Disclaimer: Don't own YYH or the real person Katrina Kon. I do claim onto the storyline, however. And RoseMaiden, for your comment, this chapter is entirely pointless!

Chapter 38: Ready?

Ready. I hate that word. How can you ever be ready for anything in this life? You'll never know what will hit you hard; whether this day is your last on Earth, whether you'll ever be home.

Now I know what being a soldier feels like. But at least real soldiers didn't have to fight demons in a mess of evil fog.

How lucky Earth soldiers are.

I'm not ready to go. No matter how much they think I am, I'm not. And never will be. And yet, I say I am. And it's true I've been training like mad, I'm all suited up, with a supply of food, ready to do battle with a someone I can't beat. Yet, I'm going. Still going. Not letting anyone know that I'm not ready…urgh...

I'm having a mind war.

It's not too late to turn back. I can still escape. Let someone else handle it.

But I can't…

I am vaguely aware of the huge forbidding reddoor to outside opening. I'm in a daze. I can't handle it. Why am I so down today? It isn't right, it isn't me. So why is it happening? Why do I pretend that I'm ready?

I'm going crazy. In counting…2 seconds…system…failure…will take place…

No.

I'm being stupid. I can't feel sorry for myself; it just won't work. I have a job to do. At least one life other than my own hangs in the balance. I just wish they would have given me more notice. It's been only a week since Genkai awoke, and one of the first complete, understandablesentences out of her mouth were how I'm going. No one even asked me how I felt!

I guess the thing that is eating me alive inside is the fact that no one will be coming with me. Since the "Fog Forest" is so big, we have split up. The order that it goes is that Kurama and Hiei will form one team. Genkai and Botan will form another, Yusuke and Kuwabara as the latter. They said we will eventually meet up at the palace of Sensu, and we'll figure out what to do next from there. No one has actually seen the castle besides me. Why am I the only one going alone? Because I told them I was ready. Goddamnit, why am I such a doormat?

The other two groups follow me out. Kurama actually hugs me goodbye in a brotherly fashion, Botan waves, Genkai nods grimly, and Hiei ignores. Well, at least he's stopped blushing. He can finally stand to be around me without completely radiating like the sun. Like I said, the ordinary drill.

And then… with three small steps…I hear the door shut behind me. The rest of the team waves again, and then, still in respective groups of two, the split off, and fade quickly from sight.

Well, I'm alone. What else is there but frozen me?Alone in this mess of putrid air. This is my true test. Rescuing "Lahri-Brat" was not my test. This is. I can't explain it, but this brings a more terrified feeling to freeze my innards than the last time. I just feel sick. That's all. Something just doesn't feel right. Sort of like those dementors in Harry Potter, the evil soulless things that suck out good feeling, and if they're extra hungry or in a particularly crabby mood, your soul as well.

And what's worse is that I can't shake this feeling of eternal gloom. I can usually tease myself to bring up my morale considerably, but not this time. And don't think I haven't tried. Nothing is working. I'm a slave to my own fear, and even I don't get why.

And always will be afraid, the way I'm going. I will die of fear soon. I'll leave a will, 'Put Keiko as my High Chancellor…' I grin in spite of my feelings. Maybe it won't be so bad out here.

I start my march into the fog, my momentary happiness fading, dreading every step of the way. I will die here. Will never have seen my home again…

There's something wrong. I've never felt this way before. Something is causing this feeling so I will be easy prey.

I can sense it. Something here. With me. Waiting. Watching. Pain. Death.

A wave of sleepiness hit me. I flop on the ground.

Something leaps out of the ground. In my dulled emotion, I have no time to react. It resembles a kind of huge grey pointed caterpillar, and riding it is a fire-orange human-shapeddemon. The steed releases a huge stinger from its abdomen. The creature riding it prepares to strike with a ball of murky green energy that it holds in its palm. I can do nothing. Nothing. Nothing…nothing…

Time seems to freeze. I watch, in slo-mo, as the worm or whatever it is brings down its stinger to suck the juice out of me. I'm gone.

Think...

Right. Kuwabara conjured a spirit sword to save himself, even though he had never done it before, so why not me?

Maybe…

Maybe…

I don't know what happens next. Whatever it is, it's so fast I can't keep track of it. I see blue, and am positive that I have entered a lovely heaven or sapphires, but no. I hear the thud of the stinger on raw power, that dull ringing sound. The creature cannot penetrate this energy force field that I have just conjured. I now recognize the creature as a Parasi, a parasitic creature that drains all happy emotions. No wonder I couldn't pull myself out of despair! I feel a twinge of rage. It nearly killed me with that horrible power! And with the shield protecting me, I can feel those emotions once again. There comes a burst of confidence with the anger, unbreakable. Without knowing how I do it, I extend this light shield by spreading my arms, and everything in its path is destroyed, including the Parasi and its rider. It emits one final shriek, as does its master, and both fade from sight after they die. My shield fades from sight as well soon after it is summoned, but it did its job. It pushed away the fog a few hundred meters, so I can see very clearly. But the best part is that my mind is clear, and I know I can do this. I trained enough with the great hag for a reason, so I can and will do this. I didn't come here to get killed.

How did I do that? And more importantly, how canI do it again? Why did it fade? How do I get it back?

I think I'll call that technique the bubble power. Huh. Fits nicely.

The fog is starting to regain it's natural form around my body, so I start to run along the marshy ground in order to claim as much distance as possible before the fog swallows me again. Maybe all those laps Genkai made me run in the first, physical part of my training helped after all. I am making good distance, though a little of Hiei's speed wouldn't hurt. I have covered quite a few meters by the time the fog has made its comeback.

Then, it's just mostly slow walking. Dodedodedo. Nothing is happening. Shouldn't I have met something by now? It's almost as if I'm being drawn into a false sense of security. Very strange. Does Sensu want me to come unscathed? But that still wouldn't explain the monster caterpillar…

I walk quicker, my imagination getting quite a nice grip on my brain. For loneliness, I start to sing an old song about soldiers going to battle, and it ends with the singer dying. While far from happy, I now know what I'm here to do. And do it I will.

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A/N This was mostly a DiscoverYourself-Poetry-ReadingRainbow thingy chapter, but still, there's a lot more to come. Keep reviewing! Thank you everyone for being so kind! (Cries) Anyway, next chapter is where she meets Jin. Let's see how perky and unhappy get on together, shall we?