Then the meaning of his actions struck her, and her face fell. She rushed into the hut to collect her belongings so that they could leave as soon as possible.
He didn't hate her.
The monk and Inuyasha battled until Kagome returned and told them to come in for lunch. Still arguing over who had bested the other, they entered the hut and settled down to eat. Miroku's mood dropped a few notches almost immediately, as he saw the guarded look on Sango's face. He would leave soon, though, and she would be rid of him forever.
The meal finished, and Kagome left to bring boxes to Kohaku and Shippou (neither of whom had returned as of yet). Inuyasha followed her out, on his way for a quick bath after the match he had just had.
Sango also stood, intent on leaving to find Kohaku and get away, but Miroku called out to her.
"Sango-san," he said quietly. "I would speak with you."
Her heart was icy dread in her throat as she turned and looked at him. Bluish eyes looked at her with an age and depth that still entranced her, and his face was open, honest. Somber. It was so unlike the charming smile that she remembered from years ago. Nothing was what it had been years ago.
"Yes, houshi-sama?" she replied, quietly, looking away lest the fragile control she held slip from her grasp and be lost forever. It had happened once before, after all. And that was the cause of all this. That…and Naraku.
His fingers combed through her hair, as she looked out onto the lake, unsure of what to do. She had awoken the night before to the buzzing of a saimoshou, who had led her to Naraku, or at the least, one of his shikigami.
"I'm pleased to see you're well," he had told her, his face unseen beneath his baboon mask. Sango frowned.
"What do you want?" she snapped, at the time prepared to kill him on her own. He laughed.
"I thought you might appreciate the offer I had for you."
Kohaku stepped out of the woods, and the taijiya ground her teeth, trying not to call out to him. Naraku smiled to himself.
"It's quite the offer, I think. After all, Kohaku here has more years left in him that that houshi of yours does."
Her eyes snapped to the hanyou's face, and he laughed cruelly.
"Now that I have your attention…all I ask is one small thing. Leave the monk. Never speak to him, or see him again, and you may have your brother back, memories and all."
Sango stopped in her tracks, hardly hearing the rest of his offer, but comprehending it all. She could have Kohaku back…so long as neither he nor she ever saw Miroku. If Kohaku did, his memories were gone. He expected her to choose? She'd never thought it would come to this…
So now she sat with Miroku, knowing that she only had until the next night to make the choice, but at the same time, oddly detached. After all, by the next morning, they expected to be on Naraku's doorstep, for one last showdown, and if they won, then she wouldn't have to worry about it.
The soothing feeling of Miroku's fingers through her hair stopped, and she looked back at him. He was smiling at her, in that disarming way and she smiled back gently, sadly. His arm went around her waist and she leant against him, waiting for lunch to be ready.
That would be the end of it, then. She'd kill Naraku – problem solved.
Kohaku smiled politely when Kagome handed him the lunch. He had come to know this cheery girl well, but her face was now troubled, and he was glad that it was Shippou who asked what was wrong. She sighed, looking at the two of them.
"I'm concerned about Sango-chan," she explained. The young taijiya and his companion traded glances, and Kohaku stood.
"We were just discussing that," he agreed. "I think I'll talk to her, before we leave. It'll be easier to do while we're here. She can't disappear on me."
Kagome sat down next to Shippou to wait; both knowing that this was something that the boy needed to do on his own. Kohaku cracked his wrists – a nervous habit he'd picked up over the years – and made his way back towards the hut.
---
"Sango-san…" he started quietly. "Whatever it is I've done to hurt you, I'm truly sorry. You needn't worry about seeing me. It's apparent that my presence disturbs you, so I won't be back."
He walked past her, the jingling of the rings on his staff the only noise in the dead silence of the hut. He had barely stepped past her when she spoke.
"Stop," she said, her voice just barely steady. "You don't bother me. I don't care either way."
Her voice cracked, and she closed her eyes, continuing. She couldn't make a mistake this time. He had to hate her. If he hated her, it wouldn't hurt either of them quite so much.
"You're still so conceited. It doesn't bother me to see you. You never did anything to 'hurt' me. I just can't…"
She stopped, unable to finish her sentence. She couldn't do it. She couldn't say she hated him, when it was so far from the truth. Sango put her head in her hands, wondering how it had gotten so bad. She was failing miserably to make him hate her. Stepping forward to leave while she still could, with all of her broken pieces still in the ice that was her façade, she almost made it past him.
The pain was obvious in her voice, and he reached out to touch her arm. She flinched away.
"Don't touch me!" she cried. If he did, she wouldn't be able to hold out. If he did, then Naraku won again – if he hadn't already. But so what if he had won? It wasn't like she had a choice…her brother or her lover? It was her fault that her brother was like this in the first place.
Miroku pulled his hand back, looking at her sadly. He had done this to her, he knew. He had broken her, reduced her to the shadow of her former self that stood before him, her head in her hands. And he didn't know how to fix her. It wasn't him who would give her the strength to get up; he knew that. It wasn't his place any more, if it ever was. So he stood up.
"I want you to be happy," he told her gently. She straightened in a flash.
"Don't!" Sango yelled, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Don't be so –"
So 'what' they never knew. For it was at that precise moment that Kohaku walked in, and saw Miroku.
Funny how things never worked out the way one planned. Out of sight wasn't necessarily out of mind, though it seemed that Kohaku would lose his now. She watched them with horror, as the brown eyes of her brother met the blue eyes of the man she loved. Kohaku frowned in confusion, looking between them for a moment.
"Sango?" he asked, breaking the opressive tension. "Who is this? What's wrong?"
Tears, barely held back, spilled down her cheeks as she put her head in her hands and cried in relief. That bastard had lied…he knew perfectly well that he couldn't continue the control after he died, but how was she to know? She had played into his hands without a second thought.
That was done, now, though. Everything was going to be fine.
---
Her legs had given way, and she fell to the floor laughing and crying at the same time until she needed to get up and save Miroku's life. Unfortunately, her tears of relief hadn't looked to Kohaku as they were, and he had been terribly close to decapitating Miroku right then and there, before she stopped him.
Promising to explain everything to Kohaku in just a moment, she had led Miroku to a spot by the river where they had sat a thousand times before to tell him the story first.
"I wanted so badly for you to hate me," she finished, explaining her outbursts. He had sat through the entire thing in silence, and now he smiled sweetly, gathering her to him and kissing each of her eyelids.
"I could never hate you," he told her, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "Ever."
She went pink, feeling an old, familiar warmth spread through her from his gaze as she looked away, knowing that the heat showed in her cheeks as a blush.
Her gaze fell on the river, and she saw the soft pink colours that indicated the sun was setting. That had taken awhile.
"We should head back," she said. "Before everyone begins to worry."
He nodded, and released her. They were halfway back to camp when another old, familiar feeling cupped her bottom, and her cheeks turned pink once again. She gave a little shriek of outrage and slapped him, storming away, feeling more like herself than she had in years, but not about to let him know that. Miroku, standing, laughed. Perhaps he should have left that particular dynamic in the past…
Nevertheless, he hurried to keep up with her, intent on making sure she was never out of sight again.
---
…Wow. You guys don't know how amazing it feels to have this done now. I started this…just before school broke out last year, and it's like, October now. There was a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and incense put into this particular story, and a lot of late nights. I want to say thank you to a couple of people, actually.
Firstly, to Kitty, as always. She spent hours on the phone with me, helping me pound out the plot to this sucker. I'm not even joking about time, here, folks. And she has her own life to lead without all of my stupid complicated love/angst plots entangled in her life. She'll say all she did was listen, but ignore her. She was a lifesaver on this project. If you liked this, thank HER.
Secondly, to a certain pain in the ass that never objects to telling me when I'm being an asshat, who came up with a working title for this story. This pest has my friendship always, regardless of the obsession with not harassing the general public, and knows who they are. Thanks!
One last person, who we'll call Angel at the moment, who never wavers with the internet connection, cheerful 'ganbatte' messages, or music downloads. She collected the soundtrack to this for me, without it I wouldn't have gotten even a page down. Again, if you liked this, thank HER as well, because she made it happen.
And finally, I want to just write down quickly all of the songs that Angel got for me, to help me get in the 'mood' for writing this song, as well as point out that it was She's Gotta Be and Probably Wouldn't be This Way that got me started. Because I heart angst.
Like we Never Loved at All – Faith Hill/Tim McGraw
Best I Ever Had – Gary Allen
Raining on Sunday – Keith Urban
Probably Wouldn't be This Way – Leanne Rimes
Behind These Hazel Eyes – Kelly Clarkson
She's Gotta Be – Keith Urban
Hanging by a Moment – Lifehouse
Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata – o0 Er…duh
I Don't Know you Anymore – Savage Garden
Away from the Sun - Maroon 5
Thank you all for sticking with me on this bizarro little journey of a story. I promise, Tatterdemalion isn't nearly so whacked. Which reminds me…I should start on the next chapter…