Chapter 18
Raven walked into school and stopped by her locker, looking around wildly. Chelsea wasn't here yet. Hopefully, she could just get in and out of her locker without seeing her. She didn't want to come to school today, but Tanya had practically forced her to go.
"But Mom! What about all that, 'it's too soon' stuff you were saying to me on Friday!"
"You have to be strong Raven! You can't miss out on another week of school because of Chelsea."
"But--but what if she comes up to me?"
"Don't let her. Avoid Chelsea as much as you can. And when you can't, try your best."
"Try my best to do what?"
"I don't know! Just…try your best."
So, Raven came to school, and avoiding Chelsea was number one on her to-do list. Maybe, she would be lucky and Chelsea wouldn't be there…but that was unlikely.
She opened her locker, jumping back when something dropped out of it.
She crouched down, tilting her head to the side as she stared at the foreign object. A flat, thin square, neatly wrapped in simple white paper with a nicely written "R" on the front of it. Raven picked it up and examined it. It looked like a C.D. That's probably what it was. Looking around, she stuck it in her book bag. Taking out a few books, and closing the door, Raven turned just in time to bump into Eddie.
"Hey Rae. You made it back to school!" He said, hugging her.
She smiled meekly. "Yeah. Had to come back sometime."
"Yeah." He nodded, letting her go. "Hey, don't worry about the notes for the week. I photocopied everything for you, so you don't miss anything."
"Oh, thanks Eddie! You didn't have to do that."
"No problem. The last thing you need right now is to be behind in school."
Raven nodded, wrapping an arm around Eddie's waist. "Thanks. You're a really great friend."
"I know." Eddie replied, teasing. Raven smacked him playfully on the arm and he pretended it hurt.
They walked into history class together, taking seats next to one another. The room filled up quickly, and Raven's heart began to beat rapidly. Chelsea has the same history class. She would be here. Raven looked to her left. An empty seat that hadn't been filled was there. 'Oh God, she's gonna sit there.' Raven thought miserably. She scanned the classroom, praying that there was another empty seat somewhere. And then she gasped.
Chelsea was already in class. She was sitting on the opposite side of the classroom, all the way in the back, in the corner, scribbling furiously in her notebook. She wasn't looking at Raven or Eddie. How did she manage to slip past Raven's eyesight?
Eddie looked at Raven and then to where she was looking. He turned back to her and exhaled deeply. "Are you okay?"
"What is she doing back there?" Raven whispered frantically, not taking her eyes off of Chelsea.
"M-maybe she didn't want you to see her." Eddie stuttered, knowing full well why Chelsea sat over there.
She wanted to give Raven space. She wanted Raven to feel comfortable and unafraid to go to school. And maybe, if Raven didn't feel suffocated, their plan would work.
"What? A few days ago, she's begging my mother to see me, and now she doesn't want me to see her? That doesn't make any sense."
"Well, maybe she just wanted to give you some space."
Raven shifted her eyes to Eddie. "You think?" Then, she looked back at Chelsea. Chelsea still hadn't looked at them. Raven figured that they'd be playing that coy game in whichone person would look away when the other person looked up. It didn't work if one person wouldn't takeher eyes off ofher paper.
"Yeah. Just, don't pay attention to her Rae."
Raven scoffed. "Easier said than done."
"Just, turn around. Try your best." (There was that phrase again…) Eddie said, putting a hand on Raven's face and gently guiding her head to the front of the room.
The teacher walked in at that moment, sighing just as loudly as all of the children did. He didn't want to be here either. "All right class; open your textbooks to page 26."
As the teacher started to explain the contents on page 26, Raven looked back at Chelsea one more time. This time, Chelsea did look up, but then looked back down quickly. Raven thought she saw Chelsea's eyes water a little, but she had turned away so fast that she couldn't be sure.
And she was afraid to turn around again. So, she actually paid attention in class, and it was horrible.
Later at lunch, Chelsea was nowhere to be found. Raven sat with Eddie and Chantel, picking at her "Meatloaf surprise." Chantel was stuffing her face as usual, and Eddie was done. He pulled out his walkman.
"Where's Chelsea?"
Eddie shrugged. "I dunno."
"Why isn't she here?"
"Raven, I said I don't know. Maybe she had something to do."
"She's always at lunch. Why, all of a sudden, would she be somewhere else?"
Eddie faked mild annoyance. "Like I said two times already, I don't know where she is girl! Remember when I said she was trying to give you some space? Maybe, not being here, is giving you space."
Raven sighed loudly. That made a lot of sense. Chelsea did know how bad she had hurt Raven…maybe she knew it was too soon. But then why come over on Friday like that? Raven was suddenly stolen from her thoughts with Eddie's excited voice.
"Hey Rae, you've gotta listen to this new song. It's off da hook!"
And suddenly, she remembered the thing that fell from her locker this morning. "Oh! Hey, you think I could borrow your walkman for a minute Ed?"
"Uh, yeah. Why?" Eddie asked, trying to sound as curious as possible. He knew why she needed it.
Raven pulled out the strange object from her book bag. "This fell out of my locker today. I think it's a C.D. It's probably from Chelsea. I just wanted to know what it was all about."
"Well, why don't you open it and see?" Eddie said enthusiastically. He had to report to Chelsea Raven's every facial gesture, every move, everything.
Raven carefully opened the package, revealing a clear plastic C.D. case and an unmarked C.D. inside. Raven tossed the paper aside and Eddie grabbed it. "Uh, Rae, look. I think there's some writing on the other side.
"Oh." Raven said, grabbing the paper back.
There was a simple sentence on the back, written neatly.
I wanted you to know, I'm sorry.
Raven breathed deeply. This was from Chelsea. She hesitantly popped the C.D. into Eddie's walkman, waiting a beat before pressing 'play.' Eddie noticed her reluctance. "What are you waiting for? Listen to it."
"O-okay." Raven said, pressing play.
Slow, strong, acoustic guitar beats filled her ears. What was this? Suddenly, a deep voice began to sing.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away
Raven could already feel the burning sensation of future tears. She found it harder to breathe as the cords of the guitar filled her head and made her heart ache.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Tears trickled down Raven's face as she cupped a hand underneath her chin, listening to the soothing, yet pain-filled voice of this man. Did Chelsea really feel this way? Was she really sorry?
'cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel light when you're gone away
When the song ended, the C.D. was over, and the walkman turned off by itself. Raven slowly removed the headphones, wiping some tears away with her hands. Eddie stared at her, trying to swallow the lump his throat. "What was it?"
"It was the most beautiful song I have ever heard." Raven whispered. "It must be from Chelsea."
Eddie breathed deeply. It was a beautiful song, if a little sad. But that's was Chelsea wanted. She had picked out the song, he had burned it, and Ben had delivered it to Raven's locker. "So, what are you going to do now?"
Raven sniffled, blotting her eyes with a cafeteria napkin. "I don't know."
"Are you going to talk to Chelsea?"
"I don't know."
"You just gonna leave it alone?"
"Eddie, I don't know. I don't know what to do. It was a really, really nice song, but that doesn't make up for what she did to me. It doesn't."
"I know." Eddie reached over, taking one of Raven's hands in his, rubbing it in comfort. "What are you going to do with the C.D.?"
"I'm keeping it. It's a great song."
Eddie nodded, smiling inwardly. This, although not quite the reaction he had expected, was a positive one nonetheless. Chelsea would be pleased.
Author's Note: The song is called "Broken" from the band Seether. But it isn't the duet one, if any of you know what I'm talking about. It's on their first album "Disclaimer." It's the very last song, and it's not a duet. I think the song is a lot better without the girl (from Evanescence...did I spell that right?) It's more depressing when the guy ( I don't know his name) sings it alone...and it's more effective.