I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!

Chapter 2: Tampon Wars

"Kids!" Taker bellowed, shutting the door after J. Marie left. He locked the door and walked over to the foot of the stairs. "Kids!"

"What the hell do you want, old man?" Lonzo called from upstairs.

"I want you all to come downstairs right now," Taker answered.

"Come upstairs and get us!" Randy called.

"Until then, eat shit and die," AJ finished up, and the kids all giggled.

Taker started to get angry. He never got this angry this fast, not even at work when the wrestlers tormented and taunted him. How could five little kids get under his skin so easily?

"I'm coming up!" Taker warned.

"We ain't scared of you, Underwear!" Keysia called. "Why don't you look up here right now?"

Curiously, he looked up to the top of the staircase and immediately he wished he hadn't. He had been greeted with five small, naked asses.

"Ah! My eyes!" he moaned, closing his burning eyes. He couldn't get the image of the kids mooning him out of his mind. J. Marie's ass, he wouldn't have minded seeing. She was legal...and hot. But kids? Now that was just nasty.

"I'm coming up!" Taker yelled, and started bounding up the stairs...only to come rolling back down about halfway there. He sat up on the floor rubbing his forehead. He picked up the object he'd been hit with squarely between the eyes and frowned. A rock.

"We got you down," Lonzo said, twirling something around gleefully.

"Just out of curiosity, what's that?" Taker asked Lonzo.

"My slingshot, fool," Lonzo said.

"Auntie J. Marie's thong," AJ said. "She has millions!"

"Really?" Taker asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, but you ain't seeing 'em!" Keysia said. "Come on, boys. We can't let him see her personal items...not all of them, at least."

"Not all of them?" Taker questioned, sitting on the floor in a sort of stupor. He heard a door slam and looked up. The kids were no longer there. "What the hell are you kids up to now?" he called, getting to his feet and leaning against the wall.

Inside J. Marie's locked bedroom upstairs, the kids were in her bathroom raiding her personal female products.

"These things look weird. What do you think she uses them for?" AJ wondered, unwrapping a tampon and examining it carefully.

"I don't know. I think they're cotton balls, only with a stick and a string," Keysia said.

"Don't be stupid, y'all," Lonzo said. "Mama told us that tampons were for ladies when it's that time of the month!"

"Big kids are so stupid," Randy said, and Lonzo and Dino nodded their heads in agreement.

"Ah, shut up," AJ said. He turned to Keysia. "What's the plan?"

"First, we're gonna get our ammunition," Keysia said, gesturing with her hand at all the feminine products around her. "Tampons, pads, all this stuff. And then, we're gonna get him!"

Taker banged on J. Marie's locked door. He could easily have broken it down, but he preferred not breaking down people's doors. Instead, he decided to have a little patience and hoped that the kids weren't in there do anything they weren't supposed to be doing. Inside, though, he had the feeling the little runts were doing something bad...

"Open up, kids!" Taker called, hitting the door again. His knuckles were getting sore.

"Sure thing," AJ answered a few minutes later. He looked around and everyone nodded. He opened the door. "Attack!"

"Huh?" Taker asked, raising his eyebrows. "What?"

"You're a dumb ass!" Lonzo said, then used his slingshot thong and aimed for Taker's forehead. Before Taker could cover his face or anything, Lonzo let the tampon fly, and once again he was right on point. The tampon hit Taker right between the eyes.

"No cursing!" Taker ordered, angrily rubbing the spot where the tampon had hit.

"Shut up!" Randy yelled. "You can't tell us what to do!" He aimed with his slingshot thong and pretty soon he hit Taker right on the lips with a wet tampon.

"What the hell? Why's this wet?" Taker asked, wiping his mouth and examining the tampon the kid had just hit him in the mouth with.

"It's toilet water, loser," Randy said. "Now you have toilet water lips!"

"My Auntie J. Marie will never kiss you again," AJ said.

"That's right! Never!" Dino exclaimed, throwing another wet tampon.

"Now is that what this is all about? J. Marie?" Taker asked, confused. "Because you kids are really confusing me!"

"Let me clear things up for you," Keysia said. She stomped extra hard on his right foot, and instinctively he leaned down to rub it and try to ease the pain.

"Ow! Why you little-" he began, but she took advantage of his open mouth and stuffed a dry tampon inside. His eyes widened in surprise at the little girl's boldness.

"Let's make this simple. We don't like babysitters. We only like J. Marie watching us because she's cool and fun," Keysia said. She poked him in the chest. "That means we don't need you."

"Or want you," AJ added. "So you can leave now if you don't want us to be kicking your ass all night."

"I said no cursing," Taker growled, spitting the tampon out. He started to transform into a vampire again. All the kids backed up away from him slowly as he stood up. All except Randy, that is. "Now, I hate to resort to the threat of biting you all, but I will bite you. I don't make idle threats."

"Bite me then," Randy said, being his usual stubborn self. He stood his ground as Taker walked slowly over to him, fangs gleaming.

"You can't be serious," Taker said, running his tongue across his sharp fangs. "Do you really want me to suck your blood, little boy?"

"The name is Randy," Randy answered. "And your teeth don't scare me. I had the same ones last Halloween."

"I'm a real vampire, boy," Taker said. "And if I bite you, it will hurt like hell."

"Randy, what the hell are you doing? Get over here!" AJ finally said, grabbing his brother by the shirt and pulling him close. "He didn't mean it, Mr. Undertaker, sir," AJ said, and Randy rolled his eyes.

"Here's the plan," Taker began, now having their full attention. "You guys are gonna follow me downstairs. I'm going to lead you into the kitchen. You will behave like obedient, civil children as I serve dinner. Any questions?"

"No," the children said, all in one voice.

"Good. Let's go," Taker said. He felt very satisfied with himself, finally getting the wild kids under control. J. Marie is gonna be very pleased with my performance, he thought. And that was the last thing he remembered before his whole world went black...

Chapter 3: Welcome To Hell coming up soon!