Ok seamonkies! This came to me while driving! Hope you enjoy the ridiculousness!
I don't own Square Enix or it's characters. I just use them in my sick stories! Nor do I own the lyrics to the song in here, Macho Man by the Village People. I just tweeked it.
"This is your friendly, roving reporter, Shelinda! We're at the luca stadium tonight, just before the new half-time show! The cheerleaders have just finished their cheers, and now its on with the real show! That's right folks! Seeing as the last concert was such a hit with the ladies, (and a few fellows), there will be another performance tonight!"
(listens as the crowd screams)
"Well, it seems the stage is already set! Without further ado, Luca9 presents Gippal, the Sylru Man!"
The stage is set with Gippal in front, back up dancers behind him in a line. All of them are dressed in Al Bhed clothes, most with masks on. Only the back lights are on, so that the silhouettes could be seen. Then, the spot lights hit Gippal, who is smirking at the crowd. All of a sudden, the lights come on the other dancers, who stand upright with hands behind backs in strict military pose. Drum beats fill the air and the then they all come to life, dancing in unison.
Sylru Man
Body...wanna feel my body? (Gippal and dancershands caressing chests)
Body...such a thrill my body (throw hand to the side like body is too hot)
Body...wanna touch my body? (dancers turn to neighbors and stroke their chests)
Body...it's too much my body (dancers throw hands to side again)
Check it out my body, body. (dancers check out each other)
Don't you doubt my body, body. (Gippal shakes finger at the crowd)
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body
Every man wants to be a sylru slyru man (Gippal points at crowd while thrusting)
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging on the moonflow, go man go
works out with hypellos, muscles glow (flexes biseps, some of the men swoon)
You can best believe that, he's a sylru man
ready to get down with, anyone he can (sexy stare at crowd, cause crowd to scream like girls)
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! (each '!' has a new male stripper pose, echoed by dancers)
Sylru, sylru man (sylru man)
I've got to be, a sylru man
Sylru, sylru man
I've got to be a sylru! Ow... (grabs groin too hard and doubles over)
Sylru, sylru man
I've got to be, a sylru man
Sylru, sylru man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be a sylru!
Ugh! Sylru..baby!
Body, body, body wanna feel my body, (Gippal and dancers caress chest)
Body, body, body gonna thrill my body, (dancers throw hands to side like body is too much)
Body, body, body don'tcha stop my body, (dancers and Gippal shake finger)
Body, body, body it's so hot my body, (Gippal and dancers touch their arms and wag finger)
Every man ought to be a sylru, sylru man,
To live a life you dream of, cactuar boxers make a stand (Gippal pulls off snap pants to reveal a 'tent', and the crowd goes nuts)
Have their own life style and ideals,
Possess the strength and confidence, life's a steal,
You can best believe that he's a sylru man
He's a special person in anybody's land.
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Sylru, sylru man (sylru man)
I've got to be, a sylru man
Sylru, sylru man
I've got to be a sylru! (dig the hair on my chest) (Gippal and dancers tear off shirt)
Sylru, sylru man (see my big thick mustache) ( points to happy trail and waggles eyebrows)
I've got to be, a sylru man
Sylru, sylru man
I've got to be a sylru! (Dig broad shoulders) (Gippal rubs shoulders with baby oiled hands)
Sylru, sylru man (dig my muscles!) (Gippal and dancers all flex in Mr. Universe pose)
I've got to be, a sylru man
Sylru, sylru man
I've got to be a sylru! HEY!
Shelinda breaks through the security guards on the stage and jumps on Gippal's face, smothering him and knocking him to the floor. Gippal screams insanely while the guards try to break the leg lock Shelinda has on Gippal's head.
They finally succeed, and drag the ranting woman away screaming "He's going to give me babies! I must have them!'". Gippal meanwhile, is kneeling on the stage, sobbing with his hands covering his face. All of the dancers are there comforting him, knowing full well the trauma he was going though. There may never be another concert for Spira again…